All posts by Roosh


Several 7-11’s have turned into Kwik-E-Marts to promote the upcoming Simpsons movie.

Here are pictures (my favorite)

One of the stores is in Bladensburg, Maryland. Its address should be updated here. I want to buy a Squishee.

Postscript: Picture from the Bladensburg store…


Peanut Butter & Jelly

Two years ago I got trashed on my 26th birthday. After my friends drove me home, I stripped down to my boxers and made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, my favorite food. This video is them making fun of me while I eat my sandwich. It’s pretty embarrassing but enough time has passed that I don’t mind sharing.

Speaking of trashed, me and this guy are heading to the beach today and staying until Sunday. I’m taking my camera.

Laundry List

Everyone has a laundry list of qualities they want in the opposite sex. This is especially true for women, whose ideal type often crosses into the fantasy realm. If you break down these lists down into component parts, almost everything can fit into three categories: personality, appearance, and sexuality.

Personality is connection and rapport. Can you spend time with her outside the bedroom? Do you not wish she would stop talking?

With appearance, is she easy on the eyes? Can I take her out in public without constantly thinking I can do better?

Sexuality is chemistry, both inside the bedroom and out. Can I not keep my hands off her? Can she take what I have to give her? Does she seem conscious when I am giving it to her?

Two of these categories need to be satisfied to casually date someone. Usually it’s appearance and something else, because these days we are meeting people in bars and clubs instead of being set up on blind dates by our parents. If brighter lighting or sober eyes take away the appearance, the something else won’t be good enough to continue seeing the person ever again. Relationships where two categories are met usually last a few dates until things stall out.

If the third category is satisfied, she is officially compatible with you. The usual result is you will still be in touch with her one year down the road, whether you are dating or not. A common reason a relationship wouldn’t work in this case is bad timing.

You need to prioritize your desired qualities. This is my ranking:

1. Appearance
2. Personality
3. Sexuality

Sexuality is third because most of the time I’m spending with a girl will be talking to her and not banging.

What I see with girls is they write off men who don’t possess all the qualities they want, and keep in mind their lists are twenty times as long as a guy’s. Instead of having a prioritized list, everything for them is weighted equally, which produces the spinster phenomenon we are all too familiar with. As long as a girl is very strong in your two most important categories, it may be worth it if you can work on the third. I’m not saying to settle, but I am saying be realistic and open to someone who is satisfying your most important needs. Because you will not find someone who completely satisfies them all.

My Country

My anti-Americanism has peaked. Like most Americans, I don’t care anymore. Give me the serenity for what I cannot control, etc.

Things about this country I like:

1. Life opportunity. If you are willing to educate yourself, network, and move your ass, you will be rewarded with a salary above the national average, and a lifestyle better than 98% of the world’s population. Money will not be a problem as long as you live within your means.

2. I’m fluent in the native language. One thing slowing me down from making an equivalent salary in another country is language, but a lot of immigrants here prove it is a hurdle that can be overcome.

3. Fast sex opportunity. There will always be strong demand for men who know how to turn on women using words and touch instead of money and status. The market is saturated with guys who don’t have a clue.

4. The Bill Of Rights. Even with the erosions to our rights since 9/11, there are not many countries where I can tell a police officer that he can’t enter my home or search me or my car, or one I can say that our current president sucks horse cock without going to jail. While police agencies are revenue corrupt (parking tickets, red-light cameras), I feel confident that most of my interactions with law enforcement will not end with a beating or drug plant.

5. Target (and it’s little cousin, CVS). From sex lubricant to cutlery, gardening supplies to crazy pills, I love how I can walk in a building near my house and buy everything I could possibly need. Compare this to a European pharmacy where your two choices of bar soap are hidden in cabinets and you need to find a clerk to buy chapstick.

Things I don’t like:

1. Consumerism. The masses devote their life working to buy luxury crap and Ikea furniture, asking what thing can be bought to bring happiness instead of what can be experienced. The result: a superficial culture that turns something like a stupid party slut going to jail into a national obsession.

2. Aggressive government. With over 600 700 military bases worldwide, we’re in everyone’s business to preserve the power and interests of the white man elite. People’s lives, American or not, are meaningless.

3. Corporate power. Industries that form trade groups to spread propaganda and buy politicians have the power to write public policy to maximize profits at our expense.

4. The suburbs. A soulless experiment of strip malls and asphalt that waste the world’s most precious energy resource with automobile dependency while isolating individuals to cars, cubicles, and assembly-line houses.

5. Female obesity. If you lower the obesity rate here to a country like France, and reduce the shallowness that stems from individualism and consumerism, American women would compete well with foreign women. Finding a thin American who is not messed up in the head and girlfriend worthy is so hard here that I wonder if going to another country would completely solve the problem.

Even with the negatives, this country is a comfortable, safe, and decent place to live, one that I intend on growing old in unless I find something better. While I don’t have American pride, I back all of you up whenever a Aussie or British traveler tries to talk trash with their “Americans are so fat/stupid/materialistic” talking points. I can make fun of Americans because I am one, but I’ll be damned if I let someone who eats Vegemite (yeast waste) trash my fellow countrymen.

I Got Girls For You

It took me five months but I finally enrolled in a salsa class. There are 12 girls in my class and most of them brought their life partner so nothing exciting to write about, but there are other classes…

Imagine this: 20 girls and only two guys. The girls, most of them young, wearing tight gym clothes and moving their hips in provocative motions, while the two guys try to keep up with shit-eating grins on their faces. This is the hip hop class that goes before my salsa class. If you’re a dude, lose your ego and take a hip hop class. While odds are you won’t bang a girl in your class, the skills will help in the club, especially if you weren’t born with natural rhythm (i.e. you’re white). Thank me later.

Age & Young Girls

I got an email from a young guy:

Ever since I turned 23, I have started to encounter occasional girls who ask my age upfront when I am asking them out. Both times the girl was 17 (so I understand a little) and since I have gone on to date some very hot girls that were 18. What have you seen as changes in the way younger women act towards you as you get 5 or 6 years older than them?

As I get older it keeps getting easier for me with girls of all ages, especially young girls. Only a minority of young girls will give you a problem about your older age. It’s best to beat them to the punch and give them crap about their age first.

Several years ago, my 24-year-old friend took out an 18-year-old on a first date. The whole date he was ragging on her for being so young and inexperienced, that he just isn’t “sure” about her. Her instinct was to prove him wrong with a blow job on the car ride home. He banged her once the ride ended.

If I’m much older than her, I’m concerned that she may not have enough experience to please me sexually and mentally. Her lack of experience is obvious when I talk about mine and she has nothing to respond with except her latest mall adventure. Your attitude will indirectly ask her, “What do you have to offer an older, mature man such as myself?” There is no reason you should let a younger girl qualify you because of your age. It is her youth that is a negative, and you must make it clear from the beginning when you respond with a semi-disappointed “Oh, really” when she tells you her age.

Withholding Sex

Previously, I said:

If I was a girl, I wouldn’t sleep with guys so soon. This advice cockblocks me, but the best defense—to a man whose main goal is to sleep with girls as fast as possible—is to wait, especially since most guys are only willing to have sex with you once and never again. You don’t want to put out until a guy shows time investment.

I believe this advice to be sound, but there is a downside in sex withholding: he may see you as asexual.

Say I go on five dates with a low maintenance but conservative girl who rejects all my sexual advances, and on all those dates I do not have an orgasm. What happens is I get used to this and see her as a girl less likely to give me sexual pleasure. As a result, I voluntarily put my junk in a lockbox. After a dog is used to being on a leash, he loses the will to escape. If you attempt to tame your new man’s desire, you sap his sexual energy—what makes him a man.

Sexuality is needed to create sexual tension. If you keep your sexuality under wraps, there is no sexual tension. If there is no sexual tension, the man will not be sexually interested (unless he’s a beta), and will be less willing to invest time into you. If you are going to postpone sex, get on your knees by date two, grab his dick on the dance floor, and whisper nasty things in his ear to let him know you are a sexual freak worth waiting for. Otherwise you may be perceived as frigid woman who can be better used as a lady friend to pick up other girls who would make more suitable lovers.

Your game has to be tight if you want to postpone sex. If you don’t have tight game, your best bet is to have sex with him soon because that may be your best way to keep his attention. If you are not sure whether your game is tight, and by game I mean an vibe and attitude that regularly draws and hooks men, then it’s not.

Gay Pictures

I’ve been inspired by Arjewtino’s gay picture to post two of my own.

Out of hundreds of photos that have been taken of me and my friends, these two were taken at the exact right moment to maximize homotron-ness. I’m not proud of them, but their stories must be told.

This was taken at Dragonfly almost two years ago. My appearance would be seen as normal had it not been for my friends Lindsey Lohan pose.


The second photo was taken at a happy hour last year. I really don’t know what I was thinking, cradling my friends head like that. I’m not sure what he was thinking either. You can tell he’s really snuggled up in my arm because his face is all squished. That’s Sally the intern in the background.


And that’s all I want to say about that.

I Have A Midland Accent

I’m fascinated by accents. I can’t get over how the way people speak is completely determined by their environment. If you were just born a few states down, your speech pace and pronunciation would be different. And you have no say in it: your parents chose for you when they picked where to raise you.

Americans forget that other foreigners see our accent as exotic as we see theirs. I’ve run into some foreign girls who have admitted that my accent is indeed hot. That did not include any British chicks though. The British see the American accent as a mangled, less proper version of their own. Fuck the British, I say. If you want to make a British person upset, ask them if they are Australian. (It’s kind of like how we get pissed if someone thinks we are Canadian.)

Anyway, I always tell foreigners that they should learn English from me since I have the generic accent that you’d hear on TV. This pronunciation quiz proves I wasn’t bullshiting:

[You have] the default, lowest-common-denominator American accent that newscasters try to imitate. Since it’s a neutral accent, just because you have a Midland accent doesn’t mean you’re from the Midland.

While I don’t care for the French culture, I have to say their accent arouses me the most, man or woman.


I gave up on the photos plugin I put in a few weeks ago and decided to go with Flickr. The photos page will now send you to a Flickr album. If you have Flickr, add me so I can have more than three friends.

Barcelona Club

Friday Night

Thanks for the shots.


Postscript: Excuse me for the weakest Happy Hour recap ever. It’s one of those “What happens at happy hour, stays at happy hour” things. Arjewtino, KassyK, INPY, and Virgle Kent had better ones.

A picture:


Blue Balls

I don’t think women understand that getting “blue balled” causes actual physical pain. It’s not just something we say to joke around. Here’s how it works:

When a man gets aroused, his testicles pump cream towards the end of the pipe in anticipation of sex. The cream has millions of little guys who want to get out, like a crowd of people trying to exit a burning building. If time passes and they’re still stuck in the pipe, they get backed up and trample all over each other. This creates pressure, which is felt as pain by the man.

Getting blue balled feels like a 5-year-old punched you in the balls. It’s not enough to bring you to your knees but the pain comes up to your abdomen and feels very uncomfortable. There is only one way to relive the pain, and that’s to open the pipe so the little guys come out. This can either be done either with the aid of a female or alone in your parents basement.

The arousal has to be intense and sustained for there to be blue ball pain. Watching porn for an hour will not cause blue balls, but being physical with a girl for an hour where you play with her boobs will. I imagine each guy has a certain blue ball threshold.

Opening the valve on a high-pressure pipe causes a more forceful ejection. Cover your eyes.


Happy Flag Day


Today is Flag Day, a very important holiday that is also my birthday.

I am 28. :wideeyes:

While last year I was concerned about my direction in life, this year I’m concerned about which South America travel guide I should buy (Lonely Planet or Footprint). I’ve been researching for two weeks but still can’t decide.

And the Happy Hour is tomorrow!! What an amazing coincidence!!! (No really, it’s a coincidence.) Since it’s only one day away from my actual birthday, I think it would be acceptable for guests to buy me a drink.

My other co-hosts have have been promoting a Bring A Blogger theme. My theme is Bring Fresh Meat. I prefer meeting non-bloggers because they are usually more impressed meeting me than fellow bloggers. Surprisingly, I’ve discovered that people are meeting and doing stuff from these happy hours. In fact, two individuals who met at a happy hour I co-hosted are about to get married.

Grand Central is busy enough that you can spy first before making an introduction. If you are a groupie female fan then you need to hurry up and introduce yourself because I won’t be here for much longer.