Man’s Resistance To Change

“When a man realizes that he has been changing continuously every moment, he grieves neither for what he has lost nor for what he has gained.”

Not many Americans subscribe to Buddhist philosophy, which states that all life is impermanent and in a constant state of transition. This includes things you may see as everlasting, like your personality, humor, or attitude. You may think that your essence is permanent enough that it can be locked up in a bottle and retrieved a month or year from now, but your environment and experiences are changing you every hour of every day.

A denial of change is what Buddhism claims to be the primary source of human suffering. A modern example is people who refuse to accept the aging process of the human body, putting it through plastic surgeries that make them, ironically, less human in appearance. Another is the denial of death, of worrying so much about extending your life through an obsessive-compulsive approach to health that you forget to live it.

The average man who comes to me to learn about women wants to change his results, but not what he considers to be his self. He wants to learn the “magic bullet,” the one little item he thinks will significantly increase his results, without having to make wholesale changes to his behaviors or routines. I consider this to be his biggest stumbling block to success. He wants to meet a lot of women, but he doesn’t want to approach outside of his social circle. He wants tight day game, but he isn’t willing to dedicate two hours a week to day approaching. He wants fast bangs, but he doesn’t want to go to bars or clubs. He wants hot girls, but he isn’t willing to build up his skills by first getting with more average women.

In fact, the “magic bullet” is one of the most commonly used marketing strategies out there. Real estate seminars, get-rich books, and even mainstream publications like The 4 Hour Body advertise how just a tiny bit of work on your part will get you exactly what you want. There’s only one or two things you’re not doing that will completely change your life! You can remain the same you, keep your routine, and not have to commit to a long journey of improvement! This marketing gimmick is taken to its logical conclusion with a $93 game book called… wait for it… Magic Bullets.

I think of man as a collection of computer programs, perfectly designed systems for accomplishing a defined set of tasks, whether it’s excelling at a specific job, being good with women, being a drug addict, or the countless other lifestyles and behaviors that humans live. When it comes time for man to change, he wants to use his existing number counting program, for example, on something that doesn’t even involve numbers. He doesn’t want to write a new program.

Change can only come when new programs are written, which alters the relationships between all the other programs. The end result in a newer, upgraded operating system. Only by accepting change and realizing that who you are now will be gone forever—and would never last forever in the first place—will you get closer to becoming the person you want.

If you want to make big improvements to your life then you have to accept the possibility that one day you won’t completely recognize who you see in the mirror. Disregard the Western concept of “self” and work hard until you finish writing the new program that accomplishes your goals. This already happens under you nose, but to speed up the process you should consciously embrace it. It’s better to achieve success as a “new” person than stay the same and never get what you want.

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  • Woody

    Roosh,

    I’ve always enjoyed your posts, whether I’ve agreed with them or not, simply due to your transparency and ever desire to produce something of quality in your life.

    With that in mind, I’d like to critique your comment about Buddhism, particularly your conception of its primary source of suffering – resistance to change.

    From my previous studies and current recollection of them, “desire” has always been the cause of suffering, which is the second noble truth.

    How do you equate “resistance to change” to “desire”?

  • http://donlak.wordpress.com Donlak

    I will field the previous Commentors question. Buddhism doesn’t say or preach losing desire, it’s impossible, even the Dali Lama says this, he has desires, what Buddhism teaches is to lose your attatchments to what your desires will give you or not give, which is the root of all suffering.
    In pua terms it’s called not being outcome dependent. Desire away, but don’t let the negative or positive outcomes cause you pain, as happiness and anguish are two sides of the sane coin, and there is happiness everywhere, you just need to see it, ie flip the coin.

  • Nino

    Hey Roosh,

    Great post, I agree with you that the hardest thing when attempting something new is letting go of your “self”. I used to think that MY personality was the most important thing I had, and that I could change everything else but my personality and be successful at game; now I realize that the first thing I had to change was my personality.

    I’m still a long ways of, but I think that once you let go of who you think you are, you are free to become what you WANT to be.

    The tricky thing about becoming who you WANT to be is to do it by changing your behaviors, the way you think, etc; not only by selling people the idea of who you are by talking about who you are(see the Last Psychiatrist for a more articulate version).

    How do you think changing yourself impacts your friendships? Do you still have friends from before you started game?

    Oh and one last thing, the book Magic Bullets says in the introduction that the journey to great game is a hard and arduous process, and that there are no shortcuts, so they titled the book Magic Bullets ironically.

  • samseau

    I don’t know if this is Buddhism, but…

    Since life is always changing, you can never be sure that what you have now will be with you tomorrow. And since changes come independently of your own volition, it follows that you cannot control everything you are changed into.

    So… it follows that as soon as you accomplish something, you’ll immediately start to lose it.

    Why ever try to achieve something if it’s just going to disappear? That’s the much harder question to answer

  • Evan

    Stirb und werde, “Die and become.”

    - Goethe’s Faust

  • nguyenimproved

    good analogy with computer programs.

  • http://johnnyshornofplenty.wordpress.com/ Johnny Milfquest

    New algorithms. New Routines. New habits. Exactly. Some of the ideas we hold about ourselves and our personalities are untested BS.

    Two weeks ago I would have said that I was a great conversationalist and a terrible club dancer. My experiences in the last two weeks have shown that I’m actually a pretty good club dancer but my conversational skills need alot of work.

    Live and learn!

  • Riker

    Kill the ego, change your life

  • Mr GM

    This is why I like this blog and Roosh’s books.
    There is no shortcut to sucess , it’s a lifetime struggle.
    Fuck that PUA crap.

  • pilgrim37

    “The chains of Habit are too light to be felt until they’re too heavy to be broken.”

  • Anonymous

    Roosh, you puzzle me. I read this post and I’ve read ur summary of that Buddhism book. I cannot resolve how u can subscribe to Buddhist philosophy, yet at the same time having such a low regard for women. I dig ur blog, subscribe on Twitter, I’m a fan…but u seen very conflicted

  • BLarsen

    Forgot to sign my post, I’m the puzzled one

  • Brian

    As I’ve learned more about game and being more alpha, both here and from Roissy’s blog, I can’t imagine not wanting to change. The things I’ve been learned have definitely made a huge change in my dating and sex life (never would have believed I’d get a 22 year old in bed in 3 hours). But even more, those changes have had a much bigger impact in the rest of my life.

    Learn to be alpha, and see what happens in your career. In the last 6 months, I went from being stuck where I was to my boss grooming me for management. Outside of work, I’ve always been competitive. But my performance there has also shot up because I’ve been learning to listen to my inner cocky asshole. When you start to believe those things you say, you start to actually live up to them.

    If the old you can’t get laid, the old you sucks, and not just with dating. If you don’t have the confidence to walk up to any woman and believe that you’re the best thing that’s walked into her life, you really don’t have that much confidence in yourself with anything else.

    P.S. Thanks for all the posts about Brazilian women. I’ve got one wrapped around my finger as a result of a lot of your posts. I honestly can’t imagine wasting time on American women at this point.

  • Jay Gatsby

    “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein

  • Blackhawk

    “Strip yourselves of your former nature [put off and discard your old unrenewed self] which characterized your previous manner of life. And be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh mental and spiritual attitude],
    And put on the new nature (the regenerate self) created in God’s image, [Godlike] in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24

    Or as a more blunt translation of the same passage puts it, “Every day let the old man that you are now die, to be replaced by a new man with renewed mind and improved habits”.

    Letting the old self die to make room for the improved person has long been part of western thought as well. But the old philosophers didn’t have computers, so instead of “programs” they talked about “habits”. Makes them bloody obtuse at times.

  • Timothy

    As Roosh alluded to, the diet/exercise industries are the main practitioners of the philosophy of taking the easiest path to what you want. Especially the diet industry. You see the commercials where these diet plans state that you can eat ALL the things that made you fat in the first place (burgers, pizza, cake, etc.) yet still lose weight. You don’t have to sacrifice anything, you don’t have to give up anything. And that’s why we have THIS:

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43670705/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/?GT1=43001

    For all those superfatties that actually lose so much weight that they look like normal human beings, it was LIFESTYLE CHANGE, not just dieting, that gave them the results. They had to essentially change who they are and how they lived.

  • NYCBachelor

    Its funny; I had a very similar thought when I was driving earlier today- namely that my personality has changed in such a radical fashion over the last 10 years that I’m beginning to become the eptiome of everything I hated 10, hell even 5, years ago.

    Self centered, narcissitic, manipulative- and whats more I understand the validity of these traits from a biological/philosophic level that could’t appreciate when I was younger.

    My younger self could say I’m developing “evil” traits- but really I’ve just opened my eyes and unshackled myself from the chains that soceity places on the mind of the average man, through religion, TV, and other forms of programming. I’m changing from the Narrator to Tyler Durden slowly but surely (instead of living with dissociative multiple personalities). I say good. I’ll decide what the best “me” is- fuck soceity and what it says is “good” I didn’t ask soceity to form me into the loser alter-ego; it might have pushed me into the mold- but I’ll be damned if I let myself stay that way.

  • soem retard

    @anonymous re: “I cannot resolve how u can subscribe to Buddhist philosophy, yet at the same time having such a low regard for women”

    Buddhism can be a fairly “sexist” philosophy, if you wanna be honest about it.

    @Roosh… re: Western concept of “self”… you might dig the ideas of Daniel Dennett. He debunks the “self” from a decidedly Western, empirical/scientific pov.

    Modern science is really starting to confirm a lot of Zen Buddhism and ancient Greek thought.

  • rightontime

    This is exactly what I needed to hear.

  • Travel Bug

    Bravo Roosh. This is what people need to hear. Although, improvement doesn’t ALWAYS need to be hard, sometimes smart calculated changes lead to bigger ones. Overall, excellent post.

  • Ubermind

    @ 11
    and
    @ 18

    All ancient philosophies and sciences about human soul are sexist. Because the only thing that is not sexist is the feminist paradigm that you live into and that looks like a norm to you. The imagenery concept of “sexism” was born with feminism and will die with it.

  • Ubermind

    After all God is a politically incorrect sexist too

  • Not Joe Rogan

    Roosh seems like a character from a novel. Perpetually conflicted, but self-assured at the same time. He may have jumped right out of the pages of a Leo Tolstoy novel.

  • http://www.hokieblogger.com Gmac

    People are always looking for a quick overnight fix or a shortcut. My grandpa spent years trying to find that “next big thing” to get him rich quick and fell for all sorts of scams… wasting years of his life that he will never get back.

    When you learn to differentiate between the “easy way” and the “smart way” and attribute success to growth through measured progress instead of expecting “instant gratification” you eventually will see your development improve by leaps and bounds.

    This can be applied to any aspect of your life, but with respect to game and your overall self it means putting in genuine effort and time to change with the understanding that you may never look at yourself the same way again.

    There are plenty of lazy people out there looking for that magic solution to all of their problems. Like with everything in life, it is only when you invest time and dedication into something that you will see actual results… otherwise you’re going to be living in a world of constant disappointment.

    Good post Roosh.

  • BLarsen

    @ubermind

    I get what ur saying… However I think u can agree that roosh writes ina style that implies the women he gets with are of a lower status than himself. AS if they solely exist for his pleasure? Not very Buddhist.

  • Ubermind

    @ 25

    Whom do you model your concept of Buddhist after? Gandhi? Or some western herb vegan?

    Also Roosh is no Buddhist. He just uses a Buddhist wisdom he finds insightful. Just like SWPL people who go to yoga classes in gym are not yogis and hinduists, but are using some concepts.

    An authenthic Buddhist lifestyle is impossible in this age any more. Egoism is too evolved.

  • soem retard

    @BLarsen … how exactly is that not Buddhist? What specific doctrine of Buddhism does that violate?

    There’s all kinds of Buddhism and I reckon some of it makes Buddha into a kind of Chinese Jesus who demands that everybody love everybody. The Buddhism I’m familiar with has to do with getting a clear view of the nature of reality.

    And the reality is that women don’t exist “for” any particular purpose. They just are. And a lot of times men want to have sex with them, just for pleasure, you know? There’s nothing sexist about that. It’s just a biological fact.

  • BLarsen

    You could say he violates Right speech and Right action.

    Also, outside of a buddhist context and in an ethical context common to most faiths, referring to his partners as whores shows a lack of regard for then as equal persons. Fuck feminism, I’m talking human to human, golden rule shit.

    that is what bugs me about roosh. If he wants to go caveman and fuck anything that moves, great. But then he posts stuff like this that shows he actually had a brain. Indulging on the hedonistic, while dabbling on the spiritual. That is why i said he seems conflicted.

  • BLarsen

    On my phone, so I’m getting some typos.

    Also want to introduce the idea of Karmic Intention. His partners certainly aren’t forced to sleep with him, I’m not questioning the rightness of the action. I’m questioning his intent behind his actions and his regard for his partners.

    E.g., fucking a girl for mutual pleasure vs fucking a girl because you view her as lesser than you and merely an animate part of you environment

  • Falcon

    “A wise man will be the master of his mind. A fool will be it’s slave.”

    - Publilius Syrus

  • soem retard

    What’s spiritual about Buddhism? Maybe you are projecting things into Buddhism that are not really there. Right action… moral code or practical guideline?

    And how did having a lot of sex become exclusive of having a brain?

    I think you might be making some categorization errors, and Roosh’s writings bother you because they cause cognitive dissonance. I think you could benefit from taking a step back and considering that you are missing something. If you figure it out, there might be a growth experience here for you.

  • http://two.cedonulli.com Jake

    Change is intoxicating.

    If you make it a whole story, with a goal, and build a whole character around it … it’ll set you free to explore all the things possibly more true to your actual nature. Who says you’re a white collar accountant? A wanna-be actress serving lunch? A bank teller?

    It’s not doing life any kind of justice not stepping outside of the self-perception cage you built for yourself.

    Read this: http://two.cedonulli.com/2011/07/bad-ideas/

  • BLarsen

    @soem retard

    Buddhism isn’t spiritual? I think it is, we can disagree, no problem…

    Re: having a brain, when I first came here I thought this was another “i pump chicks all day long” blog. I was pleased to see that roosh is intelligent and uses the higher functioning powers of his brain for more than getting women.

    Re: lessons to be learned… I have no expectations when I come here, at least try not to. Except to be entertained. I just wanted to point out the conflict I saw in roosh’s writing

  • Tom Lemon

    Damn this is a good post.

    I’ll say it again Roosh. Whenever you tire of Game and decide to build a business, or launch a cause, or raise a family, or whatever you may or may not choose to do after this…you will be great at it.

    Picking up women is fantastic training for any life endeavor for any man. Learning to “approach” will bring you success in *any* life endeavor.

  • Mrs. Valizadeth

    And what’s with your resistance to gainful employment then, game boy??? And what about the sexual modesty part of Buddhism?? Left that one out, huh???

    As your MOTHER and a sponsor of your extended life long vacation, I DEMAND you start using CONDOMS!!!

    When you used to fit into the palm of my hand, I used to hold you up high and think to myself, “I sure hope this boy will one day become a second-tier King of busted betas!” Wait a minute….. or was it, “I hope he becomes a doctor, lawyer or a scientist”????

    This is getting ridiculous, Rooshy boy. You know that those boys reading your filth will soon graduate, make money, get girls and either forget all about you or laugh at what dorks they were to listen to you – a THIRTY TWO YEAR OLD gamer with no job, no money and nothing on the horizon. Aaaaaaaaa!!! Condoms, Roosh, PLEASE, use condoms!! It’s the only thing I want from you any more! Aaaaaaaa!!!!

  • Timothy

    Don’t all religions have a spiritual component? And men of the cloth do as much, if not MORE fucking than anyone.

    And you should listen to your mom Roosh…you gotta stop runnin’ up in these chicks raw! You don’t want to end up with drippy-dick (or WORSE), and you definitely don’t want some chick showing up at your door one day with some little kid, telling you it’s YOURS.

  • BLarsen

    K-i-d-s? How about A-I-D-S? :)

  • Anonymous

    While you are changing yourself to be able to get what you want, you may also find you change what you want.

    This is not a bad thing.

  • Renn

    Change in pursuit of self-improvement is a good thing AND yes it takes work (no short-cuts), BUT–

    There are certain things (principles, values etc.) that you should NOT change. “If you don’t stand for anything, you will fall for anything” type of thing.

    This is how people lose their souls.

    Anyone can accomplish ANYTHING they want in this life (if they put their mind and whole being into it), but is that the real end? We already know that.

    How about accomplishing something WORTHWHILE and MEANINGFUL . . .

    Yes, it can be fun to bang a buffet of chicks, but that’s not that great a deal when you consider the TIME that was used up in this endeavor.

    Think about what ELSE you could have done to really make your life a HAPPY and SELF-AFFIRMING one.

  • JShayDog

    Hey Roosh,

    this is off topic, but I wanted to ask you:

    How do you deal with the threat of STD’s when you have have sex with all these girls?

    Are you afraid that your lifestyle will lead to a disease?

    Do you get tested often?

    How do you rationalize enjoying sex with lots of girls against the possibility of contracting something terrible?

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  • http://Bigfoot Bigfoot

    Beautiful post Roosh. I can see more elements of philosophy in your writing as time goes on. This is the deeper level of game, where you learn things that are great life lessons and teach you how to live. Game has taught me about persistence which is the greatest lesson I’ve learned yet.

  • Anon

    “How do you rationalize enjoying sex with lots of girls against the possibility of contracting something terrible?”

    Some people die of AIDS; some die hang gliding; some die motorcycling; some die drinking; some die from heroin; some die in a workplace accident; some get run over on the way to work; some die of obesity; some die from an Iraqi IED; some die of a heart attack; some die from cigarettes; some die slowly with a mortgage, ex-wife, and 2.5 kids.

    Pick your poison.

  • http://elliott-heresthedeal.blogspot.com/ Elliott

    Spot on, Roosh. I read on another blog that about 40% of the college class of 2010 still didn’t have a job a year after graduation, and that of those who did, half didn’t have a job that required a college degree. This tells me that a large fraction even of young men refuse to work outside their major and end up unable to find jobs in our current lousy economic climate. Those who have jobs, as often as not, got them by going with the flow and doing whatever it took to make ends meet.

    It’s amazing to me how many people think that once they enter the work force at 22, they can no longer fundamentally change who they are. Here’s the deal: YOU HAVE ONLY LIVED A QUARTER OF YOUR LIFE. I’ve always wanted to play the violin. I never got a chance to in school because I went to a school too small and poor to have an orchestra and ended up in the band instead. I just realized the other day, though, that I probably have no fewer than sixty years of natural lifespan left. I still have enough time that, given enough talent, I could spend 20 years becoming a world-class violin player and then hold onto that skill and position for the next 40 years.

    I could say the same thing about virtually any other activity I’m interested in but haven’t found time to try yet. The moral of the story? Quit fucking around and go buy yourself a metaphorical violin. If you’re not dead, it’s not too late.

  • Timothy

    @44 Elliott…you’ve just touched on something very important. Ten years ago, in my travels, I scooped up that free USA Today they leave outside your hotel room door because I needed a quick read on the plane. I cut out a little piece because it struck a chord with me, and I still have it today. It was graduation season 2001, and the article had snippets of the graduation speeches given by various celebs at colleges around the country. Here are a couple that echo what you wrote:

    Jim Lehrer, host of the Newshour with Jim Lehrer, at Tufts University, Medford, Mass.: “Don’t make a mistake about what is happening here today. The fact that you are about to get a diploma from one of America’s finest institutions of higher learning does not mean you are educated. Some of the dumbest people I know have degrees from some of America’s finest institutions of higher learning. They took diploma in hot little hand, pronounced themselves educated and proceeded to never read another book, entertain another fresh idea and, most tragically for their society and country, never again pay attention to much of anything other than themselves, to much of anything that was happening around them or to others. Please, please, do not do that.”

    Fred Rogers, host of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, at Marquette University, Milwaukee, Wis.: “You don’t ever have to do anything sensational in order to love or to be loved. The real drama of life – that which matters most – is rarely center stage or in the spotlight. In fact, it has nothing to do with IQs and honors and the fancy outsides of life. What really nourishes our souls is knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the foundation of our very being is good stuff.”

    This was real talk, and over the years I’ve encountered so many people, years into adulthood, still talking about where they went to school and riding off of that. They may be knowledgeable in their fields of endeavor, but have little else to offer (more women than men are guilty of this, but plenty of guys too). Or you hear so many complaining about the world around them, but there’s no self-examination to go along with it.

  • http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/ Socialkenny

    This post is so ironic since I was thinking about writing a post of the myth of organic foods,as far as believing it’d extend your life.Pure bullshit.

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  • JR

    This is one of the best articles on goal setting iv’e ever read. You are no small IQ guy. Your a mensa brain Roosh.