Before I announce the new meme, I want to congratulate the winner of the LOLgame contest, who beat out 400 other entries to capture first place. Here’s his submission:

Click the popularity link on the LOLgame page to view the best-rated images.

We all did a good job making fun of ourselves, but now it’s time to aim our artillery on American women. After finding a picture that I think best represents their attitude and figure, I went ahead and created 22 images to get you started. Here are my top 5:

Click here to view all the Typical American Woman images.

New Contest: I will give the electronic editions of all my books to the one man who creates what I think is the best image by Monday at noon (EST). Like before, the winner will be announced on my Twitter feed next week. Good luck.

I think game should be approached seriously, especially parts of it that you can control. You should put in an honest effort by studying the right resources, setting goals, doing the necessary amount of approaches, and perusing prospects. But when it comes to the outcomes of your game work, you should take things lightly. How a girl responds to you after you did your best is completely outside of your control and not something you should get worked up over. It’s best to have a sense of humor in dealing with the infinite amount of responses you’ll get from women, many of which will be negative.

To make light of those responses that can happen to players, I created a game image macro. I’ve always been a fan, first with lolcats and most recently with Socially Awkward Penguin and Advice God. I noticed there wasn’t one for game so I grabbed this famous picture of Mystery wearing heavy eyeliner to use as the background:

Then I made eighteen lolgame images that you can judge using the smiley face rating system. Here are my favorites:

Click here for the other thirteen. What’s cool about the QuickMeme site I put them on is that you can easily add your own caption.

LOLGAME CONTEST: I will be giving the electronic editions of all my books to the one man who creates what I deem the best caption by Monday at noon (EST). Click here to add your caption (submit as many as you like). I’ll announce my favorite image on my Twitter feed and the winner can email me to claim his prize. I’ll be using the hashtag #lolgame over the weekend to evaluate noteworthy submissions. Good luck.

A video making the rounds is a girl who got arrested at a Washington DC metro station. You only need to watch the first minute:

I was conflicted after watching it. On one hand I agree that police overstep their boundaries, letting their ego make decisions on who they arrest and how, but on the other hand girls like the one above need to understand that the world doesn’t exist to serve their unreasonable demands.

I’ve seen a lot of police brutality videos on the internet, and 90% of the time they get me riled up. Fucking police state! Who do those cops think they are! Yet my encounters with policemen in America have been uneventful affairs. The reason is because I act respectfully around police: I don’t curse, I’m not sarcastic or condescending, and I obey instructions. Plus I’m white. I’m going to defer to an officer’s authority because he has a significant amount of power over me, and angering him would make my life more difficult than it needs to be. While I agree with standing up for your constitutional rights, you can do it respectfully in the courtroom instead of getting tazed in the anus. If you’re white and get rough-housed by the police, you did some seriously stupid shit, and I’m afraid to say that most likely you deserved it, whether you’re a man or woman.

That said, the girl above made two grievous errors:

1. Mouthed off to a cop she already angered (the video depicts only their second encounter, well after the cop told her to leave the station).

2. Snatched her arm away when he decided to arrest her, and then further resisted when he tried to handcuff her. I know cops say “stop resisting” just to cover their ass, but she did seem to be resisting. If that was me I’d shut the fuck up and put my hands behind my back.

Even when viewing this video from my anti-authority lens, I can’t conjure up much sympathy for the girl. She did something I’d never do, and had to pay the consequences of her actions. Welcome to the real world.

Since I’m familiar with the area this happened in, allow me to fill in the details. The girl is 23 or 24 years old and a graduate of George Washington or American University. Her rating on the attractiveness scale is a 4 at most (see 3:45 in the video for a view of her rotund size—a likely explanation at why it took so long for the cop to completely restrain her). She drank herself stupid nearby at either The Green Turtle or McFaddens, two cheesy bars that are like the McDonalds of the DC nightlife scene for recent college graduates. She got hit on all night by a predominantly frat boy clientele, boosting her already unreasonably high ego to stratospheric levels. With the alcohol in her system I’m sure she felt like the queen of the ball, but did not take home a guy that night because her stumpy lady friend executed the vicious cockblock right after last call.

Still on a high, she got rowdy when entering the metro system, forgetting that the Gallery Place stop is heavily patrolled by policemen because of regular fighting by bored urban youth. Treating the cop like one of the dweebs she turned down in the bar, she decided to give him the same cuntish treatment, even performing a practiced backturn that I’m sure has incurred feelings of rejection on dozens of men before. Some guys have been persistent, though, and tried to regain her favor after such a rejection, but her white knight in the shorts is always on the scene, lingering in the background, ready to soothe things over like he tried to do in the video when he begged the cop to “just let her go.” Even with his display of bravery, he still did not receive the pity fuck once mommy and daddy bailed her out the next morning.

Did she learn her lesson? Let me phrase it this way: do you have any doubt that every time she interacts with a policeman in the future her heart beat and blood pressure will increase, her skin pores will produce more sweat, and she’ll ultimately think twice before acting like a spoiled little princess to someone with authority? I have zero doubt. The irony of all this is if she was properly put in her place beforehand by real men, she wouldn’t have the courage to go hard on a policeman. When I watch a video like this all I can do is shake my head at the kind of woman society is producing.

And then I laugh. What an dumb bitch.

I’m all about game innovation so I’m more than eager to share new tactics we can use. I got an email from a guy who is using what I call the Ghost Technique, and it offers a good mix of aloofness and scarcity to get the bang and then some. Here’s his report:

Hey I’m Ed I would like to share a little story of how I got out of the just friends zone. I met this chick at a pool hall. Let’s just say her name is Meg. It turned out she was the sister of my brother’s girlfriend. So it was easy to get a conversation going. The problem was Meg’s boy friend owned the pool hall. I figured I would leaf it alone, but as they say forbidden fruit taste sweeter. I ended up going to her house and we talked all night. I did the gay thing. But I brushed her hair and rubbed her back even baked cookies I got myself as far into the friend zone as I could get.

So then I disappeared for three months, left town went to Washington dc had fun there. In the meantime back home my brother told the sisters that I got into a crazy car crash and died. Note this was not my idea. Well after three months in dc I return home. The sisters came to my house to pickup my brother, that’s when he told me that the girls think I’m dead. After a WTF moment I figured I would use this to my advantage. I had a little fun walking out of the woods as a ghost. They where so glad to see that I was alive, that in less than a week I slept with both the sisters and even the mother.

I’ve instructed my surrogates back home to inform everyone of my untimely yet thrilling death in a jet ski accident. This may be the biggest technological advance I’ve seen in game since the use of glow sticks in trance clubs.

I like teaching women lessons because I want to make the world a better place for men everywhere. If you got bitched by a girl but didn’t bitch her back then you’ve fucked over another man. Now he is going to have to deal with that same shit in the future since you didn’t take care of it.

Cockblocking is a good example. There are guys who don’t do anything when they get disrespected by the rude girlfriends, only ensuring that the behavior continues. Because of how I’ve handled these situations, I’m confident that I’ve stopped many cockblocks for guys in D.C. who I don’t even know.

Along this theme I want to commend Joe Francis, the owner of Girls Gone Wild, for teaching a lesson that has changed the life of a girl who made a grave mistake. If you aren’t already familiar with Joe Francis he’s known for being a dick. Check out this article from a couple years back.

Francis told the cameraman to leave and pushed her back on the bed, undid his jeans and climbed on top of her. “I told him it hurt, and he kept doing it. And I keep telling him it hurts. I said, ‘No’ twice in the beginning, and during I started saying, ‘Oh, my god, it hurts.’ I kept telling him it hurt, but he kept going, and he said he was sorry but kissed me so I wouldn’t keep talking.”

Rape or just proper bedroom technique? Scientific surveys says that 90% of rape accusations are fake, used by women to get attention or to annul slutty behavior. You should be even more skeptical of rape claims against a notorious celebrity.

Actually has a male celebrity ever been successfully charged with rape? With fame-obsessed women throwing their vaginas on them the last thing they need to do is coerce themselves on a groupie. For example if I ever get accused of rape then you know it’s bullshit.

Alright back to the lesson. Joe Francis was at a club recently talking to a random girl. That girl’s friend was model Jayde Nicole, who for whatever reason didn’t like what Joe said or did. Later while he was walking through the club alone, Jayde poured a shot on Joe’s shoulder. He then turned around, grabbed a fistful of her hair, and pulled as hard as he could, dragging her on the floor. Click here to watch the video of this incident.

And here’s a picture of the model:

Let’s do a little blow-by-blow:

0:07: Joe is walking through the club. Jayde sees him and outstretches her arm to get ready for the pour.

0:11: The shot is dumped on Joe’s shoulder.

0:13: Stunned, Joe looks around to see who grievously insulted him while Jayde retreats back to the bar trying to play off her involvement.

0:15: With a face full of fury, Joe grabs Jayde’s hair and pulls with all his might.

0:19: Joe gets jumped by men trying to defend the attacker’s honor.

0:30: Jayde stands stunned by the bar and needs to be consoled by friends. I have a feeling she didn’t expect his reaction.

1:02: Jayde is boo-hoo-hooing uncontrollably at the bar. Her friends are stroking her now-mangled coif.

Here’s what I think of the situation:

Bitch deserved it..

You can argue whether or not the punishment fit the crime, but as he did no permanent damage to her I think his response was more reasonable than not. It’s not like he pulled a Mark Wahlberg and blinded a man in an unprovoked racist attack.

If you don’t agree then I’m afraid you’re still drinking the feminist koolaid that teaches men that it’s always “wrong to hit a women.” Well it’s not always wrong to hit a woman. As a man who’s been pushed to the edge, I’m stunned at how deft women are at inciting violence, even when you’re warned them repeatedly to simmer down. I believe some women want you to hit them because they want to see you care, especially if you have an aloof, hard-to-read nature.

Do think Jayde would have attacked a man like that in a Middle Eastern country? Hell no because she knows she’d be murdered. I’m definitely not saying that’s what we need, but our culture has taught women that they can disrespect men without repercussion, and has taught men to accept that disrespect like little punks. Well there are men who haven’t bought that view and are making the world a better place by teaching women like Jayde that you can’t go around attacking men. I guarantee you she will never pour a shot on a man again in her life.

American gringo comes to Colombia to fuck prostitutes every day. Gives them an extra ten dollars to fuck raw dog. Did it on several girls. One girl has an improperly implanted birth control device of some sort in her vagina. Nicks his dick on it while fucking and out comes the blood. With a Colombian prostitute.

I think the chance of getting HIV from a prostitute is low… unless you go raw and get your dick gashed up in the vagina. Idiot.

From my post Girls Who Read Poetry:

The most damaged and insane girls I’ve met have considered themselves budding poets.

Eight days after I wrote that I went on a first date with a young girl who was half-Asian. As you know I don’t have an Asian fetish (I’ve only been with two), but when I asked her what the Asian half was she got defensive and accused me of having the yellow fever. In her dreams. Anyway she told me that not only does she write poetry, but she organizes “slam recitals” as well. She also said she was going through a feminist stage, saying, “If you really think hard about it, every man has violated a woman not just by rape but by going too fast or too deep during sex.” I wonder much longer it will take for feminists to say the act of consensual sex is actually brutal rape.

Immediately after the date she googled me and found out about the blog (a gigantic headache compared to a girl knowing about it beforehand). Surprisingly, she didn’t take it well. She left a scathing speech on my voicemail where she sarcastically referred to Bang as a “bestseller” and in so many words telling me to have a nice life on my way to the fiery pits of hell. I saved her message and have since played it for a handful of my students during workshop downtime.

The blog giveth and the blog taketh away. She’ll never find out that my fuck style is fast and deep (I learned that if I make a girl’s vagina sore, it’s a guarantee I’ll get a callback for more of that pounding). On a side note, I keep meeting girls who actively write poetry which means I’m doing something to attract the drama queens. I don’t know what it is but please someone make it stop.

CONTINUED: Open Letter To Poetry Girl

I was on the subway when the girl sitting right next to me began loudly telling a story to someone on the phone. I am unable to reproduce her hip hop slang so this is a paraphrase:

“You know how I don’t let any guy try to get with me right? I get their number and then throw it away. So I was about to get on the Metro and this guy starts talking to me. He seemed okay. He asks me if I’m hungry and want to grab something to eat, his treat. I figure why not, so I said yes.

“We go to a Mexican place and eat dinner. I’m a little nervous because I would hate if Chris found out I’m hanging out with some other guy like this. I just wanted the meal. The check comes, and get this shit: his card was declined. He leaves to the ATM across the street and comes up apologizing, saying he can’t pay the bill. I’m sooooo angry at this point. So I pay the whole thing—$26 and $2 tip. He tells me he wants to take me out again to make up for not having money. I tell him no and to consider this an early Christmas gift. This sucks because I can’t afford anything right now. I’m so upset.”

I looked the other way and put my hand over my face until I was done laughing. It’s bad enough she had a boyfriend and went out on a date with a guy she wanted to use for tacos con carne (yes, she was obese, morbidly), but why insult the help with a pathetic 7.7% tip? Two more dollars wouldn’t have killed her at that point. Yet sitting on my comfortable orange seat I was extremely proud to be the same gender of the man who gave this girl what she deserved. You know she’ll be stewing for weeks, maybe months. He changed her for the better of all men everywhere.

I got to wondering if he ran “declined card” game on purpose. After the massive social faux-pas of showing up on a date with $0, he knows that any girl who makes it to date two wants to get banged and doesn’t care about his (in)ability to pay. His cost per notch must be admirable. I may have to steal this technique if I ever get in dire straits, but instead of a date two I’ll just try to drag the girl back to my refrigerator box.