Flaking is a real problem in modern dating. You make plans with a girl, get excited about the prospect of intimacy, and then she sends you a text message cancellation containing a lame excuse. Maybe her best friend called her with a better plan. Maybe some guy she has a crush on finally came through. Or maybe she’s just feeling lazy and rather catch up on her reality television shows. Whatever the excuse, it will come down to one reason: your value wasn’t high enough.
She didn’t feel that she would miss out by not going on a date with you. There was no pain within her core in canceling. This is why if a girl flakes on you once, especially for the first date, it’s almost impossible to turn things around, because she has already acted out on the belief that you are not worth her time.
Flakes in my early days would burn. I’d sit there, twiddling my thumbs at home, asking myself, “Now what should I do?” I had no other plan. I’d be disappointed and my confidence would take a hit. Then, as the years went on, I begun to assume the flake and have a backup plan ready to go. This made flakes less disconcerting but still, they were not a pleasure to experience. Fast forward to today and I don’t mind if girls flake at all. In fact, more than half the time I wish they would flake. The reason?
I’m too busy.
I have so many things to do that my schedule is always packed. Every night before I go to bed I fill my next day’s to-do list full of tasks that will keep me busy for the entire day. Dates with girls disturb my work flow and set me back as much as half a day. While I do enjoy dates and want to have sex with girls, I also place great importance in completing my day’s work. What naturally happened was that on the day of dates I began to think, “Man, I hope she flakes so I can get all my work done.”
I noticed something interesting when the thought of “I hope she flakes” pops into my head: the girl never flakes.
Let me give you the opposite example. I meet a gorgeous girl who in my mind I refer to as dreamy. I’m enamored by her and can’t wait until we make love. We set a date and I clear my schedule to accommodate her. What odds would you peg at the flake? I can tell you: at least 50%.
Am I saying that girls can read your mind when it comes to how you value them? No, but I am saying that your thoughts about a girl transmute into words and body language that signals your value. That signal is perfectly interpreted by her, probably unconsciously, to determine whether or not she should proceed on a date with you. When you’re a busy man with things going on, you act in a different way than a man who has a lot of free time and really wants to be with a girl.
You can say “I hope she flakes” all day until your face turns blue, but the girl will still flake unless it’s a statement that’s congruent with reality. You can even create make-work in the hopes that you can convince yourself that you want her to flake, but this won’t do it either. The only way to make it work is if you value several other things in life above women.
If women are the most important thing in your life, and you chase them daily, you will surely get laid, but you will get flaked on. You have to play the numbers game to its mathematical conclusion. On the other hand, if women are not the most important thing in your life, you will get flaked on much less. Both cases get similar results in the form of bangs, but the latter man will get flaked on less because of the “you’re not that valuable to me” signal that women positively respond to.
I’ll be honest and say that I got more notches when women were number one in my life, but my rejection rate was high. I had to put up with a lot of disrespect I had to go out several times a week. I had to always be “on.” It was almost like a job. Now that women are slipping down from the number one spot and I put less work into chasing them, my quantity is going down, but I have no shortage of dates from girls I meet in my daily routine. If anything, I’m going on too many dates, and it’s starting to interfere with my work. This afternoon I have a date with a girl I met in the bookstore, and even though she’s cute, deep down I hope she flakes.
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