A Dead Bat In Paraguay Epilogue (Part 4 of 4)


The crowd at the champagne bar was typical: older professionals who wanted to wind down after work. We sat next to each other at a huge table that ran the length of the bar. I caught her up on my life in Rio.

“When I first came here, I fell in love with the city and imagined myself living here, but now I don’t know if I’m ever coming back.” I took a sip of champagne, which was extremely cold because of the salt solution the bartender had put into our ice bucket.

“Why don’t you like Rio?” Mariana asked.

“Well, it’s expensive and dangerous, the traffic is bad, the nightlife sucks, there’s too many gringos, it’s either unbearably hot or raining, it’s dirty, smelly, making friends is hard, and I don’t even like the beach that much. It’s like Rio was a girl who I fell hard for, but once I got to know her, I realized we didn’t have a lot in common. I think it was you who…”

I paused.

“Me who what?” she asked.

“The first time I was here, you made the city better than it actually is.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“You don’t have to, but there’s no reason for me to stay here now, or even to come back.”

I noticed that she was touching me often and shifting nervously in her seat. I had gotten her to meet me under the guise of friendship, and while I didn’t expect more, I was sure hoping for it.

“Remember that guy you told me you had just ‘started’ seeing?” I asked.


“Well, I think that was a lie. I think you invented him to make me feel better.”

“No, I really was seeing a guy! But I’m not seeing him anymore.”


“And then there was another guy.”


“But it was really quick. Very short.”

“So you’re not seeing anyone right now?”


“Well, good, because after this bottle of champagne you can come to my place and we can make love one last time.” I smiled, but not too hard since I wanted her to believe I was mostly serious. Just testing the waters.

“Oh, baby, no.” She shook her head. “Let’s just be friends. ”

“I’m leaving in ten days—it’s not like I’m asking for more. But anyway…”

“So did you meet any girls?”

“A couple, but nothing serious. After you ended it I wasn’t too upset because I thought it would be easy to find your replacement, especially since I met you only a week after I arrived in Rio.” I paused a moment. “But I haven’t been able to find another Mariana.”

She smiled, but said nothing. I asked if she was still on her allergy medication. She said she wasn’t. I kept filling her glass and eventually ordered a second bottle.

I was having trouble containing my feelings and said some things I knew I shouldn’t have, but it felt right and she seemed to be getting closer to me. I went with it. There was no need to lie or pretend.

“When I came back,” I said, “I was ready to give us a shot, to see only you.”

“I don’t believe that. I know your type, going from country to country. You probably have girls in each country that you keep in touch with.”

“No, well… no, you’re wrong. No one I really care about,” I said, searching for the right words. “The last time we talked, I got the feeling that you wanted me to make a stronger commitment, to invest more.” I paused again, then asked the question that was on my mind for the past couple months. “I guess what I’m asking is… if I lived here, would things be different?”

She looked at me for what seemed like eternity and said, “Yes, they would.”

I nodded, then the conversation drifted into silence. I tried to kiss her a few minutes later, but she turned her head at the last moment.

“We’re only friends,” she said. “Friends don’t kiss.”

“They don’t?”

“Well, sometimes,” she said softly. Then she gave me a look that said, “I’m going to be vulnerable now… please be gentle.”

I approached again slowly, and when our lips touched, I felt something unusual—something electric that seemed to paralyze my body. Only my lips and mouth were alive, and they were heating up. For the next thirty seconds I felt this heat coming into my mouth, increasing in temperature with every moment. The movements of her tongue triggered flashes of white light on the back of my eyelids. My head seemed to separate from the rest of my body. The people and the music faded into the background until we were completely alone, until I processed not a single thought or sensation besides the heat in my mouth and the lights dancing in my vision. I don’t know how long the kiss lasted, but she pulled away first, leaving my lips hanging in the air. It took several seconds for the sounds of the bar to reenter my consciousness and for my body to reattach itself. I looked at her, confused, as if coming out of a hypnotist’s trance. I swallowed hard and began to rub my hands over my face. Then I excused myself and went into the bathroom so she wouldn’t continue to see the effect she had on me.

The champagne continued to flow and like an octopus I let my hands explore her body, slowly creeping up her leg until she smacked them back down. I just wanted to have her one more time, and then we could be done for good.

Getting her back to my place took quite a bit of convincing. I had to basically sign a contract stating that she’d stay no more than fifteen minutes and that we’d only hug and kiss. Of course she couldn’t help herself once she was lying on my bed, and neither could I.

When it was over, I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling fan, trying to keep my eyes focused on one of the rotating blades, wondering how a petite Brazilian girl gained so much power over me.

I turned on my side to face her and said, “I don’t see you for three months and I’m leaving, but now we’re… doing things.”

“Well, yes, that’s why,” she said. “This is how I protect myself. Why would I get too close to someone who’s staying a short time?”

We stared at each other for a long moment, and then I said, “I love you.” I didn’t smile.

She laughed.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because you’re not serious.”

“How do you know I’m not serious?”

“Because you’re not ready!”

I saw her twice after that, once for a movie and the other for a walk through a park. Things were decidedly more friendly and nothing got past simple hand-holding or light kissing. She made a reference to having “drunk too much” the night at the champagne bar, and I got the hint. We were just friends—and there would be no additional sex.

After the park, we went for a quick açai and grabbed the same bus. I was emotionally numb. I wanted to get off the roller coaster ride she had put me on and if she wanted to only be friends then fine. It didn’t matter anyway—I was leaving in two days. Even if she wanted to stay with me, I wasn’t ready to move to Rio just for her. She was right.

I told her my stop was coming up. I looked over to her and saw tears streaming down her face, more tears than when I had first left her about two years earlier.

I had trouble understanding why she was so upset. I stared at the back of the seat in front of me until I broke the silence with, “Quero cafuné.” It was a phrase she had taught me, which means, “I want to gently stroke your hair.” She laughed and told me to be sure to use it on other girls.

“I guess our time was two years ago,” I said.

“Yes. I was more open then.”

“I’ll always remember it.”

We both knew I wouldn’t be coming back to Rio again. I gave her a quick kiss, then pulled the cord and walked towards the back of the bus.

It was finally over for good.

If you liked the epilogue, download the first chapter for free to see how it all started.

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  • http://travelvice.com craig | travelvice.com

    Far fewer exploding bowel movements in the epilogue!

  • lynch

    Exceptionally well written, and moving. Great read!

  • Satu

    I must be an emotional wreck at the moment, caused by hormones but I actually had a some tears in my eyes reading this. Few days ago when I first discovered your blog I didn´t think it was able to do this to me but actually quite the opposite. 😀

    I’m looking forward to your possible visit to Finland cause I’m Finnish and curious to read about your travelling in Northern Europe.

  • http://www.thegmanifesto.com The G Manifesto

    “It took several seconds for the sounds of the bar to reenter my consciousness and for my body to reattach itself.”

    This happened to me once when I accidentally took a drink from a beer dosed with acid when I was a young cub.

    Not quite as romantic as your story but still, it was pretty weird.

    – MPM

  • Tim

    Write about what you are doing in Iceland instead of this please.

  • Firepower

    THIS all totaled is one hellofa mofo of an epilogue

  • http://www.fundmanagernews.com Hedge Fund Manager

    Well written. Your writing has come a long way over the last few years.

    I was actually quite surprised that a girl got you so emotionally wrapped up and I’m equally surprised that you actually admitted it on this blog.

  • http://fretdancer.wordpress.com FretDancer

    Great read, very moving. I Always enjoy reading something like this

  • Andreas

    omg, now I HAVE TO buy the damn book! lol

    very well wtitten and captivating. looking forward reading the whole book

  • Anonymous

    Well written Roosh and poignant. She seems like a very special lady. Letting go would tear me apart had I experienced what you did.

  • Timothy

    HA HA!!!!! I knew it…I knew you’d try to get that goodbye fuck! In all seriousness, there should be no shame in admitting you had real feelings for Marianna. A lot of guys on here will act tough, and try to call you out as a pussy. That’s stupid. If anything, it shows how truly hardcore you are. You’re in Iceland now trying to game some chicks out of their panties. Guys like you all eventually settle down (somewhat) with a special someone and have a daughter!(the punishment for being a player). The problem is it’s so rare here in the US to run into a “Marianna” that you’re never forced to pause and rethink how you’re living your life.

  • YorySesca

    You are so soft. I’m sickened by how much of a woman you are.

  • Olivherbst

    Well, this is a happier ending than I expected. Well done, Bro.

    If I had been you, I would have stayed right away, when you met her the first time. Then again, I´ve been dreaming about Rio and Brazil for a long time now… but never have been there. But it´s on my list for some time in the next two years.

    Again: Nice epilogue to a truly epic book.

  • http://www.theunambitiousmale.com/ Workshy Joe


    It doesn’t sound as if Roosh was gaming this girl at all.

    I’d be interested to hear Roosh’s reflections on what happened in terms of game.

  • dan

    really great writing, roosh.. ive been reading your stuff for 3 years now and for me this was far and away the best i’ve seen out of you.. keep it up

  • Lumiere

    Good read.

  • Anonymous

    Is this the last one???? Finally???? What’s up in Iceland????

  • El guapo

    Is the desire to sell your book so great that you hired a marketing professional?

    I mean after this you opened your book to the women market,lotta of girls buying the new romantic book.
    You should add some tutorial to paint basements to make sure retired men will buy the book as well 😉

  • DrG

    Enought of these old posts. Please tell us about your adventures in Iceland, especially about the quality of Icelandinc women and the night life there!

  • gringoed

    “I approached again slowly, and when our lips touched, I felt something unusual—something electric that seemed to paralyze my body. Only my lips and mouth were alive, and they were heating up. For the next thirty seconds I felt this heat coming into my mouth, increasing in temperature with every moment. The movements of her tongue triggered flashes of white light on the back of my eyelids. My head seemed to separate from the rest of my body. The people and the music faded into the background until we were completely alone, until I processed not a single thought or sensation besides the heat in my mouth and the lights dancing in my vision. I don’t know how long the kiss lasted, but she pulled away first, leaving my lips hanging in the air. It took several seconds for the sounds of the bar to reenter my consciousness and for my body to reattach itself.”

    Romance novel FTW!

  • Matt

    I would also be very interested in hearing how things went down insofar as gaming this girl is concerned.

    Utilizing that, can we please get “A Dead Bat in Paraguay Epilogue Postmortem”?

  • outlaw josey wales

    I think it says something about a person when you think that Roosh’s interactions with Mariana were weak or unmanly. It was in fact a classic tragedy: man and woman connect but can never truly be together.

    Roosh was so jaded about American women he met or slept with that it seemed like he couldn’t really figure out what to with her. In then end, he did the right thing.

    Anyway, a great book. Had me laughing many times.

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  • Anonymous

    I’m afraid to read… does this part have a bunch of shit and diarrhea too?

  • anon

    wow…just wow.

    You don’t need to travel, you don’t need more notches.

    You need some serious cognitive behaviorial therapy from a well trained professional.

    You come across as needy, insecure, anxious, its almost hard to pinpoint your neuroses, there are so many.

    Get treatment, get a real job, your writing is bad and even with extensive work and training will never be better than average.

  • anon

    No, the writing is not good, and anyone who thinks it is, likely doesn’t read much more than newspapers or men’s magazines.

  • Matt

    @ anon … what exactly are your writing credentials, you fucking sanctimonious coward?

  • Adventure21c

    A request to Roosh:

    Just for shits and giggles, would you rate the overall quality of women in each of the South American countries you’ve visited? Preferably as a separate post?

    I’ve never been to a South American country, but looking at the pictures floating around on the Internet and some stories I’ve read, I’m not necessarily getting the impression that the percentage of the 7/8/9/10’s in respect to the whole population is necessarily higher in the South American countries.

    Brazil seems to have higher percentage of hot women, but plenty ugly ones too, it seems.

    Take Colombia for example. I wouldn’t give Shakira more than 7 even in her prime, and isn’t she supposed to be one of the bests from Colombia? (Then again, I’d give Angelina Jolie 7, Ashley Judd 7, and Sharon Stone 8.3–all when they were in their prime. That’s how I’m calibrated.)

    What I can piece together from your posts and my overall impressions so far is this.

    Ranks of South American Countries by the Percentage of the Hot Women Against the Total Population
    1. Argentina (what percentage?)
    2. Brazil (what percentage?)
    3. Colombia (what percentage?)
    4. Peru (what percentage?)
    5. Paraguy (not sure about this.)

    Ranks of South American Countries by the Easiness of Gaming (higher the rank, easier to score)
    1. Brazil
    2. Colombia
    3. Argentina
    (Not sure about Peru and Paraguy.)

    A comparison to a general situation in America would be great too. For example, in a given, general-course college class, I’d say about 15% of the women are bangable, and 5% is hot (meaning in a class of 30 women, 5 are bangable, and 1 is hot). In a given club in America, during a weekend night, about 20% are average but bangable girls–really hot ones are rarely found in those venues…better chance of coming across cute and hot ones in coffee shops and bookstores and upscale shopping malls.

    Your insight on this one would be helpful & entertaining.

  • Adventure21c

    P.S. On my beauty scale, there is such a thing as negative. Below 5, she’s not to be tempered with. Below 0, she isn’t considered a human female species.

  • DoesNotMatter

    well said matt! @anon # 25 (not 26….the anon at 26 is good fellow). Yes. anon. you bloody sanctimonious, comformist coward!

  • xXMidnightXx

    This is great entertainment. Classic beta behavior.
    Guess the original poster is always going to be that lonely pot smoking video game player on the inside. Desperately trying to prove to the world that he has changed. Guess what? People are who they are.

  • silent

    Damn good stuff man. I got the book when it was your mug on the cover with the boring-ass font.

    When I saw the “I love you” part, I almost didn’t believe my eyes haha. We all have that one who got away – but do you still even think about that chic from the states who basically jump-started this whole thing? (back when you were a short-haired, closely-shaven kid)

  • K-Man

    Great piece of writing. I have not ready the whole book, but if it’s like the epilogue, I say it’s a must-read. Reminds me of the Catcher in the Rye somehow – same honest, no-bullshit, first-person perspective. Plus the bonus of toilet humor.

  • ILsalmon

    I will be blunt, currently on my 5th trip to Brazil since 2005 for work, have spent a total of 7 months here. I kick myself hard when I think of what a smoking hot cool wife I could have had if I had met a Brasilera prior to my wife. These are real women who have respect for their looks, hot blooded passion and genuine respect for men. Anyone who has the means should spend time here and just be cool, learn a little portuguese and be comfortable turning the normal lingering eye contact here (not typical in the US) into confident approaches, these girls are more than happy to talk to you if you are not a total tool. Having lighter color hair and blue eyes is a plus, that will get you lots of looks and complements. My newborn son will spend lots of time here when he is older and will probably never return to the US.

    Falow Carras

  • Peter

    Holy hell dude! That’s what I call living. You have balls of steel.

  • sanjay

    Just read this after having read dead bat. Shit man
    you’ve really got a way with words. And the stuff with Mariana (prepare for beta overload here), pretty heartbreaking. I particularly liked how you had the balls to say goodbye to her initially with that ‘take care’ without ever looking back. and only by fluke ended up seeing her with her sister again. I think if more men had the intestinal fortitude to walk away from something or someone they held so dearly, they can pretty much deal with anything.

    Its like that saying in heat
    “”Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner”

    muchos respect man and i am definitely planning on getting a copy of your colombia book


  • Anonymous

    This was very romantic. it’s nice to see a different side to you than what is normally presented on the blog :)

  • X

    What you felt with her was LOVE.

    The reason why it felt different than just fucking around.

    Love resonates at the heart chakra, while sex at the genital chakra.

    If you read into Energy Chakras, you’ll realize that once you FEEL at the higher chakras, the lower chakras, even if they are FUN, will leave you feeling a little EMPTY.

  • Mark