This weekend I was in an Atlantic City casino where my views were polluted with ugly and low-class people. It felt like I was at the DMV for two days.

I dominated low-limit poker, not by playing tight-aggressive and using actual skill, but by using mind-games that overworked my opponents’ pacemakers. Here is my TOWER OF STRENGTH & POWER:

Nothing intimidates your opponents more than making a bet from a phallic metaphor.

After passing by the blackjack tables where mouth-breathers were hooting and hollering after winning $5 bets, I went to watch at a roulette table, which I’m convinced is the unofficial gathering place for people with the lowest IQs in society. These people are betting their hard-earned money on a plastic ball spinning around a wooden bowl. I have more respect for state lottery players. The best part of the game is at the end of a spin when the casino employee literally flushes a mountain of chips down a drain built into the table.

As the tower suggests, I did win overall (+2 BB/hour), but until casinos are full of hot-bodied 21-year-old South American women instead of smelly senior citizens, I’ll leave gambling for the dreamers.

Related Posts You May Like: Not Dead Celebrities Of Las Vegas Nerd Glasses Same Thing My Philosophy On Life The Medellín Diaries (Part 5 of 5)

Game Tips Newsletter: I send out a biweekly email newsletter with subjects such as How To Handle Flakey Girls, 7 Tips For Incredible First Dates, How To Pick Up Girls In Coffee Shops, The Reason Why She Isn't Calling You Back, and much more. Learn how to subscribe.

Is that… the dealer wearing an oversized sports jersey?? Did I miss something? What the hell were the other dealers wearing. I hope hope hope that was a sports themed house.

you can’t do both Games at once. 21yo brazilian hotties add an unnecessary element of diversion.

Umm, you gotta go to Vegas or high stakes table to see the hotties.

vegas is the place to go. AC is nowhere near as good.

Sadly, however, Vegas is still very overrated.

Well, 2 BB/hour would be eight bucks at the lowest limits, so I guess that’s not too bad. I don’t think you’re going to get any comps. throwing that kinda change around though.

This is funny, not a single woman commented. Is gambling too masculine a topic for ladies to venture an opionion?

Cob, I agree with you about Vegas being overrated, and I live here!

hey, hed, this one’s for you:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=419040&in_page_id=1879

the dealer has the “you’re gonna get raped” face on

hahaha…….look at the guy looking at his opponent

[...] few months ago I went to Atlantic City and brought along this cheap Old Navy thermal with an eagle design on the front (it seemed so [...]