If I was in Brazil at Club Help and saw these two on the dance floor I’d give him a wink and a nod for scoring a sexy prostitute at what I imagine would be a reasonable price, but this was taken in Washington DC.

The guy does not possess any obvious player qualities. In fact, he would be a good example of the anti-player: he’s way out of shape, he has the sleeves of his stale stripped shirt rolled up to reveal what appears to be a calculator watch, and he makes zero attempt to enhance his look with something like creative facial hair. But there is something relaxing about his Chris Farley-like smirk.

The girl is obviously having fun. Judging by the way she is dressed and the care she put into her hair, she wants to continue that fun in the bedroom by engaging in sex. The question is with who. Does she seem like the type of girl that would let any overweight white guy put his meaty paw on her waist and his crotch on her ass? Ultimately, the answer lies with body language.

They’re out on their third date. This man is a player.

This man looks like the chaperone to the young girl in the pink jacket, picking her up after what appears to be a very rough day at the office. Notice how he kind of just floats out there in the ether instead of being included in the photo—even the flash of the camera escapes him. Poseur. He also bears a striking resemblance to the president of Pakistan.

President Pervez Musharraf

This guy has a hot piece of ass on his crotch and he doesn’t even give a damn. It’s almost as if he’s being bothered by yet another attention whore who will do anything to gain his favor. Obvious player.

Bonus picture:

You see the ridiculously good looking girl on the left? That’s what Argentina has to offer—in the millions—every time you go out. But here she is a beauty queen and will get drooled on by at least a dozen guys a night. I can only imagine the size of her ego (shit, I would have a big head if I was relatively hotter than everyone else too).

If I was at the club that night and bombed with her, I could go home because there would be no other girls worthy at her level.

1. His hand is basically on her breast.

2. Her eyes are closed and she seems comfortable. She’s mentally preparing for sex.

3. His hairy complexion would be better balanced out with some facial hair, but I’m a little biased.

He is a player. Don’t believe me? Check out this picture taken a little later:

It’s obvious they had drunk sex in the bathroom. I can smell the sex juices from here (and I can see it on his shirt).

Her body does look pretty nice though.

If you missed it, the last edition of Player or Poseur was the best yet. Reader Mad1 knew the people in the photo so within only a couple of hours there were half a dozen members of the DC clubbing elite taking a break from whatever they do when they are not clubbing to come here and comment. I would say the drama jumped the shark when someone came in with legal threats (gleaned from a Google search, no doubt).

Poseur to the nth degree. It seems like the photographer did him a favor because the girls don’t even want him in the picture. Big beta move with the chin rest on the girl’s shoulder. All he’s missing is a pair of sunglasses.

Here is a bonus picture of Tara Reid with her entourage:

This man appears to be relaxed and comfortable. He has put in a little work to his appearance with the facial pubes and the hand jewelry, but it doesn’t look like he is trying too hard. He is not making any weird facial expressions or camera-pointing gestures. His hands are comfortably wrapped around the girl’s body.

Other than an awkward claw position for her left arm, the girl attempts to get as close as possible to him, as if she wants everyone on the internet to know they are an item. The thing that seals the fact that this man is a player is that her crotch is almost against his crotch, something that is uncommon when posing for pictures with lady friends. I would guess that his game is at an advanced level for being able to pull a pretty girl from the majority race.

Virginia Senator Jim Webb and his wife

If you saw this man on the street you would probably be revolted by his gigantic forehead and oompa-loompa appearance. It would be safe to say that any woman with him, especially Asian, is a mail-order bride. But Jim has served in the military where he has killed men with his own bare hands. (Women love men who are not scared of other men.) He’s also served in powerful positions, displaying a level of ambition that women over 30 get completely wet over. But most importantly, he has misogynistic tendencies. No matter what a woman says, she loves a man — at least subconsciously — who is ready to put her in her place. This man is definitely a player.

Babe Ruth Jr.
Poseur. A real player would never point at a camera; it’s akin to posing with a bottle of Grey Goose above your head as you party. You tell the world, “Hey look how lame I can be when someone has a camera in their hands!” A real player would take a picture opportunity like this one to wrap his arm around the girl near the ass area, or at least look down her shirt. Instead, this guy stares off into space, wondering why some other guy is wearing the same Old Navy shirt at him. And I know it’s from Old Navy because I have the black version (only for work, of course).

Player. If you see an Indian guy with decent looking white girls, he probably has airtight game. This man’s exotic Rorschach inkblot shirt seals the deal (no seriously, I think the shirt suits him well). Though the girl in the middle does seem to be recoiling from him a little.