Definitive Guide To Going Out Alone (a.k.a. Flying Solo)

Most of the time I go out now is alone. I’ve gotten so used to it that unless I meet a guy who is fun, dependable, and most importantly, cool, I still rather go out alone. In the past I used to go out with any guy who had a heartbeat, but picking up girls is challenging enough (especially in South America) that I don’t need some slapdick to make it harder for me just because I’m too insecure or too much of a pussy to fly solo.

PROS & CONS:

There’s two big downsides to going out solo. First, it’s ten times harder to get into that amped-up social mood where approaching girls is more a natural extension of having fun. Every approach feels like a trial and something you need to push yourself towards. To combat this I put a number in my head, usually ten, and venue permitting I do that many approaches before I’m allowed to go home. If I’m getting to ten, which has happened many times I can assure you, the night was most likely a bloody massacre. (In the United States it’s been several years since I got to ten.)

But playing the numbers game is important if you’re not exactly sure what game to run, so sometimes I go over ten if the girls are nibbling. Since it usually takes me around three solo approaches to warm up (with a friend it takes one), if I stop at five then I’m stopping way too soon.

The second big downside of flying solo is you have no wingman to occupy the friend. Isolation takes much longer and sometimes never comes.

I’ve been in many situations where I knew the girl liked me but her friends wouldn’t fuck off, so I had to stick around for three hours or more until there was a moment I could finally isolate. As long as the girl loves you and you can stay awake longer than the friends, isolation is going to happen, but it doesn’t guarantee you’ll get the bang. Sometimes what it takes is having to commit your entire night (and early morning) to the girl. In fact that begets an isolation move in itself if you’re near a beach—“How about we see the sunrise?”

It’s a big problem if the friend is up in the conversation instead of lingering around in the vicinity. In that case it’s hard to get into the flirting and teasing stage with your girl because you’re forced to be the clown and engage them both at the same time. In that case the conversation remains generic, solid attraction isn’t built, and the girls walk away.

The main upside of flying solo is freedom. You can do whatever you want, wherever you want, and not have to put up with another guy’s issues, problems, embarrassing game, or passive cockblocking. Since in fact most guys will not enhance your game, you’re probably doing yourself a favor by going out solo.

There is also a certain level of purity that comes with flying solo—it makes anything you get that night much more satisfying. You went out alone, without anyone, and pulled a girl that you wanted. You prove to yourself that you can do it without any help, that for you the pursuit of pussy is a burning desire that doesn’t come and go with who you happen to be friends with or what country you’re currently in. In the end, pulling a quality girl solo in a huge foreign club is the ultimate test to your game, though even in a domestic club it’s a worthy accomplishment.

FLYING SOLO HOW-TO:

The first thing you want to do is get into a social mood well before nightfall. If I know I’m flying solo on a particular night, I do my best to make small talk with random people during the day, whether it’s with cashiers or the obese family sitting next to me in Starbucks. When I’m with a wingman I can wake up from a three hour nap and get into a social mood by exchanging a few jokes with him, but while solo the process is a full day affair. The last thing you want to do is go out alone after jerking off on the internet all day.

When it’s time to go out, get to the club or bar early by arriving at least an hour before peak time. If the club gets going at midnight, show up at 10:30 if you can. Ideally you want to get there just a little after it opens when the line is starting to develop.

Are there people in line with you? If so then you should talk to them, whether they’re guys or girls. Here are some generic questions to ask someone in the line of a club:

1. “Is this the line for everyone?” (Cocky humor follow-up: “I wish I didn’t leave my gold VIP double extra platinum card at home so I could cut up to the front.”)

2. “Do you know how much the cover is tonight?” (Self-deprecation humor follow-up: “Oh really… so I should have borrowed more money from my mom then.”)

3. “Do you know what type of music they’re playing tonight?” (Dry humor follow-up: “God I hope they’re playing salsa because I’ve been taking daily lessons the past four months and it’s the only thing I can move to.”)

Here’s what I do: I get in line and chat with the people in front of me and if they don’t bite then I turn around and ask a different question to the people who got behind me. This is actually a very good way to make friends with people who you can use as a “home base” later when you’re inside the club. In Brazil it’s generally easy to make friends with guys in line as they always ask me where I’m from when I speak in bad Portuguese.

Let me backtrack a bit and explain why it’s important to show up early. First, girls arrive before guys. I’m sure you’ve been to a club where the ratio was good and then suddenly it seems like there is cock in your face every which way you turn. (Even though girls take longer than guys to get ready, guys take even longer to pre-drink.) Secondly, you want to arrive early to settle in and pick a good spot.

I have a theory about spots. I believe every spot, whether it’s in a bar, club, coffee shop, or what have you, has a built-in average time until an opportunity presents itself. Let’s call that the magic time, or the time it takes for magic to happen. This coffee shop in D.C. I liked had a magic time of about one hour, meaning if I stayed there on average for one hour I will be able to do an approach on a cute girl. In my favorite D.C. bar, the magic time out on the patio is about 20 minutes. In this club in Rio, the upstairs bar has a magic time of just over 10 minutes because of the large turnover. Different spots in the same venue will have different magic times, which is why it’s important to find the good spots as quickly as you can. I don’t care if it’s right next to the woman’s room, but find the spot that women seem to be passing by or congregating around.

You want to stick in a spot longer than its magic time, or else you’re not allowing nature to give you the fruit it’s trying to bear. Many guys make the mistake of not only bar-hopping but spot-hopping, so they can stay in a bar for an hour and not have one good opportunity, all because they’re moving from spot to spot under the magic times.

Another reason you want to stay still is that moving around looks bad. If you’re solo, with zero friends, and you’re jumping around like a rabbit approaching girls, you’ll be quickly pegged as “that guy” in the club. You’ll be the club’s loser, even worse than the old guy in the club. When you pick a spot and only approach girls who come around you, it will not seem like you’re doing any approaches at all, and it’s likely that to an outside spectator you are the one who’s being approached.

The downside of staying in spots is that it’s hard to rack up a lot of approaches quickly. Even in crowded clubs, I average one approach every 15 or 20 minutes, but then again my standards are pretty high (early on, anyway) and I don’t waste time on girls who aren’t exactly what I’m looking for. You may or may not be past that stage where you approach girls just for the practice.

Now while I recommended you make friends outside the club, I don’t once inside. Many times guys I made friends with inside the club—especially ones who were flying solo like me—mistook my kindness for weakness and casually cockblocked me on a girl I later approached. I’d estimate 80% of guys I meet inside the club are a total bust, and if you were in a casino then that’s a bet you don’t want to take. I’ll be friendly to guys who approach me but I won’t invite them to my approaches.

If you’re going to meet a guy inside the club, it’s better that he already have girls with him. If he has a desirable social circle, what you want to do is buy him a drink or shot after initiating small talk. It’s incredible how buying a guy a three dollar beer will motivate him to enthusiastically introduce you to every girl he knows. Otherwise be very hesitant with guys you talk to besides the staff unless you have the incredible ability to screen out idiots. As for the guys I already met outside, what I do is ditch them early, do a few approaches, and then find them later to joke around and shoot the shit, merely to keep myself in that social mood.

Another option to build some social proof is to get friendly with the bartender by tipping large or buying him shots. Don’t try to buy his friendship, but if you built up a little rapport with him while the club was empty (you went early right?), then some big tips thrown his way will make sure that he watches out for you. Don’t be cheap when you go out solo: if there is a guy who has value, let the money flow a bit and it’ll come right back to you in vaginal form.

Whether you make friends or not, all that’s left is drinking and approaching. Be careful about drinking too much. While the first couple drinks will loosen you up, subsequent drinks will actually get you into an anti-social mood if you don’t have a friend around to keep talking to. I never pre-drink more than a beer before I go out. You already see how it takes up to 20 minutes for a single approach, meaning I could be at a club for three or four hours to get to ten approaches. I still need to be close to the top of my game for those last attempts, and if I can consume a drink every forty-five minutes that’s about six drinks the entire night—way more than enough to get and maintain a buzz.

THE EXECUTION:

So you found a spot and you’re leaning against the bar with a drink. Make slow, confident movements, like you’re the owner of the club and just checking out the scene. Like always the first approach will be hardest, but if you show up early like I told you then it might very well lead to success. It’s better to be the first guy that a girl talks to than the tenth, and even if it doesn’t go well you can buddy up with her and her friends to use as flash social proof later on.

Run your normal night game. No special adjustments are needed.

Don’t lie if you’re asked “Where are you friends?” I simply say, “I don’t have any friends.” Be cool about it and don’t make excuses for why you’re alone. In South America I don’t remember the last time I was asked this but in America it may be one of the first questions she hits you with. Definitely don’t say stupid shit like, “Yeah my friend cancelled on me at the last minute and I still wanted to go out,” or, “All my friends have girlfriends.” If you feel like a “loser” when you go out alone, then it’s a self-esteem issue that you need to deal with. Personally I feel just as much of a man when I’m alone than when I’m out with a pack of guys. You either are or you aren’t, you either want it or you don’t—it shouldn’t matter who you’re with.

In fact I feel more like a man because I’m doing what other guys are too scared to do. I stand out because I’m not like every other guy and girls want to know my “deal” and why I’m there, which aids me in conversation. It’s as if the intrigue is built right into the crust. In the end girls don’t care if you’re alone or not as long as you’re a fun and interesting guy that they’re attracted to. It’s ten times better to be alone doing your thing than with a guy who lowers your social value.

A couple years ago I’d go out alone every now and then but not do very well. I didn’t have a strategy and I never managed my mood or drinking, so I’d always prefer to go out with a random guy instead. But then I noticed those random guys hurting my chances more than helping. I started going out solo, I started picking up alone, and I’ve arrived at the point where I do far better alone than with these fly-by-night wingman I randomly meet. Today there’s only four guys in the world who I would wing with.

Don’t be surprised if after a short of spitting that solo dolo game you prefer going out alone than with others.

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