I know I’m stating the obvious but only recently have I realized how much girls lie, and it’s only because of how much I’ve been lying to them.

As my game has gotten better over the years I’ve been able to have more than one girl in the rotation. Chances are that one of the girls will especially want to spend time with me on Saturday night, but since it’s physically impossible to be in multiple places at once, something has to give. In other words, I have to lie to at least one girl.

My go-to lie is, “Oh I already promised Chris that I’d hang out with him. Maybe we can meet up later in the night though.” Of course she will not hear from me for the rest of the night. With one girl I so overused Chris that she asked me if he was my boyfriend.

Once I had to make up a very elaborate story excusing a cancelation about how a hot dog I ate caused a night of vomiting, with full details of the hot dog, the toppings, the precise location I bought it, and even the number of times I vomited (thrice). I’m a strong fan of illness excuses and recommend you use them for last-minute cancellations.

Sometimes I use the “I’m so tired from a long week in front of my laptop that I’m gonna just stay home tonight” excuse. This is a little dangerous because the girl can invite herself over, but if she’s not needy then chances are she won’t. Note that with just a few extra words you can turn this excuse into a night of minimal-effort sex: “I’m so tired from a long week in front of my laptop that I’m gonna just stay home tonight with a box of wine. Why don’t you come over for a drink?”

I’m lying to this girl and that girl while banging that girl and this girl and life is good, and then one afternoon I try to set a date with a girl and she texts me saying, “My stomach is not feeling well I’m going to stay in tonight.”

That’s my lie bitch!!

And then weeks go on and I banged this girl and I’m going for round three so I call her on a Thursday night to find out what she’s doing and she says, “I’m so tired from school I’m gonna stay in tonight.”

You whore!!

And then another week goes by and I had tentative plans with a girl to go out on Saturday night and then the day comes and she tells me, “Oh I have to go to this lame birthday party with some coworkers but let’s try to meet up later.”

Slut stop playing!!

These weren’t the first times I’ve heard such excuses but they were the first time I heard them as lies. And then I reminisced years back and realized that every girl I didn’t have sex with has lied to me. And every girl I did have sex with has lied to me, regardless of how much they were into me, regardless if my game was super tight with them or not. Because here’s the reality:

No matter how good you fuck her or how much you make her laugh or much she professes to “miss you” and “want to see” you, she will lie to you because you are not her best option every night of every week of every month of every year, just like you aren’t hers.

She is lying to you unless one of the following two things comes out of her mouth:

1. “I don’t feel like seeing you tonight.”

2. “I have found something better than you tonight.”

Because that’s the truth. That’s why we flake on girls and they flake on us. Welcome to a large world with an infinite number of options. This is why having multiple girls around is so important as it will be much harder to get stuck with your hand on a night you don’t want to use it. Odds are that one of your sluts will be in the mood for a bang.

Since lying is a form of disrespect, respond by doing… nothing. Do not reply, do not indulge her lie. Do not wish her well, do not say “Okay sure maybe we can do something later.” She has disrespected you and now must make the effort to regain your favor. If she likes you then she will, because no one flake will kill it entirely, but if she doesn’t contact you again soon then the relationship is just about done. Any attempts on your part to chase her after an obvious lie will just weaken your hand further. She will start to see you as desperate.

You’re probably thinking, “But Roosh if a girl lies to you and she is working other options shouldn’t you do something to strengthen your hold on her and save it?”

This mindset comes from a model of scarcity, where you are hooked on the pussy and don’t want to “lose” it. By not giving a shit or responding, you tell yourself that she just lost out big time. Any other conclusion is false. In my world, it’s the girls who lose out when they decide not to spend time with me, even if in reality they got something better (impossible!). This thinking helps me get into the pants of the next girl, who recognizes my aloof, apathetic, and non-needy nature as something attractive and intriguing, and rewards me accordingly with yet another shallow but satisfying notch on my bedpost.

Life was easier when I was at my dad’s. Girls knew they couldn’t come over to “my place” so I did all the banging at theirs. They had to deal with cleaning up after my body hair, sperm, drool, mud streaks, etc. Even when I had my own place before I’d still do a lot of the banging on their bed, but in Colombia no girl lives alone so 100% of shags take place on my king size.

After each bang I do a clean sweep of the room to get ready for the next visitor. Colombian girls are more jealous and clingy than American girls so it’s important they don’t know you’re fucking around or you’re in for a visit from her machete-wielding little brother.

Post-Sex Checklist:

• Condom flushed down the toilet?
• Condom foil wrappers disposed of in kitchen trash, not bathroom trash?
• Girl’s hair picked up and flushed down the toilet?
• Sex juice, lubricant, and blood blotted out from sheets with a dirty rag?
• “Forgotten” items like lipstick tucked away in secret location?
• Disposal of all my clothes that came into contact with girl into hamper, regardless of cleanliness?
• Hanging of bedsheets to air out any additional scents?
• Removal of all glassware with potential lipstick marks?

If I’m faithful to the checklist there are only two ways that I can get caught.

1. The girl gets a hold of my phone. I have text messages about meeting with girls though nothing blatant like, “The fuck you gave me last night was great.” I am very careful about not leaving my phone around, especially since I forgot the password to lock it.

2. She sees me out with another girl. This is probably how I’m going to go down. I tend to hang out often in Medellín’s Parque Lleras, a compact zone of bars and clubs, and visit the same few places. It’s not because I like Parque Lleras, which is the cheesiest place in the city, but because I don’t know of other places to go where my chance of being stabbed in between the ribs is acceptably low.

Physical evidence is the killer. You can always deny rumors or purported sightings by a friend, but a tiny piece of condom wrapper laying at the side of your bed and she’ll never let it go. If she has no physical evidence on you, and did not you see with another girl, deny until you die. Be a sociopath and believe your denial. Tell her she’s crazy. She knows you’re a cheat and you know she knows you’re a cheat but she has no proof so… not guilty.

Now I haven’t made a verbal commitment to any girl, and they know I’m a pig, más o menos, but there is an expectation here that you be monogamous after a couple dates. Technically I don’t and shouldn’t have to make any effort to hide my activities, but it’s worth the piece of mind. Plus I don’t want girls to have a trump card to ever play on me. Don’t ever give up that upper hand!

You’re on a first date with a fine Colombian girl who knows just about the same English as you know Spanish. It’s a toss up as to who speaks each other’s language better. Should you speak in English or Spanish during the date? Think carefully through the reasoning.

Correct answer: Speak in English. When you speak a foreign language you’re not fluent in there will be many moments of frustration where you can’t express yourself properly. This leads to feelings of inadequacy, which you want her to experience instead of you. She will be looking inward to her own failure instead of your possible flaws. You are her teacher guiding her towards the light. You are the authority figure. As long as she understands your jokes, you’re going to get some at the end of the date because she will be wondering if you still even like her after she was barely able to speak to you.

You arrive late to your house after a rough day, starving. You haven’t eaten in twelve hours. Every carry-out shop seems to be closed. The last thing you want to do is cook but you have to eat so you decide to whip up a tomato and onion omelet. You slam a frying pan on the stove and take out a cutting board to chop up the vegetables. You’re chopping the tomato as fast as you can but in your haste the blade slices your index finger and you scream in pain as blood sprays on the floor. You have to go to the hospital. You buy an Almond Joy from the vending machine in the waiting room.

A few times over the past year I have resorted to using anger on girls who weren’t responding in the way I desired. While superficially it seemed to get them back in line, I can now firmly conclude that it’s an unfruitful path that leads to negativity and unhappiness.

Many times I’ve been out on a first date with a girl who turned out to be different than when I met her. Her sass has been replaced by biting remarks and her charm replaced by constant challenges and tests. She seems moody and distracted. Is there a way to respond that can salvage the interaction? Unfortunately no. Once a person makes a decision to use poison in a relationship the only antidote is complete withdrawal, not to respond with the same poison.

“Thanks for wasting my time tonight by acting like a bitch.”

There are two different responses you will get to a statement like this. The first is the girl gets extremely offended and soon leaves. The second is the girl mocks offense but actually gets turned on. In the latter case you think calling her out “worked” and you’ll soon be rewarded with the compassionate and loving girl you wanted all along. It doesn’t happen. She will simply butter you up enough so that you decide to continue the date until she soon hits you with something else that provokes the anger again. It begins to define the relationship and now it’s a game of emotions and one upmanship, not one of mutual sharing and enjoyment.

Anger begets anger. If you want any semblance of a positive relationship, understand that using anger will not accomplish this goal. Only positive qualities such as your intelligence, wit, humor, or warmth can elicit likewise in a woman. Like the expression goes, if you have to resort to anger, you’ve already lost. I’d like to modify that a bit. If you have to resort to anger, excuse yourself politely and feel sympathy for the next guy who takes her shit because he feels like he doesn’t have a choice. You do have a choice . If her “as is” presence is not working for you, then walk before she sours you on the female gender as a whole.

I knew a guy who had atrocious armpit odor. Because of its signature scent I could walk into a crowded room and know if he was there or not. As a result he made me more uncomfortably aware of whatever funk I was putting out. I started trimming my pit hair and masking the area with Axe-like deodorants. The spray would work for twelve hours or so until my man odor would mix with the perfume, resulting in a smell that was worse than my odor alone.

I settled on an unscented anti-perspirant. This means my natural musk would be on full display at night many hours after I showered (if I showered at all).

Since I don’t wear tank tops on dates, there was no problem when I wore t-shirts because the odor wasn’t strong enough to escape the sleeve cuffs. It’s after I finished servicing the girl in bed and laid next to her, all sweaty from four minutes of serious thrusting, that the odor was on full display.

When a girl lays on me after sex, she settles her head right on my breast, mere inches away from my arm pit. I got ready for girls to relax in this position, catch a whiff, and then cringe away. But that never happened; they never moved. Were they hard of smelling?

Then there was this husky girl I had sex with who laid on me in a way that her nose was one inch away from my pit. She was right there. But she stayed there and fell asleep. If anything she got closer.

I am forced to conclude that women like a man who smells like a man instead of chemicals mixed in a factory. I was made to think that my musk is foul and must be hidden, but my experience shows it’s probably a strong attractant. If there is something large corporations pushes you to “solve” with their products (perfumes, razors, dress shoes, vests, bar soap), there’s a good chance that doing the opposite attracts more women. At the least it will attract a more natural woman who isn’t a closet lesbian that hates the male body and all its glorious secretions.

As for that friend who had bad odor, I never said anything because he always had a pretty girl on his arm. We never figured out how he did it…

After a night at the theater, I posed a hypothetical scenario to Roissy…

“So the economy is going down the shitter,” I said. “Let’s say it’s worse than the Great Depression—absolute worst case scenario.”

“Alright,” he said.

“And retail dies, putting a lot of young girls out of work. And since there is no more credit student loans are history and a generation of girls are unable to go to college because they can’t find a job to pay for tuition. It’s just an ocean of poverty and joblessness. Okay, how much is the average first date?”

“$40 maybe.”

“Now because of the poverty you have millions of girls who would do anything for money. Imagine for only $20 very cute girls who are no more whores than the ones we sleep with would let you ravage them any way you see fit. Just a straight-up transaction. That $20 is less than a typical first date, which is no guarantee for sex. Would you?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” he said. “How about getting that thrill from the chase? The sense of accomplishment?”

“For $20 who cares?! Overnight guys would stop paying $1500 workshops to get laid. $20 sex with a ‘normal’ girl would make game obsolete. My book sales would plummet.”

I predict that in the next two years meeting girls in the cities hardest hit by the economy will be even more difficult for the average guy. With less disposable income girls are going to stay home more instead of going out. Empty bars and clubs mean guys will be more reliant on meeting girls through friends, family, Myspace, and work. There will be less pump and dumps as guys will want to keep what they managed to get, as they themselves are strapped for cash and meeting girls does cost money. The only guys immune will be those in college, who will graduate to a barren landscape—in more ways than one. More than ever it’s important to have a developed niche where your supply of poon remains uninterrupted in the face of economic uncertainty.

If I see these around a girl then I mentally prepare to be disappointed in some way…

Flip flops – “I don’t need to put effort into my appearance.”

Hybrid automobile – “I can pollute the environment with a clear conscious.”

Eat, Pray, Love – “I will read what every other girl my age reads.”

Dog – “I can only get unconditional love from an animal.”

Condoms in nightstand – “I don’t keep track of how many guys I fucked.”

iPod – “I need to be constantly distracted.”

Carryout styrofoam container – “Why cook when you can just go out and buy?”

Vitamin water or vitamins – “I will undo smoking, tanning and drinking with magic water and pills.”

Ikea furniture – “I like overpaying for something that my friends have.”

Keffiyeh scarf – “I need my individuality to be defined by others.”

Blackberry – “My career is everything I have.”

Pearl necklace – “My wedding will cost $50,000.”

Cable television – “I am a passive receptacle of corporate marketing.”

Last American girl I dated had eight of these warning signs. Last Brazilian girl? Zero.

When I had a job I’d spend over $500 a month to pick up girls in bars and clubs to take them out on dates. That $500 amount is now my entire budget for the month but my horniness has not ebbed. How do I continue getting laid while living in a suburban desert without opportunities for daytime game?

Here’s how I do it…

1. Clubs are out. They’re just too pricey, even if you get in for free. With a basic vodka drink at $8 you’re looking at spending at least $40 just to get your ears blasted while repeating “What did you say?” all night long to chicks who wish they were Lindsey Lohan. It’s a stupid waste of money, especially if you’re game is talking instead of dancing. It’s important to be a competent dancer but if you are the old guy in the club your supreme dancing skills will be seen as weird and creepy instead of attractive.

2. Weekend game is out. I can’t deny that most girls I’ve laid are from ones I’ve met on the weekend, but is it because the girls who go out on the weekend are easier or because most of the nights I’ve gone out on happen to fall on the weekend? I’m not entirely sure, but let’s face it: weekends are amateur nights, for people who do nothing during the week except work and watch TV. By Friday they are way too excited to go all-out and get sloshed with a group of friends to half-ass the mating dance. When midnight strikes all the girls will be less receptive they should be (based on their quality) because they have been hit on by too many guys in a short period of time.

At the end of a weekend night 98% of all participants fail in their goal to get laid or pair bond. The puffed up jockeying of the guys and the wannabe celebrity attitudes of the girls are replaced with the fascinating late-night feeding behavior, a relatively new phenomenon not seen in our parents time. The herd begins to eat pizza, cheeseburger, gyros, and sometimes falafel, to fill their empty tummies of loneliness and failure. Many will walk out of these eating establishment with grease running halfway down their face.

Weekdays have a more laid back crowd making it easier to meet someone, with fewer guys humping a girl’s leg because of liquid courage and less girls who think they have more options than the zero options they actually have. I met a girl during the weekday at a bar and even though she was a regular she told me I was the first guy who ever approached her there. Maybe she was lying, maybe not, but my point remains.

A downside of weekday bar game is that there are fewer girls, but this is quickly compensated by approaches that are far more likely to result in a loooong conversation. You’ll have to approach two girls to get something instead of five or more on a weekend. I found a Tuesday bar that has given me bountiful fruit from just a couple visits.

Also weekdays are cheaper if you take advantage of a happy hour’s tail end. My average cost for a weeknight is $20, while for a weekend it’s $40. All else being equal do the weekends produce double the results or fun? No, they don’t. If you can find a nice bar on Monday through Wednesday then you are set, but take care on Thursday nights because those tend to be stupid college girl night.

3. Public or bicycle transportation. Cars are ridiculously expensive. You have the car payment, insurance, maintenance, upkeep (tires, battery, windshield wipers), car washes, parking tickets, DUI arrests, and gas. Even if I take taxis everywhere it’s still cheaper than owning a car. But there are two problems with public transportation:

- During the weekday the subway stops early at midnight, so I’m stuck with a hefty cab ride if I decide to ride out the night until 2am closing. This means I have to start very bright and early at 8pm, a time when things are barely getting started. (Solution: Feel out the vibe when the clock hits 11:30am, when you should know if sweet fruit will be obtained or not. Always stay flexible, like a ballet dancer.)

- Pre-drinking is a no go. If the bus ride takes an hour, drinking at home and just sitting on the bus for an hour will destroy your buzz. It will not be as good when you eventually start drinking again at the bar. (Solution: Don’t use alcohol as a crutch to talk to girls. This is something you should be working on long term.)

4. Start your dates at events, not bars. This happened by accident. In my quest to be a cultured man of the world I looked for events like the Greek Festival or European Embassy Open House. There is a lot of substance for fun conversation and you can cap it off with a couple drinks at a cheap neighborhood bar. She won’t care you took her to a dump because you were so original with your date idea. Here you are looking at a $20 date instead of the automatic $60-80 date if you take her to nice lounges like Topaz or Chi-Cha Lounge. By the way, did you know there are still guys taking girls out to dinners? Haha morons.

A good place to find events is the Events tab on Yelp which spoon feed you a wide variety of things to do. In effect you are outsourcing your date ideas, but the girl has no idea and your creativity score will shoot through the fucking roof.

The end result is I spend a third of what I used to spend but I go out less and get laid much more. The get laid more is due to factors besides the scope of this post (continually improving game, for example), so it’s possible your mileage from only going out one weekday a week will hurt your results unless you’re already at a certain level. Another downside is that it will take quite a bit of time investment to find a good weekday spot. You’ll have to experiment.

Every time a buddy calls me on Saturday night to see if I’m staying in to write and drink beer alone there is that moment when I almost say yes, but then I remember the amateurs and ugly white girls who spend so much time to look good only to wear cheap flip flops. How about Tuesday night?

1. You’d still hang out with her when she’s on her period and there is no chance of sex.

2. You don’t get the inexplicable urge to leave after you ejaculate inside her.

3. You don’t bother to notice if other girls are checking you out when you’re with her.

4. Because you actually enjoy chatting with her you have to make a conscious effort to not contact her too much so you don’t put out a beta male vibe.

5. You think about her when jerking off instead of the blonde bimbo on the screen taking two up the butt.

6. You don’t wonder if you could do better.

7. You want her to meet your friends, sure of their approval in your mate selection.

8. You feel more like a man when you’re with her because of her bursting femininity.

9. You think about how lucky you are to catch her at the right moment, right time.

10. She’s concerned, almost obsessed, with your needs and pleasure, especially in the bedroom.

11. You love displaying her on your arm, like a caveman would be when dragging home a mountain lion that almost killed him in intense battle.

This is more of a cumulative list… only a couple may pop up with any specific girl.

Funny on-topic video…

Texting your way to love (current.com)