Every weekend, the same scene is played out in thousands of nightclubs in hundreds of cities worldwide: young, upwardly mobile people are doing their best to get past the velvet rope.
If you went to Best Buy to purchase an electronic gadget, and the staff made you wait in a non-moving line, and expressed doubt about wanting your money, and then, depending on the cashier, an extra, random amount was tacked on to the price, would you go back again? It’s a strange thing to wait in a line for a nightclub that is not full, where your patience is just a plea for acceptance in dark rooms that have alcohol, loud music, and the possibility of sexual attention. But you don’t wait in lines do you? Well, there are other ways people pay for this VIP access, from money to fake friendship to flirting, where the possibility of sex is never outright denied.
It’s hard to find something to belong to that defines you as a person. Not everyone is going to be marathoners, artists, athletes, politicians, or imported car enthusiasts. Not everyone will easily find their niche. While there is nothing wrong with the vast majority of people, they fit right in the middle of the bell curve: they are normal, maybe successful, but without a specific group they can call their own. If this normal person is social and in possession of discretionary income, that leaves not many options for hobbies except alcohol and partying. Alcohol makes you feel good so it would make sense that a lot of people go this route. After going out three nights a week to the same places for an extended period of time, they can now say they are in a special group that exchanges pictures and party stories. Now they belong.
These people, when they are in a nightclub of their peers that gives an air of exclusivity, no matter how manufactured, undergo a transformation. First is appearance. Just like in any social club, a uniform must be purchased which lets others know you belong. This is the cornerstone of the fashion industry and ensures that everyone buys the same styles at the same time. Recently when I saw a girl with a belt around her stomach, I thought she was just being creative, but then when I saw a dozen other girls with the stomach belts in a matter of weeks, I knew the memo had gone out, replacing the tassel belt fashion that seemed to be popular a few years ago. Imitation triumphs over individual style.
Second is attitude. In a sort of mind meld, individuals wishing to join the social club must adopt the attitude and beliefs of the leaders, who are the owners and to a lesser extend, the staff of bouncers, promoters, and bartenders, who know more about projecting attitude than intellect. While owners are the local leaders of this club, party celebrities such as Paris Hilton play their role in determining what is cool and what is not. It is not surprising that Paris Hilton is part-owner to successful nightclubs that bear her name.
Being cool means having a serious look on your face, recognizing someone’s worth based on their appearance and who they know, and limiting contact with those who are obviously commoners. If you are a single man without friends trying to break into a city’s VIP circle, all you need is the willingness to pay for other people’s alcohol long enough until they consider you a friend. But of course this friendship is only limited in venues that serve alcohol — sobriety would tear the fragile bonds apart. The reason you go inside a nightclub and no one puts out their hand to meet you like they might at a house party is because you could have terribly low social value that taints the reputation they have spent so many months building.
When someone works hard to belong to some group, the value of that group automatically goes up in their mind. This person look downs on non-members and makes sure that others are limited access to preserve his or her membership value. It’s not very exclusive if there are too many members. Exaggerated behavior replaces normal behavior, and the harder it is to get into a group the more exaggerated the members will act. Don’t work too hard at getting into something that is exclusive. There will be other people who have also bought into that exclusivity, and all the mental rot that goes along with it.Tweet Follow @rooshv
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I think that whole lifestyle is so sad. Your friends and your “group” should be the people you have fun with, can talk to, trust, love and care about and vice versa.
If you like to go to clubs together, then thats great, but to make friends with people just bc you all party or like the same bar is just empty.
I feel lucky that I’ve always had amazing friends and that my friendships consist of real bonds, not superficial ones.
For the record I started the “stomach belt” trend back in 05, God you girls are soooo slow.
Now the new trend is to grow your FUPA out far enough and rock a Red belt above it, biggest FUPA is most fashionable
Well said. Amen.
Has the bandana gone at of style yet? I was rocking it the other night and didn’t seem to have much lady love.
I never did get people who seek their joy out of living in clubs … not just going to them now and then for kicks, but actually spending most of your free time and finding your social circle in them. What a sad sort of life that must be. Drinks with friends and/or a good house party beat going to clubs every time in my mind.
The last paragraph of this post almost sounded like a veiled shot at a certain Mens club. Maybe that wasn’t the intention, but that’s how I read it. Kind of funny too.
There is not a nightclub on the planet I would wait in line to get into.
I would rather be hung like Saddam Hussein, with epithets being hurled at me, than to be caught waiting in line to get into a nightclub. (this almost happened to me at Best Buy when I tried to return an hdmi cable in an open container with no receipt.)
you can’t fight it. where there is an exclusivity vacuum, a group will materialize to fill it. the drive to draw distinctions between us and them is almost as great as the urge to fuck. the angriest violence is committed against close neighbors.
try it yourself. create an all-inclusive, non-judgmental, uber-diverse club of everyone where the doors are flung forever open, the price is a smile and handshake, and the VIP lounge is everywhere and always. watch as eventually someone violates some sacred by-law of somebody’s unfathomable mental machinery and the battle lines are drawn, the psyches splayed in posturing effrontery, and the machiavellian game of favorites assumes pole position.
you truly want out? play by your own rules, but do it with charm, with a nod and a wink to the prevailing biological constraints. they will come.
Well said Roosh, being one of the afore mention people that spend most hours in nightclubs and lounges and the like. without saying to much that exclusive circle of which you mention has sub circles based venues and nights of the week and race. that’s another blog in itself.
please don’t bash those enjoy partying in latest venues various nights during the week, having both experienced being in and out of exclusive so to speak circle. its same when you are in and out. yes waiting in line sucks,and no everyone is able to walk to the front of the line and shake the bouncers hand and walk in..
Roosh you leave out a lot of points about clubbing, most of the people in circles have known each other for years.or may even be relatives…so as outsider you think its a elite circle that you have to buy your way into…its not its just who know…this is not only true in nightlife..its life!!
Each have their elite circles that you can only gain access to by who know and what your bloodline is and the number of zeros in your bank account. before you pigeonhole people who enjoy clubbin and their sometimes haughty attitudes..ask your self whens the last time the prinipal or ceo of your company invited you out to lunch with his fellow partners..its all the same ish different pan…
“I would rather be hung like Saddam Hussein, with epithets being hurled at me, than to be caught waiting in line to get into a nightclub.”
Who wouldn’t want be hung like Saddam Hussein? I heard the guy was enormous. Hurl them epithets, ladies, I’m packing a WMD down here.
“Each have their elite circles that you can only gain access to by who know and what your bloodline is and the number of zeros in your bank account.”
Bloodline? Where the hell do you hang out, the club from Blade?
People who are “partying in latest venues various nights during the week” are certainly not working their ass off making that “number of zeros in your bank account.” They’re being haughty with their daddy’s money. And that, my friends, is lame. Especially if they’re hanging out with Daddy’s rich friends’ kids and their cousins. Me, I’ll go to the cheap clubs and get seduce unrelated strangers, thanks.
With only 8 million millionaires in the U.S. they might not be as rich as you may think they are. Try getting a girl without the alcohol it can be much better in the bedroom to both be sober, much easier to go for 24 hours if you don’t pass out. Of course, it is nice to walk into a club late and have people chanting your name with woman running up and hugging you. You just have to be larger than the BS life, with maybe a life goal you can never achieve to keep the game flowing.
I really don’t get this blog post. Are you trying to come off as insightful or are you trying to be confrontational? Either way this post is a waste of time. This idiot blog has really gone to shit since you switched domain names. The only reason I started reading this blog is because it used to be dcbachelor.com but. Find a new outlet you nerd dick.
Roosh you forgot the most potent accessory worn by the guys buying bottle service at the club, sex panther. That shit is illegal in nine countries and is made with bits of real panther!
now I understand!
phil: saddam hussein was quite the ladies man i hear, so being hung like him might not be so bad. the only epithets hurled at you would be gasps and praises every time you walked into the men’s locker room.
Roosh, top notch as usual.
When I get back to North America I am looking forward to reading a month plus of RL posts that I missed while travelling.
(and to all the typical americans who bitch about my spelling, look past the tip of your nose. The rest of the english speaking world spells it travelling).
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Hey Roosh — interesting you mentioned “artists” in your article. As an artist I can respect your point of view. The art world is all about a cliche of the most pretencious asshole society there is. The artists are an after thought whereas the “art world” is the exclusive club that people try to belong to. We see critics, curators, buyers, art-star wannnabees (no i am not one of them – I just do my art and thats that). Folks go to opening receptions of exhibits merely to be seen, rarely do they ever look at the art. Your sentiments are that of mine, and thanks for posting them.