The First 30 Minutes Of Conversation

Excerpt from Bang

No matter how smart or interesting of a guy you are, it is impossible to speak for those first thirty minutes without messing up, saying something stupid, or going into a completely lame topic. Luckily, girls will give you a pass on many of the foolish things you will say. They understand that not every sentence that comes out of your mouth has to be a blockbuster, but if you continue to bomb you will be booed off the stage.

When you first start talking to a new girl, you may be so pumped that you talk fast, interrupt her, and disregard things she has said because you had another line or statement in queue. You’ll have the urge to say things already marinated in your head even though the conversation is going somewhere else. Resist that temptation because it leads to choppy, disconnected conversation. Realize that the more she talks, the better, because she will give you ideas and material to continue even further.

Only catch is she won’t talk a whole lot until she finds out you’re an interesting guy worth talking to.

In Bang I advise you to aim for zero silences during the first thirty minutes of conversation. If you’re running indirect game where you need to build attraction (i.e. she’s not already crazy about you), then silence early on will kill the approach because she will do very little to “save” you. She doesn’t know you and doesn’t care much about you yet, so why would she? Therefore you must be able to talk continuously, but interestingly, for half an hour. You must have in your toolbox a couple reliable routines and a basic framework of conversation based on the location you’re at (discussed at length in Bang).

I can go into any club in the world and have default conversations regardless of the girl. An observation about the music… check. “Have you noticed…” check. “Why are the people here doing…” check. “This club reminds me of when I was in…” check. When you have a ready-made structure like this you’ll be less nervous about finding things to say. It becomes almost like a game of Mad Libs where you just change a few things to better target the girl you’re working on.

Of course there are other ways to get laid than what I teach. There are guys who can’t have good conversation yet still pull, but I guarantee you it’s not from cold approaching in a bar. They rely on other gimmicks that minimize their weaknesses or otherwise highlight their best traits. If you want to get laid from approaching, something you can do anywhere, you must get good at conversation.

In short time you’ll realize that a big chunk of game is merely having very good social skills, where you’re able to converse in a fun and interesting manner longer and better than others. For guys who are complete newbies to raw social interactions, you need to master conversations before you can move into game material (in that case I recommend the book Conversationally Speaking). If you can’t maintain a great conversation with another human being then that’s something you need to work on first.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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