Affection

I think it really picked up with those Rules books, when girls decided that giving affection or showing genuine interest is bad game. Successful players have many tools in their toolbox, but girls took “play hard to get” to such an extreme that they became cardboard cutouts, an outline of something that looks human from a distance but doesn’t feel like one up close. The more a girl consumed mainstream entertainment sources where these ideas were prone to be discussed or taught, the more likely she lobotomized the natural feminine instinct that men are naturally drawn into. “I must not let this guy know what I’m thinking or feeling. I must not let him know I care. He will like me then and I will be happy.”

Idiots!

Idiots for digesting and absorbing the absurd musings of Carrie Bradshaw, for incorporating a dysfunctional neurotic character into real life to infect new relationships like toxic mold instead of doing just a little soul searching to find meaning and substance. Idiots for purchasing books and DVDs produced by multinational corporations who care as much about them as a two-year-old cares about green vegetables. And idiots for trying to become careful, in control, and shrewd—for becoming like my dad.

A month ago I was winding down a long night in a club. As I sat down on a chair against the wall, I noticed a guy and cute girl sitting a few feet away from me. Two minutes later she slid a little towards me away from her guy friend. If a girl is going to make it that easy for me then I don’t care if I just vomited all over myself, but opening my mouth and creating speech is reflex.

Ten minutes later my arm is around her and I’m getting ready to go octopus on her. Her short dress and petite frame turned on the sleaze machine inside me.

“I was checking you out all night,” she said.

Whoa. I don’t hear that often enough, and it felt good.

“And I love your hair,” she added.

“Thanks!”

And then she started touching it (my hair!). I’m sitting next to a cute girl who is giving me physical and verbal affection as my hand is on her bare thigh and I’m fantasizing about all the ways I’m going to violate her. I can’t ask for much more than that—I was a happy man. She wouldn’t let me take her home that night but I got her number and moved her to the front of the queue. She motivated me because she showed me that she was motivated. This is how intense, fun relationships start, when you quickly feel comfortable with someone and don’t need to ration out attention like it’s a finite resource buried deep in the ground.

But why is this encounter the exception rather than the rule? Why is it so rare to find girls who put out a natural warmth and openness where you can cut through the manufactured bullshit and start to connect like two normal human beings? It’s because these girls worship celebrity idols who wear ridiculous sunglasses. It’s because they were raised by cable TV instead of their parents. It’s because they don’t trust their natural instinct and it’s because they are a product of an disconnected culture that sees warmth and openness as weakness, where the concept of community is limited to uploading staged photos on the internet for anti-social rejects to masturbate to.

My advice to the American girl: if you are curious about a guy who is curious about you, just be nice. Give him one compliment and make him feel good for talking to you. A grounded, real man will be more than happy to take you seriously, more than just a one-time fuck to blow off some steam. Imagine that.

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  • Jay Gatsby

    Well said Roosh. Well said. Unfortunately, you’re a guy, and as such, your advice is automatically suspect since all guys want from women is sex.

  • http://www.suburbanitedc.blogspot.com Genevieve

    So then I guess it’s a good thing I’m not one to hide basic emotions.
    Then again, I’m also not one to tell I guy I think he’s attractive. I’m just not like that.
    Plus the times I have done that have not turned out the way I had hoped. (that is, seeing them again)

    Your advice helped me zero.

  • http://inowpronounceyou.wordpress.com/ inowpronounceyou

    Great post. I think Carrie fucking Bradshaw did more damage to relationships than just about any other modern day phenomenon.

  • http://www.timetoupgrade.blogspot.com mm

    Good post. Playing hard to get does indeed get you nowhere. I’ve been more sucessful making the first move on guys than waiting around for them to hit on me.

  • LaPay

    I think at least in some cases it’s just that she’s not into you. Not every girl is into every guy. Sometimes we see a guy and for some reason we want to make it work but can’t because there’s not that chemistry. The right attraction/chemistry can act as a personality lubricant in these situations, making the girl more warm and open. But it has to just happen – you can’t force it.

  • mike says

    posts like this are the reason why this is the first site I check every morning :thumbup:

    And Amen to the indictment of the Cult of Carrie. A whole generation of emotionally shallow college girls has been brainwashed into believing that crippling neurosis = “quirk” and slutting around = empowerment.

    ::cue John Mayer’s “Daughters”::

  • Jay Gatsby

    “Then again, I’m also not one to tell a guy I think he’s attractive. I’m just not like that.” — Genevieve

    Well, if you want to date a particular guy, you’re going to have be “like that”. The days of men always doing the approaching are over. Men who have a great deal going for them in their lives (career success, money, good looks, etc…) don’t need to work as hard for the attention of women. So as a woman, if you want to get to know such a man (especially if he’s the kind of man you want to date) then YOU will need to approach or make it quite clear that you would welcome an approach from him. If you don’t, and you sit back on your throne waiting for a Prince Charming to beg/compete for your attention, you’ll be lonely and bitter, or worse, you will have to settle for a lesser man when Prince Charming doesn’t bother with you.

  • cob

    Well said, as usual.

  • namaste

    freaking excellent post, Roosh. spot on with this one. showing affection is also just being honest. we can all learn a little something from this. kudos to you.

  • cob

    Roosh, you know I’ve been following your writing since *before* the RN(etwork) days.

    The trend always has been for your writing to improve. With that said, however, since the RLUG, DCB, and RV sites it seems that every 3-6 months your writing consistently pushes boundaries and continually improves a great deal.

    I have been travelling the last 2 weeks or so, so I just went through your posts. It’s evident that you’re once again turned things up another notch. A good mix of silly, inflamatory, and insightful writing. Well done.

  • turbocargado

    hm first of all i do enjoy reading your blog but some of these comments above me seem a little over the top. maybe its just my inner-hater coming through.

    this happened a month ago? moved to the front of the queue and no follow-up info on what happened? maybe she was fighting with her man next to her and just wanted to make him jealous?

    i think girls are shy about approaching guys just like guys naturally are. guys have to get over it though, you learn you have to go after what you want and have hormones pushing you along. attractive girls are used to guys coming on to them and picking through what they want so don’t have to learn how to approach guys. not much motivation to do any work the way i see it. i mean if i had hot girls approaching me everywhere i went i wouldnt be busting my ass to go talk to another random one.

  • Mandy

    Great post. But I have a question–what about the whole “it’s biologically encoded in men to pursue” thing? I understand that it’s a total turn-on to be approached, and it can be scary to approach a girl (especially when she’s with a group of other girls), but I think a lot of other factors have to be in place for this to work.

  • itscool

    It’s the feminism at its worse. In today’s singles market there are more women who are well off financially and otherwise then men. But instead of truly believing in the feminism and may be giving the poop guys a chance they are hell bent on finding the “perfect” man. That’s the main problem with women in general and more so for American women. I know quite a large number of these women are going to so disappointed. I feel sorry for them.

  • Jewcano

    Gatsby’s right. Genevieve’s comment is a prime example of why women fail. “Then again, I’m also not one to tell a guy I think he’s attractive. I’m just not like that.” What if a guy decides he’s not like that? If a guy doesn’t tell a girl he thinks she’s cute, she’ll assume he’s uninterested. Why would you expect it to work different the other way?

    It’s a self-reinforcing cycle; if you don’t tell the guy you like his looks, he’ll probably try to impress you in other ways, which usually involve running his mouth. Which, chances are, if he’s not a smooth operator, he’s going to eventually say something foolish and drive you off. Which leads you to think all guys are retarded.

    Let’s not be naive. Barring the case where you’re trying to pick up the person in the cubicle next to you, odds are almost 100% that the initial attraction is physical. Why not say so?

    “I’m just not like that” = “I’m going to end up living with cats”

  • http://anyonecanberich.blogspot.com/ Gunslingergregi

    Your just living in the right place to make money but the wrong place to meet a woman. Although the first one may be changing soon, then 20 years from now it will be the right place. The appreciation level is what counts. In another place you could pump and keep the good ones.

  • blibblab

    Absolutely agree – but really, what’s the point of bothering with a person basing their life off some two-bit HBO show? In the end, these people will just die alone cause they kept chasing after some perfect illusion. They’re twits and not worth reproducing anyway.

  • Days of Broken Arrows

    I’m probably way too late with this post for anyone to see, but it might be worth exploring the polar opposite of the woman who gives affection: The man basher.

    You come across these women in the office occasionally. They slip in comments like “So simple even a man can do it.” They have pin-up posters with sayings about “The Rules” (the one that reads — “the female makes the rules,” etc.). They also regularly “shame” men by saying the ones that have trucks are trying to “compensate,” the ones that play sports are really gay because they prefer the company of men, etc.

    I’d like to see a post on these type of women and why –surprise surprise — they may not get dates!

  • http://wendysmightyminutiae.blogspot.com Wendy

    Perfect post.

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  • Paul

    A whole lot of betas commenting on this. Speaking for myself, I look to bond with a woman. Whether that includes threads that are completely true or not, doesn’t really matter. What matters is she feels comfort when close to me. I can build that comfort…comfort is part of chemistry (to address the comment made about having chemistry ‘just has to happen’)…that’s a beta female right there. And its complete bullshit. Look, if you understand social dynamics, social psychology, study behavior, etc. you can work within its guidelines and rules, whether they are genetic, conscious, subconscious, etc. When you understand the parameters of a person, you can work with that person. (Look up Mystery/Matador’s ‘Microcalibration’)It’s not evil manipulation, its an expedited process by which you achieve a goal, whatever that goal may be. Getting laid for some people is the goal, for me its dating a fuckin hot ass woman who’s horny and likes to have sex alot and is willing to do it everywhere and anytime. I digress. Point is, as a man, I do for me what I want for me. I study the game, I read up on it, I read the opinions, I study what betas do and why not to do what they do based on the response of the female. I also study alphas and WHY exactly they get the poon they get, why they get the women they get, why it is exactly (characteristically speaking) they pull the highest valued women. I was a beta for most of my life (30 now) and in the last year began reading this stuff after being introduced by a good friend, who I am constantly talking about this stuff with. Concepts and ideas, failures, missed moments, etc. My last date was like reading a coloring book sitting right in front of me. I saw when she was comfortable, I saw when she was attracted, I saw everything clear as day. I kissed her, rather, made out with her in the bar for hours before going back to her place. I never apologized for anything, even though everything I did was accepted. I negged her a little bit and not once did I compliment her directly. I would bait her with ‘I think we might get along’ and ‘I might like you or kinda like you’. Never did I fulfill her desire to feel wanted…until I got her home. Then I molested her willing body until 5 am. Our second date is tonight at midnight…=) Thanks Roosh and Roissy!