How To Pick Up Girls In A Coffee Shop

1. Go to crowded coffee shops. Your best bet is to visit coffee shops so crowded that all tables are taken. Find the cutest girl in the room and ask if you can share her table. If there isn’t a crowded coffee shop near you, sit at a table where a lot of people have to pass by on their way out.

2. Bring an interesting prop that helps with conversation. Even when I’m working on my laptop, I carry an interesting book (or e-reader) that I can use if a conversation develops. It’s even better if you bring a prop related to one of your hobbies, which allows you to easily display value. For example, if you travel a lot, wear a scarf that you bought abroad. If you’re a chef at a restaurant, have a “draft” menu lying on the table. If you’re a tango dancer, have a picture of you doing a complicated move as the background to your laptop screen.

3. Camp out. Coffee shops are peculiar in that you need to stay a while until opportunities present themselves. It’s not like a club where you go inside, check out the talent, and then immediately leave if you don’t see anything you like. Even in crowded coffee shops, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to do more than two approaches per hour.

4. Come up with “elderly” openers related to what she’s doing. Is she reading a book? Ask her if the book is good. Is she working on a laptop? Ask her if the laptop is a good model. Is she reading a research paper? Ask her if it’s interesting. Keep it easier on yourself by focusing on props that you can talk about. This makes your approach more natural. A reason why coffee shops are so easy to approach is that girls always have props (even if she’s playing a game on her cell phone, your opener can be if it’s a fun game or not).

5. Do the approach. Simply say “Excuse me” and then ask a question related to her prop. If the girl is not seated near you, you’ll have to say it as she walks by your table or when you walk by hers (on the way to the bathroom, for example). Sample opener: “Excuse me, you seem really into your book. Is it a good book?” This simple line will open her over 80% of the time.

6. Talk about the prop you opened with. If you asked her about a pen she’s writing with, and then 30 seconds later you ask where she’s from, the girl will feel like you’re “hitting” on her and then clam up. Instead, talk about the initial prop for at least two minutes until moving onto more personal topics. This is called “elderly chat.” You know its elderly when you can have the same conversation with a guy and he won’t think you’re gay. It should be neutral and non-sexual without asking personal questions (she can ask personal questions early on, but not you).

7. Drop big bait. The hardest part of a day pickup is getting out of elderly chat and dropping enough value where the girl feels compelled to learn more about you. Big bait is a statement that hints towards something interesting you’re doing or have done. For example, if I’m in a coffee shop talking about coffee with a girl, I can say something like, “When I was in Italy, the coffee was so rich and smooth that I didn’t have to put much sugar. I really wish I could find a coffee shop like that here.” If she’s curious, she’ll make a comment about Italy or travel. If she likes you, she’ll outright ask about your trip. Sometimes it takes three or more of these big bait drops until a girl asks you a personal question.

8. Move into a personal chat. After she asks you a personal question (it can be as simple as “What is your name?” or “What do you do?”), you now have enough to at least get a number. Make the conversation more playful by wondering if she’s half-German. Ask for her age. Find out where she lives (for date logistics). Give opinions and comments about her answers without teasing or insulting her. Understand that girls can’t handle cockiness during the day like they can at night.

9. Get her number. If she’s reciprocating with the personal chat by asking you questions in response to yours, it’s time to get her number. The most seamless way to do is to ask where she usually hangs out. After her answer, ask if she wants to hang out with you for a drink. If you got this far, she will almost always give you the digits.

One problem you’ll face is numbers that don’t go anywhere. The easiest way to fix that is to prolong your conversations to a minimum of 15 minutes. While you can get a number after only a few minutes, those are unlikely to lead to a date. During the day, longer conversations are better.

In conclusion, open on a neutral prop that you talk about for at least two minutes. Drop big bait until she asks a personal question, then get to know her with both playful and serious questions. Finally, get her number. Easy, right?

The above coffee shop article was 890 words. My day game book, Day Bang, is 75,000 words, with 26 pages alone on coffee shop approaching and an additional 68 pages on approaching, conversing, dropping big bait, and closing. If you want more details on how to pick up women during the day, click here to learn more about my book.

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  • Francis

    I like this post a lot, this post has the core of what day bang is and of course it offers more than that. I just love how unselfish , Roosh is he always shares those contents that is in those selling materials.

  • Camper22

    Really great advise Roosh it all makes sense however I would like your opinion about more direct approach in day time.

    What do you think about talking with some girl for few minutes about neutral topics then ask her if she is single and in case of affirmative answer (she will say no if she is not interested I think) ask her for her number.
    I mean making all things clear.

    In your experience is that a good plan? Im having not great result like that and wanna see if its wrong the method or the execution.

    (Roosh: No because if you ask before she’s attracted to you, she may say yes to not appear like a “loser”. She’s single if she asks personal questions. Girls with serious boyfriends rarely ask one.)

  • JJ

    Camper22,

    is the method the one wrong. Who cares whether she’s single or not? Act as if she is single. Always.

    Never ask that kind of things. Go for the kiss. She may have a boyfriend and she just want to skip that thought from her mind for a couple of hours.

  • Camper22

    Thanks for your explanation both Roosh and jj,

    Roosh can you elaborate this kind of girly psychology in one of your essays if you have time next days? I think that would really help recently unplugged guys like me who read you.

  • Anonymous

    @camper22 – read http://www.rooshv.com/malefemale-observations-analysis-and-commentary. That’s all girly psych you’ll ever need.

  • samseau

    I just don’t have the patience for coffee shops. 1-2 approaches per hour, if that, is pretty frustrating. Night game has spoiled my ass.

  • Bortimus

    You definitely need to have something else to do while you wait for opportunities. Helps if you can work from your laptop.

  • schlub

    Paul Janka says to keep the initial daytime approach to under two minutes and go for volume. He says the girl has already decided on you inside the first minute and prolonging the effort can only work against you.

    Obviously you disagree. Care to comment on why Janka may need a different system?

    (Roosh: That’s like asking why generals have different battle plans when going to war. There are many ways to skin a cat, etc. Also, Janka’s appearance is far above average.)

  • schlub

    Well, I have enormous difficulty being “chatty”, which is the cornerstone of your system. I am, however, fairly good looking and well dressed.

    I guess you’re saying I should try two minute and 15m hits for myself and decide. The two minute hit sure is a hell of a lot easier.

  • LakerLynx

    The point about waiting for her to ask a personal question or two is a good one. Lots of girls will give you their number because they are conditioned to be accommodating, and most of these will flake. But if she has “taken the bait,” to use Roosh’s term, there is at least some reason to think she’s interested and not just being polite.

  • Charley horse

    It isn’t that he’s being generous for no reason. Whenever he makes a post about one of his books he’s advertising his material. It’s posts like these that got me to buy Bang and Day Bang in the first place, like he’s dropping “bait” in a business sense that makes you want to see what else he has hiding in those pages.

    (Roosh: Sure. The balance is not annoying readers who either don’t want to buy my books or who have already bought. I want to promote the books I worked hard on, but I don’t want to go overboard. The problem is that when I have a lot of books out (7 right now with 3 more in the works), it may seem like every other post is indirectly promoting one.)

  • skeet_game

    Different note – that christmas songs are sexist woman should be destroyed. Can we please have you host a meme competition good sir?

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  • Obstinance Works

    Big Bait, what a concept.

  • Open

    If and when I move to manhattan, I don’t think I’ll bother with clubs. That’s how awesome the coffee shops there are. Multiple attractive women in and out constantly! I would look down at my phone or book for ten minutes, look up, and the entire room will be full of different people!

  • Opportunist

    I think the key thing necessary for coffee shop pickups is the “prop” as Roosh points out. I have tried cold opening girls in coffee shops and while polite they definitely give off a “why are you talking to me vibe” if you have made it look like you went out of your way to come over and talk to them.

    Recently I stumbled upon the concept of an interesting prop when I was reading a book in the Starbucks at the office building where I work. I looked up to see a cute girl (I’d say a good 6) giving me the look and smirked when we made eye contact. When I asked what was so amusing she told me most of the people there read newspapers or business magazines but I stuck out with my fantasy novel. This sparked a long conversation about books, stuffy DC office drones, etc. Also led to a number and date. Wish I had found out that key component in Day Game pick ups sooner.

  • Tripl – A

    I don’t know about Justin Beaver or whoever this guy is, but i know girls can NEVER be predicted and NOTHING can guarantee she won’t flake … you can even bang her and she still flakes … But then again, you already banged her so what?.

    Look, if you went all the way to kissing her in some random day approach (it’s happened to me many times), she has technically the same chance of flaking next time as if she just gave you her number after a 5 minutes chat …

    IMO is better just go with the flow without making a science of every little move to make. Just approach, create rapport and let your intuition guide you, she knows better.

  • Emaneercs

    Looked this over before I went out to Barnes and Noble today to chill at their coffee shop. I took the lyrics I have to memorize for my band with me and just focused on memorizing them to kill time between sets. The whole thing about an adult conversation worked like a charm, not to mention it helps that my inner game is a million times better than it used to be. +1 roosh

  • drhouse

    Tripl – A makes a good point: girls have a built-in capacity to flake and if anything it goes some way in indicating whether you’re dealing with a feminine mindset. It may be irritating at times, but in a way, it’s better than if she has a completely dependable mindset which to me is a barometer of masculinity.

    This in no way should encourage flakiness in a backwards attempt to prove femininity, just that it seems like it’s a natural byproduct that one had better get used to in the game.

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  • Dickbag

    First time in my life I’ve ever stumbled on something via Google when I was just screwing around (i.e. not shopping) and paid a random website money.

    $15 well spent, I suspect.

  • All_That_Is_Man

    Roosh, this pick up artist/day game/coffee shop stuff only works if she ALREADY LIKES YOU TO BEGIN WITH, which is frankly too much to ask for from modern day western females.

  • Jonaas

    Bring one of those grocery store tubes of cookie dough for eating (like bite off pieces as if it were a banana). Great prop, worked for me.

    Girl gave me the keys to her hostel room and I stayed there a week free of charge and banged the whole time

  • a

    try to do those things in Denmark and the girl will turn u down immediately or after few seconds, u will never get to the next steps. and u will never get her number unless she like how u look and she is already interested in u. and if she is not interested in u then u need a miracle to happen to get her number.
    and after u leave and then when u plan to call her there is a big chance that the number she gave u was wrong number, she just gave u the wrong number to get ride of u.
    danish girls are waste of time, unless the guy looks really good then he have good chance because they are so shallow.
    but if the guy looks a little bad, or normal or even a little good, but not good enough for those shallow girls then he can say goodbye to any kind of game or any kind of aproach.

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