I don’t get why a girl would go out knowing she will have on the same clothing or accessories as other girls her age. I freak out when I’m wearing the same t-shirt as another guy, but if you go into any club you’ll see at least ten girls with the same purse. And they don’t seem to mind one bit.

A few months ago I went to Atlantic City and brought along this cheap Old Navy thermal with an eagle design on the front (it seemed so stylish when I bought it). I was wearing it in the Trump Taj Mahal when I saw him: a short, ugly 60-year-old Asian man wearing the exact same shirt. Fuck! I’m not one to get embarrassed easily, but it was the most embarrassing moment of my life. I pretended I was scratching my chest to cover up the design until the Asian man went back to play Pai Gow. For the rest of the trip, I was confused about my identity.

Same clothing sightings bring up the loser question: if he’s a loser and paid money for the same shirt that I’m wearing, what does that say about me? Replace shirts with women and you get the same problem, like this one girl I dated for a while who I’ve seen with nothing but losers. Sure I’m the exception, but seriously, the Senator? With so many clothing options out there in the world, you are a failure as a individual if you are wearing the same things that most other people have. I’m not saying you need to stand out, but can you girls stop sucking Coach/DD/LV’s dick for one minute? Can you white people stop giving North Face 100% market saturation for their cheaply made vests?

I can’t do anything about my ex’s, but I have solved the same-shirt problem: I only shop at Lord & Taylor. None of my peers would dare step into that store. Problem solved!

As a teenager I learned that engagement rings are only worn during a couple’s engagement period. But times have changed. Because women make such a big deal about wanting an engagement ring that costs at least 15% of her fiance’s yearly salary (Zales said so), they’ve become reluctant to hide such precious jewelry just because a couple vows were exchanged. Everywhere you look women have now settled on the retarded trend of wearing both the engagement ring and unglamorous wedding band at the same time, on the same finger. They do this because they want to continue advertising their life partner’s salary. How else will her peer group judge her worth as a woman? It takes way too much work to judge a person’s character and personality—but that shiny diamond is like a billboard that everyone can understand. “She married a guy with money and fulfilled her purpose in life! I’m so jealous and depressed—where’s the chocolate?!”

I would love to see a man try to reason with his long-term girlfriend that an expensive engagement ring is a waste of money, that it’s better well spent towards a house or interesting vacations. I’d get the popcorn ready as she rails on him for being unromantic, selfish, and “out of touch,” because nothing says romance and generosity like a rock whose supply is artificially controlled by multinational entities.

A woman who wants such a ring is going to be trouble down the road. Next thing you know the car is old because it needed two repairs in one year, a storage facility needs to be rented to house all that shit that went out of style, the McMansion needs an upgrade because the kitchen doesn’t have enough space for a restaurant-sized refrigerator to store carry-out, and a hot Polish au pair must be brought into the house to watch the kids while cool mommy is in Pilates class.

It is up to us to put the engagement back into engagement ring. If a woman finds it socially unacceptable to wear an engagement ring after the wedding, she will not push for something so costly to only wear for a year or less. Next time you see a double-ring wearer, all you have to do is ask the shallow woman why she wears both rings. Peel at the scab to get to her true shameful intentions. Since women are hyper-sensitive to mainstream opinion, once millions of people catch on to the idea I have written about today, the expensive diamond ring will be history.

I don’t like people who have a Blackberry. It shows they are uncreative slaves who volunteer to be leashed like dogs. If you really are talented enough to get the big office and the slave device, what’s stopping you from being top dog and starting your own business? It’s cause you are not top dog, you are a slave. Management is just trying to make you feel special with a $100 radiation device so you won’t complain about coming in on the weekends. Is it a coincidence that lawyers, the most loathsome people on Earth, are number one fans of this gadget?

As for girls who have a blackberry, I would never date them.

Blackberry -> Email -> Internet -> Computers -> Virgins males -> Parent’s basement -> Real-life Dungeons and Dragons role playing

Therefore a girl with a Blackberry is just like a virgin male who plays Dungeons and Dragons. She is doing well in the male-created and dominated corporate environment because she is more masculine than me, and I have hair on my ass. Do you think she is going to stay home to cook and clean and take care of little Dakota? The number to Speedy Maids is going to be permanently attached to your refrigerator.

“Honey, is it okay if we order out again? I’m so exhausted from all that sitting down at work.”
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If the United States President doesn’t have a Blackberry then you don’t need a Blackberry.

I’ve been following the Carlos Mencia–Joe Rogan drama. Rogan has been accusing Mencia of stealing other comedians’ jokes, and recently went on stage during a Mencia performance to call him out. He made a video of the confrontation which makes a pretty good case that Mencia is indeed a joke stealer. It’s 10-minutes long but worth it (look for the Amazing Racist cameo):

So The Comedy Club in L.A. banned him and his agent let him go. But not Mencia—Rogan. Because Mencia has large audiences willing to pay to see him, Rogan has pissed off the people that Mencia is helping enrich. It doesn’t matter how noble or honest your cause is—if you get in the way of the green, you will be stopped by those who have power. Lesson in this is to always have a savings account, just in case your character gets you in trouble.

—Joe Rogan’s blog

I was sitting in Starbucks when two older white women sat down with three girls. Two of the girls were about 10 years old and the third one was around 18. The 18 year old was complaining about the aloof behavior of a gentleman who owned a pick-up truck. Everyone in the store became very familiar with this young man in a short amount of time.

Later, she started singing Akon’s single I Wanna Fuck You (she did use “love” instead of “fuck”). Then the two older women started singing along and encouraged the two young girls — who were probably their daughters — to sing along as well. The little girls sang the chorus.

I see you windin n grindin up on that pole,
I know u see me lookin’ at you and you already kno
I wanna love you, you already know

After the little girls were done, the teenager and the two mothers gave them a round of applause.

I can barely tolerate the suburban mom on her cell phone chatting away with a Louis Vuitton diaper bag draped over her shoulder, extolling the benefits of “me-time” while reminding everyone within earshot how little Madison is smarter than her playmates — but I much rather deal with that then have to watch adult women train little girls how to be dirty whores. If my parents pushed me to sing songs about fucking strippers when I was little, I guarantee you I would be feeding mouths instead of blogging, wondering when the fire sensation in my crotch area will go away. Remember: all you need to create life is a functioning genital organ.

I have been in this area since legal drinking age and have visited over 100 bars and clubs around DC, but I have never been to Smith Point. I don’t know anyone who goes there but apparently it’s a popular bar. Can someone help me “get it”?

Late Night Shots, the promotional arm of Smith Point, has a message board I read when I want to feel better about myself. On the surface it doesn’t look like these are the type of people I want to associate with, but I’ve been wrong before (once, actually). The bar seems like a place the CPMC guys went to before they discovered the existence of the cigar.

If being a part of this white crowd means I can pre-party at J. Crew, I want in immediately.

Postscript: “There’s enough fodder for mockery in there to keep 100 monkeys blogging non-stop for a year.” – Rock Creek Rambler

Some items off the rapist checklist:

1. You are a rapist if you get a girl drunk and have sex with her.

3. You are a rapist if you get yourself drunk and have sex with her. Your drunkeness is no excuse.

13. You are a rapist if you ‘nag’ her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual ‘yes’ from a weary victim doesn’t mean it’s not rape. You are a rapist.

14. You are a rapist if you try to circumvent her “No” by talking her into it. She’s not playing hard to get, and, even if she IS it’s not YOUR responsibility to ‘get’ her. You’re still a rapist.

17. You are a rapist if you don’t immediately get your hands off of her when she says ‘no’. You are a rapist if you take your hands off of her and then put them back ON her after 10 minutes and she eventually ‘gives in’ to this tactic.

18. You are a rapist if you won’t let her sleep peacefully without waking her every 15 minutes asking her for sex. Sleep depravation is a form of torture and YOU are a rapist.

21. If she said “Yes” to sex with a condom and that condom breaks and you proceed anyway then you’re a rapist.

27. If you had sex with her the night before but she doesn’t want morning sex and you pressure her for it anyway then you’re a rapist.

During sex, all the power belongs to the male because he controls the speed, tempo, force, and rhythm (unless he chooses to give it up). Even with consent, he is penetrating and he is violating. The author of this list tries desperately to equal the imbalance by making only one sexual interaction acceptable: when the man grovels and asks for explicit permission. To her this is acceptable because the man emasculates himself and transfers power and control — and his manhood — to her side. She doesn’t care about equality, or protecting women from men like me; she just deeply resents the fact that sex is where men completely dominate. Unless a woman tells me ‘no’ once I’m inside her (it has never happened), I’m going to get mine the way I want to get mine. And so is every other real man that has sex. No ridiculous list will change that.

-Den of the Bitter Beaver