Club Rain & The Band Theory

Virgle Kent invited me to join him and his buddies at Fairfax’s newest club called Rain, run by a group of guys who used to promote at Love. If are wondering why I would haul my ass all the way to the Virginian version of my middle-of-nowhere suburban location, it’s because I was told the ass quality is above average.

The club itself is one gigantic room playing loud hip-hop and one smaller room that is set-up like a restaurant. The crowd is 90% white. While Baltimore white girls treat me well, the white girls of Bethesda and Georgetown usually don’t, and since this crowd felt most like Bethesda I lowered my expectations. But I did do pretty well. Therefore I introduce to you The Band Theory:

If you are not a white girl’s usual type (Abercrombie all-American), she will be on your ball sack if she thinks you are in a band.

Long hair, check.
Beard, check.
Funny t-shirt that shows you don’t care, check.
Massive natural holes in jeans, check.
Weird but sexy personality, check.

Two of the whitest white girls I rubbed my erection on asked me with hopeful eyes if I was in a band. They were so white and blonde I couldn’t see their eyebrows in the dark. I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t even have eyebrows. The reason non-white guys fail with white girls, according to my theory, is because they try to act white instead of looking like they are in a band. If your hair is short now, it will only take one year to get it to band-length. Just let your hygiene and physical appearance go and white girls will be all over you in a very short amount of time.

I think my failures in Georgetown and Bethesda occurred because I started to look like I’m in a band only after I stopped going there. I’ve been going to Baltimore recently, while looking like I’m in a band, and there I enjoy a level of success similar to the international areas of DC.

If you like hip-hop and white people who all look the same, Rain is your place. Cover charge is $10 and Absolut vodka drinks are $6. Get there around 10pm because they close at 1:30am. Don’t forget to look like you’re in a band.

Rain Lounge and Ballroom
10418 Main St.
Fairfax, VA 22030

Update (April 26, 2007):

I got an email from the Rain people about their new dress code.

Effective Immediately: RAIN will strictly be enforcing a new dress code.

The new dress code is as follows:

“DRESS TO IMPRESS”
Which means:
– No Boots/Timberlands
– No Sneakers
– No Hats
– No Ripped/Holey/Torn Jeans
– No Excessively Baggy Clothes (Jeans/Shirts)
– No Athletic Gear

I guess I will have to take my holey jeans elsewhere.

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