My most embarrassing game mistake happened when I was 24-years-old and still in the early stages of perfecting my skills. I was learning a lot from my best friend at the time, “The Bomb,” who had a great natural vibe that I tried to mimic. We would usually hit the huge clubs in DC, but every so often we’d hang out at some college bars near the University of Maryland since we knew a couple people who still went there.
Somehow we got into a group of five girls who were freshmen and sophomores. I had my eye on Carolina, a skinny Puerto Rican with dimples and big eyes. At the same time, her best friend Katy had her eye on me, sending me messages on AOL Instant Messenger at random hours of the night. She was cute but a bit more husky and chubby than I would’ve liked. Like most men, I prefer women who are not overweight (maybe we can get a dating professional in here to verify that).
The Bomb and I successfully set a date with Carolina and Katy one weekend night. Since they were underage, the plan was to sneak them into a bar where we knew the bouncer. It would have been nice to eventually get them to my place, since my living room had a spare couch, but we didn’t talk about it much.
The date went well. We drank, flirted, took pictures, talked, and touched. At last call I randomly suggested we all go back to my house to hang out some more. The girls agreed.
Two young girls and two guys going to a private home on a Saturday night. The math added up, the logistics worked out, and if you were to tell me this story now, I’d ask, “So, how was the sex?” It doesn’t get much more open and shut than that.
The problem was that neither The Bomb or I discussed how we would close the deal. We had sex on our minds, sure, but we didn’t consider the steps that would take us there. We hadn’t even decided which girl we would take. Instead, we agreed to “see what would happen.”
Once at my place, The Bomb got on my computer and pulled up the web site of a new business he was working on, eagerly telling Carolina about his marketing plan. I messed around with my DJ equipment, letting Katy play with the decks. We were all in the same room. I didn’t offer the girls anything to drink. I knew Katy wanted me, but I still held out hope that somehow I’d get Carolina.
Thirty minutes in, the girls said they were tired and wanted to go to their dorm. The night was over.
Neither me or The Bomb were at all upset that we didn’t get laid that night. It was no big deal at all. “Maybe next time,” I told him. Even though we were knee-deep in game, our mindset of what was possible was so out of touch with the slutty reality of American sex culture that we didn’t realize we fucked up. Only now can I look back and realize our rookie mistakes, enough so that I’m sure Katy and Carolina were shocked that neither of us made a move on them. I cringe that they probably thought we were gay.
A few of our mistakes quickly come to mind…
- I didn’t understand that Katy’s crush for me made it impossible for Carolina to hook up with me first. Instead of getting at least one girl, I got neither.
- The Bomb and I went out with the intention of “having a good time” instead of getting laid. We didn’t focus on the goal. So yes, we had a good time, but we didn’t get laid. It’s hard to get more than what you imagine.
- We jolted them out of a sexual vibe with our talk about business and DJing when all the girls wanted to do was drink and fuck. It’s almost as if we were waiting for the girls to make a move on us.
- We did not isolate the girls once at my place. The Bomb should have invited Carolina to the kitchen with him to make a drink. Then I should’ve locked my bedroom door, fucked Katy, and let The Bomb fuck Carolina on the couch. It’s possible we could’ve fucked both girls that night. The sad part is that we didn’t even attempt isolation at any point in the night.
I put my head down in shame whenever I think of this story, but at the same time I appreciate how far I’ve come. I now realize that everything I do with a girl should be purposeful with the end goal to fuck her. I do not hang out just to hang out. I do not pick a random bar far from my crib when others are closer. I do not neglect to discuss the game plan with my wing if there are multiple chicks in the picture. I do not wait for a girl to make a move on me. I do not hope for girls to isolate themselves. I do not destroy any sexual momentum I’ve built up by going asexual at the moment of truth. My entire game from meet to close should be surgical and deliberate. If there’s something I’m doing that I can’t say is helping me get laid, then I must stop doing it.
You know you’re optimizing your game when you look back at nights like the one I had and quickly see the mistakes you’ve made. Unless you’re cringing at your game from yesterday, a girl will cringe at your game tomorrow.Tweet Follow @rooshv
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From my business experience, roosh is 100% on the money. If u don’t look back in shame on yesterday, your tomorow will suck.
Can’t wait for day bang! Roosh u r a true humanitarian … U da man!
above comment was mine – Samson
My only question is that my condo is not close to any decent bars….
What’s the strategy there?
All valid. But if you push the “If there’s something I’m doing that I can’t say is helping me get laid, then I must stop doing it” attitude too far and deep you become an unreflective fucking moron. Literally!
underage mid teen is not pedophile! this society is such a hypocrite! don’t waste your time with any girl over 23
I always hated that dopey refrain, “Just go out to have fun, and don’t concentrate on getting laid.” Really asshole? I’m going to go a loud bar with expensive drinks, loud music and douchebags, to have fun? The guys who are “just trying to have fun” cockblock the worst.
The worst thing about experience is having the ability to look back and see all the easy low-hanging fruit that you truly fucked up on.
Did you follow up w the one that was into you? Even if you didn’t bang her right away, this doesn’t sound like a complete screwup.
I actually disagree a bit with the mindset of going out to get laid. Although it’s on my mind, I’ve found that I not only have a better time but also have more women interact with me when I don’t have the “searching for pussy” mentality. It’s all balance though. You can go out to get laid and still have a social, playful vibe, instead of the majority who act like creepy vultures waiting to strike, becoming frustrated pricks looking for fights at the end of the night if they strike out.
Agreed. I learn through failure and by looking back at what I did wrong.
Only failure hurts enough to teach me real lessons.
Roosh the forum seems to be down
[Roosh: http://twitter.com/#!/rooshv/status/113979692889026560. You can also try emptying your cache and reloading.]
“The worst thing about experience is
having the ability to look back and see
all the easy low- hanging fruit that you
truly fucked up on.”
Fuck yeah. I look back at my college days and mourn my complete inability to close the simplest of deals.
LOL @ The Bomb.
a year ago, my wing and I weaseled a couple of girls back at our place using cool guy “come drink some wine at our place” game.
Unfortunately, we couldn’t figure out which one we wanted. We both would have been content with either one as they were both equal in looks and vibe. They both wanted to fuck but we couldn’t make moves that wouldn’t embarrass them in front of their respective friend.
Ultimately, we both failed after 30 mins. They left after giving us plenty of time and chance to ninja them into either bedroom.
Realizing we fucked up, my roommate/wing and I examined what went wrong and what we needed to do.
I immediately decided that I needed a sure fire way to isolate a girl back to my room without activating LMR.
I went out the next day and bought a goldfish for my room. Cheesy gimic worked like a charm. “Hey come check out my goldfish.” close the door. escalate.
The key blunders were:
“Once at my place, The Bomb got on my computer and pulled up the web site of a new business he was working on, eagerly telling Carolina about his marketing plan.”
“I didn’t offer the girls anything to drink.”
Even with the other mistakes, it could have been salvaged if you avoided these two.
“My only question is that my condo is not close to any decent bars….
What’s the strategy there?”
Only one strategy: Move.
You have to have a Base of Operations.
Hey, G. Since you can make me smile, you can have any girl, I’m sure ;)
Forum still not loading even after a DNS cache flush. Is it just me?
[Roosh: Empty your browser cache and reload. If that doesn't work just wait until tomorrow and repeat.]
Used to make mistakes like that all the time. Many opportunities like this missed. I even messed up a night with me alone with two girls waiting for one to make a move cause I used to believe that girls were angels etc
Things don’t just happen, you make things happen. As the man, you’re responsible for creating the desired outcome. If you know how to game, the girl will help you out but you still need to set the right vibe, lead and make most if not all the moves.
Sounds like you are overcomplicating things. Basically, you did not make a move, so you lost the girl. All you had to do was make a move and make things sexual, as the girls were already into you. This does not really have that much to do with skills, or, even, game, for that matter. Its just common sense.
Dont get me wrong, we all make stupid mistakes sometimes, even ones that look like common sense in hindsight, so I am not slagging you, I am just saying I looking at so simple an issue in terms of *skill sets* and *bad game* is a bit overcomplicating things.
On the flip side, there is nothing wrong with just going out to *have fun* and *see what happens* if you dont really care so much about having sex. Sure, you will take it if it comes, but you are not zeroed in on it. From that perspective, you did nothing wrong, and in fact the girls lost out by not being able to meet you in your mood.
In other words, you did not fuck up, the girls fucked up by being too focused on their desires and not being able to meet you half way. Their loss.
I actually do this a lot. I like female company in general and having hot girls around, but am not necessarily motivated to get sex. I might get into the mood later, or I might not. I will hang with chics and *see what happens*, see what I feel. Lot of times sex does not happen, sometimes it does. I dont see it as failure on my part.
But yeah, if my goal WAS sex, then it would be pretty stupid to adopt that attitude.
I guess what I am saying is that there is nothing wrong with taking a light hearted devil may care attitude of just having fun if you are not completely clued in on sex that particular night. Thats not failure.
Nice post Roosh, I can relate 100%, still going through the process of overhauling and tightening my game.
Any plans for possibly releasing a book on “advanced level game” in the future?
Your “see what happens” attitude doesn’t work for most people. I have a friend who does what you do and once in a while he falls ass backwards into an opportunity but he rarely makes things happen. This strategy can work fine if you come in contact with a lot of girls (bartender, club owner, etc) but that attitude will not result in a lot of sex for most guys.
IMO, guys that adopt that approach either have low sex drive or are too scared of gettin rejected.
Face it…dudes ALWAYS want to get pussy. Now you may not head out the door every night with that as a goal, but somewhere along the way if an opportunity presents itself (or you THINK it may be an opportunity), you definitely need to make that happen. Even slutty chicks won’t advance things on their own – they need YOU to make the move. If you think there’s an opportunity, and you pass, you can’t honestly say you just wanted to “have fun” or some other excuse. You were either scared, or just didn’t know how to go about getting it.
Camelot007, you kind of missed my point a bit.
Those times you just want sex, you gotta act purposefully, thats true.
I guess what I am against is the idea that you always have to be going for sex and that not doing so is a kind of failure, or that its your *duty* to act on every opportunity and that not doing that is a failure. Sometimes I just dont care if I missed an opportunity.
Sometimes I just wanna hang with the chance of getting sex, but no biggie if I dont. I realize that I have better chances if I make more of an effort, but in these situations I dont care, I am not willing to make that effort. I have not *failed* here at anything.
So I go out to have a good time with the option of sex, and the girl wants me to be all over it but I am not, and she loses interest. In these situations, SHE failed, not me. Sometimes I am not willing to do all that much to get sex, and I am fine with that. I love women but they just are not that big of a deal.
Now, I am not saying I act like this ALL the time. Sometimes I want sex and will act purposefully to get it, but the idea that it is not legitimate to go and just hang with not giving a shit and caring if you *missed an opportunity*, well, I dont buy into that.
Timothy, dude, stop projecting. I guess you realize being a slave to pussy is a pretty pathetic thing, which is why you feel compelled to make bold claims that *everyone* is a slave just like you. Thats a pretty common thing people do, insist strongly that their little weakness or patheticness is nothing less than the ONE true NORM for ALL men out there,. The stronger they insist *everyone* is like them, the more they realize its kind of pathetic to be that way. Its quite common.
Truth is, guys want sex, sure, but lots of guys dont need it ALL THE TIME.
M: That’s nice you found balance between just hanging out and getting laid, but most guys who come here have been “hanging out” all their lives with little to show for it. They need a better strategy. What happens to work for you does not work for the average guy. It sure didn’t work for me.
That is a rough story, Roosh. But you reminded me of one of my own that is even worse. I will have to make that my next post.
Another reason to go solo….if you bring a chick back to your place or her place and there are no bystanders…what will two attractive humans do: FUCK.
Roosh, you are right about trying to get laid. I agree you need to act purposively. I think you hit the nail on the head with that. Guys really do miss opportunities by not taking things sexual. So I dont really disagree with you. I guess I am just using your post as a spinoff to address a slightly related point.
All I am really saying, which is sort of a side point I suppose, is that sometimes we can just as hang without caring much if we get sex or not, and not be *failures* for doing that.
Its a slightly different point from what you are making in your post, which is that to get sex, you have to ACT – and you are right about that (most of the time, anywyas).
But sometimes guys read this and get the idea that if they are not thinking about sex all the time and trying to make it happen they are losers. I think that puts women on a pedestal.
Its OK to go out and have a girl all over you and just not be in the mood to really do a lot about it, and if she bails, its HER loss, not yours. She failed to realize that you had a slightly different agenda and lost out on a great guy who probably would have given her what she wanted (sex), just a bit later after having a bit of fun, because she did not compromise on her agenda.
I think thats a perspective thats really healthy for a male ego – we guys are not ALWAYS the ones *messing up*, the girls are messing up too by not going along with what WE want.
I think thats a pretty empowering message for guys, but you can only feel that if you dont ALWAYS try to get sex at all costs.
Again, OF COURSE there are times when we as men just wanna get sex, and we should definitely act with purpose to get it. But I am talking about something a bit different.
I don’t have the statistical data but I’d wager lack of escalation is highly correlated to not getting a lot of fucking experience while under 18.
Then again I am not sure how much tail statisticians pull..
Solid gold. Good post.
OK, I’m getting impatient and it looks like Day Bang is available on Amazon. Not a preview edition or anything- the actual edition. Is that correct? Should we be ordering now?
It’d be a better story if it ended up with you and your friend getting into a slapping fight over who was going to get the non-fat one.
Don’t ask for permission, ask for forgiveness…..
Having said that.. I just bought Day Bang from Amazon.
Some solid advice in the first few pages i’ve read.
Sorry Roosh. Blame Amazon, not me.
roosh, i honestly say this with the most clear, unclouded sincerity, and i mean no snark or anything whatsoever: do you really enjoy sex this much? it feels like you’re sacrificing almost your entire being to getting as much sex as possible.
now, i’m a man with an insane libido too, and i’m not saying you should herb out and cultivate a bunch of sexless “friendships” with women, but don’t you worry that you’re going a little overboard?
It certainly is disappointing on our part when guys puss out like that. It does make us wonder if you are gay.
“It certainly is disappointing on our part when guys puss out like that. It does make us wonder if you are gay.”
deal w/ it you dumb bitch
“It certainly is disappointing on our part when guys puss out like that. It does make us wonder if you are gay.”
Most girls lose their virginity with alpha boys (the high school jock, bad boy, etc.) or older men (specifically the men who can blast through the flakiness of immaturity). As a result, they are SEXUALLY IMPRINTED with the idea that the man makes sex happen.
When you ply an 18 year old girl with alcohol, bring her back to your place, and do not get sexual with her, you are not conforming to her sexual experiences of the past 4 or 5 years. The LOGICAL thing for her to do is to leave so she can find some other guy who does conform to prior sexual experiences, i.e., a guy who takes the lead and pounds her.
The typical thought of an inexperienced guy is, “Wow, she’s back at my place, it’s going to happen!” While in her head, she’s thinking, “Why isn’t he making a move? What’s wrong with him? Is he gay?”
Good post but most guys fall into these traps + need to change some bad habits in their Game.
More failure analysis would be welcome. They’re always ‘good’ stories, even if the outcome is less than optimal
Fuck you Anonymous in my ass. Faggot. Ass. Pussy. Bitch.
Anonymous: I bet you give the woman YOUR number too and expect her to pursue you. A real feminine woman wants to be pursued, and Roosh knows that. And luckily I don’t have to “deal with it dumb bitch” cuz I don’t date betas like you anymore. Now go back to your free porn site and jerk off some more.
I’m curious Lady, from which charm school did you graduate?
The same one as your mother
I watched too many beta movies where for some reason it’s OK to wait a long time before getting with a chick. That’s why kids TV is bad for you.
I had something happen when i was in my early twenties that haunted me for years. was out with a girl, we went back to her place, and we started making out. however, we never took our clothes off. i was ready, but was waiting for her to say something like “hey, why dont we fuck” or bring out a set of condoms so id know what was happening. i didnt want to be the one ripping off her blouse – it can make you ashamed when she says “no,” like a mad rapist or something.
we broke up a month later after absolutely no sexual activity. to this day i wonder if i did the wrong thing by waiting.
ever since then, if i was making out with a girl i always tried to peel off a few layers of their clothing. they got the point. of course, the women ive been with since have all said flat out that they wanted to be fucked that night, so there was no guesswork
so did the 23-year-old me do the wrong thing?
“The bomb” lol memories.
Does anyone know where Roissy’s blog is ?
Roissy has effected a name change: