Ego Sex

Ego sex is having sex primarily to satisfy your ego, not to fulfill a biological or horny urge. It’s when you have sex to brag to others, to feel like you’re a somebody, or to see yourself as superior to other men. It’s what I had been doing for the past several years.

Think about the last girl you had sex with. If after the deed, you had not been allowed to count the notch, obtain a picture of her, tell a friend, blog about it, tweet about it, or add an entry in your sex spreadsheet, would you still have had sex with her? If you answered no, you’re having sex simply to alleviate your insecurities or perceived inferiority, not because that particular instance of sex was demanded by your body or nature. The pleasure of your conquest went mostly to your ego, a part of you which can never be satisfied. It’s a diabetic whose thirst can only be temporarily quenched. As the disease progresses with time, it demands more but is quenched less. The inevitable burnout will leave you confused, wanting, and depressed, stuck in existential malaise.

I got into the game simply to put my penis into vaginas, not to collect notches or flags. I originally fantasized not about doggy style but cuddling. I hit gold with the second girl I slept with. She was fun, pretty, and gave me immense pleasure in bed. I wanted to be her boyfriend, but my game wasn’t yet sociopathic and borderline abusive, which girls from America love most. I developed feelings for her, saying and doing things that were too nice. She dumped me.

I soon noticed that a girl didn’t develop strong feelings for me simply by sleeping with me. I didn’t understand this because I couldn’t help but develop some feelings for them. The answer to sexual success was to care less than them, but it was difficult to just turn off my feelings like a switch. At the same time, I noticed I got an easy high not from sex, but new sex. Working on a relationship didn’t give me the same dopamine rush as banging a new girl, even if her quality was average. As I surrounded myself with men who also liked the game and having sex with as many women as possible, I started to get more pleasure from sharing stories of conquest than trying to develop relationships.

The game became an end instead of a means, and since girls of my country were doing the same thing to a degree (hooking up for pleasure), wasn’t my behavior closer to normalcy than not? Wasn’t casual sex being featured on popular movies and television shows? At the same time, I was writing about my knowledge on how to get laid, gaining me respect from other men around the world, feeding my ego with blog hits, comments, and later, book sales. As much as my ego was being filled, it would get furious when I wanted to take breaks from the game, even short ones. It made me feel that I was a loser for not always banging new tail, that I was regressing back into being a nobody. I stayed in the game, near continuously, for over ten years.

In spite of all that I’ve given my ego, including minor world fame, it wanted more. It wanted me to keep banging, keep collecting notches, and keep pushing the envelope to land more media mentions. This is because the ego can not be ever satisfied. It will be the first to tell you that your most recent accomplishment wasn’t quite good enough so you push more and make sure it is stroked again. Not even one day after the best sex in your life, it will tell you to go to the club and put in more approaches. Your ego will take over if you let it, controlling you like a master controls a slave, using your body as a means to lift it to lofty heights where the view may be nice but the air is thin.

You meet a girl and add her to Facebook. You download the cutest picture of her from several years back. She’s not your type, but you pursue her, get her in bed, and then email your friends the photo.

You read a forum and notice a couple of guys are racking up a lot of notches, more than you. You decide to push extra hard so that you can meet their count and then publicly discuss your success.

You pick up an average girl at a bar and take her home. The more she talks, the softer your boner gets, but you manage to keep it together to get the bang. In the middle of sex, your mind thinks of messaging friends a “+1” text.

In these cases, the primary pleasure you felt was the ten-second orgasm, which may have taken hours to accomplish. Your ego felt everything else, taking away the enjoyment that should have been present in the seduction, the kiss, the intimacy, the rapport. Your ego tricked you, convincing you that you need or must get laid, but after the orgasm, when you realize the experience was barely satisfying, you notice your ego has already skipped out, leaving you stuck with the bill. It doesn’t care about how you feel or how little you’ve actually gained from your efforts, just that it was fed before you.

If you were on a lonely island with one attractive girl, how many times would you want to have sex per week? Now fast forward one year. If you were still on the island with her, would you be having more or less sex? The second scenario is closer to determining your biological baseline need for sex. This is when you have sex for sex, not for ego. This is what you want to aim for, since going above that means working for the ego, the parasite that has attached itself to you, and not yourself.

Not every man is born to be a player. Some need sex daily while other barely need it at all, but thinking you want to be a player just because you see another man get a lot of girls is certain to cause your ego to take over. Comparing yourself to others means you are ignoring your true desire and handing over the reins to your ego so that it can dictate your life based on what it sees other people are doing. A man must instead discover his true sex need, the optimum level that fills his spirit and no one else’s. But therein enters a dilemma.

In the past, baseline sex could be achieved for a man with a good job or one who has accumulated resources. We no longer live during those times. Now sex is a craft, and it takes a craftsman to get laid. You can’t even get a kiss from a girl unless you possess at least basic game knowledge, whether you’re good looking or not. The dilemma is how to gain enough skill to get baseline sex while preventing your ego from taking over the sex act. This is how you do it: play the game and put in the approaches but don’t count your notches, don’t count your flags, don’t forward naked pictures or texts, don’t write about your bangs, don’t send +1 texts, and don’t high five your friends after a fresh score. Keep sex private, close to your chest—so close that your ego has no space to get in between you and the girls you sleep with.

Previously I wrote:

If a man bangs a pretty girl in an Eastern European shithole and has no one to tell, did the bang make a sound?

With this statement I missed. It should have read:

If a man bangs a pretty girl in an Eastern European shithole and has no one to tell, did his ego get stroked?

No, his ego didn’t get stroked. I was experiencing ego-less sex and lamenting that it was reducing my chasing of random notches.

Am I being realistic when I say you shouldn’t high-five your friends after a new lay? No. I’m giving you the ideal, but unless you exclusively roll solo dolo and lack internet access, it will be hard not to receive ego pellet rewards from mentioning your new scores and soaking in the glory. But if you overdo it, as I have, the ego assumes control, and no amount of notches or flags will make you content. The treadmill will never stop, and you will end up so far down the wrong road, so lost in in the darkness of female humanity, that you don’t know how to get back.

On one path you have men who don’t get laid at all, and on the other you have players who have sex for their ego. Like a pendulum, I’ve swung from one extreme to the other, avoiding the path in the middle, where the game would be played to fulfill my biological urge for sex and female companionship while ignoring my ego’s attempts to compare my results with others or to have sex for the main purpose of sharing it with people I subconsciously want to impress. The correct path is wanting to bust a nut inside a girl you are attracted to so that you can relieve the tension in your crotch, not alleviate the ache of your insecurities.

In experiments I’ve done on myself the past year, I find that I only need sex twice a week. Pursuing above that baseline will not bring me any additional benefit. Maintaining a harem of four girls, a good bragging number, is useless when one girl can completely satisfy my sex needs. Maybe I will get bored of her after only two months, but that relationship is still long enough where my required activity in game is but a small fraction of what I normally had put in.

It’s obvious to me that I wasn’t supposed to be a player for more than a couple years, but being one in the age of the internet is a nonstop party for the ego, because now the audience you can share your achievements with has no limit. From my crumbling ego tower I see other guys who think they are getting laid for themselves, but if they shut their blogs down, turn off the cameras, stop tracking bang metrics, stop tweeting, or stop sharing pictures, they’d be surprised themselves how quickly they would seek out traditional relationships. Where you find a player, you find an ego that is being vigorously stroked. Each notch gets plugged into a validation machine that rewards the player to keep going even when there is a small internal reward. His behavior has become dictated mostly by external responses, not inner desire, and when those external responses are shut off at once, his mating strategy will change overnight.

My brother has just turned 17. I want him to achieve enough knowledge for his baseline sex need to be satisfied without being corrupted by his ego. I will advise him to commit to a 2 or 3 year surge of intense game experimentation and sexual discovery to become a competent craftsmen who has enough ability to fulfill these baseline urges. Once he has developed his own sex funnel, he can relax his game efforts and simply maintain his skill while pursuing other hobbies that are unrelated to women. The correct path is not going sexless, and it’s not having sex for the ego—it’s taking the middle path. As a man who has been to both extremes, this path is illuminated clearly before me now, and the best advice I can give young men is to treat this as a hobby, not a lifestyle. Don’t follow in my footsteps by giving the sex act over to your ego. Satisfy your baseline urges and alleviate the heaviness in your testicles, but no more.

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  • LaidNYC

    As we all pause and reflect on how awesome it would have been to have Roosh as an older brother.

    Though really I think of him more as an uncle.

  • Anonymous

    “This is how you do it: play the game and put in the approaches but don’t count your notches, don’t count your flags, don’t forward naked pictures or texts, don’t write about your bangs, don’t send +1 texts, and don’t high five your friends after a fresh score. Keep sex private, close to your chest—so close that your ego has no space to get in between you and the girls you sleep with.”

    you really weren’t kidding when you said your new posts would fly directly in the face of your older posts….congrats for having the balls to achieve personal growth. enjoy.

  • gringochileno

    There’s a potential issue here: how does one maintain his acquired level of game skill if he decides to satisfy his baseline need for sex through a monogamous relationship? I know that I start to get rusty if I go a week or 2 without doing an approach, and after recently getting back into game following an LTR (in which I would still do the occasional approach for shits and giggles), let me tell you that you do eventually get back into your groove, but the learning curve is not to be underestimated. Plus there’s the issue of shifting cultural trends and the ever-present arms race of more guys adapting and learning game. I just don’t see how this strategy is totally practical without at least intermittently chasing some tail to keep your skills current.

    [Roosh: You return to the gym after a long break and notice your strength is less, but thanks to muscle memory, you easily meet your prior strength and then exceed it. Unless you want to be a body builder, you don’t need to be there every day. You also don’t need to maintain your game at high levels at all times. It takes very few approaches and dates to reach your prior form after an absence, as I have noticed. If you can’t take breaks, ask yourself if you are playing the game, or if the game is playing you.]

  • Felix

    Very self aware post showing Roosh’s coming of maturity.

  • kingsly

    Summed up perfectly the motions i’m currently experiencing. After a while sex just becomes dull and is only used purely as an ego boost, To be honest sometimes i would prefer to masturbate rather than have sex with an average girl.

  • TrueHeart

    u’re sounding like the rawness. great stuff

  • GM

    Roosh, this is a fucking great post. It seems you have come full circile and achieved a high level of maturity with your game. My respect for you as a writer increases more and more.

    Hall of fame post, surely.

  • cryo

    Great post, keep it coming.

  • doclove

    This was well written and very philosophical. Somewhere in the middle, I was wondering if wanted to be like the character, Cypher, in the movie trilogy, The Matrix, but Roosh didn’t at the end of the article, and he won’t be feminized nor made into a beta or worse an omega. He has grown beyond this is all he is saying so don’t make stupid attacks on him. The problem which he hints at is that the past formulas for attracting and having sex with women works less and less or not at all any more and a new formula usually called GAME has a greater tendency to bring success. The world has changed since 1965, and it is even more changed since 1865.

    Since Roosh did not have sex with a woman and remained a virgin until after he graduated university at age 22 or 23 which made him an omega to women. Now Roosh is an Alpha with women, and has illustrated on this blog how to become one. I’m not insulting Roosh, but praising him for turning his life around. I try to extend my definition of beta to the left end of the spectrum of statistical standard deviation by calling a man beta rather than omega as it is more harsh to do this, and I try to not extend so much to the right as to be a true alpha is rare and I never want something to go to one’s head and inflate his ego, but if you have not had at least a Eric “Mystery” Markovic or Neil “Style” Strauss “FOOL’S MATE” one night and still a virgin, then you are an omega for as painful as it is to say and as more painful as it is to hear. If he wasn’t starved of sex, he would have never done what he did. He was fed lies in the early part of his life which he had to dispel and learn the truth. More than the physical act of sex, he needed to heal his wounded ego. He did, and now he is ready to move on to the next stage of his life. Good for him, and I wish him well.

    Without the current blue pill feminastyism we have today, this was virtually certain to never happen. The feminasties at Jezebel etc. can hate Roosh and others like him, but if he is a monster, ladies, then do you not see how people like you, the blue pill and the lies created him and people like him? Yes, he chose to be that way, but you folks set up the conditions and environment he lived in. It was a damned if he did and a damned if he didn’t situation. He took the red pill and sought the truth and did not live with the lie like you feminasties, blue pill people etc. wanted. More and more men will take the red pill even if it remains a minority. You feminasties etc. made your own bed, now lie in it.

  • Big Jim

    As the saying goes “You only have one dick.”

  • Mr Movement

    The fact is that you cannot know who is the right girl for you, if you do not have sex with enough girls.

  • nguyenimproved

    Just when you think you have the Roosh-man pegged, or think he’s plateaued..he moves to a whole other level.
    Very self-aware and scientific thought process. You’ve never been afraid to think, experiment and question dogmatic beliefs which is what makes your writing crack cocaine for the nerdy asians amongst us.
    Great refusal to let your past dictate who you are!
    This is Evolution in acction.
    In fact I think Charles Darwin must’ve had you in mind when he was writing the classic ‘Orgasm of the Species’.

  • nguyenimproved

    keep em comin

  • litte roosh

    this rings totally true in my experience… last year was my most prolific year in terms of vagina and was probably one of my most miserable years… learning how to get laid is one thing but obsessing over it and needing it all the time can become very unpleasant indeed….

  • Emmanuel Goldstein from ROK

    Great post. Trouble is, for many American men including myself, sex with strange women is easier to come by than a solid relationship with a pleasant woman. Even if I wanted to take the egoless stable path of a monogamous long term relationship, it’s not easily accessible. You may not want the raft of notches, but that may be the only choice besides celibacy and tolerating an inferior woman.

  • RobP

    Great post, Roosh. This is why even though Game is necessary and has its upsides I never mind ducking out for a bit to pursue a LTR when an unusually pleasant prospect turns up.

  • Harland

    Yeah, I can see where this is going. It’s going to be all “I’m burned out” and “it’s all crap, men” from now on. The journey is kind of necessary to have even gotten to this point. Maybe it’s natural, this progression? Maturity, it happens?

    That’s fucked up though, thinking more of texting male friends than DIP in the present tense. Yikes.

  • oncewasahater

    once upon a time you banned me for being a hater. but really, i was just a year or two ahead of you in these feelings. glad to see you evolving

    and most importantly, congrats for being so honest and open on your blog

    reminds me james altucher

  • Michael Long

    Regarding sociopathic game guys, I have to say I made a great finding. I banged this chick once, ex-carousel rider, 33 years old, vegan and feminist. She asked me at first to choke her and hit her. I started to do that in a shy way and she started to like it more and more. Now every time we fuck I beat the shit out of her. I even bought some special wing tsun gloves, so that I don’t hurt myself with the beatings. Some incredible shit happened and she is now totally hooked. A couple of days ago I hit her so hard that she started to bleed from the nose and she started to cry. When I told her “shall I stop?”, she said “I just cry because you hit me in the ear with an open hand, watch out next time”

  • Conor

    One of your best posts ever… It’s so true that ego can’t really be satisfied. Definitely need to make changes in my life involving it.

  • Virgle Kent

    Man this post was mad deep! Head’s up I was working on something very similar for this week at NLU.

    But I wanted to mention age has a lot to do with coming to this realization. The urge to bang typically decreases with age for most men. You get older and you think of all the stuff you could be doing if you weren’t chasing after sex the whole time.

    But it’s so true not every man is built for this shit, to be a player. If you’re worried about impressing your friends or even worse internet strangers you’re only hurting yourself.

  • Mark

    This is the male version of the hamster. The player realizes that he’s getting too old, or whatever, and suddenly realizes it’s “not a good lifestyle” or something like that.

  • Nathan

    So true! This is probably the best thing Roosh has written in at least 2 years.

    Posts like this are what elevate Roosh and make him stand out from other similar bloggers.

  • erm

    I don’t buy this theory about ego sex versus sex for pleasure – on the grounds that it is illogical.

    Personally I have never once had sex with a woman who I wouldn’t have had sex with if I hadn’t been able to talk about it with others. On the contrary, there are several women who I have had sex with who I really don’t want to talk about, because they were objectively unattractive. I guess I’m just one of that section of people who doesn’t have sex in order to brag.

    Would I have as much sex with the same beautiful woman after a year of being on an isolated island with her? No. But that’s because (i) the novelty would have gone, and (ii) turn-offs such as arguments would have arrived. It would not be because I wasn’t able to photograph her and email her image as a trophy to my friends.

    If Roosh really had sex just so that he could brag, then I’m sorry for him and congratulate him on moving on.

    But I’m left puzzled: It’s implausible that her annoying voice or foul character would be enough to kick her out of bed, if she is objectively attractive in the physical sense. How can a man not have sheer pleasure (ie non-ego sex) from having sex with a woman who is sexy enough to be bragging about (objectively attractive) afterwards? If she’s objectively attractive, how can a straight man not be attracted to an objectively attractive woman? Answers please.

    Final thought: When a guy shares holiday pics, as we all do, is that an ego holiday or a holiday for pleasure? Or what about parents who share photos of their kids? Surely that’s just sharing, more often than it is bragging?

    Sharing something with enthusiasm is not an ego trip, but… enthusiasm. Same goes for car geeks who share car photos, nature lovers who share pics of eagles, and all the rest.

    But if you genuinely have done something not for enjoyment but purely to brag, you’ve got to ask why you didn’t enjoy that something in the first case.

    At a guess at a possibility, I wouldn’t go for the cheap line that Roosh is a closet homosexual who doesn’t enjoy sex with objectively attractive women. I’d say it’s because Roosh is – like most men – a bit of a softy and really wants to be in love.

  • MJ

    A stunning article. One of the very best yet.I read it 3 times and it has a lot of wisdom. Well Done Roosh.

  • bloody knuckles
  • Anonymous

    This is not related to your post but I have a question. I have been with four men in my life the third I married. I’m now a widow since two years. I loved my husband immensely and never expect to be happy like I was. Anyway after nearly two years I decided to take up the offer of a date with a man from my work . Prior to this the only pleasure I had was what I gave to myself through my imagination. I have a couple of dates with him and he then takes me to an expensive hotel and we have sex during which he slapped choked and hit me not to mention called me a dirty slut. My husband never did this to me nor my boyfriend before. Do all men initiate this in bed nowadays? Do all women want this am I abnormal? I’m still quite young but this does for me I’m shy and submissive and don’t mind being bossed about abit but I’m not a slut I have no tatoos. If this is what men like and want then my entry back into dating will soon be my exit.

  • Grit

    Calling it Game is the inherent explanation for this duality.

    When a system exists, the person who games the system reaps big awards- initially. It antagonizes the system such that everyone dominos down the path of gaming the system.

    You may desire a semblance of a relationship, but the other players are out to antagonize that- even if they are friends. They are not teammates anymore.

    For an example, see diving in soccer. This is now a whole additional consideration to the game- how good do you play? How good do you dive?

    Although all is fair in love and war, just consider this: we were once allied enough to invent codes of warfare that two enemies still followed. Never again.

  • / Hipstersstink

    One of the best posts.

    I’ve thought this for the past year. It hit a high after a period of balancing three girls at once then a one night stand shortly after that. It just wore me out. It was such a waste of time.

    Banging girls for the past year felt emotionless and the only pleasure I got was, like you say, that 10 seconds of orgasm. None of these girls were your American sluts either. Except maybe one. All the foreign girls were nice and deserved better. Not to be just something to fulfil my ego with.

    I’m in the middle of a six month break from the scene. Trying to understand things a little better and ensure I maximise my efficiency and only spend time with a real quality girl. Erase the need for a dopamine high and ego fulfilment. This post couldn’t come at a better time.

    I’ve followed your blog since the DCB days. We are about the same age. I’m sure age is part of it, but I’ve followed a very similar path (although not to the same extent). Moved to europe around the same time. Became exposed to European women on a deeper level at the same time as your posts indicate. Now this post hits home right in the middle of some personal discovery of a similar nature. Thanks for this.

  • Bui3

    Even tough I had sex a couple times before, it wasn’t until I turned 13 that I realized how much I like to chase pussy. The house was full of people, friends and family, I was sleeping in the couch that day and all I could think about was that pretty babysitter of my little cousin that just arrived, she was 16 had nice big knockers, and screamed sex from every cell of her body, she was sleeping in the room outside. I had to find a way to get there without waking up anyone…. The next day as I was heading to another city with an uncle, I was in trance recalling every little detail of the best sex I’ve had up to that point, but mostly I was very proud of my master plan and how well it worked, It was an indescribable adrenaline rush that I would be willing to repeat over and over.

    Now I am in my late forties (I look a lot younger) and that feeling hasn’t changed. I enjoy getting a new 18-25 girl every few days and try to keep a couple on rotation. I do it because I love to have variety of women in my bed as well of the trill of being creative getting them. That is my nature (I was married for a short time and was not my thing) so I went back to be who I really am.

    However, I do that along with all the other things I like purely out of enjoyment. I treat women good, I don’t hate them, and I get along well with them. I am not rich either so they are not with me for money.

    I believe things have to be done for the right reasons, be a career, sports, hobbies, girls etc … and that is passion and enjoyment. If a guy is chasing girls (or doing anything) out of trying to balance an insecure personality, then it becomes necessary to reevaluate what is going on deep inside. If you are happy with what you do then keep doing it until that changes. I don’t really think is a matter of age or whatever societies tries to impose, Is a matter of how YOU really feel doing the things you like.

  • Mike

    Read The Power of Now? Sounds like it. If not, you should. This lines right up with it.

  • obrero

    haha in the second to last paragraph Roosh sounds like the girl in “Patrica’s iphone”

  • Ja$$mini$ter God$ize

    What is real? Is it LIVE or is it Memorex? This is fly-guy stuff.

  • Giovonny

    Best post in a while.

    Great stuff.

  • Quintus Curtius

    My philosophy entirely. Perfect summation. A life devoted solely to virtue is sterile and barren, but at the same time, the other extreme, (sexual dissipation) can corrupt and destroy a man just as certainly. The best way is to make the “art of venery” a pastime and avocation. But I do agree with Roosh that before you can settle into this “cruise control” zone, you need to rack up some notches. Let’s face it…in the beginning, there is something to be said for quantity. A man needs to have a baseline level of sexual experiences and proficiency.

  • lulz

    Funny I thought of Prosal trying to claim his bangs are superior to everyone elses the moment I started reading this. CLASSIC.

  • Soren K

    It is this type of unflinching and brutal self honesty in your writing that will lead people who have followed your path or are halfway there already to make them reconsider their choices. You mentioned your brother and how you want to direct him away from unhappiness, wasted time and promote his increased well being and internal strength, well Roosh it won’t just be your brother who you are affecting but the thousands of men out there you read your writing today or who will read this post in the years to come. You are creating positive karma by surgically dissecting yourself and sharing it with others who are dealing with similar issues. In 5 years time when you look back at this critical juncture you are going to realize how much happier and fulfilled you are for making this shift in your life.

  • Grover

    This sounds like the “Middle Path” of Buddhism. Could this be related to your stoicism or buddhism tweet?

  • seven dials

    “At the same time, I noticed I got an easy high not from sex, but new sex. Working on a relationship didn’t give me the same dopamine rush as banging a new girl, even if her quality was average.” That. Right. There. Thank God I’m not the only one.

    I’m currently wrestling with exactly these issues. I had sex to feel like I was somebody and to fool myself that I was living a life. The main reason I want to get back in the game after way too long recovering from a failed LTR and dealing with a ton of life-shit is that I want to prove I Still Got It. And also, you know, the fun and physical stuff. But that was never a simple pleasure. I have some hesitation about this, and now I know why. Doing it for ego won’t lead to satiation. Doing it for physical pleasure, even for an ex-addict-y type like me, will. I don’t want to get laid every day. One night a week would do. That shouldn’t be so tough to organise, should it? (Irony alert.)

    Many thanks. I go to 12-Step meetings for the same reason: to hear someone else say something I’m struggling to put into coherent thoughts myself. And to be reminded that I am not the only one on the planet who feels that way.

  • Curt

    I’ve been reading your blog here for a few years now Roosh and I can appreciate your candor and self introspection. Thanks for being honest. Everyone grows as a human being. Regarding your final analysis, I agree, and as to causative factors which causes a man to overly pursue pussy, I have a couple other hypothesis:

    1. sometimes I do not game a chick to prove or delude myself into thing I am free — by sometimes denying myself things I want — the freedom from desire.

    2. I also think that for many guys who bang a lot of chicks are guys who were awkward and unsuccessful in his developing years, possibly ridiculed during his teens years and hence gone forth into the world to prove to himself and to others that he is “worthy” of sex from women. Hopefully as more men take the red pill they will come to realize what you have concluded in this post, and to pursue the female of our species for the right reason, and proper moderation.

  • jihad

    i notice i have FAR more success with women when i view the interaction with this mentality:

    “this is a fun way for me to experience the thing i’ve craved as long as i can remember – sexual and romantic variety with interesting and attractive women on my own terms”

    instead of:

    “i need to sleep with this girl to prove that my game is tight and that i am a worthwhile male.”

    the second the latter attitude starts creeping in, i’m in trouble – that’s ego and it not only kills game, but it’ll never fulfill you. it’s why mark manson says that vulnerability is the key to attracting women – unleash your purest and whole self, in the moment, without fear. that’s the goal.

  • Emperor

    What is the world coming to? the most fulfilling feeling in the world is bangging some one new. You get this animalistic conquest thrill, that ahhhhh… There is no other feeling like that. Then what, you get sick of banging the same person. Roosh you’re off the mark, but what the hell maybe you’re getting old. You’re telling me that you want to care for women who are cold and can’t experience emotions? Wake up man

  • Anonymous

    I hope you don’t give up writing just because you’ve learned a few life lessons. You’re a good writer. And you’re honest about it.

  • The Cassanova

    I get this sort of sex. I’m typically the guy who aims to bang girls who have wronged me in some way or another. I call this banging the enemy chick. The sex is just to gratify the ego in knowing that I got reparation for a wrong.

  • Ruxman

    Having sex just for the notches and validation is needy behaviour, placing others opinions of yourself above your own. But it’s tempting and easy to slip into the notch game, i suppose thats why a lot of guys do it. This post sounds like post-masculine, but you’ve gone further and addressed the dillema that you need notch-chasing style game to get laid anyway…. Plot thickens.

  • Hencredible Casanova

    Good post, Roosh. As testosterone levels decline with age, doing more with less becomes preferable, if not necessary. I wonder now that you’ve come to this realization what that will mean with where you decide to go and how you decide to live. Seems that you’re going about your growth in a healthy way. Look forward to future posts.

  • Anon DC guy

    This post is very timely for me. I just blew it with a girl who could have been my soulmate. Call me a pussy, but this eastern european girl had it bad for me. She loved me. But i acted like a cold, sociopathic player, thought she was like other American girls(she speaks without much of an accent). I blew it. She became very angry and shut me out. She was so kind, intensely sexual and hot as freaking hell. I thought playing aloof would be best. Boy was I wrong. I’m starting to think that i am losing more women by being a jerk. I’m going to be confident, beta complimenter and softie. I’ve actually never lost chicks by acting like a nerd. It works like a charm, although i will comment that i am very good looking. I lose chicks because they think that i “am not into them.” Believe me, acting like an alpha jerk works with trashy women, but with the great girls, you are sometimes shooting yourself in the foot.

  • A F

    unfortunately really one of Roosh’s weakest posts

    the QUALITY OF THE GIRL is th e most important actually

    anyone can fuck a 3/10 and release his testicles sperm… but it is a shame actually to have sex with a 3/10

  • A F

    actually girls have much higher guys-banged ratio during a lifetime.

    on average, a regular guy sleeps with 4 girls in a lifetime, while

    on average, a regular girl sleeps with 12 guys in a lifetime

  • Anonymous

    This post probably applies most to normal dudes. If you’re a celebrity and you’re banging 8s and 9s effortlessly, then you’re probably doing that for the intrinsic pleasure. Most celebrity men actually hide the fact they bang a ton.

    Putting in a ton of effort to get a 6 requires some more extrinsic reward in order to push through on a consistent basis.

    I’m not a big fan of buddhism, or the stripped down eckhart tolle style western buddhist mindset.

    The ego is good. Your ego is your sense of self. The ego isn’t bad, but it’s how you gratify it that can be harmful.

  • Anonymous

    You are fucking awesome…

  • Lehtair

    thank you for writing this

    Safety and peace be upon you in your journies

  • femme fetal

    Yay! Hurry up and breed already!

  • hmm

    Roosh, I thought this was a parody until I reached the end. If you’re not pulling my leg, I’m impressed with your insight into yourself.

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with lots of partners and lots of sex, but only if it truly makes a man happy. Doing it for other reasons will lead to misery, and you articulated that well.

  • LH

    Like this post.
    When I think about it, you can go even deeper. Not just excessive sex is for ego validation, but many other activities. This post receives a lot of validation from readers: “deep analysis”, “one of the best”. It’s just that instead of bragging about notch, in a way you’re bragging about your self-introspection.

    Which is the essence of being a writer, in my opinion. We all want to get our ego stroked.

  • 007 Game

    Oh, and that’s why I’ll NEVER do pipelining and online shit. The hallmark of a guy who is trying to get laid just so he could get laid, with minimum effort, not because of some real world attraction, but because copy pasting is easy.

  • YouKnowWho

    Congrats Roosh…you may finally be ready to look at RSD for insight on this new personal shift, instead of slandering them.

    I grabbed some relevant videos to your specific current life/ego/validation/relationships re-evaluation…RSD and PUAs in general gave up the +1 belt notch high-fiving a long time ago for the same reasons you’re finally discovering.

    Watch these videos or don’t, it’s your life. I’m just linking them specifically for you, to help. Don’t let your ego force you to turn a deaf ear to the advice of guys further down the road than you:

  • Anonymous

    Roosh, I can understand.

    Pre-game, I used to jerk off and say “That’s all it is worth”, meaning after so much bullshit, so much effort, both in marriage and in chasing women, the nothingness that having an orgasm, that spit spit spit done thing that the male orgasm is, was just not worth all the horseshit and cost and stress and hassle and even pain that having women, fucking women, being with women, entailed.

    Next week, I am going over into Manboobz and dropping a big comment. Usually the ‘boob sort of has this deal with me. He takes my comments and re-posts them, then he and all the kittettes get all snarky and yukyuk about it. It’s an easy post for him on days when he is a little lazy. And then it gets reposted on other Fem sites.

    And they got this “Minty and his friend (or hero) Roosh” thing that they all yukyuk about.

    I am not sure of the total theme, but I think it is this validation of Game. In it, I was gonna declare the validity of it is proven by you and by me.

    See, I got this relationship now with a 34 year old HB 7. Now keep in mind I am now, today, 58 years old. I had a birthday recently. And a 24 year old HB9 will turn into a HB 8. So for most 34 year olds HB 7 is pretty good. Especially a thin, athletic one with low partner count. So no, a HB 7 is not Miss America. But when you are 58 and you hook one, and hooked her good, to me, that is sort of a big deal. You guys have not been 58, and you don’t know how many doors are going to shut when your cross 48. So blow through 55 and just about all of them shut.

    People that see her fucking say to me, “and why do you think this is a viable action to take on your part? This is a risk for you here. What could a woman that looks like that, that is that young, possibly want in a relationship with a man your age.”

    And they don’t understand when I say, “I got skillz.”

    And so on Manboobz I am gonna declare you the biggest winner ever of Game. And the also validation of the techniques in what I have achieved from it.

    And what I mean by that is the whole evolution, the personality change you have undergone due to the Winner Effect, the testosterone build, the personality morph that has been induced via hormone changes in your endocrine system from weights, from success, from fame, and from sex.

    You are the perfect example of “fake it till you make it” where “making it” is arriving at congruence in the signals that are read by women where an elevated testosterone level induces the personality change that leads to both success with women and gains in life.

    Also I say you are the best example and role of men to seek to find some way to live “off the grid”, to find a life, a means of work, something that is outside the current system, to not blindly be slaves that allow shackles to be placed on them. That if you just set it, not as just a goal, but as a mindset, that you will find a way to get out, to live differently, it can be done. This biggest first step is saying “I am gonna do it. I won’t give in to the easy.”

    So I got a gig like that now, off the grid, location independent, doing some web stuff that uses disruptive technology, that attacks an incumbent that is an organization using older technology, that is one more project to show men it can be done, one more thing that chips away at the system, one more guy dropping drops of water “down the chimney”. And it was reading you, doing it, saying it could be done, work for it, dream of it, do not accept the easy because it is easy.

    When some Game blog writers speak of their writing to others, they take this PC definition “I write a blog to advise men about male attraction so that they may reach their relationship goals”

    While being where I am wasn’t necessarily a “relationship goal” and actually goes against the grain of what I thought I wanted to get from Game, I would say Game is entirely responsible for me being where I am. Both in a work sense and in a relationship sense.

    OK, so given some shit I wrote in the past, I am gonna have to eat a little “crow”, and accept some things I thought differently about not to long ago.

    And yes, you are gonna have to backtrack a little on some things you have written in the past.

    But where I go, whatever, I do from this day forward, I go there as I go there because of Game and the changes it created in me and the values it instilled in me.

    Keep in mind, there is this great question among men, “Now that the traditional mission of men, marriage and family, has been taken from us, what now?”

    So if responsibility free sex, to take that from women that men wish from women and not fall prey, not be trapped, is not the be all and end all of what a true post-modern man should do with his life, it is still key that men learn both, to be men, and to no longer accept the previous “sex role” foisted on them by women and by this culture, and in whatever men choose as a “relationship goal” they do it from a position of power, of strength, of awareness, and from options.

    So what we do then is follow those paths, write about them, and continue to build this postmodern consciousness.

    I am going to tell you straight out and the kittettes can go fuck themselves, I am better at being me because you got better at being you and showed me how to do it.

    So I call “Next” and lets see where it goes man.

  • anon1

    good post that was hinted at by you a few posts ago just after your hiatus.

    I think i’m happy with ego fucking for the moment. but i’ll take the middle road under advisement. still in that warm glow phase of being a beta-turned-player

  • Anonymous

    A thought for you, Roosh.

    Your last two posts, the “Border Run” stories, were exciting: they had the feel of life itself, of the irreducible grain of experience.

    They were without cliche.

    This post bored me. It’s competently written, of course, but feels too smooth — as smooth as any one of a million essentially abstract pieces one could read on the web, all day, every day.

    It’s chatter, driven by the one truly puerile need of the writer: to pretend to summation where no such thing is necessary, or even possible.

    Fiction is where you shine, because your fine eye for the particular and for the felt experience releases you from the eschatological tourette’s of asking, again and again, is that all there is? It’s the dullest question in the world, and the slipperiest slope to the fake profound. Avoid it.

    Your future is fiction or silence. I hope you choose the former.–

  • Another one bites the dust

    This post can get the award for the most uninspired Roosh post ever.

    It is about having sex with ugly fat girls, just for the sole purpose of sex..

    it is really sad

  • Anonymous

    Ego ego ego, have you been reading Tolle or something?

  • Marty McSi

    I worry that Rooshy might start experimenting with shemales. The dopamine addiction is hard to quit and Roosh needs something different to get the high he used to get from pussy.

  • RightBrain

    Read ‘The Master and His Emissary’. Facebook is the ego in virtual format. It’s taking over, but also sowing the seeds of its own destruction.

  • Pop-T

    I think we all can agree that its good to keep a successfull lay entirely to yourself and not brag at all once in a while

    But a little ego is not neccessarily a bad thing, i mean roosh seriously, look at all the adventures you had on your ego-quest for poon. All the countrys you’ve seen and experienced. Isn’t that stuff the real reward for the efforts you put into the game?

  • Blade

    This post sounds very Buddhist-like.

  • Raul Felix

    I had my fun with random chicks. I know my baseline and what I want in a woman after experimenting with different types. I realized that while I personally, have player tendencies, I am happier being in a relationship with one high quality woman. It’s just more fulfilling.

  • Andres

    Hey bro, I’m in Finland for a month. Would be great to see you.

  • OlioOx

    The Middle Path

    There is plenty of nonsense in Buddhism (the insistence on reincarnation, for example). But the Middle Path, understood in a secular sense, is a formula for mental and emotional health. Consider this Buddhist saying, which is clearly an illustration of how one applies the Middle Path to one’s own life:

    “You should always consider yourself above some and beneath others.”

    This could also be stated “superior to some and inferior to others.” The basic idea is not complicated.

    To more fully realize the power of this idea, imagine its transgression. What state are people in when they consider themselves superior to everyone else? And what state are they in when they consider themselves inferior to everyone else?

  • OlioOx

    By the way Roosh: You stated in 2009 that you were rereading your notes on Buddhism “every month.” Now it’s five years later. Any new thoughts, reflections, conclusions, about your impressions of Buddhism?

  • OlioOx

    @ Michael Long (post #19 above)

    After every night of beating the shit out of your lady love with your Wing Tsun gloves, her face is no doubt a mass of bruises: “A couple of days ago I hit her so hard that she started to bleed from the nose and she started to cry.” How does she explain this to those who see her during the next couple of weeks — co-workers, friends, family etc.?

  • Curveball

    Breadcrumbs, posting for those interested in the post….

  • Lika

    Here comes the new Roosh, finally.

    It looks like you took a long time admitting that you don’t need more than 2 bangs per week, although it was already mentioned in some of your posts (or Ukraine ebook?) for quite a while now, if I’m not mistaken.

    I need much more sex than that and I’m older than you (and 95% of my bangs I never tell anyone). I think your post will help many (wannabe) players who don’t have strong sex urges and who complicate things for us who do ^^

  • Alex

    Id like to see him cover the concept of backdoor ego. Cause not telling anyone about the bang and not counting notches feeds your ego as well /har har

  • Anonymous

    I know what you mean.I bang chicks so i can make them orgasm,it was a thing we had going and i dominated the betas.Not one of them could make a chick cream but i could,proud male ego stroked to the max.The downfal of this is when the sluts call and break into my apartment,waiting to hop on my like its crack.New bangs were my missions…….

    That was the old me,i met this beautiful indian girl who i just couldn’t thinking….marrying her was the greatest damn choice i ever made…….She clings to me like glue,its fucking amazing.She keeps herself up and ive never seen her look bad before……This part of life for me…im a sex addict,i keep in mind that shes a woman and gets to sore to have sex like i want from her.She gives the best fucking blowjobs,so it works out.

    I find beautiful chicks who cling to you sexually make the best steady and faithful wives.

  • Brianmark

    He still could have gone to all the same countries and banged all the same girls without telling anyone. You have to decide whose life are you living: yours or your readers?

  • Nomad77

    It’s ironic that you banned me when I was one of the few guys fighting for this point of view all along but I congratulate you in having the balls to finally admit it.