“When a man realizes that he has been changing continuously every moment, he grieves neither for what he has lost nor for what he has gained.”
Not many Americans subscribe to Buddhist philosophy, which states that all life is impermanent and in a constant state of transition. This includes things you may see as everlasting, like your personality, humor, or attitude. You may think that your essence is permanent enough that it can be locked up in a bottle and retrieved a month or year from now, but your environment and experiences are changing you every hour of every day.
A denial of change is what Buddhism claims to be the primary source of human suffering. A modern example is people who refuse to accept the aging process of the human body, putting it through plastic surgeries that make them, ironically, less human in appearance. Another is the denial of death, of worrying so much about extending your life through an obsessive-compulsive approach to health that you forget to live it.
The average man who comes to me to learn about women wants to change his results, but not what he considers to be his self. He wants to learn the “magic bullet,” the one little item he thinks will significantly increase his results, without having to make wholesale changes to his behaviors or routines. I consider this to be his biggest stumbling block to success. He wants to meet a lot of women, but he doesn’t want to approach outside of his social circle. He wants tight day game, but he isn’t willing to dedicate two hours a week to day approaching. He wants fast bangs, but he doesn’t want to go to bars or clubs. He wants hot girls, but he isn’t willing to build up his skills by first getting with more average women.
In fact, the “magic bullet” is one of the most commonly used marketing strategies out there. Real estate seminars, get-rich books, and even mainstream publications like The 4 Hour Body advertise how just a tiny bit of work on your part will get you exactly what you want. There’s only one or two things you’re not doing that will completely change your life! You can remain the same you, keep your routine, and not have to commit to a long journey of improvement! This marketing gimmick is taken to its logical conclusion with a $93 game book called… wait for it… Magic Bullets.
I think of man as a collection of computer programs, perfectly designed systems for accomplishing a defined set of tasks, whether it’s excelling at a specific job, being good with women, being a drug addict, or the countless other lifestyles and behaviors that humans live. When it comes time for man to change, he wants to use his existing number counting program, for example, on something that doesn’t even involve numbers. He doesn’t want to write a new program.
Change can only come when new programs are written, which alters the relationships between all the other programs. The end result in a newer, upgraded operating system. Only by accepting change and realizing that who you are now will be gone forever—and would never last forever in the first place—will you get closer to becoming the person you want.
If you want to make big improvements to your life then you have to accept the possibility that one day you won’t completely recognize who you see in the mirror. Disregard the Western concept of “self” and work hard until you finish writing the new program that accomplishes your goals. This already happens under you nose, but to speed up the process you should consciously embrace it. It’s better to achieve success as a “new” person than stay the same and never get what you want.