Here’s an educational video that shows how cocaine is made. Unfortunately there were no bare-breasted women cutting up the coke like in the movie New Jack City.

I’ve never tried cocaine before and after watching this I don’t think I ever will, especially when recycled gasoline is a main ingredient. Ammonia and sulphuric acid is also used. The filter of choice is a dirty rag.

The impurities and chemical residues will get you before the drug does.

Source: ThrowAwayYourTV.com

I have been noticing there are a lot of fat people in this country. Sure, I knew this before intellectually, but it’s caught my attention lately because it seems like I am always squeezing myself into a Metro seat next to some really fat person, which I have to do carefully to avoid sitting on the part of them that oozes onto the seat I want to sit in. Having to do this so often got me wondering just how many fat people there are in this country, so I did some internet research and found government statistics on the subject.

The answer: a whole fucking lot.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, 66.5% of adult Americans are overweight. Even worse, half of those are classified as “obese.” If you do the math, that means 1 in 3 of my fellow Americans are obese.

How fat is “obese”? Well, it seems “obese” has some official clinical definition that means “not just fat, but really big ass fat.” According to a Body Mass Index (BMI) table, a girl who is 5’4 (my girl’s height) would have a “healthy weight” if she were between 110 and 140 pounds. She would be considered “overweight” if she were between 146 and 179 pounds. And this little 5’4 girl would be considered “obese” if she were between 175 and 197 pounds.

That’s pretty damn big. I’m not talking about a few extra pounds here. I am not picking on people who stay in shape but are not fitness model perfect. And yes, before The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance hunts me down, I understand that there are people who suffer from medical conditions they can’t control that make them gain weight. And yes, there are people who have genetics that hardwire them to be fat no matter what they do. My true sympathy goes out to these people.

But what about all of these obese people who could do something about it if they wanted to? It’s not like people don’t know what makes them fat or don’t understand how to be thin. Who living in the midst of the Information Age still doesn’t know that a diet consisting of hot dogs and Ben & Jerrys will make them fat? Ok, maybe there are a few moonshine-selling hillbilly families living in Appalachia who never got the message, but I am convinced that everyone else knows that a sensible diet and exercise are the answer.

If everyone knows how to be thin, why isn’t everyone thin already? After all, we live in a vain, image-conscious society. We Americans spend countless billions every year on clothing, make up and accessories to make us look more attractive (if I were not feeling lazy I would look up even more statistics on consumer spending in these areas). We literally worship the most beautiful people in our society – movie actors, TV stars, fashion models, and turn them into modern day royalty. Our culture is obsessed with physical appearance, so why isn’t the crappy feeling obese people get when they look in a mirror enough motivation for them?

Moreover, it’s well established that we humans select our mates based upon physical characteristics which speak to one’s fitness for producing healthy offspring. In plain English: slender people get laid. I don’t think you would be shocked if I told you the best looking men prefer to date women who are slender. We also know the best looking women usually date men who are somewhere between yoga toned and bodybuilder massive. If the desire for the sex explains a great deal of human behavior, why isn’t the basic need to have sex with hotties enough motivation for people to stay in shape?

So who can explain this to me? Obese people already know everything they need to know to be thin. When obese people look in the mirror, they receive the instant feedback of disliking what they see. If obese people want to mate with a member of the opposite sex, they live a life with fewer, less attractive mating partners at their disposal. So WHY are they still so fat??

It’s that time of year where you start asking your friends, “So what are you doing for New Years?” Panic strikes as Christmas approaches and you still have no idea what lame party you are going to. Well I’ll tell you what I’m doing for New Years: I am cooking myself a meal from my Betty Crocker cookbook, drinking a bottle of wine (probably a Riesling), turning off my phone, watching a movie, masturbating, and then going to bed. Total cost: $20. For me there will be no party, no countdown, no overpriced entry fee, no mass text messages, no cheap Champagne, and no party amateurs celebrating another year of life they wasted. Why bother? The people who love New Years Eve are the same who love making a big deal on their birthday. Well there is an age where you stop making a big deal of both — that age is 9.

Now I will not judge you if you spend $100 to pretend that you are fun. It is your money and you can do whatever you want with it, but let’s be honest: I am superior to you. I know that fun can not be bought. I know that very little good can can come out of packed crowds. I know that bar and club owners are diluting their vodka as we speak. Everyone tries so hard on New Years (“Oh my God I need to buy a new dress!”) that all you end up with is a bunch of losers acting unnatural, praying that they will find someone with a heartbeat to make out with. I will have my own party — a hand party — and I guarantee you it will be fun.

I can not pull a Russian girl to save my life. I have been to at least seven Russian parties in the past year and I’ve pulled nothing except American. When I try to talk to them, they stick with monosyllabic speech that leads to nowhere, instead of engaging me in conversation that helps me gain access to their vagina.

My Russian roommate, an expert on matters such as this, says the cold attitude of these non-Americanized Russians is not so much snobbiness as it is insecurity, “They are intimidated by Americans and don’t feel confident when having to talk in English.” It has to be cultural because I’ve spoken to many other girls where there was a language barrier and I didn’t get this feeling that hacking away at permafrost in Siberia would be more interesting.

Let’s not forget the good: Russian girls are hot and thin. Sure when they get older they look like a can of Coke, but I’m sure it would be easy upgrade before that happens. To all the men banging Russian girls: God bless you; you are like glorious iron fist of strength and power.

Work safe:

The reason this ad works is because it hits the American woman versus European woman stereotype (among others). The girl on the right, other than being sexy as fuck, is definitely European. The woman — or beast, rather — on the left represents a standard-issue American hog you will have no trouble finding in any mall food court. It appears that she even shops at the Gap like most young American women.

The most offensive thing about the American beast is not her grotesque appearance but her rough, grating, sense-of-entitlement attitude. The sad thing is many American girls act this way even though they are slim and cute, spoiling fine genetics with a bad upbringing. These girls are perfect for guys that like women who try to act hard instead of sexy. “But I have a law degree, I don’t need need to act sexy!”

I’m in love with the Wii girl. I don’t care that she has a petite ass — I want her. If you can find out her name, please share.