People always look for causes. They want the world to be explained with outcomes that are easy to duplicate. It’s not enough to know what happened but also why it happened. For example, when you see a handsome man talking to a pretty girl, your brain wants to immediately conclude that his success is based on his looks, not his personality or any other factor that you can’t easily see.
All the things I have explained in the past that make a man attractive is an educated guess based on experience. If being alpha and cocky gets me laid more than not being alpha and cocky, I will conclude that those two reasons must contribute to success. If one night wearing a sexy v-neck shirt caused more girls to approach me, I want to believe that the v-neck caused that. If growing out my beard in a country led to decreased success, I want to believe that girls there don’t like beards.
I may very well be right on all those fronts, but I cannot provide scientific proof that the causation is fact. I have not done a double-blind study because it would be impossible to do so (any psychological study would merely provide a possible correlation).
The question that comes up is this: is it possible that some behaviors are not the direct cause for the result? Is it possible that the v-neck was not the main reason for girls approaching me? What else could be going on?
Because I’ve had success with a large combination of looks, game styles, professions, income level, and living situations, I have to look at the one of two things that is always present when I’m getting laid: effort or confidence. Right now I want to focus on confidence.
I believe how you feel about yourself is a strong determinant to how you’ll do with women. Followed after that is your game, frequency of approaches, venue selection, overall look, and so on. All factors contribute to the whole, but having a confident core will predict your success more than whether you spit indirect game versus direct game, whether your hair is long or short, or whether your style is hipster or James Bond.
If having muscles makes you feel more confident, you’ll act more confident and be more successful. The confidence that comes from having muscles is more attractive to women than muscles themselves.
If wearing a suit makes you feel more confident, you’ll act more confident and be more successful. The confidence that comes from wearing a suit is more attractive to women than wearing a suit.
If being the only foreigner in a city makes you feel more confident, you’ll act more confident and be more successful. The confidence that comes from being the only foreigner in a city is more attractive to women than simply being the only foreigner in the city.
If having a big zit on your nose makes you feel less confident, you’ll act less confident and be less successful. The confidence drop that comes from having a big zit is less attractive to women than the zit itself.
Game gives you confidence because it forces you to take on a lot of experience that makes you both able and comfortable when interacting with women. Approaching gives you a base of confidence that can be built upon. Once a man’s confidence level is high and stable, he can begin to pick up with anything. This is when game starts to lose meaning to him. He can go up to a girl reading the phone book and she’ll laugh and be intrigued. He can open with “Hey how are you?” and a girl will respond with a question of her own.
A man’s game and look will always matter, but it begins to matter less. I can go out looking like a werewolf but as long as I feel confident doing it, I will get laid. There is a point where you transcend all the little things, but to get there you have to build a strong foundation.
When I go out wearing a suit, and I’m the most sharply dressed man in the venue, I feel more confident and get more attention. Your gut instinct is to say the suit alone causes the increase in attention or success, but is that not just the easy guess? It discounts other causes that we can’t see or measure. I believe it’s the increased confidence—and not the suit—that results in the bulk of the increased attention.
Now what if I were to tell you that I get laid just as much when I wear a ten dollar white v-neck with yellow armpit stains? I get less attention, but I bang just as much, if not more. I feel a tad less confident in the pit stain shirt than the suit, but I unconsciously increase the effort portion on the confidence-effort scale. When you’re lacking in one, you can compensate with the other. If you’re not a confident man, your success can come purely from raw effort and perseverance.
When a man talks to a woman, there are things being communicated that we are not consciously aware of, just like how other wavelengths of light exist beyond what the human eye can see. We want to believe that concrete things like appearance, cocky lines, and wealth result in sex, but I believe they are just the visible frosting, that other things are being transmitted and received. I don’t know exactly what those things are, but it seems that being as confident as you can will properly transmit the right messages.
Before you go out to talk to girls, you must ask yourself what is it you can do to make yourself feel as confident as possible. If it’s wearing a suit every night, then so be it. Otherwise, just work your ass off.