A line I’ve heard in bed more than any other is “I got tested.” What every guy translates that to is “I’m 100% clean… put that shit in raw big boy.” But let’s re-evaluate this. The problem with “I got tested” is it leaves out three very important pieces of information:

1. When? When exactly did she get tested? I can say I got tested for HIV and technically that would be true, but that was over a year ago and the only reason I got tested was because girls kept saying I probably was infected and going to die soon and needed treatment. Girls get gynecological exams once a year at most, so it could have been many months since she was tested.

2. What? Specifically what STDs did she get tested for? Chances are it’s just HPV (pap smear). The doctor will examine the cervix for signs of things like chlamydia (80% of girls with this have zero symptoms… long story on why I know this), but unless the girl is honest with the doctor by saying how many hundreds of partners she’s had, there will be no specific tests. So “I got tested” could really mean “I got visually inspected.” Speaking of inspection, it’s interesting that guys will ask more questions about a cell phone they are about to buy than a girl they are about to have unprotected sex with.

3. Who? Since getting “tested,” how many sexual partners has she had? And out of those men, how many played “just the tip” while she was drunk and in no position to resist the raw snake? Having unprotected sex with another man after getting tested sort of nullifies the test, but a girl will never add this information. She shouldn’t have to, and do you know why???

IT’S THE MAN’S RESPONSIBILITY WHERE HE PUTS HIS DICK IN. I don’t buy that “she gave me” garbage. You gave it to yourself. You’re an adult and you have very close to 100% control over what happens to you. Girl’s omit information, but so do guys.

The next time a girl tells you she got tested, unless you are going to ask her these questions, which you won’t unless you’re seeing her for longer than four days, wrap your junk up. But if you have health insurance then dip your hot wick wherever you please! Unfortunately I don’t have health insurance.

P.S. I highly recommend Trustex brand condoms. Here’s how they look like:

In case you can’t see the text, it says EXTRA LARGE. I’m not saying I’m like a can of Pepsi, but these pleasantly thin condoms do provide a comfortable fit. It’s time to order another month’s supply (box of 100).

Cassidy is a 6 feet 3 inch “model.”

And here’s a strangely erotic video of her arm wrestling a girl in her panties. She’s not as strong as I imagined. I’m sure she blamed her poor performance on having “too much leverage,” which is the reason I lose arm wrestling competitions to my shorter friends.

Several years ago I banged a 6 foot volleyball player. I had to give her clear instructions in bed because moving her was impossible. What a nightmare when one night she asked for a piggy-back ride. I prefer petite women because they are much easier to handle (and more importantly they make me look bigger), but I will have sex with just about any body type except morbidly obese.

As for my answer, hell yeah I’d bang that. For the story alone.

My safe sex practices were recently questioned by a girl and I offered the following explanation:

When I’m in bed with a girl and I get signs that tells me she is probably clean, I take that as a green light to take more risk. So I may do something like putting it in without a condom. Just because I did that with you doesn’t mean I do that with every girl.

Surprisingly this made the situation worse, but that got me thinking about signs I’ve used in the past:

• She has condoms in her nightstand (intent to be safe)
• She asks you to use a condom (safe)
• She is upper middle class (more health conscious)
• She is on the pill (no risk of being a daddy)
• She does not seem promiscuous
• She has a clean appearance or smell
• She didn’t let me hit on the same night I met her (not easy)
• She was married or got out of a really long-term relationship (more likely to be monogamous, less sexual partners)
• She doesn’t identify with Samantha on Sex and the City
• She gets frequent gynecological exams (awareness of all 70 strains of HPV)
• She doesn’t have tattoos (low hepatitis C risk)

My list is definitely not scientific, but the more things she has on the list the more comfortable I feel having natural sex. It doesn’t help that as I get older I’m getting the feeling of invincibility that I’ve probably been exposed to STDs but am immune to all of them. I brush aside comments by girls who say I’m “most likely” a HPV carrier.

I think of safe sex as a scale from 1-10. A 1 has never bought condoms and only uses them when the herpes is flaring up while a 10 needs signed laboratory tests from her partner before going raw. I’m a solid 6.5, much higher than guys I know who are in the 3 range. If women understand that the vagina has evolved for millions of years to be the most intense pleasure a man can experience, they wouldn’t freak out when we just want to put it in to experience this ecstasy.

I planned this post for a Thursday because the weekend is coming and a small minority of you are going to have sex.

Every man needs to read the beautifully written Just Fucking Fuck me, Already. A girl is frustrated about how passive and timid men are when it comes to the bedroom.

But please, please just fuck me already. Honestly, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I like that you want to take things slow. I can totally get behind the idea of emotional connection, but dearjesusinheaven, FUCK ME. We’ve done dinner and drinks. We’ve gone dancing. We’ve cuddled and watched a movie. I’m wearing a low cut shirt and you’ve been staring at my breasts all night. Goodgodalmighty, get to it and fuck me.

When we get hot and heavy, please take charge. Please, please fuck me. Trust me, I’m not going to just lie still - I’ll get involved. But don’t make me force your hand into my panties. That makes me feel like a rapist. We’ve been kissing for a half hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That’s nice, but it’s time to move forward. Get on top of me. Don’t make me get on top right out of the gate and start bobbing up and down on your cock like I’m practicing some crazy new aerobic yoga because YOU won’t go down on me. Roll on top and start dry humping like a good boy should. Don’t gently suck my nipples and then pull back when I moan with pleasure. You being coy is totally not what I want. It’s not what WE want.

She goes on…

We really like it when you come. It’s called a money shot for a reason. Watching semen shoot out of you is one of the most gratifying things EVER. However, do not assume that she wants you to jack it off onto her face. She might, but don’t assume. Seeing and/or feeling you come is rewarding for us, so there’s no need to deprive us of it, but please do consult us before unleashing. “I think I’m going to come - how do you like it?” is a fair question that shouldn’t rob you of your testicles.

This is a woman who likes men and sex. Notice how she doesn’t nit-pick about the little things and is trying to educate men on the overall experience. I got an erection after reading it.

On the other side, every woman needs to read Blowjob Tutorial.

If you simply wanted to get a guy off as quickly as possible, all you need to do is lock your lips at the base of his cock and suction them up and down the bottom ¾ of his shaft at a quick, steady pace while pressing your flattened tongue against the underside of his dick. Make sure you are applying pressure with both your lips AND tongue. Keeping your tongue engaged at all times is key. I try to keep mine moving at all times. This is how you get 90% of guys off.

…at least once during the beej, I usually pop his dick out of my mouth and slap it against my tongue or face, then look at him while I rub his cock against my cheeks and lips. Guys are visual, this is just a little something dirty for him to look at.

Not only are most girls clueless the proper technique, they only reluctantly give head when a man asks or insinuates. What happened to doing it because you love it? Asking for head is kind of like explaining the punch line of a joke—it takes away from the climax. I got an erection after reading her post as well, and will be forwarding it to future girls I meet as a “fun article.”

This guest post is written by Craig Heimburger of Travelvice.com. He has been traveling for three years.

I’ve been watching travelers for a while now, and started noticing long ago what types of female backpackers had slept in their beds the night prior, and which didn’t.

On their own, none of the items on the list below mean much in the way of forecasting if a girl is likely to hookup on any given night, but start combining these traits, and you’ve got a better than average indicator that she’s open to some lovin’ abroad.

1. She’s traveling with a guy she isn’t romantically involved with

2. She’s been traveling for a few weeks without any romantic encounters

3. She’s got a week or less of her trip left

4. She isn’t traveling with another girl

5. She’s sleeping in a shared (dormitory) room

6. She gets showered and made up before going out, but not overly dressed up

7. She’s been drinking

8. She’s smoking a cigarette

9. She doesn’t mention a boyfriend (real or fictitious) as a defensive mechanism

10. She’s not from the USA, Israel, Sweden, or the Netherlands

I’ve never had a girl worry about where my hands have been when I’m manually arousing her before the main penetration event. Girls who have intimacy with me are safe since I’m relatively clean, but how does she know that I didn’t just shake hands with a homeless man I met on the way to service her?

When a girl is stroking my abnormally large manhood with her hand, I could care less if her hands are a little dirty because I’m encased in a layer of skin—abrasions that would allow for infectious disease entry would come later during unprotected sex. But girls have warm, moist cavities, and what goes in may not easily come out. After all it is an incubator.

I figure it would be prudent to pack a few condoms in case I get laid in South America. While I’m not expecting to have sex with greater frequency than here, I want to be prepared with my preferred condom brand in case girls start throwing themselves at me. So I bought 100 condoms.

Trustex Brand

They occupy more space than I had anticipated.

Previously, I said:

If I was a girl, I wouldn’t sleep with guys so soon. This advice cockblocks me, but the best defense—to a man whose main goal is to sleep with girls as fast as possible—is to wait, especially since most guys are only willing to have sex with you once and never again. You don’t want to put out until a guy shows time investment.

I believe this advice to be sound, but there is a downside in sex withholding: he may see you as asexual.

Say I go on five dates with a low maintenance but conservative girl who rejects all my sexual advances, and on all those dates I do not have an orgasm. What happens is I get used to this and see her as a girl less likely to give me sexual pleasure. As a result, I voluntarily put my junk in a lockbox. After a dog is used to being on a leash, he loses the will to escape. If you attempt to tame your new man’s desire, you sap his sexual energy—what makes him a man.

Sexuality is needed to create sexual tension. If you keep your sexuality under wraps, there is no sexual tension. If there is no sexual tension, the man will not be sexually interested (unless he’s a beta), and will be less willing to invest time into you. If you are going to postpone sex, get on your knees by date two, grab his dick on the dance floor, and whisper nasty things in his ear to let him know you are a sexual freak worth waiting for. Otherwise you may be perceived as frigid woman who can be better used as a lady friend to pick up other girls who would make more suitable lovers.

Your game has to be tight if you want to postpone sex. If you don’t have tight game, your best bet is to have sex with him soon because that may be your best way to keep his attention. If you are not sure whether your game is tight, and by game I mean an vibe and attitude that regularly draws and hooks men, then it’s not.

On the surface, it looks like sex ruins things—the dynamic changes, the energy dissipates, and the tension disappears. Sometimes the relationship lasts, but most of the time, it doesn’t.

Before sex, it’s all about showing up on time and smelling nice. The sexual tension does the rest. It helps you idealize your partner to keep you motivated and on task. I can’t be the only guy to think I’m falling in love with a girl only to lose all interest after I catch my breath. While this tension will never be as high as the moment before that first penetration, it can be maintained at a healthy level with spontaneity, unpredictability, and creativity—qualities that only come as a result of effort.

Effort. I think this culture used to be about putting in effort and hard-work back when our parents were coming up, but it’s been replaced with expectation. All of us are trained to expect things. We expect to afford a nice car and house for going to college. We expect to be entertained every day . We expect the dead person to be scraped off the road in a timely manner so that we can make yoga class. The problem with expectation is that it leads to entitlement, and entitlement leads to a lack of effort. If both of you are not putting in more effort after sex, things will fade out.

The big issue with out generation is not with getting laid (we’re in a golden era for that), but with what we believe a relationship should be. He believes beauty queens should fall from the sky if he is earning six figures and she believes Prince Charming and Funny and Ambitious should sweep her into a McMansion because she is well-read and has pretty nails. “I put in this work to get where I am, so I am entitled to an amazing partner for life. I shouldn’t have to do more.” It doesn’t work like that. Guys: you are going to have to bring more to the table than flashing your extra glossy business card and offering to take girls to expensive dinners. Girls: it’s going to take more than just looking pretty and sending text messages.

People want the best without putting in work, without sacrificing, without caring. We expect to get more than we are putting in, but ask anyone in a happy marriage how it’s really done and they will tell you it’s all about the effort. You have to care and you have to try, every single day. Good luck finding someone here under the age of 30 who understands that concept. Instead of working towards real change to increase their value, most twenty-somethings instead whine about how life isn’t fair and how bad their luck is, as if there is a concerted effort by the overlords of our universe to keep them single and unhappy. You are responsible for your romantic happiness, and no one else. If there is a problem then get off your ass and do something about it, no matter how many years it takes to solve.

But even if you are willing to put in that effort, there is no guarantee you will get back it in return. The expectation mindset is so perverse and widespread in this country that you will quickly get frustrated at the inability of your romantic interests to put in an amount of work you think is necessary for something to last. It looks like we’ve gotten to the point where modern dating is about experiencing a lot of disappointment until you finally run into someone who gives a damn and shows it.