A Notch Is Just A Notch

Some guys ask me not only how I got into the game but why. Years ago I would’ve said, “To get laid,” but now I think it was just as much about building my self-esteem than sex. I needed to succeed at something besides academics. As crude as this may sound, every girl I fucked increased my self-worth and made me feel more like a man. It was a measurable unit of conquest that went along nicely with my evolutionary desire to procreate, and gave me a better high than nerdy pursuits before it, like video games or poker. I went a little too deep, though, because I’ve realized that I passed over relationships with a handful of girls—who would have given me happiness—just to keep banging more sluts.

Interesting hobbies I took on to get more sex inadvertently made me less reliant on getting further validation from women. I became busy, and spending a night doing my own work was sometimes more enjoyable than having the sex that I so greatly valued a few years prior. The pleasant buzz I got from sticking my dick into something new became more of a physical release that more frequently wasn’t even worthy of a conversation. A simple “+1” text message to friends the day after substituted giddy calls of excitement that would gloriously detail the score.

Like every drug, you get accustomed to the high and need more. Instead of getting laid from dance approaches, I had to start a conversation with actual words. Instead of talking, I had to increase the quality of women. Instead of fucking pretty girls via long-form dating, I had to do it through one-night stands. Instead of one-night stands, I had to get flags. Instead of flags, I had to get laid while using a foreign language. Instead of getting laid in a foreign language, I had to fuck young girls or virgins, and on it went until I did everything I originally set out to it and then some.

I started to reach, making up strange challenges that didn’t necessarily make me happy or a stronger man, like getting a Super Flag (a flag that was a virgin), going a long stretch where I banged a lot of girls without going on a single date, or trying to only fuck girls in my dad’s car or a friend’s couch. I knew I was going too far when I started mapping out the logistics of living in a homeless shelter for a week just to see if I could still get laid during that time (I believe I could). I was the drug user who upps the dose to get the same high, but I could never relive those days when I first started using it. I grew out of the sex drug in a rarely anti-climactic fashion. Finally sex had become just sex, and nothing more.

Whereas 80% of my perceived worth was tied into my sex organ when I was 24, it’s maybe only 30% today. It really is okay if I don’t get laid tonight because I’m doing other things that fulfill my non-sexual needs. And as my libido has decreased, the truth is I don’t need to get laid more than once or twice a week. I don’t need multiple women on the line, and actually rather not devote too much energy to them, which takes takes away from fulfilling my other needs.

There’s not a thing I would change about my past involvement in the game. It was a device that has allowed me to become my own man. The journey it has put me through has been so fulfilling and rewarding that without it I’d be a lonely, anti-social scientist stuck in some laboratory working for an Asian guy who doesn’t brush his teeth. But things change, and continuing to pursue it full-time would not see the rewards of the past. A new notch no longer adds to my character nor confidence because it will be done in a similar manner as so many times before. I’m an animal who needs sex and will continue to obtain it in various ways, but it’s no longer a big deal like it was in the past. And I’m content with that.

For now.

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  • Matt


  • Tampa

    That’s a pretty normal journey in any endeavor. Professional athletes talk about this same phenomenon. You reach the apex where things come easy and you say to yourself “this is it?”

    David Duval became the #1 ranked golfer in the world (he was the only guy to be ranked #1 outside of T. Woods for like a decade) and he talks about this same thing. Talks about holding the British Open Trophy and saying “wow – what a fucking disappointment this is.”

    Dude pretty much just quit golf and got married. Now he is trying to get back to the top, but you can see it doesn’t mean as much to him as it once did.

    That’s life – that’s how it works. Crazy.

  • Chemical

    Great post Roosh. I am still not there where you are. Im new to Game, more or less, but I get it. Sometimes when I get a new flag I think, “it’s just sex, nothing new, nothing amazing”. But still thrive on the high of the pursuit.

  • Anonymous

    This is excellent. I look forward to you sharing your next step as a writer or whatever it is you choose.

  • Anonymous

    1.Ecclesiastes 1:14
    I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
    – King Solomon

  • http://sjones84.blogspot.com/ Solo

    This is the problem that most guys go through when doing game, identifying yourself or worth with the type of tail your pulling or sleeping with.

    It can cause an identity crisis, and I know lot of “Gamers” who are going through that. Hence I don’t take much stock in the whole rating scale or any standard period but fucking make my own scales and standards

  • Bonnie (previously anon)

    BTW King Solomon had 300 wives and 700 concubines, so I guess he’d have some insight into this situation.

  • Lumiere

    This happens to all guys who pursue anything with an ego investment.

  • Croix

    I think the majority of guys who get into game lack self-esteem. The funny thing is they attempt to fill this deficiency by sleeping with girls who lack self-esteem.

  • Timothy

    No one can live this life forever. However, the elements of game that Roosh has studied, applied and mastered will always be necessary in all relationships with women. His experiences in travel will be with him for a lifetime. When your mission is to bang as many chicks as possible with minimal interaction, I imagine yes, pussy is just pussy after a while. It’s what the pussy represents that is the draw (new flag, virgin, etc.). When settling down with one woman, it will be everything OTHER than pussy that will keep you engaged. I believe Roosh will one day do just that – he’ll find a woman that stimulates him in a variety of ways, and he’ll zero in and try to settle down. Not necessarily marriage, but he’ll stop trying to rack up numbers and flags. But I hope he doesn’t stop spreading the gospel of game to all those other guys coming along after him.

  • http://social-masters.com/blog/ Preston Blain

    I think it comes down to getting a balance in your life. Focusing on one thing excessively can lead to problems.

    Getting laid is great but so is learning new skills, getting into shape and having fun with friends.

    I try to balance all these things.

  • Timothy

    I believe there was an episode of “Star Trek” in which that great philosopher Spock spoke of this. Where he schooled Kirk on how having was not nearly as great as wanting. In the pursuit we can build something up to be more than it is, and when we get it, we’re disappointed. To an extent. Pussy is still great…HA HA!

  • http://thisisnotimefortheanonymous.blogspot.com TAllagash

    i hit 50 notches and had a moment like this. you bang enough chicks with little to no investment…and you’re like…hmm. this is new vag. at the end of the day beyond a cheap thrill, it’s just vag. and the novelty of banging xyz whatever fades and dulls.

  • A.nonny.mous

    Success is counted sweetest
    By those who ne’er succeed.
    To comprehend a nectar
    Requires sorest need.

    Not one of all the purple Host
    Who took the Flag today
    Can tell the definition
    So clear of Victory

    As he defeated–dying–
    On whose forbidden ear
    The distant strains of triumph
    Burst agonized and clear!

    —Emily Dickinson

  • http://www.craigiscool.com staying in N america

    looks like a human wrote this. reads like a human wrote this. a human must have wrote this! great post, truly deep. I hope the jezebel/(man whore haters) didnt get to you.

    Hurt by Johnny Cash beats anything by hush sound any day

  • Matt

    Good post & love the fact that it generated comments that quoted from great luminaries as King Solomon, Emily Dickinson & Spock

  • howulikemenow

    you are also getting old which reduces your testosterone level. pretty soon you’ll need the little blue pill.

  • http://naughtynomad.wordpress.com Naughty Nomad

    Very introspective on your part, I enjoyed reading this post.

    While I can’t relate on a decreased libido I can relate to the title..

    Notches are nothing unless you have a particular number in mind, but at least flags are finite.

    I find if you score a women of exceptional quality, let’s say a 9… it will give you more pleasure and satisfaction than that of a dozen or so 6’or 7’s. Quality over quantity and all that.

    Maybe you need to find your elusive 10 Roosh.. haha

    Wait until you get to Eastern Europe 😉

  • Firepower

    A Notch Is Just A Notch = anger, denial, bargaining, then acceptance.

  • http://www.vksempireofdirt.com virlge kent

    rock bottom is when you cant even remember certain notches from 6 months ago. I reached that a couple of years ago. Eventually the only thing that does stand out is the situation around the bang more than the bang itself

  • gringoed

    Strong, insightful post. You seem to understand end-game far better than the gurus like Neil Strauss.

  • julian

    Focus on your writing. Your writing at this stage is good but certainly not great. I don’t that mean to put you down, it’s an objective assessment. These kinds of reflections and the naked honesty that comes with them makes you a better writer though, so keep moving in that direction. Best of luck.

  • gl0wskull

    I can’t believe what I’m reading to be honest. I’ve been banging since 14 and I’m about to turn 30 and it keeps getting BETTER and MORE INTERESTING.

    The only way I can account for this stark difference between you, your reader’s comments and myself is the sexual deviancy applied in the later case. Banging virgins and different nationalities has it’s place, but I personally found things like that to be only mildly stimulating, even in the beginning.

    Know what gets (and keeps) my ticker going? MMF (FFM is boring and for beta wimps), gangbangs, watersports, double penetration (vag and anal), humiliation, public displays, enemas… you get the point.

    There is so much to do and INVENT with almost unlimited variations! Get an exclusive girlfriend and organize to watch her perform vicious oral sex on 4 guys of a different ethnicity than you while you sit in the corner and watch without participating and then come and tell me that it was just another ho-hum sexual experience.

    I feel I’m getting off the point now. After all, you never said that your once or twice a week bangs are not worth having… but I was certainly feeling something amiss in your post.

    I understand not wanting to bang 4 or 5 new girls a week… but maybe take a look at the quality of sex you’re having? and I don’t mean quality as in the looks rating, and I sure as shit don’t mean it in the “have anal and pull her hair” kind of way either. That shit is old hat rookie time shit.

    I mean… let your freak flag FLY, and if it’s not freaky enough then try to develop it! Because there is another whole “level” out there, a level so intense that when you land a new girl, you will FORGET to penetrate her with your dick because there are other crazy things darting around in your mind that you want to do first.

    Hope that was some food for thought! and NO, I’m not into the BDSM and fetish scene. I also don’t wear latex gimp suits. I hate all that stuff…

    I’m just a complete PRICK… and I love it!

  • InterestedParty

    I know what you mean. I really on “go after” 8s and higher these days, like #18 Naughty Nomad above. Anything less than that and I’m like “eh”.

    I just don’t have the will or energy to go out LOOKING for a damn 6.5. Given that choice, I too would rather stay home and do something else that’s fulfilling.

  • http://[email protected] Donlak

    Roosh, I go through this like twice a year, however spring and fall my libido is back to 18 year old status. It’s been that way for a while, and great at balancing my life. In my low periods i focus on other stuff, during high times, i bang away.

  • John

    “It started spring 2001…” (Bang, page 1)

    …and it ended spring 2011? Ten years, why not?

    If you want a new challenge, try writing fiction that is so well written it throws people off their chairs.

  • Matt

    @ 23 gl0wskull

    “watch her perform vicious oral sex on 4 guys of a different ethnicity”

    Any man turned on by seeing another dude bang his bitch is ultra omega.

  • Kay

    The elusive 10 exists. Sit down and make your list, right down to the finest details–like the specific constellation of moles you would like to see on her back; the perfect color of eyes; the tone of her voice, and smoothness of her skin.

    Give her the most beautiful breasts and nipples possible, the silkiest pubic hair, and a nice ass. Of course, the perfect 10, loves to fuck as much as you do!

    Pick that number of prior lovers she must or musn’t have, and stick to it.

    Then add the languages you would like her to speak, and the faith she must or musn’t have, the degree of education, and what you would like to shape her into for all the things she will not yet know.

    The elusive 10 exists–she may not be born yet, but she exists.

    You are about 30, by the time you are 50, she’ll be 20–perfect 10. She exists. Go travel, live, and fuck, and let your list be minutely defined and unbelievably narrow, and stick to it.

    He was 52, I was 21. I had my own list. He had his list, the lists fit together. He did not “give up” the variety of women, I also happen to enjoy women (which was on his list).

    He is a natural with women. He got to travel the world before AIDS; he was traveling when Hefner was starring in his own porn. He was traveling before “The Story of O” was translated and censored copies began showing up on the shores of puritanical North America. He has slept with 5 generations of women, (so far). He has lived for extended periods of time in Canada, Honduras, Mexico, Brasil, France, Sweden, Greece, Italy, Czechoslovakia, and East Germany (before the Eastern Bloc fell)–note that the US is not on the list!

    In his 30s, he wanted to make money, did not have time for anything more than a “series of notches and flags.” Then in his 40s he realized the pursuit of money is far less gratifying and hollow than the pursuit of women. He honed his perfect 10 till he met me, unexpectedly, when in his 50s. Now he’s in his 60s, fucking his natural blond with green eyes half his age, and he got to “steal my youth”! He met me before I finished my education, and he shaped me through it.

    He uses no little blue pill, still does 50 push-ups a day, and runs like the wind. He never used drugs, or smoked, and still can fuck, well, for as long as he wants.

    My favorite line of his is, “What business is it of yours, Kay, if I choose to love you or NOT to love you?”

    I still don’t really know–mysterious was on my list.

    It only gets better, you are still very young, Roosh, game does not fade for men with time. You will be a better “catch” for women in 10 or 20 years than you are now. This post has the “I may be willing to settle” vibe to it. Don’t. Save the best for last. The elusive 10 does exist–just not, you know, for now.

  • samseau

    A former womanizer says:

    “The one thing that frightened me was his purity – that being a Bishop and a monk he did not marry or touch women. This seemed to me to be a terrible thing, beyond the power of man. And I listened to Ambrose as if he were an angel from God. And slowly I saw that what Ambrose taught was the Truth.

    My trouble was that I wanted to understand every part of the Truth myself, as clearly as two and two are four… as if mere man can understand everything about You, my God, Who are infinite and eternal Truth. Then You began to enlighten my mind. I saw that a man cannot discover all the Truth about You by reason alone. It is necessary that You reveal Yourself to us. O merciful God, I thank You. When I was thinking about these things You were near me. When I cried out to You, You heard me. When I knocked, You opened to me, my Light, my Love, and my Life.”

    Not sure why, but you really remind me of this guy, Roosh.

  • Giovonny

    Great post.

    This is what happens to alot of guys after a decade or 2 of conquering women.

    Well written Roosh

  • Anonymous

    @ 27 Matt

    Is that so? Well how about you explain that to me then?

    Let me take a crude, quick guess at what you’re implying though, just for a giggle…

    You think I’d have to be SO clingy, SO desperate and hard up for pussy that I would be willing to allow other males to have their way with my girl so as not to lose access to that pussy? And that I’ve developed a fetish or whatever FOR these particular acts as a way to mentally “cope” with the reality of the situation?

    Did I nail it? Am I warm at least?

    If this is indeed what you are implying, then I agree that this CAN be the case for some males. However, not in MY case and the case of other alphas.

    Let me put it this way – A majority of ACTIVE porn starlets have exclusive boyfriends, are all these guys “ultra omegas” as well?

    Haha, I should know better than to post controversial advice on places like this and roissy because 80% of the commenters are betas PRETENDING to be alphas.


  • PUAs suck

    “What to make of Gunwitch, the master PUA guru, who recently shot a woman in the face despite Roissy’s claim that “game can save lives” back when George Sodini went nuts?”

    All “PUAs” are worthless deadbeats.

    They are nothing more than modern-day snake oil salesmen.

  • Anonymous

    Holy shit! It’s true! Gunwich shot a woman in the face! He’s a 31 y.o. PUA that lives with his Mom.


  • ss

    Here are the girl’s photos that he shot. I’m sure he had a perfectly good reason to shoot that girl inthe face



  • Willy Wonka

    Interesting, truthful post.

    It’s things like this that make me feel like I really need to step up my game NOW, so that I can garner the experiences I want before my libido and interests decrease….


    @34 ss, now what do you think that “good reason to shoot her” could be?

    Watch his video here


    He explains why he likes shooting.

  • dash

    hey, are your books available on the kindle?

  • Roosh

    dash: yup..


  • http://www.practicalpickup.com/ Entropy

    Good post. Could relate to a lot. Especially the part about needing game to boost my self-esteem. Sad but true.

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  • Mr. S

    Your most insight post yet.

    “And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.”