10 Things Every Guy Should Know Before Traveling To Iceland

1. The weather sucks.

The average high temperature during the winter in Reykjavik, Iceland’s capital, is about 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Cold, but bearable. Depending on where the thermometer falls, you either get daily doses of cold rain or fat snow, meaning it’s rare to see the pavement completely dry. You also have to deal with a brutal wind coming off the Atlantic Ocean, sometimes topping fifty miles per hour. The weather and darkness were so bleak that it was actually neat in a somber way.

Summer is better. The average high temperature rises to the 50s, and around the solstice you get to experience nearly twenty-four hours of sun per day (bring a night mask). Summer also means tourists. College lets out and everyone takes their vacations in the interior or abroad. Even smack in the middle of winter, I was surprised to see so many foreign travelers, but thankfully they were the older type who came to make day trips to the countryside. There were very few guys like me who had come mainly to pillage the women.

2. Icelandic girls don’t throw themselves on foreign men.

If you’re thinking of visiting because you want to stand out, I have some bad news: Iceland is a tourist-plagued country, especially with visitors from Northern and Western European countries, though the closing of an American air force base several years ago has helped make Americans slightly novel once again. By the time you roll up on cute little Inga, she will have met dozens of guys just like you. While that fact in no way should discourage you from going, don’t for a second think you’re visiting some type of isolated tribe in the Amazon that will be amazed by your steel tools and exotic spices.

Unless you’re into chubby chasing, you’ll definitely have to move your ass to get laid with what you think of as a pretty Icelandic girl. To make it happen, I recommend a two-weekend stay, which if you start on a Thursday would be a minimum of ten days. You’ll be able to do some pipelining on an Icelandic dating site and then go all-out on two sets of Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays, which are the only suitable nights to game. If you want to get your Icelandic flag, two weekends will be required.

3. Iceland is a village founded by rapists.

Iceland was founded by the Vikings, supreme badasses who some-how figured out how to live in one of the least pleasant environments on Earth. On their way to the island, they stopped by Ireland and kidnapped some Celtic women as wives. It’s safe to assume that brutal rape was part of the program, which is why you see a surprising number of brown-haired Icelanders. While their skin is almost always milky white, less than half of the women are platinum blonde, which is probably the stereotype you had about them. Disappointingly, there were some Icelandic guys who even had my dark hair color and beard.

The tiny population of the country (less than half a million) means that no one is more than one connection away from anyone else. The running joke goes that when two strangers meet, they aren’t surprised to find out they’re distant cousins. Due to this extreme smallness, Iceland is like a little high school where gossip spreads like wildfire, causing privacy to be more valued than in other cultures. If just one person finds out that Inga slept with Janus, then literally the entire “village” will know in just a few days.

4. Icelandic girls are incredibly easy once drunk and isolated.

Thanks to a wonderful synergy between feminism and an Icelandic girl’s desire to self-medicate with alcohol, you’ll find that night bangs happen incredibly quickly, often within an hour. While getting an “in” with an Icelandic girl will be hard due to her introverted and skeptical nature, once you get that in you’re going to be rocking the bed in record time. Iceland is the only first-world county I know of where nearly instant sex is possible without having to pay for it.

5. Where you stay is half the battle.

The best way to get Iceland bangs is to find a girl and throw an “afterparty” at your place once the bars close, so you’ll need your own room stocked with a bottle of booze within walking distance of the nightlife zone. I can’t stress enough that your hotel or apartment room must be close. The more likely a stone thrown from the bar you’re gaming in will land on your hotel or apartment, the more girls you will fuck, all because you’re making it easy for drunk Icelandic girls to continue their night. If your place is so far that you need to take a taxi, you’ve already lost the game.

Open Google Maps and do a search on Reykjavik. Zoom in and locate the domestic airport on the left (Reykjavíkurflugvöllur). Above the domestic airport is a park and a lake, and then a square called Austurvöllur, which is in front of the Althingi parliament building. Above that square is nightlife ground zero. Don’t lodge more than ten blocks from this area! I lodged a respectable five blocks away, so all I had to do was say the name of the street I was on (Aegisgata) for the girl to say, “Oh, wow! That’s close!”

Since logistics are such a big part of banging in Iceland, you want to make it as easy on yourself as possible. If you’re not ready to pony up the cash to stay in a nearby hotel or apartment (no hostels!), don’t go to Iceland.

6. Everyone speaks English.

English is widely spoken, even by old people, so there’s no need to bone up on your Icelandic (the girls won’t even give you bonus points for saying a few words in their language). The natives possess sharp enough English that you can successfully hit them with typical American or English sarcasm without having to dumb it down. If learning the local language is important to you, then go to the following site for free lessons: icelandiconline.is.

7. Iceland is not for the budget traveler.

Iceland is expensive as balls and definitely not for the budget-minded traveler. Understand that just about everything except whale meat and some species of fish are imported by ship or air, leading to some eye-opening prices in restaurants, grocery stores, and bars. Clothes and electronics are also expensive, and even a “handmade” sweater crafted by Icelandic children in sweatshops will set you back at least $150. Hell, even a decent knit cap or pair of gloves approaches $50.

Pack everything you need for your stay so you don’t have to waste money, including basic supplies like contact lens solution, which costs about $20 a bottle. Definitely bring an unlocked cell phone (get a SIM card after arrival in the main tourist office off Ingólfstorg square), though you probably won’t use it since one-night stands are the way to go.

8. Iceland is a wonder of nature.

If you have some money to blow and get excited by landscapes and touristy things, then Iceland will satisfy your craving. Besides Blue Lagoon, there are several day tours where you can view glaciers, geysers, mountains, and whales.

Two well-known tour agencies are Mountaineers of Iceland and Eskimos. They appear to have identical tours, with Eskimos being cheaper. Sample programs include night tours above the city to see the northern lights, riding ATVs to explore caves and glaciers, horseback riding through the country, snowmobiling on glaciers, and the popular Golden Circle tour to see all of Iceland’s environmental extremes. I didn’t do any tours because I got my fill of nature stuff in South America, but at the minimum a Golden Circle tour, which will run about $350, will make you feel as if you did your tourist duty of exploring the island.

9. Icelandic people are very serious drinkers.

The irony of Iceland’s sky-high liquor prices is that I’ve never been to a place where people get so consistently drunk. I guess if you lived on an island in the middle of the ocean with nothing to do you’d probably take to drinking as well. Beer is the most popular drink of choice since it’s cheapest, with Viking and Tuborg being the most common (Tuborg Classic was my favorite). The two national liquors that are taken in shot form are Brennivin, a strong schnapps, and Opal, a disgusting concoction that you’ll want to wash down with something smoother like Jagermeister.

If you’re not a drinker, there is no point in going to Iceland.

10. Iceland has an Approach Index score of 40.

My approach index states how many girls an average-looking guy with decent game has to approach before he’s likely to bang a cute girl (not including internet approaches). Since there are so many variables involved, the index is best used to compare easiness of one country with others. First let me share the numbers from previous countries:

Argentina: 90
Brazil: 50
Colombia: 60
United States: 45

From these numbers we can conclude that a man has to do twice as many approaches to get laid in Argentina than the United States.

To make the index more scientifically rigorous, I counted my actual approaches until I banged my first Icelandic girl. That number is 34, with eight of those being from daytime approaches, a method that I already mentioned is rather unfruitful. For an average-looking guy with average game and average standards who doesn’t mess with day approaches, I’m assigning an approach index value of 40 for Iceland.

This means you’ll get your flag at about 40 approaches, give or take a few. This also means it’s slightly easier than the United States, but only by a small amount. If your standards are a little lower than average, you’ll get the flag in fewer approaches. If you stay for two weekends and do 50 quality approaches, odds are you’ll fuck an Icelandic girl. While I can’t guarantee that, I would bet on it.

The above article was adapted from Bang Iceland, my 80-page book that teaches you how to sleep with Icelandic women during a visit to the country. It contains tourist tips, game advice, and sex stories that give you all the information you need to pillage creamy white Icelandic women, with extra details not released on the blog. It's available in paperback, Kindle, and ebook. Read sample pages or learn more about the book.

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