Everyone has a laundry list of qualities they want in the opposite sex. This is especially true for women, whose ideal type often crosses into the fantasy realm. If you break down these lists down into component parts, almost everything can fit into three categories: personality, appearance, and sexuality.
Personality is connection and rapport. Can you spend time with her outside the bedroom? Do you not wish she would stop talking?
With appearance, is she easy on the eyes? Can I take her out in public without constantly thinking I can do better?
Sexuality is chemistry, both inside the bedroom and out. Can I not keep my hands off her? Can she take what I have to give her? Does she seem conscious when I am giving it to her?
Two of these categories need to be satisfied to casually date someone. Usually it’s appearance and something else, because these days we are meeting people in bars and clubs instead of being set up on blind dates by our parents. If brighter lighting or sober eyes take away the appearance, the something else won’t be good enough to continue seeing the person ever again. Relationships where two categories are met usually last a few dates until things stall out.
If the third category is satisfied, she is officially compatible with you. The usual result is you will still be in touch with her one year down the road, whether you are dating or not. A common reason a relationship wouldn’t work in this case is bad timing.
You need to prioritize your desired qualities. This is my ranking:
Sexuality is third because most of the time I’m spending with a girl will be talking to her and not banging.
What I see with girls is they write off men who don’t possess all the qualities they want, and keep in mind their lists are twenty times as long as a guy’s. Instead of having a prioritized list, everything for them is weighted equally, which produces the spinster phenomenon we are all too familiar with. As long as a girl is very strong in your two most important categories, it may be worth it if you can work on the third. I’m not saying to settle, but I am saying be realistic and open to someone who is satisfying your most important needs. Because you will not find someone who completely satisfies them all.Tweet Follow @rooshv
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Great post. I agree 100%. Women do often have these crazy laundry lists when prioritized lists and compatibility in the most important areas are what really sustains a relationship…
And yes, bad timing is a nasty bugger but it often leads to great friendships…at least in my life.
When it comes to a potential boyfriend, I have a few requirements. Nothing crazy.
Do I find him attractive? (at least a 7.5/10)
Is he mentally stable? (has his own life, won’t call me 24/7, isn’t addicted to crystal meth)
Does he have some sort of job? (drug dealer/trust fund doesn’t count)
Does he have a penis? (no john bobbits, please)
Do I like him? (most important)
Are my requirements too much? I don’t think so.
“What I see with girls is they write off men who don’t possess all the qualities they want, and keep in mind their lists are twenty times as long as a guy’s. Instead of having a prioritized list, everything for them is weighted equally,”
Quality analysis. Well done.
“Instead of having a prioritized list, everything for them is weighted equally,”
so true, but don’t expect this to change. women are choosier by nature, they can’t help it, and their choosiness only gets more selective as their career trajectory/financial status/educational attainment ramps up and they continue wanting men who are at least a little bit better than them in all these categories.
it’s always too late when they realize to their horror that men don’t share the same selective filters they do. for us it’s youth and beauty. ergo, the most likely candidates for lifelong spinsterhood and cat accumulation are still single women in their late 20s/30s with grad school credentials and well-paying careers. and this is pretty much what we see.
Amen, brother. Anytime someone asks me what my “type” is, I tell them I don’t have one in the traditional sense – my past history is all over every spectrum. Then I tell them I just need to find a girl attractive, enjoyable and sexually intriguing, a/k/a the three categories you mentioned.
Women are choosier by nature because we’re the better looking sex. We can’t help it if, in general, you are attracted to more of us than we are to you.
John Bobbit does have a penis. I’ve seen it.
Who knew compatibility was so simple? Now if I can get my girl into autoerotic asphyxiation, anal, and train her to squirt I am all set!
Women are choosier by nature because we have to be. Your top 3 categories don’t have anything essential to raising a decent family. Though chemisty with your future wife is super important, it appears as though it will be your wife’s job to make sure you fit her laundry list.
As a girl gets older, she should be wise enough to prioritize. My priorities have changed drastically in only two years: from ‘really cute’ and ‘funny conversations’ to ‘kind hearted’, ‘hard working’, a ‘very high IQ’, and ‘shared values’. Of course the three things on your list are also on mine, but like I said, my laundry list is naturally longer.
Unfortunatly many women have the wrong priorities, or like you said, weigh all qualities equally. Maybe that’s because these women don’t think much about having kids! Hence, the 35 year old spinster.
I like this post, my friend.
I agree with your three standards and their order, as well. However, being a girl myself, I have to disagree that girls have a list of things they need in a guy. Those three things seem to fit my criteria to a tee. And maybe sometimes, number one and two can be reversed, depending on how awesome someone’s personality is.
I would argue many guys have no list at all until they get the girl in bed.
It;s then that the guys suddenly get even pickier than the women. face it: After you’ve bedded a woman (esp. if she’s an easy mark), almost ANY quality can prove a deal breaker.
I once wound up in bed with a total hottie, but when we woke up the next morning she was waaay to energetic, bopping around the room to The Cure. End of relationship; I never took her calls again. Maybe I was too rash but it really put me off.
Any other guys find they’re this way?
“Appearance, Personality, Sexuality” is good and short but far too general. There’s obviously more specifics than that, that’s pretty much anybody’s list.. For instance, you could make this more like:
Appearance: Must look both at ease and eminently fuckable while in T-shirt and jeans, with hair in ponytail, driving a truck with no doors. Option of three-on-the-tree or four-on-the-floor will be considered equally.
Personality: Must be willing and able to break up dull days by planning absurd pranks on unaware total strangers.
Sexuality: Must be willing and able to crack corny jokes while riding cowboy. Dick jokes acceptable but counter-productive.
See? Much clearer. The hard part is figuring out if a girl satisfies the criteria whilst pawing at her from behind through a whiskey haze and pretending to keep the beat.
I ‘m a little surprised to see you didn’t mention how many women’s lists filter down to “Makes lots and lots of money to buy my designer handbags.”
The good news is, it is possible to have ‘all of the above.’ Hence, why we are so incredibly picky…because we can be.
Eh, a reason why women are supposed to be able to afford to be choosy (and have to be) was explained in a biology lecture I went to once: It is much more expensive to manufacture one egg than looads of sperm. This one egg must accept only one sperm, while the sperm can go anywhere since there’s lots of ‘em. AND SO ON. Biologically, men’s reproduction is about quantity while women’s repredocuction is about quality.
That doesn’t mean to say I think that human behaviour is governed by what evolutionarily would make sense.
I personally think lists are stupid. It’s not easy to predict what life form would actually suit you as a person. But I suppose it gets easier to know as you get older.
But this is coming from a person who has a jobless boyfriend. We’re young, though. I DONT CARE WHAT YOU OTHER WOMEN SAY; WE HAVE A CONNECTION DAMNIT. I remember falling in love with him despite any unfortunate mental lists. We were also still in school. How was I supposed to know that he would doom himself to walk the earth with a highschool education only?
Also, cats are wonderful.
The list for women gets shorter or less demanding as they ‘mature’ (as they age I mean). Additional qualifiers are added by guys as they grow old and gray out. My additions so far: 4. Makes good money-so we can share the cost of dating (we all know it ain’t cheap to date…well most of us). 5. Has a normal family (you can change your friends but your family is forever).
Bee it could be no problem him only having high school as long as he learns a trade. It’s funny that in my Catholic school we basically looked down on the trade school kids but they are the ones who can go anywhere and make money. There are very few engineers on the project I’m on but there are tons of tradespeaople IE the people who actually do the work and they make good money at it not that much less than the engineer’s but look at the difference in cost of school and all that good stuff.
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The Lord told men, take care of your fuckin asses, I have better things to do.