Like every other guy, there are times when the ways of women mystify me. But at other times, I must admit, my own gender makes me shake my head in confused wonderment. I am not just talking about the alien force that compels some men to sit in the hot sun watching stock cars drive around an utterly plane oval track for hours on end, hoping someone crashes horrifically to end the boredom. I am talking about the world of romance and dating. Let’s picture two typical dating scenarios:

Scenario #1

You’re in a bar and you notice a girl smiling at you. You smile back, which prompts her to walk over to you and introduce herself. She works hard at keeping the conversation going. She laughs at all your jokes, touches you playfully, and fixes her hair a lot. At closing time she asks you to escort her home. At her door she invites you in to offer you a drink. On the couch at her place, she jumps you and you have wild sex. In response, you notch your belt, tell your friends she is too easy, and never call her again.

Scenario #2

You chat up a cute girl in a coffee shop. You get her number and go out for drinks. Nice conversation follows, she seems cool and interesting. You offer to walk her home, she says there is no need, but you insist, and after some back and forth, she reluctantly agrees. At her front door she stops to say goodnight and you tell her you have to use the bathroom, so she lets you in. After you have pretended to use the bathroom, you sit with her on the couch and bust a move. While making out, she tells you repeatedly that she can’t be up late and needs to work in the morning. She moves your hand away from whatever private part you are attempting to grope. She struggles to keep various pieces of clothing on as you attempt to remove them. Finally, either through exhaustion from fighting off your attempts, eagerness to please this cool new guy she is on a date with, or simply the natural horniness that comes from long sessions of making out and being groped, she relents and sleeps with you. In response, you notch your belt, tell your friends she is too easy, and never call her again.

What’s odd about this is that if both girls above had put up more resistance and denied their men the ultimate prize, the guys might have called again. Guys, does this make any sense? If a girl bangs on the night you met her or on the first date, she is likely to bang the next time you see her, so what exactly is the problem is here?

I’ll never understand this. To me, this kind of bait and switch thing is what we “logical” guys like to blame “emotional” girls for. We guys constantly complain how girls demand we treat them to expensive dinners and flowers, only to decide, after we dutifully comply, that we are “too nice.” They tell us they “have a lot going on right now” and are “too busy to date anyone,” but a few weeks later we see those same girls grinding on some frat boys wearing cowboy hats in Heaven & Hell.

As far I was concerned, I had no problem with a girl who was ready to get busy real quick. When that happened, I just patted myself on the back for having pimp tight game. I mean, hey, I can’t really blame a girl for having sound judgment in men, can I? Once I was done giving myself props, I started making plans to get the good stuff from her again.

When I was playing the game, I wasn’t playing for the love of opening lines, phone numbers, or first dates. I wasn’t spending weekend nights trolling in trashy Adams Morgan bars until 3:00AM for the joy of communing with sweaty, drunken humanity. I wanted the ultimate prize. When I got it, I sure didn’t want to throw it back so fast. I wanted a healthy rate of return on my investment.

Think of how many guys make promises to Satan himself that they will never be nice to a woman again because they got burned by the dinner & flowers trick all through college. Now ask yourself how many girls swear they will make guys wait at least 5 dates before sex because they got burned for giving it up “too soon.” Fellas, does it ever occur to you that if you reward “good behavior,” you’re likely to see a lot more of it?

I have a player friend who has 48 notches. No girl who meets him thinks he is a player, and it’s this under-the-radar feel about him which is the probable cause of his success. Girls think he is just a nice guy until he bangs them and never calls again.

This graphic gives you an idea of his accomplishment thus far:

He wants to get to 50 where he can then take a step back and look for a quality girl. And he would like to do this before January 1st, which means he has under a month to bang two girls. The Road to 50 series will detail his journey to finally becoming a real man.

Postscript: Before I can even post this, I get a text message Monday night that he got to 49. I knew I should have started earlier.

Postscript 2: Damn it, last night he got number 50. He got 3 new notches in 4 days. Oh well that was fun.

Years of trolling Craigslist daily has finally paid off: I was recently a missed connection. Behold the glory that is an anonymous female seeking me out:

Barnes & Noble? – w4m – 20
Date: 2006-11-19, 1:23AM EST

Today. Yesterday, rather. You stayed till closing.

I confirmed it was me after an email exchange. She’s an L.A. implant hipster. The first thing she noticed about me, like most girls, was my hair.

When I grew my hair out, I noticed that I would attract a different type of girl. The quantity didn’t change, but now I was spending time with art snobs, hippies, international girls, and emotional crazies.
October 25, 2006

I guess all I have left to accomplish is some sort of massive orgy.

A friend was recently telling me a story about a wingman of his. It seems this guy has good game and a lot of balls. He is the type of player who will approach any girl at any time, even if she is with her boyfriend. One time his wingman walked right up to a girl in a bar who was with her boyfriend and totally captivated the girl to the point the wing had his arm around the girl and the girl was totally ignoring her boyfriend. The boyfriend kept trying to get his girlfriend’s attention but she blew him off to keep talking to the player. Finally, in desperation, the boyfriend grabbed his girlfriend and started kissing her in order to ward off the player.

This story got me thinking. It’s pretty obvious the girl above had no respect for her boyfriend. Who knows what her motivation may have been, maybe she was pissed at him for something he did and was getting him back, maybe things were good but she wanted to make him jealous, or maybe she just really dug the payer dude and got lost in a trance with him. But whatever the issue, she massively disrespected her boyfriend.

I could call the girl out for acting like a bitch, which she was doing, but I am more tempted to call the boyfriend out. Bro, how could you let your relationship get to the point where your girlfriend would disrespect you like that? Your girl flirted with another player right in front of your face while she was holding the drink *you* bought her?? When your girl thinks she can get away with that, that tells me you’re doing something very wrong. My philosophy is that men should take responsibility for their relationships. If your girl isn’t treating you right, fix things or get a new girl, but it’s up to YOU to manage your shit.

I really think it would be impossible for my girl to do this to me. I have very clear lines about what I consider disrespectful and if I feel I have been disrespected, my girl finds out very quickly. I think it’s important for guys to have firm rules for how they expect to be treated and they should not be afraid to enforce them. No, I am not talking about ‘pimp slappin your bitch.’ I am talking about being willing to have a direct and firm conversation and not backing down if she argues back. If your girl won’t agree to your lines in the sand, enforce your views by downgrading how well you treat her. If the problems continue, downgrade her from girlfriend to casual sex partner (or from girlfriend to dumped).

I may be coming off like some macho ass, but that is really not my intent. I am usually a big mush ball around my girl. I am extremely affectionate with her, both physically and verbally. In fact, if some of my old wingmen could see me snuggling with her, they would probably grow queasy, shake their heads sadly, and say I will soon be a broken man, sexless and cheated on.

I beg to differ. I can spoil my girl like a princess because when she crosses a line, she gets instant negative feedback. She knows that if there were repeated infractions it would have a serious negative effect on our relationship. I will not be in a relationship that emasculates me. Period. The end result? The number of infractions has decreased to nearly zero and 99% of the time she and I are warm and affectionate with each other. She does her best to please me and I do my best to make her feel loved and cared for. It’s the happiest and most beautiful relationship I have ever been in.

It’s all about respecting yourself and demanding that same respect from your girl. When you have those things in place, you can be as soft as you want and she will never tell her friends you are “too nice.”

Virginia Senator Jim Webb and his wife

If you saw this man on the street you would probably be revolted by his gigantic forehead and oompa-loompa appearance. It would be safe to say that any woman with him, especially Asian, is a mail-order bride. But Jim has served in the military where he has killed men with his own bare hands. (Women love men who are not scared of other men.) He’s also served in powerful positions, displaying a level of ambition that women over 30 get completely wet over. But most importantly, he has misogynistic tendencies. No matter what a woman says, she loves a man — at least subconsciously — who is ready to put her in her place. This man is definitely a player.

What happened to the dress on a first date? The last time a girl impressed me with one was years ago. It doesn’t matter much if she was pretty or not (she was), but she wore something which completely maximized her look. There is this art — I forget what it’s called — where you get into a person’s mind and detach them from reality. You create a powerful image in their head which makes them forget about reason and logical thought. Time becomes distorted and this person is ready to drop everything just for ten more minutes with you. But you’re not practicing this when you roll up in pantsuits or an unflattering pair of jeans.

When a girl looks standard issue on a first date, she just lost an opportunity for me to increase her value and decide to put in an unreasonable amount of work and time to get her naked on my bed. Girls analyze their failed dates with men and look for that one magic reason why he didn’t call again. But it’s never just one thing — it’s a dozen things. A girl has never completely lost me because I didn’t like her style, but getting that right means she can screw up on other things, like not having lips as soft as butter left out at room temperature for one hour.

Babe Ruth Jr.
Poseur. A real player would never point at a camera; it’s akin to posing with a bottle of Grey Goose above your head as you party. You tell the world, “Hey look how lame I can be when someone has a camera in their hands!” A real player would take a picture opportunity like this one to wrap his arm around the girl near the ass area, or at least look down her shirt. Instead, this guy stares off into space, wondering why some other guy is wearing the same Old Navy shirt at him. And I know it’s from Old Navy because I have the black version (only for work, of course).

I can not pull a Russian girl to save my life. I have been to at least seven Russian parties in the past year and I’ve pulled nothing except American. When I try to talk to them, they stick with monosyllabic speech that leads to nowhere, instead of engaging me in conversation that helps me gain access to their vagina.

My Russian roommate, an expert on matters such as this, says the cold attitude of these non-Americanized Russians is not so much snobbiness as it is insecurity, “They are intimidated by Americans and don’t feel confident when having to talk in English.” It has to be cultural because I’ve spoken to many other girls where there was a language barrier and I didn’t get this feeling that hacking away at permafrost in Siberia would be more interesting.

Let’s not forget the good: Russian girls are hot and thin. Sure when they get older they look like a can of Coke, but I’m sure it would be easy upgrade before that happens. To all the men banging Russian girls: God bless you; you are like glorious iron fist of strength and power.