All posts by Roosh

Carlos Mencia & Joe Rogan

joe-rogan.jpg

I’ve been following the Carlos Mencia–Joe Rogan drama. Rogan has been accusing Mencia of stealing other comedians’ jokes, and recently went on stage during a Mencia performance to call him out. He made a video of the confrontation which makes a pretty good case that Mencia is indeed a joke stealer. It’s 10-minutes long but worth it (look for the Amazing Racist cameo):

So The Comedy Club in L.A. banned him and his agent let him go. But not Mencia—Rogan. Because Mencia has large audiences willing to pay to see him, Rogan has pissed off the people that Mencia is helping enrich. It doesn’t matter how noble or honest your cause is—if you get in the way of the green, you will be stopped by those who have power. Lesson in this is to always have a savings account, just in case your character gets you in trouble.

—Joe Rogan’s blog

Vasectomized Man Serves Up Gigantic Ownage To American Woman

A man dates some broad. A few months into the relationship she announces that she’s pregnant and informs him that he is the father. But he was vasectomized. This story, if true, has two morals:

1. Never trust a woman, especially an American woman.
2. Never blast inside a woman even if she is supposedly on the pill. Girls are human too and they forget to take it every day.

The only pleasure in life I deprive myself of is not letting my creamy delicious sperm come into contact with vaginal tissue. But I dream about it every day. It’s unfortunate that the only way I’ll be able to continue my unprotected stroke to the very end is by sleeping with an old woman who has been through menopause.

Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.

I’ll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her – as I was to find out – it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the “I’m pregnant” talk. She’s going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married “for the baby”. She’s positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she’s gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I’m just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse “oops” on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can’t think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to “think about all this.” I meet her again. I say I don’t want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I’m laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a “negative test result for sperm” to show I’m sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I’m ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She’s all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly – or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. “Are you sure that this baby is mine?”

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she’s really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she’s a slut. I’m just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities… blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I’m not really mad. I’m kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won’t shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, “You’re screwed”.

Her look doesn’t change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. “I am sterile”

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women’s logic. “You’re full of shit. You’re trapped and you know it.”

I hold up the letter and the test results. “Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine.”

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. “Bullshit, those are fakes.”

I was ready for that. “No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It’s a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine.”

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It’s a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

:thumbup:

Mmm Burnt Taste

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Consumer Reports has deemed McDonalds coffee better than Starbucks.

The magazine reportedly says McDonald’s Premium Roast Coffee has “no flaws,” labeling it “decent and moderately strong.” The java from Starbucks, meanwhile, was determined to be “strong, but burnt and bitter enough to make your eyes water instead of open.”

Starbucks is good for espresso and pretending you have a life outside the house. 7-11 has the best coffee.

Fantasies Tend To Remain Fantasies

There once was a time when I would go to bed fantasizing about this one girl. If I could get her then I would be so much happier and everything in life would fall into place. As the years went on that girl would change, but there would always be at least one. No matter who I was currently seeing, I’d think of buying her creative Valentine’s Day gifts or taking her on romantic walks on the beach. This occurred during a time I barely got any ass. Maybe there is a girl out there who has all the qualities I want, but it’s a waste of time waiting for her to land on my lap, if she so happens to exist within driving distance of me.

It’s fun to have this one ideal crush who you think will make you happy and bring you fulfillment while sitting at home eating microwave popcorn, but that’s just not how it works. Because meeting girls I connect with is the result of unglamorous, persistent work. There is nothing lucky or fateful about it. I go out and talk to cute girls I like. I put in the effort to get to know them. I stay open-minded about the ones who don’t fit my perfect ideal until I at least have sex with them. I listen to my gut and experience instead of friends or Sex and the City. What do you do? If you think something great is going to be served to you just because you think about it when you close your eyes at night, you deserve to be alone.

Google Maps Upgrade

Google Maps now displays Metro stop locations and building outlines.

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All this time I’ve been secretly using DCist’s Map to find closest Metro stops.

Movies I Recommend

Life Is Beautiful – An incredible film about perspective, reality, and imagination. The message: life is beautiful, but only if you choose it to be. I cried like a little bitch.

Y Tu Mama Tambien – A movie about two horny teenage boys. The “Oh shit!” ending is a natural result of what happens when you let sexual desire dominate.

City of God – Brazilian movie about life in the favela, order in anarchy. Death, drugs, and sex surround great characters and storytelling.

None of these movies are in English. Lately I’m finding that only foreign films are capable of telling me a story with characters I care about.

Monogamy

There is no one perfect girl that has all the qualities I want. Instead there are many girls who can please me in a lot different ways. This girl pleases me physically while this other girl has an exotic vibe that I like while this other girl is funny and that girl over there is sharp and witty. I like them all. And because I don’t currently want children, why pick one?

Regular sex, you’re thinking. Well if you can only get regular sex by committing to one other person, then maybe monogamy is best for you.

Free Wireless Internet In DC

Can anyone recommend a coffee shop in DC that has free internet? I found this list but there are no user reviews. Somewhere in the Dupont or Adams Morgan area would be nice.

I’ve been a regular of Busboys and Poets, whose yuppified hippie vibe I really enjoy, but their internet on the weekends is slower than dial-up. Plus they are expensive: a soy latte costs $5.25 if you include the $1 tip.

Respecting Women

The more a man respects a woman, the less notches he will have. While notches don’t yield happiness, if you want to have sex with a lot of women then you should not hold them in high regard.

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Are women princesses that must be worshiped, or are they are pieces of meat that should be treated like objects? It really doesn’t matter. You can get into a very fancy discussion about the modern woman that uses historical references and very nice metaphors, but in the end your conclusion must be based on reality. And the reality is that women reward men who have little respect for them. Ask any successful player a series of questions about his behavior to women and it will be very apparent that he sees her as something that is more expendable than magical.

I had a friend who was a good guy, but he would treat women very well and care for them and sacrifice for them. He would put his friends before girls he hadn’t even slept with (girls he would never end up sleeping with). It got so bad that me and a player friend had to run an intervention: “STOP RESPECTING WOMEN. DON’T DO ANY FAVORS FOR A WOMAN WHO HASN’T PLEASED YOU SEXUALLY.” It didn’t get through and he’s still the permafriend. This is a pattern that is repeated with beta males everywhere. I lost count how many times I was in the company of a beta and a girlfriend that gave him shit in front of me. When I ask the beta if he is going to let her treat him like that, he replies with “She’s drunk” or “She’s in a bad mood.”

Emotional, weak, flakey, fickle, petty, jealous, gossipy, spiteful, insecure, shallow. I’m going to automatically respect that? Disrespect the entire gender, but do respect the girl who earns it. A woman you meet does not deserve the benefit of the doubt until she proves herself.

Gazuza Review

I want to get laid
But these girls are sitting down
Hand party at home

Rating: 2/5

Map • Official site

1629 Connecticut Ave, N.W.
Washington, DC 20009

Dragonfly Review

A tad pretentious,
but no mouth-breathers around
Pretty girls I’ve met

Rating: 4/5

MapOfficial site

1215 Connecticut Ave, N.W.
Washington, DC 20036

Chaco The Cowboy

Chaco and his fiance have eloped to Las Vegas and are getting married tomorrow. They have decided on a cowboy and cowgirl theme, which is a little bit surprising to me since I don’t think they have ever been south of Virginia. Anyway, he’s going to be busy now pleasing his wife with marathon sessions in the bedroom after day-trips to home improvement stores. Contributing here is no longer the number three priority in his life.

New Emoticons

I’ve added some new emoticons because sometimes I can’t find words to describe the complex emotions I’m feeling.

:american:
:attentionwhore:
:bukkake:
:catlady:
:discussionclosed:
:emo:
:evil:

:fatter:
:jailhump:
:link:
:monkey:
:cheerleader:
:sadwave:
:stfu:
:treehugger:
:wave:

The smilie legend link is above the comment box.