How I Trolled Latvia’s Biggest News Site

Christmas has come twice this year! Latvia’s biggest news site Delfi asked me for an interview and I happily obliged. I already blew my load trolling the Lithuanians so it was a bit harder this time around. I’m afraid some of my answers were more mean than funny, but I think there are a couple laughs to be had. Enjoy…

In your book (at least about Latvia) you never call yourself a sex-tourist. But other guys are sex-tourists. What’s the difference then?

The main difference is that ultimately I’m searching for love. Until I find this love, I want to have sex with every girl that can give me an erection. My testosterone levels are so high that I have an erection for most of the day, even when I’m walking in public. In America we call this “walking boner.”

Latvia was one of the worst countries for sex-trip, but how many Latvian girls you banged totally?

More than 1 but less than 10.

Do you know, how many girls you have banged? How many girls have you banged at least twice? Can you tell a proportion/percentage between one-night-stands and at least two-night-stands?

I would have to hire an accountant to sift through the actual number, but I’d be surprised if it was under 500. I think maybe only five or six times did I bang a girl twice. It’s hard to pick one girl when there are so many more girls that would voluntarily have sex with me.

Do you have a girlfriend? How long was your longest “normal” relationship (without cheating)? Have you ever been in love?

No. I’ve never had a normal relationship. I think I was in love but I’m not sure.

Do your parents know about your hobby? If yes, what do they think about it?

My dad doesn’t care but my mom has practically disowned me. She thinks that I’m the head of some type of “army” that teaches thousands of “sex soldiers” how to take advantage of women like the Muslim men are doing in Norway and Sweden. I keep telling her that I don’t advocate for violence or forced blowjobs but she is getting old now and her hearing is not so good.

Have you ever asked to any shrink why are you so obsessed?

Yes I did. She told me that I was overcompensating for a youth when I didn’t get a lot of sex and that I need to meditate on my youth or some stupid stuff. I tried to have sex with her and then she told me I couldn’t get treatment anymore. I haven’t seen a shrink since her.

You began your career as an industrial microbiologist, but now you are more like traveler and writer. Or maybe you still have a regular job? Anyway, since there are millions of sex-tourists in the world, have you sold a lot of your books?

Yes, I have sold almost one million books. I didn’t make a lot of money when I was a microbiologist, but now I’m a millionaire teaching guys how to have sex with women. Can you think of a better job?

Are you a well-respected sex-tourist? How many people, in your opinion, really listen to your advice?

Dude I’m a LOVE TOURIST, not sex tourist. My web sites receive 3 million page views a month, which I think is greater than the population of Latvia. Just curious: how many hundreds of people read your news site? [Reporter actually answered my question]

How often have you been beaten up during your sex trips? Have you been an object of sexual desire of some gay-sex-tourist? Have you caught STS during your crusades?

Yes I have been beaten up many times, usually when I talk to a girl who is with her boyfriend. I need to stop doing that. When that happens I beg them not to destroy my beautiful face, because this is my main strength in getting with women.

I don’t want to disclose my medical history with the public, but yes I’ve had many STSs. In fact, I think I have one right now and am looking for a doctor. But it’s not AIDS.

You said that you don’t mind to bang fat and/or ugly girls. Have you ever failed to succeed to bang a girl only because of her ugliness?

I don’t remember saying that. But yes I’ve failed with ugly girls that maybe even you wouldn’t bang. It’s okay to have sex with a fat girl, but only once in a while. One time a week is okay.

What are the most valuable virtues in girls in general? What are the best character features in Latvian girls (if there’s any)?

Their eyes, I guess. I don’t like Latvian girls because they kept trying to take my money.

For example, you said that in “Essential” club you didn’t see any self-respecting local girl? Who would you call a self-respecting girl?

Today girls are very lazy. They get money and go shopping and spend all day in front of the mirror. The perfect girl would live on a farm and do manual labor with a plow. She’d raise chickens, milk the cows, and clean the barn. She’d also cook and clean. The girls in Essential don’t know how to plow, cook, or clean. They’re useless besides for sex, and even that they’re not good at it.

How long is your dick and dos it make any difference?

I haven’t measured in a long time, but my nickname for it is “baby’s arm.”

Do you think you’re somehow special, or with absolutely the same success it could by any guy in the world?

Any guy can have my success, as long as he approaches 100 girls a week. The world can be his!

The above article was adapted from Don’t Bang Latvia, a 63-page hater travel guide that teaches you how to sleep with Latvian women while simultaneously convincing you not to go. It contains tourist tips, game advice, sex stories, and hate. Click here to learn more.

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