I don’t like people who have a Blackberry. It shows they are uncreative slaves who volunteer to be leashed like dogs. If you really are talented enough to get the big office and the slave device, what’s stopping you from being top dog and starting your own business? It’s cause you are not top dog, you are a slave. Management is just trying to make you feel special with a $100 radiation device so you won’t complain about coming in on the weekends. Is it a coincidence that lawyers, the most loathsome people on Earth, are number one fans of this gadget?

As for girls who have a blackberry, I would never date them.

Blackberry -> Email -> Internet -> Computers -> Virgins males -> Parent’s basement -> Real-life Dungeons and Dragons role playing

Therefore a girl with a Blackberry is just like a virgin male who plays Dungeons and Dragons. She is doing well in the male-created and dominated corporate environment because she is more masculine than me, and I have hair on my ass. Do you think she is going to stay home to cook and clean and take care of little Dakota? The number to Speedy Maids is going to be permanently attached to your refrigerator.

“Honey, is it okay if we order out again? I’m so exhausted from all that sitting down at work.”

If the United States President doesn’t have a Blackberry then you don’t need a Blackberry.

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  • Anonymous

    I LOVE IT! This is awesome. That number to Speedy Maids will probably be programmed into “the Blackberry” though!

    I despise the people who feel the need to toss in that they have a Blackberry in the midst of conversation, i.e. “I checked my messages on the blackberry…” I don’t fucking care where you checked your messages. You are NOT that important.

  • mm

    Dakota is a stripper name.

  • The Dude

    I agree to a certain extent. Having a BB if you use it for personal use is idiotic. For 6 months this year I lived without a cell phone after mine got stolen– it was great. People left a message if I wasn’t there and then they had to wait. I did not miss the constant contact at all.

    Work is a different story though. I used a Treo while working on a campaign this fall and it was a very helpful device. Additionally everyone in the small business I work in uses a BB. It’s very helpful for a small business like ours because we do not have really any support staff (because I am the junior man out of three– I am basically the office manager type most of the time) because we can reply to emails from clients and contacts immediately. I can see why some people find them annoying, but if you are a small businessman this is one of those few gadgets that actually helps you to be available to clients while being out getting things done.

    I agree that for personal use the BB is stupid, but unlike all these other PDAs out there that have stupid bs like mp3 stuff, cameras, video cameras, etc. the easy to use key board and email capability are very helpful for the small business man.

  • The Dude

    The president doesn’t have a blackberry because he has oodles of staff to the extent that he definitely has a personal secretary just to read his email– the average business person does not have that luxury.

    Also, you’ll find thatevery congressman and senator has a blackberry.

  • Cob

    My take on this, for years, has been this:

    A good family friend is CEO of a major, major oil company. He gets millions of dollars in cash per year in salary, plus stock options, week long “business trips” where he goes heli-skiing, etc. Pretty awesome job.

    He does not have a blackberry, or worse, one of those cell phones that attach to one’s ear.

    This person is in the position where other people need to wait on him. He does not need some earpiece cell phone to answer cell phone calls right away, or look like an idiot walking around somewhere with a cell phone literally strapped to his ear. It’s the other schmoes who have to make themselves as accessible as possible, hoping for a chance of this family friend’s time.

    As a result, blackberries or other gadgets that make me super-accessible have never been of interest.

    As a result,

  • Kate

    Interesting hatred of the Blackberry. Those of us that do carry them, dont always make out with them on a daily basis. Sometimes they are just tools of the technology trade. That being said, I am not a “good” blackberry person. I turn it off on the weekend, and don’t sleep with it next to me on my pillow.

  • giada

    Just curious, in the line of “Blackberry -> Email -> Internet -> Computers -> Virgins males -> Parentā€™s basement -> real-life Dungeons and Dragons role playing” where does “having your own blog” fit in?

  • Matt

    I agree with everything you say here, the mere sight of someone with a blackberry or bluetooth head piece fills me with contempt and anger. People, you are not that important, and everyone is laughing at you for your idiotic slavery.

    At the same time, roosh my friend, this epidemic is only worsening and will likely become the norm in a few years. I envision the majority of the population talking to themselves in the grocery store and feverisly typing worthless 2 line responses to emails that clearly could have waited until monday. Pathetic.

  • Tampa

    Not true on the “every Senator” has one.

    Sen. Nelson (D-FL), Biden and Lugar don’t have one.

    I am sure of that.

  • Phil

    I do not own one, and that’s all you need to know.

    I also turn off my phone for large chunks of the day — especially at lunch.

  • Ribald

    girl who pulls out blackberry during flirting/date/conversation = absolute deal-breaker. same with texting on her phone. my stomach hurts when i see people with cell phone belt clips — only batman is allowed to clips things to his belt and get away with it. besides, batman wouldn’t live in a town as lame as DC. mobiles are skinny these days and you have pockets for a reason, use them. woman w/cell phone clip = flatly unattractive, lamest of the lot.

    worst of all are those star trek/bluetooth earpieces, only total fools use those. (and don’t even think that “well what about when i drive?” unless you’re being chased by rogue elements or rushing someone to the ER, you should NOT be using a cell phone while driving, period.)

  • The Borg

    Resistance is futile. We are the future.

  • Brunch Bird

    Christ man, that’s even the actual name of my dog!

  • namaste

    two for two. agreed yet again.

  • Mandy

    Ribald, I totally agree…pulling out the Blackberry on a date is so disrespectful.

    People can’t wait for anything anymore. Apparently patience is an outdated virtue and luxury is becoming normal.

    I think we should ship all high schoolers to a developing country, 6 months minimum. Then we’d stop having so many spoiled party animals and pushy, domineering assholes. People would actually appreciate the things they have.

  • Ned

    Man that lightningbolt video was a blast from the past. Haha I had forgotten about it. So sad…

  • The Dude

    Sorry to say this, but the anti-bb rant shouldn’t be about the product, it should be about the people. The Blackberry is a good product IMHO. If you disagree, then fine. I guarantee you that the executives etc who do not use one are a. older and b. in the minority. It’s like a lot of older lawyers I know who use dictaphones. They never learned to type and barely ever use computers, but they are honestly a dying breed even though they include such people as Justice Souter. In contrast, young professionals are expected to know how to type and use a computer whether they like computers or not.

    As I said earlier– for 6 months I didn’t have a cell phone at all. It was great, but ultimately I had to get one again. It’s abnormal and ultimately burdensome not to have one.

  • Ribald

    i’ve never seen a dictaphone at a bar. would be kind of cool though… :)

  • longtime lurker and loathsome lawyer

    i am a lawyer. i have a blackberry. don’t like having to use it out of the office. but at times it is necessary for my job. not sure why any of that makes me loathsome.
    i am not an executive in the government, but know first hand that most of the executive branch guys and gals below the president have the hated blackberry even if POTUS does not.

  • Anonymous

    Besides, anyone can buy there own now which makes the equivalent of a Louis Vuitton handbag (knock offs of being important). Cheers.

  • TC the Terrible

    I carried a Blackberry for two years. It came in handy about once a month when something really was urgent and couldn’t wait the extra couple of hours for me to get to my computer and check e-mail. But when I got rid of it I let out a major sigh of relief.

    Now I’m back to using a regular cell phone and a paper DayTimers binder to stay organized. Life is much easier to handle because I’m not nearly as distracted. The device itself is not at all a bad thing. The Dude was right in saying that the people who use BBs are the problem.

    It takes self-restraint to not check it every 5 minutes. People are using them during meetings are always the ones that can’t keep up with the conversation and bogging things down. POTUS doesn’t even carry a wallet, but then again he doesn’t need to. Our taxes pay for people to do that for him.

    Just my two cents worth.

  • rcr

    I’m forced to carry a blackberry during work hours. It’s the nature of the beast when your livelihood depends on your clients. They want timely answers to their questions, and I have to provide that. It’s not the BB that’s the problem, but when, why, and how you use it.

  • boC


    it’s addictive.. y’know?

  • RossK

    Is the Blackberry the problem, or do you just not like people with jobs?

    It’s as if there’s no middle ground between “uncreative slaves” and self-employment.

  • Anonymous

    Keep buying canadian-made blackberrys and support RIM who funds my research! Roosh rocks!

  • me

    Ha Roosh is starting to remind me of that girl in Can’t Hardly Wait who goes around screaming “Sheep! You are all Sheep! Baah!!” I love how you act like you are so above everybody else and so worldy with your travels when you are stuck up there in Gaithersburg working for the man just like the everybody else. You are not unique. Get used to it.

  • Pingback: TC the Terrible » Are you really that important?()

  • Liz

    Sounds like someone’s got Blackberry envy.

  • Rob

    Blackberry device is a handy way of identifying tools as the total tools they are. It’s as effective as Bill Engvall’s proposed stupid sticker.

  • Rob


  • eh

    I think the Blackberry is a businessman’s gadget. I don’t know why I see a bunch of teenage brats texting away with their Blackberries. Blackberries are big, bulky, and just not very attractive in general, and I don’t know why it appeals to teenagers so much (probably the QWERTY keyboard). It has a bunch of features that are completely useless unless you do some kind of business. As for me, I have a phone that does three things: Ring when I get a call, send text messages, and store missed calls to voicemail.

  • Derick

    Get a job that requires more importance than typing your fucktard opinions on the internet and you might understand. I’m sure you still live with your parents and complain to your mom about how your father hates you. He hates you because you are a worthless fuck with stupid opinions.

  • Anonymous

    Obama does have a black berry…. fyi…

  • ICM

    Obama has a blackberry.

  • Timothy

    I don’t think simply owning a Blackberry is the issue. It’s the need to be on it constantly, especially when you’re on a date and should be attentive to the person in front of you. THAT’S the problem. I make a conscious effort NOT to be that person that’s having a loud conversation on my phone on the street, on the bus, in the store while I’m on line, etc. etc. Nor am I the person that is constantly updating Facebook from it when I’m out and about.

  • kissmeimshomer

    girls should not have cell phones other than an iphone. and they should not be on said iphone unless when absolutely necessary. because if they have a bberry u know its just for the bbmeseenger which is a surefire wy of knowing shes a babbling dumb fuck.

  • Anonymous

    the president doesnt have a blackberry becasue he is not aloud to for security reasons not becasue he doesnt want one.

  • Tafari

    President Obama has a blackberry

  • Brian

    What is blackberry ? dont you mean “Iphone” ?