Backslide To Beta

I backslided again. My game regressed. My return on investment decreased. I wrote about my first backslide in Bang:

Three years after getting into the game, I had my shit together. I had a successful career and lived in a large house in a good neighborhood. I had a motorcycle and bartended part-time at an upscale venue. I had a respectable brand-name wardrobe and I had just ended a short but successful club DJ career. When I met a new girl, I would not-so-casually tell her how cool I was by bringing up my motorcycle, my bartending gig, and my experience as a DJ. On paper I thought I had all the cool qualities a girl needed, but I proceeded to have the worst slump since getting into the game.

I repeated the mistake in believing that my value, when logically delivered to a girl, would create enough attraction for sex.

My life story has become somewhat interesting, evolving into a speech that can take up to 30 minutes to finish. Spanning from my college days and various professions, adventures, and travels, it would always get an enthusiastic response on first dates in the form of “Wow!” or “Amazing!” or “Your life is like a movie!” I would feel validated and pleased that I was the most interesting guy they’ve probably met in their life. I came to believe that this reason—and it alone—should be enough for them to sleep with me.

But my failure rate actually increased. I remember one girl declined my invitation to a nightcap at my place by saying she had to meet her cousin. I’m sure no such cousin existed. Then the flakes came, back to back to back. It culminated into me getting stood up, in such a way that it took me a while to remember the last time I suffered a similar fate.

It’s hard not to put European pussy on the pedestal when Polish girls shower you with their sweetness, when Ukrainian girls feed you borsht made from scratch, and when Estonian girls look through you with their sky blue eyes. You come to believe that all you have to be is nice, and your niceness with be sexually rewarded. And isn’t the proof of that within plain sight of all the happy couples holding hands as they stroll through the town square?

Apparently not.

The value of my life story was being decreased by being lazy with my game, by forgetting to be scarce, by giving direct answers that left little to the imagination, by not carefully managing text reply times, by setting dates too far from my apartment, by being too passive and expecting girls to throw themselves on me, by not teasing (at least lightly), by not controlling the frame, and by being… boring. I incorrectly thought—for the second time in my life—that my past experiences should be sufficient in making a girl wet instead of the attraction I make her feel in the present moment.

Your value matters, your looks matter, and your stories matter, but attraction matters even more, because attraction is emotional and emotions are what most modern girls use in deciding to have sex with you, not a grocery list of your past accomplishments. I stopped being ruthless and methodical in my pursuit for the bang and I was properly punished, waiting in a venue at the appropriate time for a girl who never showed up. The light coming from this signal could not have been more bright.

My life story is interesting, but it’s not game. I want to get laid on my own terms, not at the girls’, so it’s the game I must play, no matter where I am in this world, for as long as I live.

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  • Tampa

    For some reason I think it’s sad, but it’s the truth. No matter how much succes you have at anything, failure always has a way of humbling you rather quickly.

  • http://www.cedonulli.com jake

    Met a French guy in Nepal. Tandem paraglider pilot. Makes his money flying tourists. Every day. More than 20 years experience.

    My second week there, I hear that he crashed. Crashed hard, with a Chinese tourist. He didn’t have impact protection on the passenger harness. Save space, save weight. Complacent. Overconfident. The Chinese guy had to be airlifted out, pretty badly hurt with a broken back.

    The shit will come bite us all, sometime. We forget what actually made us good at stuff. Gradually, we start to strip out all the things that we built up, when we acquired our skill. We strip it out, till one day there just isn’t enough there anymore.

    Meanwhile me, back from two years in Asia, definitely way lost on white-girls-in-Europe game. Good fucking times, picking yourself back up, yea?

  • Joe Dick

    This is why I think you are the best. You are the only one ‘dating guru’ (for lack of a better term) and one of the very few ‘self-development gurus’ (for lack of a better term) I can relate to. Your complete lack of bullshit and honesty is admirable, and I always learn something valuable from your posts. It’s so devoid of ‘marketing’, and that’s one of the reasons why I will always prefer to buy your books and not those of some ‘dating guru’. You really blow them out of the water. JD

  • Joe Dick

    PS. it’s understandable you ‘relaxed’ and became a lot less ruthless. Some EU girls might make you believe they aren’t anywhere as shitty as USA women, but in the end, aren’t women all the same? And even EU girls are quickly becoming americanized, as you know better than anybody else. It’s ok if you ‘slacked’ the rules. Even ex-nice guys like you and me have this thing into themselves that being nice to a woman is still a good thing to do. Only to be reminded that they are just walking holes to shove our dick in, and that you can never give too much of a monkey about them.

  • litte roosh

    I think most of us experience this sort of two step forward, one step back thing from time to time. I have had massive periods of success followed by equally massive periods of failure…. last night was a collosal failure for me lol

  • http://www.thegmanifesto.com The G Manifesto

    “My life story is interesting, but it’s not game.”

    This is so true. It happens to me a lot as well.

    The further you move along in life you think you should be rewarded for it. But you aren’t.

    It would be nice if you could wear your “Black Belt in Game” to the bar. But you can’t.

    Game is like throwing logs onto a fire. Game is not like building a house.

    You are only as good as your last swoop.

    Sad, but true.

    - MPM

  • http://brannkop@gmail.com Anonymous

    Yeah roosh this post really spoke to me. Kinda going through the same thing right now. I like how u broke it down, i now know what adjustments i need ro make.

  • Kieran

    Men that have done a lot with their lives hate this, but it really is the truth. While all of those things (past accomplishments, looks, money, etc) certainly have value to women, game has higher value because none of those things have the power to make her feel the way that a guy with good game can. You might have all of her boxes ticked, but if you don’t have game, then you can be out done on the night by a man with none of those things, but that can excite her through his game.

  • http://therationalmale.com Rollo Tomassi

    Laundry listing your life story with the expectation of arousal or attraction is simply an Appeal to Reason:
    http://therationalmale.com/2013/08/07/appeals-to-reason/

    It’s similar to the Relational Equity fallacy, believing that accomplishments or personal investment has any bearing on a woman’s Hypergamy.

  • DeNihilist

    Not only for PUA, but for married men too. Have been with the old lady going on 28 years. Got very complacent last few years. Figure she is turning 50, so she must be getting somewhat logical.

    Nope. wouldn’t even acknowledge her birthday. Decided to change her career, etc.

    Less and less sex, and “starfish” sex more often then not. Finally said fuck-it, lost 20 pounds, started reading voracious amounts on game, taking the lead again, and gaming the fuck out of her. Telling her how much her little pocket tummy makes me hard, how her thunder thighs are magnificent, etc. LOL!

    Seeing her for what she is, a hole that still gets my little man off!

    Back to hot sex at least 3 times a week, and a lot of laughs again.

    The game never ends my friend.

  • Jk

    Man the way bitches are wired so psychotic- they want to play games like a small child and talk utter horse shit all to get a seat at that twat which may or may not be any good.

    My Dad who has over 70 notches in his life time said all head bitches like silliness and all of them think their Pusey is golden. He says he’s banged 10s who were shitty lays and 6s who had a Shang Ri La hole. Before he got religious he used to tell me when you factor in all the bull shit of dealing with a high Maintenance western bitch and all her spending habits ( I saw it my Mom pissed through 3 million dollars at the malls and restaurants and left his ass for a goof ball construction slime ball who talked shit to her on Facebook about childhood memories and feelings while he was out busting his ass all day) a hooker and a maid twice a week is cheaper.

    The more I learn and read hear at the no holds barred style I can see how cheesy American chicks are becoming- sarcasm flip flops and iPhones verses stilettos silky dresses and feminine radiance. I blame the social engineer Illuminati bankisters for a this but whatever we live in anantagionnof horse shit
    Man. Need to make a million and move tomPand and get two dd cup 20 y/I freaks to service me all day in tub I stead of Sving all week to listen to some silly hos bull shit in the week end.

  • http://www.thequestfor50.com Dagonet

    I think you really encapsulated the issue well in this post. Game will always be about the present, because it is about stimulating female emotions and desire. When we get lazy or rest on our laurels, we get boring, and we are not exciting or surprising women with our value. Women need to feel that they have “discovered” your value, worked hard for it, like mining for precious metals or climbing Everest.

  • the latent sadist

    I can really relate to this. This has happened to me a few times. This summer, i had some awesome momentum going. Was bangin a super cute 19 yr old, and had a few more in the pipeline hittin me up. I was on fire, my confidence was sky high. So i got lazy with my other prospects, and wasn’t vigilant about exactly what you’re describing. I texted a little too long, wasn’t as mysterious. Both prospects fizzled, and i was down to the young girl, who i ended up investing in wayyyy too much and ultimately blew it. My game withered after my solid prospects dried up, and abundance vanished. So my learning points were: Be vigilant, and dont get overly cocky. Pride comes before a fall.

  • RobP

    Amen. All game, indeed, is NOT “inner game.”

  • Ed Cefala

    There is another way to look at “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.”

    Tell a slightly nasty joke. Get responded to with protest. Go in for the argumentative kill. There must be a thread about this somewhere.

  • Jk

    Roosh-
    As I read Bang I always wondered what kind of music did you DJ’d?

    Did you use a DAW like Ableton or Reason?

    Or just play wack ass top 40 anthems like J LO and Justin Timberlake on some Numarks?

    Because as many douchebags as ive met from DC I figure they like real lame shit in the clubs there as lame as they are in their Brooks Brothers Khakis and button downs acting like they’re rocking Armani, Zara , or Hugo Boss in London or Prague.

    I figured DC doesn’t have kick ass music like Miami or Berlin such asGeorge Acosta, Paul Van Dyk, Anjuna beats, or the Ultra Music Festival. It’s all shit like Rihanna and Drake.

    PS- is it just me or does everyone from Georgetown act like some douche bag news anchor on Bloomberg? I hate those fuckers They are somarrogant and uptight. i like the Stanford cats way better for Ivy League (trust fund babies) TFBs. At least in Man Joese they invent revolutionary cool fun shit as opposed to stagnated Draconian pinko Orwell horse Shit like the District of Commielumbia.

  • John Doe

    Here’s a much easier way, Roosh. Instead of exerting so much effort for bangs by using game, how about just figuring out how to make money, and then using that money and fucking escorts and prostitutes?

  • aphelion

    It’s like Roosh specifically wrote this post to make this point to me.

  • Sam Diego

    “I want to get laid on my own terms, not at the girls’, so it’s the game I must play…”

    Wow, this site used to be uplifting, with Roosh’s tales of international adventure and poosy slaying. Now Roosh’s writings have become even more whinier and melodramatic and bitter than what you read on one of those sites for 30-something divorced-guy MGTOW’s, which we assume, Roosh isn’t, at least not the divorced part.

    Don’t just bitch, moan and threaten to leave & take your ball with you. C’mon, Roosh, entertain us. It’s the key to bigger click-throughs and ad revenues and book sales, BTW — which will keep you from having to go apply for a lab job again, something that I think a quick HR Google Search would prevent from happening.

  • Eric

    Roosh, I disagree with you at times. But I will always come back because you are so damn honest about your failures. You stare them right in the face and confront them head on in a way that few people do, at least publicly, especially in the world of mens advice blogs. I always trust you mean what you say, and are speaking from experience, more than any other blogger or writer I know of.

  • Big Fiut

    Ditto. Written exactly to me. I thought that cool life story would be enough until I said fuck it and decided to do it the old fashioned way: “methodical ruthlessness”. You have to be edgy, cool, and arise emotions in people, and girls especially. Be ballsy and provocative in conversations. Make them wait, make them want, make them moan.

  • Chuck

    Motorcycle, bartender, occasional DJ. That got you life-like-a-movie responses? Dunno man, sounds kinda lame. Kinda like you squandered some early opportunities and are now chasing 2nd world tail because 1st world girls aren’t impressed anymore. Life moved on and you didn’t

  • carl

    @ Chuck who stated:
    “Motorcycle, bartender, occasional DJ. That got you life-like-a-movie responses? Dunno man, sounds kinda lame. Kinda like you squandered some early opportunities and are now chasing 2nd world tail because 1st world girls aren’t impressed anymore. Life moved on and you didn’t”

    Ahh… no. 1st world girls became ugly, loud, fat, stupid, and tattooed with vomit running down their chins. Roosh moved on because 2nd world women had not forgotten the significance of being human.

  • Jk

    Man Roosh I gotta say this blog makes
    Me think. You gotta have a pretty good IQ as you always weave things that really
    Make me reflect.

    - is it just me or do a lot of guys get into game bcuz their high school and college years sucked ass with women? It’s sad guys in that age group go through frustration like that due to ignorance fear neglect etc.

    -Am I the only one would rather have 10 10s (just 9s that aren’t bitches) as opposed to 50 7s?

    I think it’s an astrological thig as my sign is a bunch of neurotic perfectionists. I remember being in college and high school thinking the girls around me aren’t that hot just 7s and 8s I want to do something out of Genesis Magazine or Tera Patrick type of broads. And when I see places like Athens gA full of 7s ad nauseous sometimes I think it would be cooler to get an escort out of NYC or Miami who is a 10 over a bunch if young Jane does. Maybe Playboy brainwashed me too much.

  • RobP

    @16:
    Don’t hate on Georgetown too much. I get what you’re saying and it’s not for everyone, but I pick up much better there on the Euro-trash scene (it’s Euro-goldiggers and Middle-Eastern hanger-ons for sure at Cafe Milano, Four Seasons, Rye Bar, Graham Hotel rooftop) than on U Street. To each his own. Live and learn. Probably bc I’m ugly but rolling custom-suited down yields more marginal return in G’town than with the hipper chicks? Dunno, but don’t care too much as long as I get my Jimmy waxed on the regular, ‘nam-sayin?

  • Boz

    “I want to get laid on my own terms, not at the girls’, so it’s the game I must play, no matter where I am in this world, for as long as I live.”

    Most poignant part of the post.

  • John Doe

    “I want to get laid on my own terms, not at the girls’”

    Well, this is exactly why men buy escorts/prostitutes. Because they DO NOT WANT TO PLAY THESE BULLSHIT GAMES with women.

    Sounds to me like you are only a couple steps away from giving up this whole “game” thing and simply focusing on making money, learning business skills, and not going out of your way anymore to try to bang girls, and using your excess salary to fuck superhot escorts.

    That’s the ideal lifestyle for a guy who doesn’t want to waste his free time chasing pussy.

  • John Doe

    Oh and that last point I mentioned. Once we men get to a certain point, regular women just don’t cut it for us anymore. I believe you already mentioned this point in one of your previous articles, Roosh.

    For example, if we can only get sexually aroused by 9s and 10s, but it’s very hard to pick up such women even with tight game, then what other option is there than to simply BUY such women for a night of banging?

    If only a supermodel quality woman is good enough to get me aroused, then the only real option is to just buy such supermodel prostitutes.

    Thus, the real point becomes that we need to focus on business and making money. With money, you can buy anything. Money should be our main focus, not women.

  • passenger

    There is definitely such trend in the world currently: more and more woman WANT to be prostitutes and do everything to be treated this way. Consider this: you want to be romantic with her? Enjoy charming dates,holding hands, eye gazing, all that rosy stuff once present 40 years ago and before? Well, Forget it!!
    While some very small % of girls are able to act like that, the majority **can’t** or choose not to.

    #11: I also think illuminati is behind this gigantic change in social dynamics.
    It all started with a genius Edward Barneys, the inventor of “public relations”. See excellent BBC documentary “The century of the Self”. Women are easily lead and mislead psychologically.
    Men however are much harder to manipulate. Unless.. you wreak havoc in our biology.
    This is done mainly by altering two, very important minerals in our bodies: iodine and zinc.
    Fluoride added to water and toothpaste destroys iodine. Phytic acid present in cacao and wheat severly lowers amount of zinc. Thats it folks! Simple?
    Most “commercial” food, advertisements is related either to chocolate or food made from wheat. Oreo cookies.. my God, if young boys will eat this crap… and they will due to their ignorant mothers- they will end up as docile betas.

    How can women afford all these luxury goods, which are marketed literelly everywhere? Only by being whores.

    So there you have it. Our choice: live in rural poor area somehwere in Ukraine, Vietnam or Slovenia with a boring but lovely girl or deal with whores in modern metropolitan cities.

    The only exception i see is Tokyo, where girls are rich enough to buy LV bags themselves.

  • Kgaard

    Yeah this was an exhausting post, Roosh. Do I really want to go through all that nonsense? It’s like one has to become another person in order to deal with the kinds of women you describe. How well is THAT going to work over time?

    If you’re a guy and you’ve actually done the work to make something of yourself, it transforms you into a very, very serious person. Having to stoop to these levels for women. It’s … it’s … demeaning, boring, and fries circuits in my head just thinking about it. Now … I admit there’s probably something askew in my thought process here but that’s how it strikes me.

  • JK

    Passenger-
    Your spot on man. They created all this processed food to real gender be song havoc make men bitches and bitches attempt to measure up to men (they never have never will).

    I would add that Dr. Henry Makow broken down all this shit in how it relates to food, finance, dating, gender relations, gmos, , etc. on his blog ” save the males.ca”. He’s the dude where I learned about pinko mind fuckers like
    Gloria Steinem bcuz he was affected by them chase 10amgot divorced realized Western women have been psyops in Cosmo and by Hollywood and got a SE Asian chick after years of chasing his ass in a circle dealing with N American brain washed cunts. Makow is also one of the self chose items and says they run all this bull shit we are confronted with- feminism, gay rights, entertainment psyop industry, political bullshit in our Crapitol cities, central banking fiat money systems stealing our wealth. Also if you’ve ever read the names of the CeOs of all the Hollywood studios banks top food distribution companies theirs a link- the self chosen Khazars.

  • jihad

    i like how this comment thread denigrated into “how do we make enough money to pay hot prostitutes to sleep with us.” if that’s not the definition of anti-game, i don’t know what is. a gamma brony has a better outlook on the world.

    in regards to the post – you manage text reply times because it forces you to be less needy. you leave things to the imagination because initially you’re not confident that you’re interesting enough when exposed. you have to remember to be “scarce” because, in the beginning, you don’t have enough things happening in your life. you only have to control the frame when your worldview isn’t yet unshakeable. you’re only boring if you’re, well, boring.

    you learn game so you can stop gaming. miles davis once said “sometimes you have to play a long time to be able to play like yourself.”

    here are some terms i associate with my personal endgame of masculine mastery. i think they’re widely applicable:
    joyful / vulnerable / honest / calm / fascinating / knowledgeable / manly / present / ambitious / charming / never needy / dominant / individually responsible / self-possessed / alpha / self-aware / fulfilled / no excuses.

    the attitude those terms encapsulate is something i don’t often find on this blog – it’s turning into the manosphere version of jezebel.

  • Awesome Possum

    Glad to hear you haven’t changed, Roosh. Always looking forward to your next post. Keep it up.

  • http://exaequali.blogspot.com/ Dan Gilles

    *backslid