It’s The Boner, Stupid

There is a growing barrier between the sexes in America. It’s large enough that men are undertaking training to learn how to communicate with their women (game) or are taking energy and time-consuming trips abroad to meet foreign women (travel). If we were to explain in one reason why men are doing this, it’s because American women are perilously ignoring the sensitivities of a man’s boner.

Instead of acting and looking in a way that generates boners, American women are doing just about everything to kill boners. Let’s briefly review some boner killers:

  • Obesity
  • Cursing
  • Careerism (putting job before family)
  • Tattoos, piercings, and other forms of self-mutilation
  • Feigning intelligence after reading Huffington Post or Jezebel
  • Short hair
  • Talking too much nonsense
  • Calling out a man’s game at key intimate moments
  • Getting angry at men for not believing in bullshit feminist theory
  • Seeking self-esteem through accomplishments instead of femininity
  • Negging
  • Graduate degrees
  • Changing behavior after reading a stupid book (50 Shades Of Grey, Eat Pray Love)
  • Addicted to iPhones
  • Promiscuous behavior that doesn’t reward good men
  • Snarkiness
  • Penis envy
  • Obsession with foodie trends and celebrities
  • Refusal to learn basic homemaking skills
  • Cheap flip flops
  • Pajamas in public

Women are confused on how to get the man they desire, but I will now solve that problem for them. Before you, a woman, undertake any behavior, ask yourself the following: will what I’m about to do increase a man’s boner or decrease it? If the answer is “decrease,” you must immediately halt the behavior and do something else. Let’s go over a few examples.

1. “By eating this cupcake, even though I’m already 20 pounds overweight, will I increase a man’s boner or decrease it?” DECREASE. Put the cupcake down.

2. “If I grow my hair out longer, will I increase a man’s boner or decrease it?” INCREASE. Grow it out.

3. “If I put on these pair of flip flops before hitting the bar, will I increase a man’s boner or decrease it?” DECREASE. Put on high heels.

4. “If I’m on a first date with a man I like and he makes a statement which suggests he’s against gay marriage, will going nuclear on him increase his boner or decrease it?” DECREASE. Let it go and remain silent.

5. “We’re about to have sex but I’m feeling insecure that he thinks I’m a slut. Will saying ‘I don’t usually do this’ increase a man’s boner or decrease it?” DECREASE. Shut up and enjoy the moment.

6. “My house is a pig sty but there’s a chance I may come home with a cool guy later. Will cleaning my sty increase his boner or decrease it? INCREASE. Clean your house immediately.

7. “I read an article about sexism in the IT industry. Will posting this article on my Facebook increase a man’s boner or decrease it?” DECREASE. Do not post it.

If a woman wants a man, she must cease and desist boner killing behaviors and start performing boner enhancing behaviors. Many women of the world understand this piece of advice and do it subconsciously since their culture has not yet brainwashed them to act like men with tiny penises, but unfortunately in America, the same women who are not serving men’s boners still wonder why they are so unhappy.

I know what a woman reading this is thinking right now: “But I’m a multi-faceted, empowered, dynamic, versatile woman. You want me to lower myself just to appeal solely to a man’s sexual needs?” While it’s arguable that you really are multi-faceted, empowered, dynamic, and versatile—yes, I want you understand that men come to you for the boner and then stay for your feminine pleasantness. All the things you think it takes to attract a man are completely wrong and you must instead adopt my boner generation program. If you want to experience any sort of happiness with men, you must satisfy a man’s boner and stop being a boner denialist.

There are even some men in denial about their own boner. They say, “I don’t just want a woman who gives me boners, I want to have long philosophical discussions with a girl who has a great personality.” Philosophy does not give boners and personality doesn’t increase the quality of your sex life. Until the girl is above a certain boner threshold from her appearance and basic manner alone, she can be the most interesting woman in the world but fail miserably to instatize boners. The happiest man is one who allows his boner to act as a sensitive antenna for women he should invest in. Listen to your boner as it whispers to you its judgement of women, because it knows before you know. If you choose a woman who performs more boner destroying behaviors than boner creating behaviors, you’re asking for catastrophe to enter your life.

It’s incredible to me how such a simple rule of pleasing the boner is lost on modern America women. They have entire magazines and blogs trying to figure out the complexity of the male species when we possess very little complexity at all. All we want is a woman who gives us boners, looks nice, and doesn’t annoy us. That’s becoming quite a challenge to find in America today.

Read Next: 8 Things American Women Must Do To Make Themselves More Attractive For Men

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