Definitive Guide To Going Out Alone (a.k.a. Flying Solo)

Most of the time I go out now is alone. I’ve gotten so used to it that unless I meet a guy who is fun, dependable, and most importantly, cool, I still rather go out alone. In the past I used to go out with any guy who had a heartbeat, but picking up girls is challenging enough (especially in South America) that I don’t need some slapdick to make it harder for me just because I’m too insecure or too much of a pussy to fly solo.

PROS & CONS:

There’s two big downsides to going out solo. First, it’s ten times harder to get into that amped-up social mood where approaching girls is more a natural extension of having fun. Every approach feels like a trial and something you need to push yourself towards. To combat this I put a number in my head, usually ten, and venue permitting I do that many approaches before I’m allowed to go home. If I’m getting to ten, which has happened many times I can assure you, the night was most likely a bloody massacre. (In the United States it’s been several years since I got to ten.)

But playing the numbers game is important if you’re not exactly sure what game to run, so sometimes I go over ten if the girls are nibbling. Since it usually takes me around three solo approaches to warm up (with a friend it takes one), if I stop at five then I’m stopping way too soon.

The second big downside of flying solo is you have no wingman to occupy the friend. Isolation takes much longer and sometimes never comes.

I’ve been in many situations where I knew the girl liked me but her friends wouldn’t fuck off, so I had to stick around for three hours or more until there was a moment I could finally isolate. As long as the girl loves you and you can stay awake longer than the friends, isolation is going to happen, but it doesn’t guarantee you’ll get the bang. Sometimes what it takes is having to commit your entire night (and early morning) to the girl. In fact that begets an isolation move in itself if you’re near a beach—”How about we see the sunrise?”

It’s a big problem if the friend is up in the conversation instead of lingering around in the vicinity. In that case it’s hard to get into the flirting and teasing stage with your girl because you’re forced to be the clown and engage them both at the same time. In that case the conversation remains generic, solid attraction isn’t built, and the girls walk away.

The main upside of flying solo is freedom. You can do whatever you want, wherever you want, and not have to put up with another guy’s issues, problems, embarrassing game, or passive cockblocking. Since in fact most guys will not enhance your game, you’re probably doing yourself a favor by going out solo.

There is also a certain level of purity that comes with flying solo—it makes anything you get that night much more satisfying. You went out alone, without anyone, and pulled a girl that you wanted. You prove to yourself that you can do it without any help, that for you the pursuit of pussy is a burning desire that doesn’t come and go with who you happen to be friends with or what country you’re currently in. In the end, pulling a quality girl solo in a huge foreign club is the ultimate test to your game, though even in a domestic club it’s a worthy accomplishment.

FLYING SOLO HOW-TO:

The first thing you want to do is get into a social mood well before nightfall. If I know I’m flying solo on a particular night, I do my best to make small talk with random people during the day, whether it’s with cashiers or the obese family sitting next to me in Starbucks. When I’m with a wingman I can wake up from a three hour nap and get into a social mood by exchanging a few jokes with him, but while solo the process is a full day affair. The last thing you want to do is go out alone after jerking off on the internet all day.

When it’s time to go out, get to the club or bar early by arriving at least an hour before peak time. If the club gets going at midnight, show up at 10:30 if you can. Ideally you want to get there just a little after it opens when the line is starting to develop.

Are there people in line with you? If so then you should talk to them, whether they’re guys or girls. Here are some generic questions to ask someone in the line of a club:

1. “Is this the line for everyone?” (Cocky humor follow-up: “I wish I didn’t leave my gold VIP double extra platinum card at home so I could cut up to the front.”)

2. “Do you know how much the cover is tonight?” (Self-deprecation humor follow-up: “Oh really… so I should have borrowed more money from my mom then.”)

3. “Do you know what type of music they’re playing tonight?” (Dry humor follow-up: “God I hope they’re playing salsa because I’ve been taking daily lessons the past four months and it’s the only thing I can move to.”)

Here’s what I do: I get in line and chat with the people in front of me and if they don’t bite then I turn around and ask a different question to the people who got behind me. This is actually a very good way to make friends with people who you can use as a “home base” later when you’re inside the club. In Brazil it’s generally easy to make friends with guys in line as they always ask me where I’m from when I speak in bad Portuguese.

Let me backtrack a bit and explain why it’s important to show up early. First, girls arrive before guys. I’m sure you’ve been to a club where the ratio was good and then suddenly it seems like there is cock in your face every which way you turn. (Even though girls take longer than guys to get ready, guys take even longer to pre-drink.) Secondly, you want to arrive early to settle in and pick a good spot.

I have a theory about spots. I believe every spot, whether it’s in a bar, club, coffee shop, or what have you, has a built-in average time until an opportunity presents itself. Let’s call that the magic time, or the time it takes for magic to happen. This coffee shop in D.C. I liked had a magic time of about one hour, meaning if I stayed there on average for one hour I will be able to do an approach on a cute girl. In my favorite D.C. bar, the magic time out on the patio is about 20 minutes. In this club in Rio, the upstairs bar has a magic time of just over 10 minutes because of the large turnover. Different spots in the same venue will have different magic times, which is why it’s important to find the good spots as quickly as you can. I don’t care if it’s right next to the woman’s room, but find the spot that women seem to be passing by or congregating around.

You want to stick in a spot longer than its magic time, or else you’re not allowing nature to give you the fruit it’s trying to bear. Many guys make the mistake of not only bar-hopping but spot-hopping, so they can stay in a bar for an hour and not have one good opportunity, all because they’re moving from spot to spot under the magic times.

Another reason you want to stay still is that moving around looks bad. If you’re solo, with zero friends, and you’re jumping around like a rabbit approaching girls, you’ll be quickly pegged as “that guy” in the club. You’ll be the club’s loser, even worse than the old guy in the club. When you pick a spot and only approach girls who come around you, it will not seem like you’re doing any approaches at all, and it’s likely that to an outside spectator you are the one who’s being approached.

The downside of staying in spots is that it’s hard to rack up a lot of approaches quickly. Even in crowded clubs, I average one approach every 15 or 20 minutes, but then again my standards are pretty high (early on, anyway) and I don’t waste time on girls who aren’t exactly what I’m looking for. You may or may not be past that stage where you approach girls just for the practice.

Now while I recommended you make friends outside the club, I don’t once inside. Many times guys I made friends with inside the club—especially ones who were flying solo like me—mistook my kindness for weakness and casually cockblocked me on a girl I later approached. I’d estimate 80% of guys I meet inside the club are a total bust, and if you were in a casino then that’s a bet you don’t want to take. I’ll be friendly to guys who approach me but I won’t invite them to my approaches.

If you’re going to meet a guy inside the club, it’s better that he already have girls with him. If he has a desirable social circle, what you want to do is buy him a drink or shot after initiating small talk. It’s incredible how buying a guy a three dollar beer will motivate him to enthusiastically introduce you to every girl he knows. Otherwise be very hesitant with guys you talk to besides the staff unless you have the incredible ability to screen out idiots. As for the guys I already met outside, what I do is ditch them early, do a few approaches, and then find them later to joke around and shoot the shit, merely to keep myself in that social mood.

Another option to build some social proof is to get friendly with the bartender by tipping large or buying him shots. Don’t try to buy his friendship, but if you built up a little rapport with him while the club was empty (you went early right?), then some big tips thrown his way will make sure that he watches out for you. Don’t be cheap when you go out solo: if there is a guy who has value, let the money flow a bit and it’ll come right back to you in vaginal form.

Whether you make friends or not, all that’s left is drinking and approaching. Be careful about drinking too much. While the first couple drinks will loosen you up, subsequent drinks will actually get you into an anti-social mood if you don’t have a friend around to keep talking to. I never pre-drink more than a beer before I go out. You already see how it takes up to 20 minutes for a single approach, meaning I could be at a club for three or four hours to get to ten approaches. I still need to be close to the top of my game for those last attempts, and if I can consume a drink every forty-five minutes that’s about six drinks the entire night—way more than enough to get and maintain a buzz.

THE EXECUTION:

So you found a spot and you’re leaning against the bar with a drink. Make slow, confident movements, like you’re the owner of the club and just checking out the scene. Like always the first approach will be hardest, but if you show up early like I told you then it might very well lead to success. It’s better to be the first guy that a girl talks to than the tenth, and even if it doesn’t go well you can buddy up with her and her friends to use as flash social proof later on.

Run your normal night game. No special adjustments are needed.

Don’t lie if you’re asked “Where are you friends?” I simply say, “I don’t have any friends.” Be cool about it and don’t make excuses for why you’re alone. In South America I don’t remember the last time I was asked this but in America it may be one of the first questions she hits you with. Definitely don’t say stupid shit like, “Yeah my friend cancelled on me at the last minute and I still wanted to go out,” or, “All my friends have girlfriends.” If you feel like a “loser” when you go out alone, then it’s a self-esteem issue that you need to deal with. Personally I feel just as much of a man when I’m alone than when I’m out with a pack of guys. You either are or you aren’t, you either want it or you don’t—it shouldn’t matter who you’re with.

In fact I feel more like a man because I’m doing what other guys are too scared to do. I stand out because I’m not like every other guy and girls want to know my “deal” and why I’m there, which aids me in conversation. It’s as if the intrigue is built right into the crust. In the end girls don’t care if you’re alone or not as long as you’re a fun and interesting guy that they’re attracted to. It’s ten times better to be alone doing your thing than with a guy who lowers your social value.

A couple years ago I’d go out alone every now and then but not do very well. I didn’t have a strategy and I never managed my mood or drinking, so I’d always prefer to go out with a random guy instead. But then I noticed those random guys hurting my chances more than helping. I started going out solo, I started picking up alone, and I’ve arrived at the point where I do far better alone than with these fly-by-night wingman I randomly meet. Today there’s only four guys in the world who I would wing with.

Don’t be surprised if after a short of spitting that solo dolo game you prefer going out alone than with others.

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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  • mr pilkington

    Sir, you are killing the blog game in 2010. I needed to read that.

  • Lumiere

    If a girl ask me where are my friends I usually just smile and say “everyone in here is my friend … they just dont know it yet”

    Basically sends the vibe that you are a social guy and you are confident enough to go out alone because you know you are going to meet new people.

    Practically always gets a good response.

  • JoeS

    “The last thing you want to do is go out alone after jerking off on the internet all day.”

    LOL! And this my friends is what separates the men from the boys. You need to have a heavy amount of motivation to hit the town alone and depleting your “natural motivational resources” is ending your night before it even begins.

  • Anonymous

    looks like a lot of time and thought has gone into this

  • Tampa

    Solo is hard. I can’t get past the vibe of being the guy standing their by himself. Usually when I have success rolling solo it’s because I met the girl at the bar while I was sitting there. I’ve had success rolling solo, but like I said, it’s usually proximity approaches (like she is standing next to me, or i’m sitting next to her). I can’t think of many times where i’m just chilling and then I seen a girl and roll over there.

    I like a homebase that a chick I’m rolling with provides.

    I still think solo is WAY better then rolling in a deuce with some guy that has no game. Totally ruins the night. It’s like you are having couple time without the pussy.

    Good write up though.

  • http://www.thegmanifesto.com The G Manifesto

    I am a huge advocate of rolling out Dolo.

    There are really two types of Dolo Game: Domestic and Foreign. They both require a different skill set.

    Here is how to combat some of your “cons” of Dolo Game:

    “First, it’s ten times harder to get into that amped-up social mood where approaching girls is more a natural extension of having fun.”

    The simple fix is: Booze.

    The more advance fix is to lamp in Custom Suits. Have girls approach you.

    “The second big downside of flying solo is you have no wingman to occupy the friend. Isolation takes much longer and sometimes never comes.”

    I probably sound like a broken record, but the quick fix to this is: Smoke Cigarettes.

    Cigarettes are the easiest way to get isolation.

    Refusing to smoke is one of the biggest handi-caps an up and coming International Playboy can have.

    - MPM

    The G Manifesto’s last blog post: George Best: Old-School Irish G.

  • Flashman

    I always felt like a loser when I went out solo, and yet I had, by far, more frequent one-night stands when I did. Unlike Roosh, the drunker I became, the higher likelihood of success I had; I become very assertive at a certain point, though losing conversational ability. The zero to hero scenario can happen in a flash; just be open to any opportunities than roll by. I agree that sticking to a spot is the way to go. Girls will always come your way, usually for a reason.

  • http://luvsic.com luvsic

    The biggest player I know almost always goes out solo.

    One thing I would dispute (though it just depends), is the idea that going to a club early is better than going late.

    Girls are always more impressed by the latest, greatest thing, and I think showing up later to clubs and parties can be a big advantage against all the other guys they’ve seen for the last 3 hours.

  • http://emclaren.wordpress.com Evan

    I got a lot out of this post.

    Here’s one observation, having much more to do with my habits and thoughts and abilities than what’s good: If I approach a girl and banter for a bit, get a number, leave, make more approaches elsewhere, then call her and she flakes, I won’t be so bitter. If I try to build all night with one girl and she flakes, I’ll be bitter.

    But I guess the better you are the better sense you have of situations like that, and also the better able you are to make that time worth it at the end.

    Evan’s last blog post: irreducible.

  • http://www.thegmanifesto.com The G Manifesto

    “One thing I would dispute (though it just depends), is the idea that going to a club early is better than going late.”

    I agree, I wouldn’t dispute Roosh’s theory here, although I never show up early to a club.

    The main advantage of Dolo Game cannot be stressed enough: Freedom and Agility.

    When you are Dolo, you can always pounce once an opportunity presents itself.

    Side note:

    The Leopard is the most efficient killer in the Jungle.

    And the Leopard always hunts Dolo.

    I am The Leopard.

    - MPM

    The G Manifesto’s last blog post: George Best: Old-School Irish G.

  • Anonymous

    Who are the four wings?

  • Night Prowler

    I usually just shrug my shoulders if a girl ever asks that question. No words needed. I don’t care enough if she’s there or not and I think it comes off like that. I go out later and later on weeknights and practice saying the least number of words possible before going in for a cig outside with her regardless if she smokes or not, and then hailing a cab and putting her in it without much of a suggestion for her to come. I swear it’s gotten easier and easier with each year of the last 4.

  • JoeS

    @The G Manifesto

    “The simple fix is: Booze.”

    True indeed sir. I mix up a special concoction that I like to call “Hood Juice” (two shots of vodka and gatordade) at the casa before I head out as I’m blasting tunes and getting ready. I try to knock it down it fairly quickly as I want it kicking in right as I make my entrance. All thats left to do is drink in moderation to maintain that initial buzz and proceed with game as usual.

  • http://recklessnessandaudacity.blogspot.com TAllagash

    pretty effin’ concise. i’ve got spots at the bars I frequent that I will always swoop in on, and even know on busy nights when to get tehre to get my spot. a good spot taht allows for a non-obvious approach, she just happens to be next to you ordering…is sweet. as for going out solo, i prefer it now. i pull more often solo than with a group. a group b/c this morass of bullshit and other people’s competing whatever….

    TAllagash’s last blog post: Freak Test.

  • FARC

    A lot of people are definitely going to think “weird!” if you say you’re out alone. I would. What is wrong with some lie like “My friends left early and I wasn’t ready to leave.” Or, “We were supposed to meet here, but they changed plans and I didn’t want to leave.”

    I’ve never deliberately gone out solo but have used these lines as the truth a few times. Totally agree that being alone has large advantages.

    But, I’d feel pretty weird doing it in a disco or meat-market type bar. It’s easy and natural if you’re somewhere with a live performance. You just hang back in a good spot and watch the musician or the guy on the tables, while scoping the scene.

  • Jay Gatsby

    Flying solo is fine, but your best bet is to find a solid group of guys who will serve as a wingman. Notice I used the singular, not the plural. You need one GOOD wingman, not a crew.

    If you absolutely must go out alone, I agree that befriending the bartender(s) and bouncers is the way to go. Knowing the staff is as good as being on the staff (or even owning the club). If you’ve established rapport with one of the bartenders, he’ll serve you first, make sure your drinks are strong, and ensure that your target gets served before any of the douchebags or UGs lined up 5x at the bar. It should go without saying that you must make sure that your target knows that you know the bartender.

    The same goes for bouncers/doormen. They decide who gets in (or who leaves). Your target’s friends may arrive late, and you will have the power to make sure they get in the club. Naturally, there is a price to pay. Some girls will use you just to get their friends in the club and then blow you off. Make it clear that this won’t be tolerated – you can just as easily get her friends kicked out of the club.

  • Steve Lurkel

    I second Mr. Pilkington’s statement; Roosh, you are spitting fire in 2010.

  • Lumierr

    “Refusing to smoke is one of the biggest handi-caps an up and coming International Playboy can have.”

    Dude i dont smoke and its easy to isolate without smoking. You can just say “hey, lets go outside for a pretend cigarette” (copyright sasha)

  • Ed OG

    I roll dolo from state to state…

  • Il Capo

    Roosh,

    Thanks a lot for your post. I’ve been experimenting with going solo recently with mixed results. I have had positive results by using the numbers game:

    - Going to a big venue.
    - Getting a few drinks.
    - Shotgun approach: walking around and talking to every single girl which meets my minimum standards (quite low given I’m tipsy).

    I have not, however, been able to get any results by posting up at a few different spots in smaller venues and waiting for opportunities. It feels kind of weird to be sitting alone just sipping a drink for like 10-20 minutes before someone rolls by. It’s probably in my head, but I feel I’m giving the creepy vibe and that messes with my – limited – game. I’ll re-read this post a few times and experiment.

  • Jeffrey

    Man, a whole night and morning with the strong possibility of going home alone, needing to constantly be on top form, and being with a girl you might well find boring as fuck?

    Are you sure prostitutes arent better than this?

    Man I just dont know. I guess I just dont *get* it. Probably never will.

    If pickup is really this complex for some people, I just dont see the point. Pickup is only worthwhile over paid sex for guys who dont find it this complex and difficult.

  • Anonymous

    great post,
    loved the magic times and “I don’t have friends” line

  • http://www.thegmanifesto.com The G Manifesto

    “It’s probably in my head, but I feel I’m giving the creepy vibe and that messes with my – limited – game.”

    It is in just your head. But if it is in your head then it exists.

    Rolling Dolo correctly falls under the “inner strength” umbrella.

    - MPM

    The G Manifesto’s last blog post: George Best: Old-School Irish G.

  • Travel bug

    Roosh: This is really really valuable content. I’m going to re-read this next time I go out solo.

    Lumiere: Great line!

  • lurker

    You really raised my confidence, Roosh. I used to go out alone a lot—college and beyond—and had no problem with confidence and hooking up.

    Then, in my late 20s, I got a couple of long term girls, and I stopped hunting. Then, when they were gone, I went out again and felt like “the old guy at the club.”

    This is what I needed. A guy to tell me exactly how I used to act was fine. Its like a frying pan to the head.

  • Maverick

    solid post roosh.

  • Lee

    Jeffrey, Theres something to be said about having sex with a girl who wants to fuck you

  • Roosh

    “Unlike Roosh, the drunker I became, the higher likelihood of success I had”

    It definitely depends on the crowd. In America I could pick up nearly drunk, but in South America the girls don’t drink nearly as much and that doesn’t fly well with them. It’s pretty rare in general to pick up while drunk if the girl is much more sober.

    Re: Going early vs. late

    If by the time you get into a club is 1am, and you do you warm up approaches, and fight the crowd at the bar, you may not be warmed up until 2am. By then there’s more guys and the girls are feeling cocky because they’ve already been approached several times. By getting there early you can pick out the potential freebies and already be in the right mood when the place peaks.

    I keep saying “social mood” in the post because that really is the most important thing that determines your success when going out solo. It’s much easier to do when you go early, but if you have better luck going late then that’s cool.

    “What is wrong with some lie like “My friends left early and I wasn’t ready to leave.” Or, “We were supposed to meet here, but they changed plans and I didn’t want to leave.””

    Because you are qualifying yourself—you’re giving an excuse for doing what you want to do. That’s playing a weak hand and chances are you’ll continue to do things to “impress” her, slipping into her frame instead of her coming into yours. It tells me that you may confidence issues.

    “I’d feel pretty weird [flying solo] it in a disco or meat-market type bar”

    In S. America bar logistics are no good so I’m doing this in the discos. For the first few times it’s definitely hard, but I’ve done it so many times now that it feels weird when I have a wingman. I honestly feel more held back. Just flip the frame. Instead of weird, you’re mysterious. Play off that vibe and watch it work.

    It feels kind of weird to be sitting alone just sipping a drink for like 10-20 minutes before someone rolls by. It’s probably in my head, but I feel I’m giving the creepy vibe and that messes with my – limited – game”

    It’s in your head. This is the main way I get laid now. Do it enough times, succeed from it, and it won’t seem so weird.

    “If pickup is really this complex for some people, I just dont see the point. Pickup is only worthwhile over paid sex for guys who dont find it this complex and difficult.”

    http://www.rooshv.com/banging-prostitutes

    “they’ve seen you bouncing from one girl to the next which is an absolute RED FLAG!”

    Did you just skip a whole big part of what I wrote? I suggest a strategy of not bouncing around.

  • The Rookie

    great stuff. one thing that should help those out alone, is you sometimes notice other guys alone, and they look like gigantic losers, bouncing around, looking at the ground, shifty, nervous, uncomfortable. If you notice someone else doing those things, it’s a great way to make sure you’re not doing the same things.

  • Jon Cruz

    The Leopard is the most efficient killer in the Jungle.

    And the Leopard always hunts Dolo.

    I am The Leopard.

    - MPM
    —–
    As always, wise words by the G.

  • http://pregametime.blogspot.com/ Willy Wonka

    Great post Roosh, I’ve been trying to get in the mood of going out solo, because the friends I have that do have any game at all are all bunned up with GFs and that just leaves my lame friends who couldn’t get pussy if it was thrown in their lap. I do have trouble getting motivated when going out solo, but thanks for the tips, I’ll definitely put them into play.

    Willy Wonka’s last blog post: Weak Sauce.

  • laowai

    Great post

  • Francis

    I take this post as my email reply thx so much of answering my question.

  • Lee

    It’d be the shit if you would lay out some day game like this.

  • DeepThought

    I am 43 and go out solo. My group of friends come from my profession and even though they are bright men, they are pathetic when it comes to women.

    Their immature behavior led to too many passive and active cockblocking incidents that I now go out solo. For example, I play the numbers game and have since I was in college. Once during an approach, one of my friends jokingly mentioned to the girl “Your the 4th girl he has approached in the last two hours…haha” That killed that chance.

    Most men still have this naive view that women are special and they look for overt queues from these woman. With my success and constant GF’s since my divorce years ago, I have made some success in convincing them butI noticed that there are men who are just too dense to understand. It is best just to let them sit at home and not ruin your chances.

  • Stone

    Totally agree. Better roll out solo (which I have done many times, with moderate success) than with some poor chap with no game.
    The best to worst ways to roll are, in descending order:
    - with a seasoned wingman
    - with a girl as a prop
    - solo
    - with an inexperienced wingman
    - in a group of 5-6 douchebags, ordering bottle service

  • http://www.thegmanifesto.com The G Manifesto

    DeepThought,

    “Once during an approach, one of my friends jokingly mentioned to the girl “Your the 4th girl he has approached in the last two hours…haha”

    Next time, secretly slip the bouncer a couple of C-Notes to toss your “friend” out on his head.

    - MPM

    The G Manifesto’s last blog post: Alberto Tomba: Old-School Italian G.

  • C-Lo

    This is just what I needed to read before traveling dolo for the next few months. Your right about getting into a social mood, I find that part the most difficult.

  • Generate

    I’ve rolled solo only a few times – but every one of those times has led to successful hits that very night. I concur.

  • Graham

    ROOSHV, you said “It’s better to be the first guy that a girl talks to than the tenth, and even if it doesn’t go well you can buddy up with her and her friends to use as flash social proof later on.”

    I have noticed these two things in my experience:

    (1)Sometimes, girls are cocky and confident when they came into the bar…but as the bar winds down, and guys havent approach them, they get slightly more open to meeting guys. That is, they lower their standards having the realization sink in that nobody have talked to them all night.

    I realize that if dozens of half-drunk had made a move on a girl, you being the 13th or 20th guy doesnt help your odds…so, yeah, in that regards, you may want to be #1 on the approach list. But at the same time, if a group of girls or a couple of pretty girls havent been approached all night by guys, there level of haughty picky behaviour gets lowered. That is my personal experience.

    What say you, rooshv?

  • Lumiere

    Jeffrey, picking up girls is not complicated at all.

    Sometimes the overload of info can make it seem that way.

  • Anonymous

    this is money

  • Todd Hackett

    Of the times I’ve gone out solo (dolo) it’s gone pretty well.
    One time, I was at a bar (overseas), and not really into it (being alone), but I forced myself to stay. As it turns out, the bar tender pulled a “venue-change” on me, and had me meet her at another bar after her shift.

    So…I think a good attitude to have is to force yourself to make it through what Roosh calls the “magic time”, and know and accept that part of the time you’re out a lone might suck, but it can really pay off.

    It’s also easier to meet groups when you’re alone. Some people are inclined to take you under the wing and have you join them. When you’re with others, that normally won’t happen.

  • mulhollanddrive

    Great Post! This is why I love this site.

  • Quasi

    Your blogs are kingly Sir Roosh :-)

    And G if you are a leopard, I got some of your teeth from my last trip to Brazil, so dont go around the village eating dogs please! :)

  • http://luvsic.com luvsic

    +1 on request for some day game outlines.

    I’ve been working random conversations into my daytime activities but don’t really have a clear path from small talk to taking it somewhere.

  • Gunslingergregi

    I am thinking some good game is getting a chick who has a shitload of friends. Then you are basically in with the friends. Makes it like shooting fish in barrel if you choose to pursue them.

  • boredom

    Roosh,

    How do you follow a strategy of not bouncing around without getting bored waiting for the magic time to wait around. That makes sense in a coffee shop where you can read or listen to your ipod, but what do you do to pass the time in a disco?

  • Schwanson

    In a bar/club, how do you pass the time in your spot while waiting for the magic to happen?

    I bounce from spot to spot because I get conscious about looking like the guy who has nothing going on-especially when I’m alone.

    A few options are:
    a. Make Small talk with folks standing around you
    b. Make Small talk with the bartender if your spot is at the bar
    c. Stare into your phone like you’re proofreading the national budget or reading Paris Hilton’s SMS where she’s begging you to come finger her
    d. Stare into your drink
    e. Check out other chicks, guys, chicks with other guys
    f. Dance with/near a group (if your spot’s on the dance floor)

    It must be hard for guys who take up a spot right at the bar and are trying to pace their drinking – the temptation to finish and get another drink to pass the time can be very compelling.

    I’m really thankful for this post btw, it demonstrates how you make decisions in the field. It’ll help all of us maximize our results.

  • Roosh

    What Schwanson said.

    Also, think “What would James Bond do?”

    He would get a classy drink, find a nice spot by the bar, move slowly and deliberately, scan the room periodically but not too often, and exchange glances with girls who are checking him out. He would then, at his leisure, make a move on the girls he wants.

    Generally at the club I pick a spot near the bar, get my lean going, and then just stare at things that catch my eye. Sometimes I stand in the middle of the room, have every eye on me, and just sip on my drink like I own the place. At a club it’s rare you’ll go more than 15 minutes without having to approach, so you won’t have to do this for long stretches without talking to a girl.

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  • Transit van man

    They way to look at it is a quality night out, in your own company. Can you stand yourself?

    Don’t be results-oriented: being desperate to meet/bang someone to validate your social presence is offputting.

    I find the best way to go out is in foreign places, when on trips: you just go out, dress how you like to dress, go to the bar and make no excuses about being there. You are making the best of the situation you are in.

    Worst case scenario you end up making small talk with strangers and passing the time – best case you are involved in the local social circle and get invited out to a party/impress some girl and make out etc.

    I suppose the key is being comfortable with yourself – not sad about the fact.

  • http://frankfaz.wordpress.com/ FAZ

    Fantastic post!

    :bow: =

    FAZ’s last blog post: When bad INNER-GAME is the real cockblock.

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  • Paul

    I’ve been to bars before and not said one word to anyone but in standing with such a commanding presence even straight guys have bought me drinks after engaging me in conversation. There isn’t enough emphasis on a man’s honest self confidence and displays of higher value when he is alone at the bar. Of course I’ve had fat chicks try and get up on me because I didn’t approach the hot ones…regardless, displaying higher value, I would say, is the most important concept when going out solo. But a wing can for sure aid in this process.

  • Paul

    Constantly going out alone doesn’t deem you an alcoholic. Drinking to feel normal, consistently drinking to not feel normal, healthy emotions, is what an alcoholic does. A person who cannot stop drinking is an alcoholic. A person with no boundaries and no emotional control is an addict.

  • Anon77

    Without question the most useful post on “flying solo” I’ve ever read. Keep it up!

  • Cory

    Echoing anon77. This is the best thing I’ve ever written on flying solo. I’m in a new city. know 0 people. this is gold.

  • Kay

    Roosh, im going to be straight with you here.
    you are the best pick up guy out there and heres why.
    1. you dont take yourself as a PUA or any of that nonsense
    2. Every Game tips newsletter i get from you is 100% relevent. i.e. i have experienced it or am still experiencing the topic of discussion.

    don’t get me wrong, ive been in the game for a couple of years now, but im nowhere near perfect.
    i don’t believe anyone is, but its a relief to find someone in the same line of thinking as me.

    3. quote “The main upside of flying solo is freedom. You can do whatever you want, wherever you want, and not have to put up with another guy’s issues, problems, embarrassing game, or passive cockblocking. Since in fact most guys will not enhance your game, you’re probably doing yourself a favor by going out solo. ”

    this is soo true.. i was out last night with some wings and i can totally agree with this, since its still in my mind how they passively cockblocked me.

    i go out daily, and i can’t wait to go out tonight and try alot of the tips you mentioned in this newsletter.

    ONE FINAL THING. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, DON’T STOP WRITING! I love everything you write about and it would be a tragedy, the day you give up game and writing about it. i don’t know where i will turn to!

    Much Respect from your bro in the United Kingdom.
    Come visit sometime, and test your game, as the scene is much different and more challenging here!
    Peace!
    Kay

  • Marc

    Early v. Late

    Def late! Give the girls a chance to be half drunk on someone elses dime, and realize all the other poseurs that have been there for 4 hours are losers. Fresh face walks in….bam. Broads are like us, bbd. Bigger, better, deal. You meet them too early, and they may want to chitchat with the girls a while or see other guys, etc. But, at 1am, it’s go time, shit or get off the pot. Only joints I frequent early are Ladies nites. 8-11, get there at 8 when there are double the girls, cocks wander in around 11 or so. I post up at the bar and make space for them to order drinks, and it’s non stop action for me all night.

    Going out alone

    I been doing it for 3 years straight all over Latin America. Anyone who has spent any time down here will atest that all the guys that come here are fucking wierdos. Don’t look for gringo wings here! They are social wierdos, perverts, no game, dress like ass, no Spanish etc. Weird at first to go out alone, but pick your spots. Don’t go to clubs with no “bar” to plant yourself at. (One reason I hate Buenos Aires, no bars, all tables). Pick a spot where people walk in, walk past to the bathroom, or a spot where they order drinks. You will look like a Moe posted up on the wall with a beer, standing next to the other Moes. You MUST muscle a spot at the bar to avoid any “loser/creepy” factor.

    Where are your friends?

    I simply tell them I don’t have many friends here, I am from U.S. I don’t know what to tell them IN the U.S.!!!! I roll with buddies in the U.S.

    Many girls find it “fresh” to meet a guy who’s not in a wolf pack. You are not threatening to them, and usually one cock is interested in one girl and the other two people have to tolerate each other.

    Don’t forget to pre-party, pound a couple cold ones en route, this will save you lots of dough in the long run, and loosen you up, get you pumped a little.

    Smile genuinely! Makes you unintimidating and approachable.

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  • Anonymous

    I am doing a one strike and you are out rule. I have had zero or almost zero good wing men I can remember. I have never had a friend that has helped me get laid. It said one of the downfalls of solo is that there is no wingman to occupy the friend. I have never had a friend that would occupy her friend so I could talk to her. Friends that want to hook up themselves always actively and passively cockblock and I am sick of it.

    I’m going solo from now on. I’ve always had to do it on my own, or despite my friends that are present. Where are these good wingmen? Do they exist? I believe they are a myth.

  • Globalcitizen

    Excellent post and discussion! I have been looking for a solid wing in Chicago but after reading this post, i’m going to give the Solo routine a try. Most of my guy friends are lousy wings. I’ve done well as a Solo whenever i’ve tried it..but for some reason, i feel less weird when i’m at a bar or club with a wing.

  • Leevizzle

    A good wingman will set you up just as good or better than you could solo, and you’ll feel more comfortable cause you have someone you know to talk to during down time. My best friend was a great wingman who set me up with my fiance. I was the one that convinced him to approach a girl who turned out to be his wife.

    I’m the quiet, smooth, slick guy and he’s the loud, arrogant, blunt type. However, our goals are the same and we both can hold our own. We just take a different approach to get to the same place and they both work.

    Usually he would approach a couple of girls and initiate the conversation and make jokes. Then once the conversation was initiated, I would smoothly slide in and ask a couple of questions. After about 10 mins., we’ll both know which girls is better suited for who. Downside is if he’s finds his fit and the friend doesn’t fit you, then you’re stuck for a little while with the friend you don’t want to talk to until you can find an out.

    In this case, just occupy the friend long enough for your boy to get the girl more interested in him than her girl and he’s good (sometimes you must take one for the team, but it works the other way around too). Then find a way out the conversation and move on to the next girl solo. (you should be able to hold your own anyways).

    Best case scenario, we find two chicks we’re both interested in and we’re both good to go after initial conversation which has happened a few times. Depends on how good you are at scouting the chicks.

  • Frederick

    I’m going dolo tonight in Buenos Aires. I’m a local, but there’s this one club (Club 74) that I love, but my friends think it’s, you know, sub-par in terms of the people that are usually there (aesthetically) Yes, my friends are complete utter snobs.

    Either way, I’m getting liquored up, trying to picture myself being able to handle the insecurity of actually being alone. Never really had to do it. I’ve hit up several girls, leaving my friends behind plenty of times, but always knowing they were my, well, safety net, if you will.

    Wish me luck!

  • Eric

    This post is depressing. Why waste a night lonely hoping to get lucky? Is that an enjoyable experience?

    Just go out with friends and develop real relationships with these friends. When around friends you automatically pass the creeper test anyways- you will get girls more naturally.

    Besides, sex is so much better and cleaner (and more frequent) when you are dating the girl and like her as a person.

  • Anonymous

    Way to miss the whole point of everything Eric.

  • Boarder99

    Good post. The key to going out solo is definitely getting there early. Most people hanging out late night are in crowds, and usually drunk (because it’s 12am+ they’ve been drinking for hours already). There is nothing worse than being solo and having a drunk guy knock into you every 4 minutes — that sours your mood and your game for the night is done. Go early, and the bars are less crowded, the people (men and women) are more civil, and the kind of people who will throw you off your game haven’t arrived yet.

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  • Newb

    This blog really was helpful to me.

    I just moved to a new city for a job. I do not know anyone besides my landlord and my boss, neither of which I am trying to go out with. I am independent and comfortable with myself, but I have never been in this kind of situation. In college, I never went to the bars alone, always with one or more friends. It is seeming more and more like I need to become someone that does this. So, I suppose my question is, what advice would you give me to get over this initial apprehension. Won’t lie, the thought of going to a bar alone doesn’t just sound kind of lame and pathetic to me, but it is a little terrifying. I am not a loner; I do much better with groups of friends. But having moved here, I have no friends and no family to really do anything with. How do you get into the mentality to go out? I know the simple things (be comfortable with yourself, don’t be upset if you don’t get laid, set realistic expectations, etc.) but, I won’t lie, I am nervous as all hell. You wouldn’t have made this blog if you weren’t trying to help someone like me. So please, help me out.

  • Hawkes

    @Newb – being new in town is a perfect intro/firestarter, especially if you get asked why you’re alone! I’ve lived in my town for 6+ years and I WISH I had the luxury of starting a conversation that way.

  • Evolved Psycho

    I have some problem flying solo. I always run into someone that I know and they would always ask me why I am by myself.

  • http://rolysmission.blogspot.com/ Roly

    You are WAY over complicating this. There is only one rule to going out alone. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER “stand around.” Ever.

    Your advice to talk to people in line is spot on. Your advice to stop talking to guys once inside is way off. The “post up and blow 20 minutes waiting for opportunity” is way off. That silence, that “quiet place” is death when you’re solo.

    Keep talking, and if you’re not talking, get moving and FIND SOMEONE to talk to, hot girls, fat girls, guys, doesn’t matter. Do this, and everything else will fall into place.

  • xenophon

    My dear Mr. Roosh
    This is the first time I have come across your site (not literally). Great stuff!! I think you may be the heir to the great J P Donleavy. Although his writing is much better than yours, you have the advantage of still being above ground and with time to hone your skills.

    I strongly recommend that you read his classic, The Unexpurgated Code – different but overlapping material. There is “nothing new under the sun”.

    Notice how he weaves the hilarious with the rakish and poignant. It guided me in my early gaming years and I read everything ever written by him.

    Have you read it?

  • B-dawg

    So I was sitting at home by myself last night, drinking a beer, debating whether to go out solo and to see what happens. I live downtown and there are bars just around the corner. After reading this blog I decided to give it a try.

    I had never gone out solo in a serious way so I just planned to have a couple a drinks, try not to look too weird, and see what happens. It was awkward at first, I bought a drink, would look at my phone, go to the bathroom (this place has a unisex bathroom type thing and I had a one night stand with a chick after meeting her washing hands). No luck initially and I definitely felt weird at times but I kept moving around, anything just not to look like I was alone with nothing going on.

    After ordering my 2nd drink at the bar I caught this cute white chick looking at me and I went right to her and asked her if she would like a drink as well. I ended up getting her number… she had to go take her drunk sister home so that was that.

    As I was ordering my 3rd drink I met this older south american chick at the bar. She had an accent and we had trouble communicating at first but I ended up taking her back to my place (its good to live 2 a blocks away!) I banged her several times last night! she was sort of a freak, kept wanting more sex even tho I was pretty drunk and tired by that point.

    I was definitely worried about what to say about why I was alone. I just said my friends were elsewhere or already left with a chick. I’m sorry but I can’t just say “I dont have any”. Is it supposed to be sarcastic? Don’t think I could pull it off w/o looking weird.

    There are definitely pros and cons of going solo. However, 90% of the time when I meet a girl at a bar, I’m alone and end up having to ditch my friends/wingman as I talk to the chick so why even bother going with them?

    It’s pretty awesome feeling to know this is possible and that I went from having a somewhat depressing friday night alone by myslef to banging a hispanic hottie all night.

    I think the keys are to tough out the awkward moments, wait for the “magic time” as Roosh was saying and just wait for your opportunity to pounce. The bigger/crowded/darker the bar or club the easier this is I think. Couldn’t pull this off at a quiet bar so easily. Also Booze helps. lots of booze!

  • Anonymous

    “Are you sure prostitutes arent better than this?
    Man I just dont know. I guess I just dont *get* it. Probably never will.
    If pickup is really this complex for some people, I just dont see the point.”

    I agree. I tend to let women come to me, it does work, it is slow as fuck, but I never come out desperate(after all,we are not desperate correct? if so, why subject some poor lady to that?)

    The Pickup game is lost on me as well, I never play it so I suppose I have no game. Fine by me, If I need a 1-nighter there are websites for that lol and I still wont have to lie to anyone.

    Now that I’ve bashed it, I must compliment because I’m here not wanting to go out alone. I need people to talk to when I’m out and thats really the only purpose a wingman ever serves for me. I would probably prefer a nice lounge to a bar, I have no interest in what passes for dancing around here (I dig techno tho, they dance alright). I admire your tactics and find many of them sound and logical, but like the other dude I feel like this sort of game caters to a very specific sort of insecurity and I guess I just think that if I engage in it, I will become the cliche. I may fully be wrong, do your thing dude.

    I did find many of the generic tips about socializing useful and it was nice to see someone mention my own No Wanking before Partytime rule.

  • kim

    i’m a girl… smoked a wee bit too much weed for a while, lost a bunch of friends and stopped going out in the process. got invited to cool parties but always flaked. finally last night i thought damn it and went out to a media party. I got there early before it started and was pretty nervous! had a drink at the closest bar and googled tips on going out alone and found your page. Even though it’s all about picking up girls, I found your tips so helpful!! especially the bits about fulfilling a pre-determined quota of people to talk to. I ended up having so much fun and will def refer back to your site again! thanks!

  • Anonymous

    quality post my man. very useful and real. it’s amazing how many dudes out there dont know shit when it comes to flying solo. definitely the better way to go and the chances are far better. confidence or even fake confidence is all you need

  • Zyno Abbu

    After many years of wing-men and going solo.(I do a lot of solos) I discovered the deadliest way of doing this. I spent a year (in Manchester) gaming with a girl.(She is quite cool with a sense of style straight out of Vogue magazine) She was a one-night-stand who latter became a friend. It took a lot of convincing, but it’s the best strategy that I’ve ever employed. There were many times when she was the only reason that I got pussy.

    This, my friends, works wonders. You gotta try it. You have to make sure the girl know how to dress and that she’s really having fun with the whole thing.

  • Mert

    Well, I have been also hanging around for 7 years alone and I am right now 26. I am living in Buenos Aires. I also want to mention about some things that can be useful:

    1-I am not Argentinian and being a foreigner rockkks when you go out alone! Just play the sad and alone guy, when a GIRL APPROACHES TO you…( My success rate is %20 per week which is equal to 1 night for 5 nights out, I have someone who comes and behaves me like an exotic parrot…
    2-I drink a lot, because behaving as a drunk actually means being honest to a lot of women…they see you innocent, they dont play mind games with you anymore, and moreover if it is possible try to repeat all the time that you are drunk with a cutest smiley you have….
    3- Approach part….I could not/cannot/will not change it…I cannot do it, I am not the guy who can starts the conversation because of my fucking ego…I am foreigner, I am funny, I am intelligent, I am handsome, I am cool and I am the DJ, so why should I dare to go there? I cannot beat this question…That s why I am very bad at Americans, Slovakians, Russians, Czech girls…you have almost 0 chance if you stand there like an ancient greek status….If you can advise something for this, it will be highly appreciated…I really need to improve this…
    4-Kindness…Guys this is the most important weapon I have…Trying not to touch the girls while walking towards the crowd to the bathroom makes them crazy….from 2 perspectives: 1- How come he does not try to touch my water melon ass? 2- Woaaw, such a guy, he just behaved like this since he did not want to disturb me…Guys believe me, I picked at least 10-15 girls because of this virtual kindness acts….We all know it is a playground down there…

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  • Olivia

    This is one of the saddest things I have ever read. There is no way I would be interested in talking to a guy on his own.

  • Rick

    I’m flying solo to Cartagena and Medellin in Nov. 2012. Am I going to have any issues getting into any clubs solo? I know that groups of guys anywhere on planet Earth have zero chance of getting in unless they have a few girls with them.

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  • Anonymous

    This one of the best articles I’ve ever read! Comments were very insightful. Oh, OLIVIA, I’m sure you as “secure” as they come…if you wouldn’t be interested in talking to a guy who is on his own…then don’t. If I saw a hot girl by herself who started taling to me, I’d be interested if she was cool. Whether she came with friends or not, doesn’t make her more or less interesting. It’s all about attitutde.

  • Ulitmate Warrior

    I just moved abroad by myself so this means solo or nothing. So solo it is. Ive had ok results after a week, no one night stands yet, not that I was looking for one. Good sex doesnt exist in the realms of one night stands unless theres alot of drugs involved (just my experience/opinion). Real sex comes from real passion for one another. It would be nice to see a guide like this that wasnt so hell bent on getting a meaningless fuck. What about finding something more stable abroad? Sorting the time wasting sluts from the “quality women” In most cases that means more sex and more happyness. Still, def some useful tips here, thanks for the guide.

  • http://www.seductiontoolbox.com Mark Maddington

    I am on my way to being a solo pick up artist. I think you either pick an entourage style or lone wolf style. If you go from one to the other it will just confuse you. Stick with lone wolf because even tho it is not the best way to role in the club, it gives you the best thing you can have: freedom.
    - Mark Maddington

  • sezwhom

    The Alpha Male stands tall & alone all the time so going out solo is no big deal. Helps to have company but if you have you’re act together & look good, solo works in your favor.

  • nicksdgi

    THis guide was really helpful and after just a couple weeks I’ve already gotten several numbers. But often times I end up talking to ugly chicks who are more aggressive than other hotter chicks. Any good ways to deflect the ugos and focus on the hotties?

  • J

    There is only one Man who Will make you completely fulfilled, and that Man is Jesus. I promise that if you seek him and let him into your heart you will experience rest and Everlasting Joy. I pray that you will take this message to heart and experience TRUE Happiness in Jesus. God Bless. ps. Pray to Jesus about all of your problems so that he will help you like he has helped me always.

  • Steeph

    Yes, because if i pray enough, jesus might send me a nice girl (to fuck)…

    lmao

    I want to thank the author, im only 20. but i feel as if im too old to start doing all this dating and stuff. i feel like i miss too much experience.

    either way, im going to try this, whether i fail or not. its time to change

  • Tomson

    Glad to see I’m not the only one that has to go it alone.

    The honest reason in my case is I have a small group of close friends and I’m the last single and/or childless one. I always knew to place myself at the bar as it is obvious; the most traffic and you can see people walk in. But the truth is, it does feel weird, but then again I don’t ooze confidence. Funnily enough though, on all but 2 occasions I have not connected with folks. I haven’t been laid yet, but that isn’t my only goal. Once I was roped in by a straight guy who asked me why I was alone and after telling him ”I just felt like hitting a bar”, he then said I must join him and his group. On another occasion a group of 3 girls told me to come and sit outside with them. Evenings were not wastes and I had fun.

    The drawback however is, in a ”hip” bar with a young crowd, a single guy makes an easy target for marauding ”jocks”. I was picked on once because I got chatting to a woman at the bar and they obviously took ”offence”.

    The other drawback with staying put at the bar is; there are in fact ”weirdos” that sit there. The middle aged, desperate woman. The two/three older guys staring at young girls. You may be doing it cool, but if you are close to the old men/women, their vibe will kill yours.

  • Anonymous

    I’d also say dress code plays a role. Make sure your dress code meets the vibe of the location (you don’t want to be in jeans and a tee when the club attracts woman dressed to the nines). And make sure you are comfortable in this dress code. If you are in a ”refined” bar and that button up shirt is killing you because you’d rather be in a t-shirt, it will throw you off.

  • Brent

    Dude, I’m 21 and I gave this column a read and last night I walked into a busy country club/bar by myself and pulled a successful 25 yr old hottie. Reading this gave definately gave me some of the confidence to walk right into that place for myself. Bragged about it to all my friends the next day. Keep it up man.

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  • Lucaen

    going solo is the best, I’ve found. recently started learning game on and off the last few years (taking it slow from the inside out). little over a year ago I was going out with buddies to clubs, bars, etc. but was always the only one even trying to chat up the females. I’d have some success and get a group of girls to come back to our table, or find me later after a “peak and leave” (peak her interest then suddenly leave with no goodbye). then the idiot buddies would either try to steal the target, or freeze up entirely, both of which would just end in the target(s) ditching us. if they did manage to peak a girls interest on their own out of sheer dumb luck, they’d then want to follow that girl every freaking place she went, with me telling them not to… anyway, i eventually just started going out on my own and began having much more success. dealing with the stigma of the alone guy is much easier than constantly cleaning up your buddies mess. plus the alone guy becomes it’s own sort of peacocking because you’re not doing what everyone else is. it makes you a mystery (ht). the trick is to realize that your best wingman is your own inner state. I go out alone, chat up the female bartenders and wait staff, then look over to the hottest female in the place sitting with her friends and getting hit on for the tenth time, and she’s staring at me all the way across the room. game time. if you believe you are just fine alone, others will too. pay attention to things like posture and mental state. you really need to learn how to control your own emotions and reactions. an alpha state of mind means you’re leading not just in the physical sense, but also in the emotional and intellectual, and social. by accepting the social stigma of the alone guy, you’re letting the environment define you instead of you defining it

  • MusicMan

    Been going solo for the last year or so, as all my buddies are now domesticated (married). Truth be told, I find i have way more success this way. I did feel weird and ‘creepy’ at first, but with time, it became more natural, and now the preferred way for me to go hunting. Looking fwd to doing it again tonight. Happy Friday!

  • Hahaha

    Lol. Join me in worshipping an imaginary cosmic Jewish zombie who is his own Dad. Makes complete sense. Did he happen to mention some buried golden plates in upstate NY too?

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  • John Rendon

    I loved the article. All the points that I totally agree with are:

    1. Getting to the venue early. There are so many good reasons to do so.

    2. Most wingmen will accidentally mess up your game more often than they’ll help your game in any way.
    3. You’re definitely the man if you could consistently go out alone and get good results. You don’t need the crutch of so called wingmen. You’re success will be all because of you.

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  • guess

    Bud, why you don’t you put the sex on hold until you get married, and then freak out upon seeing your wife’s bush, either can’t get it up or finish in 5 miliseconds, then next thing you know your devoted christian wife is banging the whole neighborhood.

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