Having to experience flakey chicks is probably the most frustrating aspect of game. You had chemistry with a girl, exchanged contact information, and perhaps did a little kissy action, but she simply wouldn’t get back to you or agree to plans. And then you analyze every bit of the interaction to see what you did “wrong.” I have a mountain of emails from guys listing the many affections a girl has done to them and then asked me, stunned, how she could have possibly flaked.
How can I reduce flaking? Is there a line I can say before getting the number? Etc.
Sure there are lines you can say, but are those flake-reducing or simply game-enhancing? I believe that specific things meant to reduce flakiness are just tightened game features that show qualities like confidence and scarcity, and should be done regardless.
Men are logical beings and when they set a plan or commit to something they carry it out most of the time. If you’re a guy you probably feel a little bad or guilty for cancelling on someone, but women don’t. They have a very powerful rationalization system that makes it all too easy for them to leave someone in the lurch. When it comes to setting plans, the commitment part of their brain is weak and “Yes” is an word that has significant overlap with “Maybe” and “No.”
Just take a look at how much women flake on their own kind. The reason they don’t care when they flake on you is because they’ve been doing it forever. Who the hell are you? You’re some guy she talked to in the bar for an hour, big deal—she flakes regularly on the girlfriend she knows from grade school.
I’m sure you’ve reluctantly gone out on a date with a girl who you were no longer sure about. You didn’t cancel beforehand because, like I mentioned above, you’d feel bad for cancelling. You’re a man of your word. Have you ever heard the expression “She’s a woman of her word”? She’s a heartless beast who doesn’t feel a scrap of guilt for cancelling and flaking, and she feels comfortable doing it because she does it all the time, with other guys, girlfriends, and even family (my sister flakes on me and my dad regularly). And this is all because of the advanced rationalization system that I already mentioned. We really need some scientists out there to do some MRI scans to pinpoint where it’s located in the female brain. Maybe zap it with some x-rays.
My headline to this post was a bit sensational. You can’t eliminate flaking completely, but you can reduce it to practically zero. You must build a wonderful connection. It’s wonderful if after meeting you she’s wondering how she managed to live life until that moment. If you did it right she will message or call you within a few hours of parting before you contact her first. It takes about 8-12 continuous hours to build a conection that has the chance at being wonderful. It’s okay if there was sleep involved for a few of those hours.
I’m sure you’re familiar with Mystery’s seven hour figure, where he says that that’s how long it takes to comfortably bang a girl. I do believe it’s conservative as many of us have done it well before that, but note how it’s easier to have a one night stand with a girl than build a wonderful connection. It’s something so intense and so dependent on real chemistry, which game facilitates, that it resembles Hollywood more than real life. I’ve only done it maybe three times.
Therefore you must ask yourself how reasonable is aiming for zero flakiness? Is it easier to work on multiple girls and bang the ones that come through or should you go all-in on one girl who you’ll probably get tired of after a bang or two anyway? Try to make a wonderful connection, definitely, but the faster you accept flaking, like how you accept the Earth revolves around the sun, the less frustrating your life will be and the less importance you will place on any one girl. You’re able to sidestep the frustration that causes so many guys to quit the game before realizing their potential.
If you think you’ve met “the one” and know the wonderful connection is simmering underneath the surface, it’s best to wait as long as reasonably possible before stuffing your meat inside her to heighten the tension and build a “storyline,” something that is important more in relationships than one night stands. But would I personally wait before having sex with a girl because I may want to wife her up?
Nah, she may flake.Tweet Follow @rooshv
Related Posts You May Like:
Game Tips Newsletter:
I think it’s alot harder on us small town folk. We don’t have near the selection that one would find in the city so it sucks that much more when one experiences “the flake”. Any advice for small town game? I’m wide open…
svdog’s last blog post: Burn notice.
I hated flaky girls! I have my own methods that reduce it, and I’ve become better at seeing the signs. Now a days it’s rare that I get stuck, but it happened the other day. I will admit I was caught off guard. No phone call, no text….just a simple no show. That’s how fucked up girls can be. They just leave you hanging…
Tyler’s last blog post: The Googles.
Isn’t it possible that women flake on you because they sense that you are basically going to flake on them.
I mean if you’re the sort of guy that gets bored of women after having sex once or twice, maybe they sense that.
I’m sure a % of women aren’t goint to care whether or not you stick around, but some would.
Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life’s last blog post: Sour Grapes vs Practice Makes Perfect.
“Any advice for small town game?”
Unless your “small town” is a beachtown on the French Riviera, Cote des Basques or something similar; you should move.
The G Manifesto’s last blog post: Floyd Mayweather’s Defense Explained.
If I get a number I just assume the flake, and make other plans like going out to meet more new women.
The Rookie’s last blog post: I Ate The KFC Double Down.
[roosh]: “She’s a heartless beast who doesn’t feel a scrap of guilt for canceling and flaking, and she feels comfortable doing it because she does it all the time, with other guys, girlfriends, and even family”[/roosh]
I find it interesting Roosh that you are spending time in Argentina; I am here as well and I can attest to just how immature and rude Argentine females are. I know several guys here, mixed crowd of Argentine, Gringos and Germans. They are all what one would classify as decent looking, have a good steady comfortable operational income, and each have been living here for several years.
These are good men; not “loser” types by any means. None of them have wives or girlfriends, but would like to have. Argentine chicks are really skanking out.
I have the solution. Every time I meet a chick here I will exchange cell phone numbers with her. Usually I make a quick call to her on the spot so my number shows up on her call log and so we both know that we have each others number. I then tell her that I will call her on such and such a day, inviting her to do something really fun, perhaps a little extravagant, or something she would really like to do whatever it may be. Of course she is thrilled in the moment. I then tell her I am really looking forward to seeing her again, and kiss her goodbye on the cheek, then leave.
Then I never ever call her.
The score: Gringo-1, Argentine Cunt-0. Endgame.
She would have flaked anyway, so you get to flake on her.
I have to tell you too that it’s a pretty extreme state of affairs when setting up a chick like this feels better than actually scoring with her. But this is how they want it, so that’s how they get it.
Then off to the nearest brothel.
If you want to waste a fuckload of time and energy pissing up a rope and jumping through all kinds of hoops just for a stinkbox, well it’s your life. But life is too short to put too much importance on female acceptance.
The only thing that wasting all your time and money pursuing women will teach you is that women are not all that special and, in the final analysis, the more fulfilling moments in your life there was no chick around to speak of.
Some day I think you’ll understand this, eventually…
Yeah, the flakiness of girls is definitely getting annoying.
Willy Wonka’s last blog post: The Crush Chronicles (part 5.5).
“She’s a heartless beast who doesn’t feel a scrap of guilt for cancelling and flaking”
I don’t think she is a “heartless beast”. I think she is just designed a little different from us. Her brain is designed to deal with multiple men trying to bang her. Is a biological defense for her vagina.
Its just like us. We are programmed to bang multiple women. It doesn’t make us “heartless beasts”. Its just the way we are designed.
If you find yourself hating women, its becuase your own “inner game” is weak. I get rejected everyday, sometimes by rude, mean, women. But i can never hate them. They are just doing what they’re designed to do. Saving their vagina for a worthy provider/(guy that turns them on).
Love women , don’t hate them. You’ll get laid more.
- To reduce flaking you must build “a wonderful connection.” [no advice on how to do it - editor]
to avoid flaking you should be much more handsome than roosh…
“Then I never ever call her.
The score: Gringo-1, Argentine Cunt-0. Endgame.”
I like your style. Hit me up if you’re in Cordoba.
Re: How to build a wonderful connection
That would be it’s own book, but I will touch on pieces of it in future posts.
Don’t try to prevent flaking. The way to deal with this is to ignore it the first time it happens, but when you actually do get together with the girl again, at the end of that date say “That was fun, I guess I forgive you.” When she says “Forgive me for what?” say “When you flaked on me last time I was going to write you off, but I decided to give you one more chance because you probably didn’t really mean to be so rude. I made the right decision.” This is a neg combined with a compliment and statement of satisfaction, so she won’t be in a position to start an argument about it and she will get the message that you won’t put up with any more flaking.
Advice sharp as a bowling ball. “Build a wonderful connection and profit.” HOW???
Now I know what I’ve been doing wrong all those years: I’ve always been shooting for a shitty connection instead of a wonderful one. Now I know better, thanks!
And girls get upset when men date around. If pussy was reliable, we wouldn’t need to work on multiple projects simultaneously. Though we probably would just for fun…
Vincent Ignatius’s last blog post: Puja – Dana Pt. 2.
“Isn’t it possible that women flake on you because they sense that you are basically going to flake on them.”
I call bullshit on this. Here’s why: women love to think (and tell you) they’re intuitive. Practically every woman I’ve ever met says this about themselves.
And compared to men, they probably are. But here’s my question:
If women are so goddamned intuitive, why do they have the exact same divorce rate as men?
I should have read this two months ago. Lessons learned, I guess..
“I am here as well and I can attest to just how immature and rude Argentine females are”
It’s a free country brother. Brazil is next door and Ezeiza has flights to Miami…
Flaking has reached epic proportions. I’ve been flaked on to some degree by 10 out of the last 10 women I’ve had in rotation or tried to work into rotation.
The funny thing is that the hottest, smartest one is the MOST respectful of my time and although she’s definitely playing the field as much as I am, she has only canceled once and she had a legit excuse and was genuinely sorry about it. I guess I shouldn’t consider that a flake. Make that 9 out of 10.
The rest of them have ranged from not calling back when I called the first time to being a few blocks away from my house and totally blowing me off when we had firm plans.
Papillon said I am here as well and I can attest to just how immature and rude Argentine females are….
Yes there are beautiful women in Arg… however, they are only good when they are young,, I personally know many Argentiniean people and they are all divorced… I don’t know the stats but somehow I think that the women flake on all the good suitors and then end up settling for some dude they eventually hate and divorce…
As Roosh puts in his articles and in his trip book, dead bat in paraguay,, act like the classic legends Beppe and Predator, don’t aim for the date, but the close at the end of the night… I personally don’t go for numbers, I go for action the first night of the meet and won’t have to worry about flaking…
#20.. Papillon didnt say “i am here as well…”
he said what’s below that.
I’ve noticed that too. The highest quality, most coveted women often are the most respectful of my time and show the best manners.
It’s almost like there are no tradeoffs. You get the best looks and best personality.
Maybe it’s because the only 9′s & 10′s I get are ones where there’s a strong natural connection. I just find that they are easier to deal with than most 6′s, 7′s and 8′s.
“I’ve noticed that too. The highest quality, most coveted women often are the most respectful of my time and show the best manners.”
80/20 rule. With girls its more like 95/5.
The G Manifesto’s last blog post: The Best Feeling.
Diehard knows where it’s at; flake before she does.
If she was going to flake on you, you have the pleasure of having beaten her at her own game.
If she wasn’t, her interest in you will probably increase, and you set up a new date.
Go for Scandinavian chicks. Besides being easy, they do not flake so much. Promises still mean something in the north. Coming from there, I’m totally shocked by the flaking culture in colombia..
Bottom line is don’t be outcome dependent when dealing with women. One flakes, ignores you, doesn’t respond to your game . . . forget about it. Cut loose and move on. There is no “one” girl for any of us. There are many. Internalizing this is the secret to practicing game confidently and staying happy.
I found the ultimate solution for flaking, it’s inevitable however as the saying goes never treat someone as a priority when they treat you like an option. women treat us like an option by default so I do the same and when she flakes by sending a stupid sms (they all do that these days) hours before the meeting, I simply dont reply…I might call them again next week to set up something else if they are quite hot, or just keep ignoring them…ignoring women and withholding attention is the best way to go as when you dont want them badly they want you.
FYI: There’s a detailed section in Bang about how to avoid getting flaked on or stood up.
Maybe now’s a good moment to review that before going to Defcon 5 and getting chemically castrated.
Bang does have some great advice to minimize flaking and it has worked for me. Flakiness is incredible and at first my mind was blown when I made a date with a girl and on the day of the date I never heard from her again. They just go cold. One thing I have found is to make dates for the next day or even the same night. I’m the kind of person who loves to schedule things in advance, but it doesn’t work with girls.
Girls I have talked with about this all said it is because guys are flakey, so they don’t put in any effort. Yeah right.
Because of flakiness, you may be tempted to double or even triple book. Don’t do it. Go re-read Roosh’s post about not cancelling. If both girls don’t flake, it’s almost a guarantee you wont see the one you cancel on again. When a girl flakes on you, just go out and pick up some more.
Culdcept’s last blog post: Sunday Cannon Fodder (Part 4).
19 The Rational Male
“The funny thing is that the hottest, smartest one is the MOST respectful of my time”
I’ve noticed that as well. I had thought for sure hotter chicks gotta be bitchier but for me it’s the other way around, especially after I spent a few years at the gym and got an awesome job.
“Build a Wonderful Connection”?
Is this some kind of Ross Jeffries rehashed bullshit?
No. The way to avoid flakes is to display excellence. Do you think a girl would flake out on Brad Pitt?
I had a conversation about flaking with a female friend the other day. She admitted that she was a flaky person, and said “It’s just because I have so many options, and when I can’t decide what I want to do sometimes I just say “screw it” and stay home.” No doubt, most of these chicks aren’t staying home when they flake on you, but this at least gives you a glimpse into what is going through their pea brains when they stand you up.
Later I mentioned a chick with a boyfriend that had flaked on me recently, and before I got finished with the sentence she says “at the time when she set it up it sounded like a good idea, but she starts feeling guilty at the last minute”.
I need to go back to my old rule and start setting stuff up for SAME DAY ONLY. Like, call her up at 3 or 4 and set something up for 8. Women will always complain about men who ask them out at the last minute, but does it do anything to lower their attraction toward you. Hell no. If these bitches want to play their game I’ll play mine. Until a woman has proven herself she won’t get time to flake. If she doesn’t agree to meet up on MY terms, it’s her loss.
I’m not going to sit around and waste all of this time hoping that the wind is blowing the right way the day I’m supposed to meet up with someone. Two can play that game.
spot on, Roosh.The sooner a man realizes women aren’t honorable or decent or intelligent, the better off he’ll be.
Think of Jack Nicholson’s famous dialogue with a female fan in “As Good as it Gets”:
Chick: “How do you draw women so well [in your novels]?”
Jack: “I think of a man. Then I remove reason and accountability.”
@the G manifesto
“Unless your “small town” is a beachtown on the French Riviera, Cote des Basques or something similar; you should move.”
Humm… Côte des Basques (Pays basque, Atlantic ocean) is not in the “French Riviera” aka Côte d’Azur, Mediterranean Sea, roughly from Toulon to Antibes, St Tropez in the middle.
“I’m totally shocked by the flaking culture in colombia..”
I feel you. I left Colombia after a few months, totally disgusted…
What works best is when you meet a girl in a mall in the afternoon and you see here the same night.
Other than that, if you have plans with a girl that you don’t know well, I advise you to offer and go get her at her house or close to it with a taxi.
Girls are extremely paranoid in Colombia to go out in unknown territory to meet a stranger (not without reason, I guess).
That’s why they flake sooo much, without apparent reason (even when you had a very good connection with them and they really want to see you again or meet you, if you met her on a website).
Personally, I never went out of my way to get a girl with a taxi at her house, I know I should have but I just couldn’t, mainly because I was thinking that the girl might even flake me when I get there :-) and that would make me really hate women.
In conclusion, Colombia seems to be becoming like Argentina very fast…
Of course, there are exceptions (the hottest girl I got there was never flaky to me and she would pick me up in her big luxurious car)
Yet, I will not be going back to Colombia for holidays
Except for Bogotá that has more interesting girls, Colombia is only a good place for people who like cheap whores, if you ask me…
@ Roosh – well it would be a honor to buy you a beer, I am enjoying reading about your journey (lerss about the women) as you contend with the various cultures here.
@ Vincent: the strange thing is that they complain about guys who date around, but they secretly find this attractive in a man, whilst the decent man who is the one woman kind of guy has the same effect on a skank that daylight has on dracula.
@ Just another: Scandinavia chicks? you gotta be kidding me… scandinavia is hardcore feminists and they prostitution is illegal which means men have no outlet and have to tolerate the stupid games their females there play. Luckily east europe is an easy and quick plane ride from that part of northern europe.
“the strange thing is that they complain about guys who date around, but they secretly find this attractive in a man, whilst the decent man who is the one woman kind of guy has the same effect on a skank that daylight has on dracula.”
what you’re talking about is a little thing called evolution.
what you call a decent man.. is known around here as “beta”
beta vs. alpha.. covered at length here in the archives
Idk, in my experience girls are flaky romantically (as I can say as someone who doesn’t like dick) but not that flaky in friendships.
Would love to hear more of your thoughts on how to build a connection in future posts.
David Black’s last blog post: An Irrational Fear Of Using The Phone.
[...] – “The Only Way to Completely Eliminate Flaking“, “The Colonial Towns of Minas Gerais (Brazil)“, “Belo Horizonte (Brazil) [...]
Pretty popular girls in particular flake a lot because they have a whole lot of options. When she gave you her number after you ran tight game on her she was just putting you into the possibly category. Yes was just not categorizing you as rejected. She was adding you as another option that she might or might not agree to see again, depending on what else came along or how she felt later. Or just whether she felt like going out that night.
Cause after all she’s gonna have other attractive guys w/game hitting on her she knows damn well from experience, and probably has a bunch of others trying as well. Even if you do REALLY make an impression on her it’s not gonna be like that’s never happened to her before, and besides in her experience, you’ll keep trying a few times anyway. Other guys almost always have.
Younger girls at a given hotness level flake more than older ones because they get hit on the most but also because they know what they want less. They’ll consider more guys as in the maybe category. Then too if you do wow a younger girl more than she’s ever been before, she’s not likely to flake on you.
Obviously the more you don’t seem like you’ll necessarily keep trying, or the more you do blow her away during the initial meet, the less likely she’ll flake. If she flakes after the 1st post pickup date, don’t pursue. If she doesn’t pursue you in response, cross her off.
Blowing her away isn’t just about your attractiveness and your game; it’s also about her. Less hot girls will feel they have fewer options w/guys like you so will flake way less. So too will girls who haven’t been dating much for awhile for any reason. Such as just came off a relationship and is just starting to be open again to dating. Though there she may flake for “not yet ready” reasons.
Girls who are seriously husbanding hunting will also flake way less on less tight game guys if they think they’re good husband /dad types. But they’re probably gonna be older and will play the not putting out too fast thing with much more determination.
[...] hate the thought of your man going out to meet other chicks? Then stop being so fucking flaky! A big part of the reason behind chasing multiple women is that women are unreliable. You can’t always count on a girl to do what she says, so you [...]
I don’t understand the whole “flake on her before she flakes on you” bit.
Yeah, you can pat yourself on the back for fooling her first, but you STILL didn’t get laid.
Having seen my share of women who didn’t follow through, I just look at it as a fact of life, and move on to the next one.
But I DO get a weird kick out of insulting a chick who won’t return a phone call. There is something very perverse about a lady who flakes, yet gets mad at ME for telling her to go fuck herself. I didn’t get laid, but I got even.
[...] Expect flaking. Have a backup plan, or better yet… skip the date and bang her in the bathroom. Category: Comedy, Entertainment, Flaking, Game, Men, Real Talk, Relationships, Self Improvement, Thoughts, Women [...]