Compliment & Cuddle (Part 3 of 5)



Compliments and Useful Nice Terms (CUNT)

The grovel and glorify strategy is something that a lot of guys already know how to do, but most don’t know how to compliment, which is the main way to set yourself apart in order to proceed to intimacy no longer than ten years after you first meet her. Here are the top nine compliments to use on women:

“You look great! Did you do something to your hair?” It doesn’t matter if she has a butch cut or obviously hasn’t washed her hair in several days. Since a girl’s hair is a significant source of her feminine power, complimenting it will make her happy.

“Where did you get that outfit from? It’s very stylish!” Whether she bought it from the Gap, Old Navy, or Dress Barn is trivial—just make sure you don’t use the term “sexy.” That could be considered sexual harassment and get you into big trouble with authority figures.

“Your eyes are really standing out today! Are they usually so bright and beautiful?” Even if she’s hungover and looks like something the dog dragged in, compliment her beauty, particularly her eyes, which many famous compliment and cuddlers like Tobey Maguire and Keanu Reeves consider the windows to the soul.

“Any guy would be lucky to date a girl like you!” This is a indirect way to hint that you want to date her, but it’s so subtle that she won’t even pick up on it, so there’s no need to fear an impending rejection by using it.

“Your fingers are so slender! Do you play the piano?” Use this compliment even if her fingers are short and stumpy like breakfast sausages. It insinuates that she has skills beyond sending more than 200 text messages a day.

“The report you did is the best I’ve ever read. Have you thought about writing a book?” Even though the only book she’d be qualified to write would be “How Not to Accomplish Anything After College Besides Making Money,” imply the opposite.

“You’re a great conversationalist, much better than my guy friends. Have you considered going into public speaking?” It doesn’t matter if her speech is only 10% actual content and 90% filler words such as “like” and “you know.” You’re groveling and glorifying, not evaluating and exasperating.

“I’ll be honest. I feel a little intimidated by your intelligence. You must use more than 3% of your brain that a mere mortal like myself uses.” I should have put this at the top of the list because it’s very unlikely that anyone has ever praised her intelligence before. They’ll be tons of loser guys making remarks on “that ass” or her ability in the bedroom, but no one has ever cherished the organ that makes her the true snowflake she is.

“Where did you learn to be so charming? I wish I could be as charming as you!” Even though charm died in Western women on August 18, 1920, you want her to think she’s reviving the feminine grace of yore. You’ll soon become the recipient of all those bland jokes she let die in her head without telling a soul, which can be the source of endless future compliments.

A good opportunity to compliment is when a girl asks for an opinion on something. The most obvious example is when she asks whether she looks fat in a certain dress. Since you’ll be asked that question many times in the course of your life, it’s best to practice your answer in front of a mirror every week. The goal is to say, “No way, you look great!” at the exact millisecond she’s done asking. Any hesitation on your part will make her think you’re lying and that she needs to lose a few pounds by cutting back on all the goddamn food she eats every day. You don’t want her to change, even for the better, just to fulfill your selfish desire to be with a presentable girl.

On average, you should be hitting her with one compliment every fifteen minutes. After using all nine of my suggestions, just follow the general pattern and you’ll be fine.

I’d like to close this chapter by sharing some Useful Nice Terms to pepper your conversation with. Pretend it’s like a video game where the more nice terms you use, the more points you get. Here are my favorite terms, which will each earn you five points with every use: wonderful, peachy, fabulous, tremendous, super-duper, wicked, unreal, swell, stupendous, cool, and really cool. After about a million points, you’d better be ready for some serious cuddling!


If your grovel and glorify game is tight, it’ll be easy to arrange for an innocent hang-out (without alcohol, of course). Always have a safe activity in the back of your head that you can invite a girl to after you’ve interacted with her for about ten hours. Acceptable options are ice cream, movie, coffee shop, or ultimate Frisbee. The best way to ask is through the following template:

“I don’t know if you’re busy this Saturday afternoon, and it’s really okay if you are, but I was wondering if it’s possible that maybe you’d be sort of interested in going with me to __________. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Really, it’s okay.” Then bow your head slightly, as if submitting to her awesome power.

How can a girl say no when you ask like that? If she does say no, it’s probably because she’s busy with the various hobbies that make up her fascinating life and not because she doesn’t want to hang out with an accomplished groveler like yourself.

The bottom line is not to make it seem like you’re asking her out. She should be able to conclude without a reasonable doubt that you won’t try to kiss her or touch her like a creep at the end of any future date. Think of them as “shared functions” that are completely safe and devoid of any potential for human sexuality.

Calling Her For The First Time

Once she agrees to going on a shared function with you, it’s time to get her phone number. Simply ask, “May I please have your phone number?” When it’s time to save it to your cell phone, fumble the entry and make a remark about how you don’t normally save numbers. This ensures she won’t think you’re a male slut who is experienced with a lot of women.

Call her in a couple days before the function. Girls don’t answer their phones these days because of how busy they are, so you’re going to leave a message. Here is your voicemail template: “Hey, Stacy, it’s Roosh from church, the guy you talked to on Wednesday around three o’clock for about one hour on the left side of the main room behind the third row of chairs, remember? Anyway, I was hoping you’d still like to catch a movie. If you can call me back, my number is (301) 555-1234. If you’re busy and can’t call me back, that’s fine. I’ll try again in a couple days.”

Do you see how easy you make it for her with that message? What she’ll do is save your number in her phone and then not call you back, hoping you’ll be a man and call her again in a couple days like you said you would. She’ll probably answer your second call, but if not, just repeat the process of leaving messages and calling back until you wear her down.

When she finally answers say, “Hey, it’s Roosh. I hope I’m not bothering you. Is it a good time to chat because I can always call back at your next earliest convenience.” If she’s not watching television, she’ll be free to talk.

Have written notes ready on things you can talk about before making the call. Here are some sample notes from a recent phone call I made:

  • weather sure is crazy lately
  • obsessing thinking about the great convo we had
  • just bought a new t-shirt from Urban Outfitters
  • becoming a huge fan of turkey hot dogs

By making notes, you won’t run out of discussion topics. After about twenty minutes of borderline inane chatter, you’ll finally be ready to lock and load plans on your friendly meeting.

Don’t use text messaging to make first contact because it’s rude and shows that you really don’t care. It’d be like calling a dear friend to wish him Happy New Year’s after one in the morning instead of at 12:01 on the dot. Don’t be lazy about putting in that extra effort. On the other hand, text messaging has its uses when you want to confirm an event. The key is to use lots of exclamation points and smiley faces in every message. For example, “8pm sounds good!! :)))” or “I can’t wait!!!!!!!!! 😛 😛 ;)” are excellent text messages to send.


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