You Can Only Hit Your True Potential By Getting Rejected

Today’s Bang excerpt comes early on page 12:

The second reason I’m a fan of rejection is because it maximizes your results. The most uncomfortable rejection I can think of is the head-turn when you go in for a kiss. This usually leads to a very awkward moment, more so than when a girl blows you off during an approach. But now I believe the head-turn isn’t a bad rejection because it means you are not wasting kisses. If you never got rejected trying to kiss a girl, it means there are several girls you could have kissed but didn’t, only because you didn’t try. Rejection tells you that you are pushing to get all that you can. A man who doesn’t get rejected is one that is not reaching his true potential.

In 2002 I was introduced to this hot-as-balls girl from California, a “part-time model” who visited D.C. for only a couple weeks. I remember at the time I had a leather-bound journal which contained random drawings I made, some of them not half bad. I often carried it around with me to bars as a prop to pickup women. It was a good conversational piece for a guy who at the time didn’t have a lot to talk about besides Starcraft and microbiology.

The California girl was digging me and in the club we sat on a couch talking and touching. I was a little giddy that this game business was “working” on her (I was using borrowed routines from “Mystery’s Lounge,” long since closed) and decided to try out a line that some guy there said is gold when it comes to getting the kiss.

At the height of our sexual tension, instead of just going for it like I would today with the help of proximity cues, I said, “I want to whisper something to your lips.” She laughed hard in my face and didn’t stop for at least a full minute. I was bummed to say the least.

She stuck around though and we flirted some more, but I didn’t get the kiss.

Two days later the phone rings, and it’s her! She was going back to the California the next day and invited me to her aunt’s house somewhere in bumfuck Virginia. I sprayed on some Drakkar Noir, put on my going-out jeans, and headed over to her house, getting lost along the way and having to consult some maps in a 7-11.

I made it to her house and got to meet her aunt, who was a nice woman, and the girl and I watched some TV and talked. She had a cold though and didn’t want to grab a drink, but before she left I decided that I was going to try again anyway, since I didn’t have anything to lose. At the door of the house I went for the kiss, and she rejected me again. She gave me a hug though and we kept in touch for a couple months until things faded away.

At the time I didn’t know when a girl was “ready” to be kissed, so I just tried every single time as long as the girl didn’t mind my company. That year every girl who wanted to kiss me got kissed by me because I tried on all of them. I didn’t waste any kisses because I erased all preconceptions about when a girl wanted me to kiss her or not.

But now I’m experienced and what not and know when a girl is ready, so I don’t bother when a girl doesn’t want it, right?

Wrong!

Even when I know from vast personal experience that the girl doesn’t want to kiss me, I try anyway, especially on the first date. I know that by the end of the first date if I don’t get a kiss, I probably won’t bang her, so I go for it all the time. Sometimes I go in thinking, “Oh boy this isn’t going to work,” and sure enough it doesn’t. But I’m fine with that and because every girl who wants to get kissed by me will get kissed.

My kissing potential is at 100%, and who knows how many additional girls I’ve banged because I pushed when I wouldn’t otherwise from reading the “signs.” I’m pretty good at knowing the signs but I ignore them, or else I’d be playing it safe and cautious, something a man with burning desire rarely does. Get rejected as much as you can, in approaches and during closes, to achieve the most of what your current skill level can give you. If I’m not getting rejected, I know there’s girls I could be messing around with but am not. Plus I’m always surprised at girls I got intimate with that I thought wouldn’t be down for anything.

In Bang I talk more about getting over shyness and fear when it comes to doing approaches before sharing openers I recommend you use. Here’s an excerpt from an in-depth review of Bang in The Spearhead (by Ferdinand Bardamu’s ):

As a general rule, 90 to 95 percent of the pickup artist literature available today is garbage. Most of these clowns are snake oil salesmen hocking overpriced e-books and DVD box sets containing info you can just as easily find online for free. There are, however, a select few books on game that are worth buying, and Bang, Roosh’s entry into this expanding field, is one of them. If The Mystery Method is the Bible of seduction literature, Bang is the Paradise Lost, and is a title that anyone interested in improving their success with women should buy, post-haste.

Merely from the standpoint of diction, Roosh’s book is miles ahead of its competitors. Anyone acquainted with the seduction community knows that it’s a swirling cauldron of nerdiness and weirdness, with its own vocabulary of “HB10s,” “IOIs”, and “neg hits.” Hell, the obnoxiously pretentious term “pickup artist” was invented so these geeks could pretend to set themselves apart from the rest of us grinders. In contrast, Roosh writes like a normal human being instead of a social retard. You won’t have to worry about coming across an undefined three-letter acronym every other page, necessitating a trip to the glossary and taking you out of the moment. He even refers to men who sleep with a lot of girls by the normal term: “player.” Solely in this regard, Bang is a much better read than almost all of the seduction literature on the market.

But if style is queen, then content is king, and Bang more then delivers in this regard. Roosh’s major innovation is the use of unscripted material in his game alongside standard canned material. For example, he introduces the concept of the “environmental opener,” which is a way of opening a girl with a line based on what’s happening in the surrounding environment. Additionally, he also writes on “conversational threads” as a way to hold a conversation with a girl that is both natural and holds her interest. The book is also rich with examples that allow you to contextualize the lessons. Given that scripted lines eventually become played out as dudes use them on chicks over and over, the ability to incorporate unscripted material into your game is a necessity if you want to stay on the circuit. If you’re having trouble in this department, you’d do well to pick up Bang for that reason alone.

Click here to learn more about Bang.

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  • Stone

    Solid.
    Actually, go further by trying to sleep with her on the same night. No time to lose. And it’s not like you’d be the first guy she banged the night she met him.

  • Il Capo

    I’d say you are way above 100%. After all, going for the kiss without signs portrays confidence, i.e.: game.

  • vomit

    Starcraft FTW!

  • http://www.thegmanifesto.com The G Manifesto

    Always go strong to the hoop. So to speak.

    Like Beanie Siegel said:

    “Play ya cards, go against all odds
    Shoot for the moon, if you miss,
    you still amongst those stars”

    You never

    I love this line:

    “I was introduced to this hot-as-balls girl from California, a “part-time model” who visited D.C.”

    Ten years ago there were hot girls.

    Now with the internet, myspace etc every young girl is a “part-time model”.

    That’s progress.

    - MPM

    The G Manifesto’s last blog post: Pure Game VS Tricking.

  • Basil Ransom

    Even a rejection for the kiss is not always a reason to stop trying.

    There’s some calibration required, but it’s happened a number of times where I go for it and she refuses. I’ll usually call her out on it, with a dickish smirk. Hand around the neck basically forcing her head in. Probably half the time I get the kiss. If a girl is sticking around to talk to you, and definitely if she’s agreed to be isolated, then she will accept the kiss at some point.

    Sometimes the circumstances make the girl feel uncomfortable. Say her friends are in the vicinity. But if you make it clear you don’t care, you can steamroll past the rejection. Or delay the kiss for a more appropiate time, eg, when you’re not in a bar with her. So a kiss rejection is not always a full rejection.

  • Gio

    If you can’t handle rejection, the adventerous life is probably not for you….you might want the safety, security , and predictability of the same job, same hobbies, and same woman everyday for the next 30 years….Nothing wrong with that if it makes you happy!

    It makes me miserable.

  • http://www.thegmanifesto.com The G Manifesto

    Basil,

    “Even a rejection for the kiss is not always a reason to stop trying.”

    Excellent point.

    With many latina girls(Spain, Argentina, wealthy Mexicanas) it is pretty standard that they will snub you on the first try.

    But you can tell they are still interested and will kiss you later that night or next. Keep trying.

    Those girls are well versed in the arts of feminine charm.

    - MPM

    The G Manifesto’s last blog post: Pure Game VS Tricking.

  • Anonymous

    there’s another post by roosh under this one in case anyone missed it.

  • http://vksempireofdirt.com Virgle Kent

    This is why at the end of all my first dates I like to pull out my junk then look at her then look at my junk then look back at her… somethings got to happen

  • Carl Sagan

    Good advice.

    You have keep trying and putting yourself in those clutch situations over and over again.

  • http://www.easycomings.com bez

    Oh Shit, Drakkar Noir! It made girls tingle with excitement. Check out this amazon review:

    “This cologne just does something to me! It’s probably my husband but it drives me crazy when he wears it!”

    See, now that’s what guys should be looking for when they search for a cologne.

    Rejection + Persistence = Success

    bez’s last blog post: Grizzly Bear – Two Weeks.

  • Roosh

    I scheduled two posts for the same day. My blog game is weak

  • http://www.districtramblings.wordpress.com Laura

    Drakkar Noir? No. Just… no.

    Laura’s last blog post: Gearing Up for Another ‘Sexy’ Halloween.

  • mike

    First of all, Drakkar Noir is shit. Happy for Men was the key to mall pussy back when they still made it.

    Secondly, I agree that you should always go for the kiss. My personal favorite is going for the neck kiss first. Usually right after a little hug. Pull away after a long hug really slowly and than confidently work your way up to the lips. Its gold if done correctly.

  • http://thedatingcroniclesoftylerd.blogspot.com/ Tyler

    VK, that is the golden move! When in doubt….

    I nearly always kiss close when I get their number. I have a move that alleviates the pressure of the first kiss right away. When you are putting their number in your phone, as your leaning in looking at your phone, pretend you can’t hear them. They will lean in and then you do a rapid sneak attack kiss, and go right back to typing their number in your phone. I hardly acknowledge that I did it and I let them sit in awe. Just a simple smirk and they think they are in some romantic comedy. They don’t realize that I do this to every girl…and that it is just a method I use to reduce flakiness…

    Tyler’s last blog post: 3 Girls 1 Date.

  • Billy

    Hey Roosh, I’d guess, as an advanced POOOAAHH, by now you have reached the level where kissing is more of a knee jerk reaction, than an act requiring much thought or strategy?!
    Usually the girl will tell me, “oh boy, you’re FAST!” after the first make-out or so (usually it happends in less than 5 minutes), while I’ll just smirk back.

    In the end I would say, kissing is a self-fulfilling prophecy, even more so, than just “trying” with every each and one of them. Heck, I bet two-third of the time, the girls didn’t knew they’d want to kiss me, but hey, when did girls ever really know what they wanted?

    So yes – kissing everyone of them is getting 100%, but doing it with grace and balls is 200%!
    Of course one has to start somewhere; this is the advanced stuff……

    Suerte
    BILLY

  • http://roissy.wordpress.com roissy

    “They will lean in and then you do a rapid sneak attack kiss”

    damn that is a good move. tyler do you land this kiss on the lips or cheek? sounds like it would be hard to aim for the lips.

    roissy’s last blog post: The Lie Of Locking Her In.

  • http://thedatingcroniclesoftylerd.blogspot.com/ Tyler

    I aim for the lips. I try to wait for a clear shot…but it is really quick, too quick for her to even kiss back. It may or may not actually land on her lips, but the effect is the same…I also sometimes do it mid conversation. As she is talking and we are leaning in close to hear because of the music, out of no where sneak attack kiss. I’ve never had a girl flake after doing this…the just sit there in awe.

    A cheek kiss wouldn’t have the same effect. It’s not ballsy enough…

    Tyler’s last blog post: 3 Girls 1 Date.

  • Unemployed Roosh Fan

    Drakar Noir
    perfect for the story. it sets the time and describes his mentality back then. Roosh is a good storyteller gamewise and otherwise and knows that.

  • Lovechild

    Tyler!
    That was some great technique! I’m going stole that shit! hehehe!

    My funny metaphor for that technique, is like a Lion slowly sneaking for an attack, finds a clear opening, then…BOOM! Pounce his prey like mothafucka faster than a speeding bullet! hehehe!

    That metaphor for you being a LION! RAAAWWWRRR!!! hehehe!

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