I don’t like people who have a Blackberry. It shows they are uncreative slaves who volunteer to be leashed like dogs. If you really are talented enough to get the big office and the slave device, what’s stopping you from being top dog and starting your own business? It’s cause you are not top dog, you are a slave. Management is just trying to make you feel special with a $100 radiation device so you won’t complain about coming in on the weekends. Is it a coincidence that lawyers, the most loathsome people on Earth, are number one fans of this gadget?

As for girls who have a blackberry, I would never date them.

Blackberry -> Email -> Internet -> Computers -> Virgins males -> Parent’s basement -> Real-life Dungeons and Dragons role playing

Therefore a girl with a Blackberry is just like a virgin male who plays Dungeons and Dragons. She is doing well in the male-created and dominated corporate environment because she is more masculine than me, and I have hair on my ass. Do you think she is going to stay home to cook and clean and take care of little Dakota? The number to Speedy Maids is going to be permanently attached to your refrigerator.

“Honey, is it okay if we order out again? I’m so exhausted from all that sitting down at work.”

If the United States President doesn’t have a Blackberry then you don’t need a Blackberry.

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