I recently signed up for my first NRA gun training class. I will soon be taking the NRA Basic Steps Pistol class. People who have known me for a while would probably be surprised by that. I didn’t grow up around guns and I have not touched a gun in years.

My only experience with guns was back in college. I took a rifle class for P.E. credit. I used to lift weights on my own and I didn’t want to waste P.E. credits on some athletics class, so I figured I would try something different. The rifles in that class were long barrel .22′s meant for target competition. Somehow those rifles didn’t feel like real guns because a .22 is such a small bullet that when fired from a long gun like that, there was no noise at all. It was just a light pull of the trigger and then “click”. I never thought a gun would go “click”. Guns were supposed to go “BOOM!”.

Now that I am in a serious relationship and getting past my college years, it’s looking like I could be a husband and father within 5 years. That realization has caused some powerful “Defend My Family” DNA programing to kick in. I am obsessed with the need to defend my future family from harm. If a bad guy broke into my home and hurt my future wife or children, I would feel like a complete failure as a man.

I know what every anti-gun person is thinking right now. “But guns are dangerous!”…”You could have an accident and shoot yourself!”…”The criminal could steal the gun and use it against you!” Whatever. I could get into a car accident too, but we don’t think of cars as dangerous nor ever suggest a family shouldn’t own one because 40,000 people a year die in car accidents.

The gun control advocates crack me up. Oh sure, let’s ban guns in a nation full of guns. That logic worked pretty well during Prohibition and the War On Drugs, didn’t it? Ban guns and all those guns just disappear like all that marijuana did. And, of course, a gun ban makes all those criminals suddenly stop breaking the law and agree to commit crimes with without them. Great thinking, man.

I suspect this post will piss everyone off because so many people think guns are pure evil. To some, saying one is pro-gun is like saying one is pro-child abuse. I don’t care. I do not intend to throw myself at the mercy of a criminal who invades my home and intends to hurt my family. If I take on the responsibility starting a family, I also accept the responsibility of protecting my family through every legal means at my disposal.

For everyone: TED talks. Short and long lectures from a bunch of really smart people. Check out the ones by Malcolm Gladwell, Dan Gilbert, and Barry Schwartz.

For the ladies: a picture of me beating my meat.

For myself: a 3.5 pound laptop. My desktop and I had a good six year run.

After 27 years of life, I have stopped drinking another mammal’s excretion. I have come to the conclusion that cow’s milk is better suited for baby calves and not adult humans. The only reason we drink milk from a cow is because it’s cheap to produce; if the dairy industry could find a more economical way to produce milk from a camel, we’d all be drinking camel milk within a generation, after “new research” shows that camel milk offers more “health benefits.”

I was talking to a friend about my recent decision to wean myself off the cow teat and he told me I was crazy, that milk is good for me and I’m sure to die a horrible bone-shattering death down a flight of stairs at the age of 50.

“How do you know milk is good for you?” I asked.

“What do you mean, it’s common sense. Studies show it’s good for you.”

Another victory for public relations! Now I’m not writing this to convince you that milk is bad for you, but the last person I’m going to trust when it comes to what I put in my body is an industry motivated by profit. Whenever you are wondering if you should believe someone or not, ask yourself how much that person would lose if the opposite were to be true. If it’s measurable in large dollar sums, as in billions of dollars, it may be prudent of you to be a little bit more skeptical. Money is all too powerful and corrupting of an incentive.

I bought a soy latte recently and was pleased with the taste. I’m becoming such a lame hippie cliche, with my long, non-showered greasy hair and beard, carrying books around and consuming soy products. I won’t be surprised if I go vegetarian. On an unrelated note, I’m currently in the market for an acoustic guitar.

Good news for people who have sex: Plan B is now on the shelves.

Major pharmacy chains such as CVS Corp., Rite-Aid Corp. and Walgreen Co. not only offer the pill throughout their networks, but also pledge to ensure that customers can buy Plan B onsite even if a given employee declines to provide service for reasons of conscience.

AP

Calling 1-888-NOT-2-LATE was easy enough, but you had to wait by the phone so a counselor can call back and ask your girl questions about her vagina.

Counseling fee: $20
Morning after pill: $50
Busting inside a girl because you were too drunk to notice the condom broke: PRICELESS…

…from what other guys have told me.

Loooooong time reader Eric has started a magazine in Austin with some friends called The Other Paper. He has a column that riffs on the seduction “gurus” you may have read about in The Game, with their acronyms and ridiculous war analogies.

Austin is the only American city I need to visit.

I think I will stop reading comments from now on. Several of you have interesting things to add, but every now and then I have to punch myself in the stomach. It’s almost like some of you are reading another blog and then commenting here.