Club Rain & The Band Theory

Virgle Kent invited me to join him and his buddies at Fairfax’s newest club called Rain, run by a group of guys who used to promote at Love. If are wondering why I would haul my ass all the way to the Virginian version of my middle-of-nowhere suburban location, it’s because I was told the ass quality is above average.

The club itself is one gigantic room playing loud hip-hop and one smaller room that is set-up like a restaurant. The crowd is 90% white. While Baltimore white girls treat me well, the white girls of Bethesda and Georgetown usually don’t, and since this crowd felt most like Bethesda I lowered my expectations. But I did do pretty well. Therefore I introduce to you The Band Theory:

If you are not a white girl’s usual type (Abercrombie all-American), she will be on your ball sack if she thinks you are in a band.

Long hair, check.
Beard, check.
Funny t-shirt that shows you don’t care, check.
Massive natural holes in jeans, check.
Weird but sexy personality, check.

Two of the whitest white girls I rubbed my erection on asked me with hopeful eyes if I was in a band. They were so white and blonde I couldn’t see their eyebrows in the dark. I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t even have eyebrows. The reason non-white guys fail with white girls, according to my theory, is because they try to act white instead of looking like they are in a band. If your hair is short now, it will only take one year to get it to band-length. Just let your hygiene and physical appearance go and white girls will be all over you in a very short amount of time.

I think my failures in Georgetown and Bethesda occurred because I started to look like I’m in a band only after I stopped going there. I’ve been going to Baltimore recently, while looking like I’m in a band, and there I enjoy a level of success similar to the international areas of DC.

If you like hip-hop and white people who all look the same, Rain is your place. Cover charge is $10 and Absolut vodka drinks are $6. Get there around 10pm because they close at 1:30am. Don’t forget to look like you’re in a band.

Rain Lounge and Ballroom
10418 Main St.
Fairfax, VA 22030

Update (April 26, 2007):

I got an email from the Rain people about their new dress code.

Effective Immediately: RAIN will strictly be enforcing a new dress code.

The new dress code is as follows:

Which means:
– No Boots/Timberlands
– No Sneakers
– No Hats
– No Ripped/Holey/Torn Jeans
– No Excessively Baggy Clothes (Jeans/Shirts)
– No Athletic Gear

I guess I will have to take my holey jeans elsewhere.

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  • michelle

    Did you like the place?

    My friends and I did a driveby last week and the line wrapped around the block and were full of very young-looking people.

    And $10 cover charge in Fairfax? Forget it.

  • Jay Gatsby

    Suburban “clubs” rarely last. There are countless examples in the DC area that tried to export downtown hipness to the ‘burbs. They ultimately fail because most people that go to them pretend to be hip, but they’re actually wannabees who simply don’t want to drag their asses downtown where more diverse folks live and play.

    Personally, I live in the ‘burbs because I work out here, and it’s cheaper to live. I’m also not in my 20s anymore, and am more focused on earning cash than getting ass. Yet when I want a great night out, I head to DC for quality food, drink and scenery.

  • Sweat P.

    Haha, no thanks.

  • Nabs

    So, what band do you say you’re in?

  • monohechomierda

    You should hit up Iceland if you want to scratch that white girl itch.

  • virglekent

    Club Rain aka club Snow Flake is hot like fire son. It’s blinding

  • virglekent

    I’ve never seen so much flat ass in my life, how did you get an erection?

  • Jo

    I’m gonna go ahead and assume the bar is just another version of Bridges in FFX: underage George Mason students with fake IDs, bad music, and rich preppy kids.

    But I could be wrong.

  • blibblab

    Go out in Fairfax? Wow, and I thought one couldn’t do worse than slumming it with the prepsters in Clarendon.

  • Genevieve

    Lol god I hate white people. Which of course makes me sad that I’m 50% white. :(
    Oh well.

    Anyways, I’m still in shock that there’s a club in the ‘Fax. Tres bizarre. Oh well, it’ll just take the obnoxious Mason kids away from my favourite hangout around the corner. :)

  • mm

    This is so true. Young white girls are suckers for guys in bands. I should know, I was one once. Wait, I still am. Luckily I got over the whole omg band guy!!! thing when I was around twenty.

  • Jay Gatsby

    That’s alright MM, Roosh wouldn’t want women over 20 years old anyway.

  • Konnix

    I remember a large club that opened in Waldorf a while back. Is that joint still there? Roosh, did you pull a number or did you get more pulled from the place?

  • Mad1

    Finally Roosh,

    Michelle – you can skip the cover charge by getting on the guestlist –

    Jay – this club I believe will last, its has steady supply of party people from Mason and Mason II – NOVACC, and I would love to know what venues in DC you consider high quality…

    Jo you are far off, you can compare this place to Bridges..the venue itself is ten times the quality of Bridges. the ID checkin is much stricter than most Fairfax venues, because a good junk of the staff migrated from LOVE in DC.

    Konnix – if you are referring to Icon, there hasn’t been parties there in a while…

    Rain is a awesome venue the owners are very friendly they are working to improve the wait in line outside the venue, personally I recommend you arrive early or reserve a table. I love this venue because there are tons of places to park in walking distance and homeless people do not harass you and police station is a block down…so you don’t have to worry about your car getting broken into like most venues in the District of Corruption..just my thoughts..and for all the say no i don’t work at the venue…

  • Jewcano

    I’m going to end up checking this place out if for no other reason than because it’s 10 minutes down the road and it has to smell better than Fast Eddies.

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  • rcker

    The band theory is beast even though its racist. I’ve never had less than 2 girls on me after any 1 of my gigs( i live in maryland)