My Unsafe Sex Rationalization List

My safe sex practices were recently questioned by a girl and I offered the following explanation:

When I’m in bed with a girl and I get signs that tells me she is probably clean, I take that as a green light to take more risk. So I may do something like putting it in without a condom. Just because I did that with you doesn’t mean I do that with every girl.

Surprisingly this made the situation worse, but that got me thinking about signs I’ve used in the past:

  • She has condoms in her nightstand (intent to be safe)
  • She asks you to use a condom (safe)
  • She is upper middle class (more health conscious)
  • She is on the pill (no risk of being a daddy)
  • She does not seem promiscuous
  • She has a clean appearance or smell
  • She didn’t let me hit on the same night I met her (not easy)
  • She was married or got out of a really long-term relationship (more likely to be monogamous, less sexual partners)
  • She doesn’t identify with Samantha on Sex and the City
  • She gets frequent gynecological exams (awareness of all 70 strains of HPV)
  • She doesn’t have tattoos (low hepatitis C risk)

My list is definitely not scientific, but the more things she has on the list the more comfortable I feel having natural sex. It doesn’t help that as I get older I’m getting the feeling of invincibility that I’ve probably been exposed to STDs but am immune to all of them. I brush aside comments by girls who say I’m “most likely” a HPV carrier.

I think of safe sex as a scale from 1-10. A 1 has never bought condoms and only uses them when the herpes is flaring up while a 10 needs signed laboratory tests from her partner before going raw. I’m a solid 6.5, much higher than guys I know who are in the 3 range. If women understand that the vagina has evolved for millions of years to be the most intense pleasure a man can experience, they wouldn’t freak out when we just want to put it in to experience this ecstasy.

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  • mike says


  • Lemmonex

    Do you ask every woman the last time she went to the gynecologist? I love sex without condoms as much as the next person, but I would think you would not want your most prized asset to become ravaged with disease.

    Also, you probably have HPV. Brush it aside all you want, but most men and women have it by the time they are 30. It is not a value judgment, merely a fact.

    Lemmonex’s last blog post: Herbivore.

  • Kathryn

    I love the new site design. I should get out of google reader more often.

    :cheerleader: :cheerleader: :cheerleader: :cheerleader:

  • roissy

    pretty good list. that’s what i commonly look for. of course, most girls will say you can’t tell a girl doesn’t “seem promiscuous” by hanging out with her for a couple dates, but actually i think it is possible. loose women just give off an unchaste vibe that to a man who has experience with lots of women will be very obvious.

    yes, ladies, we really can judge your sluttiness based on fleeting first impressions. we’ve evolved to.

    roissy’s last blog post: Mandatory Paternity Testing Has Arrived.

  • Sudamericana

    In the same line as Lemmonex’s comment… I cannot picture you asking a girl you are about to have sex with whether she has frequent gynecological exams…

  • mike says

    “Baby I really want to do this but before I put it in…when was the last time you had a Pap smear?”

  • T.

    Awesome. Thanks for keeping it real!

    T.’s last blog post: Pimp Week 3: Iceberg Concluded.

  • Rigoberto

    I typically need a tests signed by her doctor and notarized before I can proceed. And that’s WITH a condom. Can’t trust these bitches anymore!

  • Mandy

    This is ridiculous. I’m guessing (just an estimated guess of course) that at least 50% (if not more, I’d wager it’s more) of your sexual encounters with women do not involve

    1) asking them if they go to the gyno on the regular
    2) digging around to see if they’re on the pill or
    3)asking her which SATC character she most identifies with (unless you’ve been checking out her myspace page on the sly and she completed one of those cheesy surveys). Just sayin’

    So, I’d “guess” that you have pretty much no clue as to what STD or potentially hazerdous-to-your-manly-bits disease your partner may or may not have. Unless you’re in a committed relationship where you’re 100% certain you’ve both been tested, why condone letting one or two slip?

    And lemmonex is right, chances are you carry HPV, in addition to Trichomoniasis (which about 80% of sexually active adults will carry at one point or the other). I don’t understand why you would brush that aside? Unless you’re getting tested after each partner, which again, is doubtful.

    The trouble is that men, unless its a severe case, typically don’t know they have an STD or are carrying something because there are no symptoms – so they don’t get tested, and leave it up to assumptions to determine if the women they meet “look” like they might be clean.

    Mandy’s last blog post: clean sweeps.

  • Ava V

    “She has a clean appearance or smell ”
    this just means she’s showered recently. it still means that she could have slept with guys carrying god knows what.

    “She was married or got out of a really long-term relationship (more likely to be monogamous, less sexual partners)”
    if she’s cheating on her husband with you chances are she’s cheated with others as well. not a same assumption.

    Ava V’s last blog post: Cosmo’s Best Places To Meet Men.

  • rhymenocerous

    It only takes sleeping with one person to get an STD for life, so I think your “clean/unclean” check is unfounded. Additionally, I think that some (certainly not all) promiscuous women and men are in fact more disease free, as they know the possible consequences of their actions and make efforts to get tested frequently and use condoms. The people you need to worry about are the “clean” looking ones who figure that they and everyone they sleep with are also “clean”… but in reality are just passing along one STD after another.

  • Anonymous

    all fine and good till your dick falls off…

  • spaceman


    my general rule is no rawdog. no fun, but no stds.

  • is she clean?
  • DF

    Oh yeah, I have had this convo many times.

    Me: “So, you’ve got condoms in your nightstand, no tatts, you’re upper middle class, and you just got back from the gyno. Sweet. I’m rawdoggin it!”

    Her: “Wait, what about you?”

    Me: “Don’t sweat it. I took enough Valtrex to kill a horse before I came over….Wait, What?”

  • Roosh

    CDC study says at least 1 in 4 teen girls has STD

    I wonder what the rate is for older girls.

  • JM

    Roosh said:

    “CDC study says at least 1 in 4 teen girls has STD…
    I wonder what the rate is for older girls.”


  • Angelo De La Vega

    haha, I like it… good guidelines for most people. I have a half finished article titled “If you don’t have HPV… you aren’t having enough sex!”

    I have only one rule for raw dogging DC women: They must be college educated and living in Northwest.

    Anything beyond that is luck (or unluck) of the draw.

  • Jewcano

    If she hasn’t shaved her legs in a week, she’s probably not promiscuous.

    Jewcano’s last blog post: God, I Love This Country.

  • T.

    Another thing to keep in mind…when you use those pesky condoms, you’ll take a really long time to cum and risk hurting the poor girl’s feelings by making her feel unattractive. Don’t listen to all that media propaganda about lasting all night, chicks hate that. Nothing makes a girl feel more attractive than when you bust a nut almost immediately, and rawdogging really helps that cause. You don’t want to be a cad. Go raw. Do it for her, yo.

    T.’s last blog post: Pimp Week 3: Iceberg Concluded.

  • miik

    ok – this is stupid but funny – my headline: “Mary Anne caught with Mary Jane”

    oh yeah – use condoms

  • Anonymous
  • DoItRight

    I do a point system, like I am counting cards. I assign points to every risk factor. the higher the points the higher the risk. No particular order:

    1) Where she lives/ Where she hangs out/ Where you are banging – If she lives in vermont, frequents chelsea, and you are banging her in long island. Vermont has only like 450 cases of hiv, while chelsea is infected by bi men, and if she is willing to go to long island with you to bang she probably has been banged previously by a guido. She has a higher chance of being infected. 3 points.
    2) Casual questions about drug use. Alcohol frequency, weed, Coc, K, Meth. For coc, k, and meth girls are willing to get fucked in the ass to get high = Infected. Any sign of intravenous drugs – DO NOT BANG. 10 points for coc, k, meth. Alcohol to black out 5 points. Alcohol to loosen up 2 points. Weed a lot 1 point.
    3) Race – not being racist but it is a huge factor facts wise when it comes to STDs. 1 point.
    4) Economic status – poor people dont go to the Doctor. Lets hope a democrat gets elected so we have less STDs. 2 point.
    5) Age – the younger the better. obviously. post 35 – 3 points – post 28 – 2 points – post 22 – 1 point. pre 22 – 0 points.
    6) If she doesnt ask you to put on a condom, doesnt bring up condoms, just straight to insert. 4 points.
    7) How many times you have to play just the tip and she does the hip squirm before inserting. No squirming 2 points. Medium 1 point. A lot of squirming 0 points.
    8) While you are banging if you can stick your thumb in her ass without much effort, that is a bad sign. 2 point.
    9) If she voluntarily tells you to cum inside of me. 7 points.
    10) If you ask where should I cum, and she says inside of me. 5 points
    11) If you ask, can I come inside of you and she says yes.3 points. If she says hell no. 0 points.
    12) If she she asks you to put it in her ass. 15 points – almost like being gay

  • Nomadz

    I have to disagree on this one. You don’t catch 6,5/10 of an Aids. Either you have Aids or you don’t. And it’s spreading exactly why ? Because some people do the risk calculation thing. And loose. Holy shit ! How can an intelligent, educated, chick-hunter like you, can say something like “She has a clean appearance or smell”…….. so what ? Aids make people smell bad or what ? That’s the fucking middle age. I haven’t heard anyone say that kind of retarded stuff since I was in Africa (where most people think you don’t get Aids if you have faith or bullshit like that). Tell me you’re not serious. Any serious player knwos he’s dealing with an STD risk ten times higher than the average monogamous guy. The sooner people stop being that irresponsible, the sooner we’ll get rid of STDs, and we can return to putting it raw every time we want it.
    I’ve been laying everything i could for years, and it did’nt even cross my mind to go raw on a chick i just picked in a club. It’s almost as dumb as playing russian roulette with a grenade.

  • mr. hanky

    i just did my ob gyn rotation and there were some generalizations i noted. these are pure facts

    the majority of lower-class women in their 20’s or younger all had herpes. in fact their boyfriends didnt even know that.

    the majority of those lower-class women were usually spanish/mexican/south american

    upper class, white women never had any STD of any sort

    99.9999% of black females had a history of STD’s, whether they were upper class or lower class

    indian/paki women never had a history of STD’s

    the worst part was that they hid their diseases from their boyfriends/husbands and wouldnt confess until the guy left the room

  • T.

    Mr. Hanky is right, sadly. Stereotypes and STDs do have a strong correlation. As for the reason why both upper and lower class women often have STD history, I think it’s because to an upper class asian or indian woman, a bad boy is someone who didn’t go to an Ivy League or did law instead of investment banking, engineering or medicine. To an upper class white chick a bad boy is a blue collar bartender with a tattoo or an artist with a tortured soul. To an upper class black woman, a bad boy is often an actual criminal that’s been to jail. In college it really surprised me to see the ghetto trash a lot of the middle and upper class black women would fuck with (I’m black myself). A lot of black women you’d never suspect often have the grimiest thugs in their sexual history. I think that’s why they have such a rising rate of HIV. Even in law school one of the black women had an on again off again boyfriend (on again/off again corresponded to whenever he was in and out of jail)

    T.’s last blog post: Pimp Week 3: Iceberg Concluded.

  • T.

    Second sentence in last comment should say “As for the reason why both upper and lower class BLACK women…”

    T.’s last blog post: Pimp Week 3: Iceberg Concluded.

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  • Anonymous

    Have fun when you test HIV positive.

  • Willow

    I like the point system. I came to your site via stumbleupon, and I’m actually female. I do the point system. Granted, I’m no loose hook-up fiend, and I end up in relationships with almost all the guys I jump in bed with, but I usually get it on before we’re serious enough to show notarized doctor notes. I ask, vaguely, before we do it with a condom. And after once or twice with, I can usually decide if we should go without. Always have gotten to that point, and so far it’s gone well. I think it’s pretty easy to tell who’s promiscuous. Like the squirm factor, but for men.

  • z.g.

    Enjoying the blog.

    Forget about condoms against STD’s. You have to protect yourself against unwanted babies, something not curable by a penicilin shot. At this age where women have all the say in the subject pregnancy, I would not trust a woman to say she is on the pills etc.

    Almost all the bulletpoints you mentioned are double edged swords. And should not be used independently to assess the risk. IMHO, 6.5 is a way too high risk level for a person engaging ONS.

    * She has condoms in her nightstand (intent to be safe)

    Also means she is sexually more active than other women, she expects someone to come home. (Though it is a better thing than the next point)

    * She asks you to use a condom (safe)

    this is by far the best indicator.

    (One exception though: A girl I was banging was constantly asking if the condom was still on. So I started to think there is something fishy. Ended the sexual relationship)

    * She is upper middle class (more health conscious)

    Combined with, “She hasnt been to Ibiza, Cancun(?), Mallorca etc” and combined with a sexual history of no gangbangs in the frathouse.

    * She is on the pill (no risk of being a daddy)

    See: Sexually active. Use condom.

    * She does not seem promiscuous

    …to you. Gotta know her past.

    * She has a clean appearance or smell

    At least the sex will not turn disgusting. Use condom.

    * She didn’t let me hit on the same night I met her (not easy)

    Did not let you. Still got to know if you are the one with this special treatment or if she is like this to everyone.

    * She was married or got out of a really long-term relationship (more likely to be monogamous, less sexual partners)

    If she has not entered a shagging spree after the breakup.

    * She doesn’t identify with Samantha on Sex and the City

    Hell YEA. But then the other girls were not epitomes of decency either.

    Another red flag: “I am the Paris Hilton of this town”..

    * She gets frequent gynecological exams (awareness of all 70 strains of HPV)

    Question is “Why”

    * She doesn’t have tattoos (low hepatitis C risk)

    Depends on the tattoo, and where it was taken. i.e.: Holiday town North Africa: run. Exclusive Tattoo Parlour in Sweden: Relatively safe. Tramp stamps are out.

    Lesson: Use Condom everytime, as you never know who carries what.

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  • ANON

    So Roosh im being disrespected as a black person all over ur site but i have to be respectful in my replies ?Thats fked up..even tho i did purchase ur book for shts and giggles.Tell ya what i will do ill reword it.!
    >It is totally untrue that upper class white women dont have /catch stds,they just dont show up in the census due to private well paid doctors.They also do random hookups like next person only they sleep with other upperclass thinking money =o chance of stds.The movie “dressed to kill ” was a testament to that.Not all black women have an std history that is just absurd and racist to even state{cant beleive its 2009}.Neither i or any of the women in my family have a history of such a thing!To the poster “T” u just crucified all of the black women in ur bloodline to earn brownie points with the european masses ..pat ur self on the back.Notice how white men put their women ona pedastal{:even with her “american attitude” they will still marry her and raise a family },rape and pilage the women of the african diaspora {brazil}but tell u that the original black woman is disease infested.Ok so u want to date out of ur race fine {ive never dated a black man}but u dont have to put down the women who bore you to do it that is what i’d like to call “self hate”.

  • Anonymous

    When I was 19 I had much less of an understanding of women with regard to picking out diseased cum-buckets but I did know how to work rooms and take home girls for one night stands i.e. My game is so tight that I’m taking my pick of the group having only talked to her for 5 minutes if that. What my point is here is that it’s possible to have sex with any girl in one night regardless of her sluttiness, you just have to trigger her sexual buttons. It’s called being a man.

    My style is to tease (I’ve hear the term false takeaway but I actually commit to taking myself away from the girl if she doesn’t chase my affection), neg HARD, C+F with a huge dose of C because I have natural humour, and be genuinely uninterested in what she has to say to the point of turning away from her dropping eye contact to about 15-20% but keeping a smile and always knowing shes not good enough for you (an example of displaying this would be to get her to repeat something she said to you because she’s not worth your time). Classic DHV.

    Also when one of the girls tried to make out with me I pulled away, letting her feel my breath yeah that close. (I’m a fun guy!) I always initiated the moves, and repeated this another three times, which frustrated her to the point of anger. I found this to be absolutely hilarious but not as funny as when she told me and my mate that my dick was bigger than his. (This helps because the more you find things to be funny, the harsher you can be with your negs.)

    You typed ‘doesn’t let me hit’ like it’s her option? The only option a girl has is whether or not to scream during sex. I’m obviously kidding here, if you want her to shut up let the bitch know (even if you have to call her father while you’re fucking her.)I literally said to a girl “tell your friends about me” in an authoritative voice as I was pounding hard, expecting her say something like “no way,” “WTF,” “What are you talking about?” or to find it funny, but all she did was whimper out an “ok” which gave me more confidence like I’m the man!

    Which leads to my most important point:
    Sex allows men to control a relationship. Guys that go out with girls for a month or longer without having sex are the same guys that let women tell them what to do, have GF’s cheating on them and give a bad name to all men. When I was a virgin, all I could go on was the bullshit of dating and relationships i’d heard about on TV ect. But after only a LITTLE experience, I found out that the SECOND a female is running a relationship, the relationship is over (except for lesbians of course). So I now only have relationships with girls AFTER I have sex with them, which happens to be on our FIRST meeting. Any longer than that she falls into the friends zone and becomes a non-sexual entity.

    Finally, I would like to make a point that I don’t like going out on dates. I tried it once but it wasn’t for me. The girl had a great time and was worrying that I wouldn’t call her back, but I did and had to dump her because she was a terrible kisser and clingy.

    What I’m saying is that it’s easy for men to have healthy sexual lifestyles with women WITHOUT dating. I would go as far to say that DATING IS DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR CHANCES OF HAVING SEX. I couldn’t be bothered explaining why but believe me on this.

    I’m now trying to figure out how to build attraction and maintain a number of fuck friends. This has been a sticking point for me and I’m working to find the solution. Anyone know the best way to go about this? It’s a quality I know all pimps possess. Don’t say shit like “you have to be black” because of Shaft. There are white pimps in the real world too.

  • Solo

    I always try to strap up unless the broad has proof of recent papers, or in the past birth control, or something, but there some factors as well, In the past I’ve been reckless. Is it worth having your dick fall of? I don’t think so.

    Solo’s last blog post: Lake Threapy.

  • asdf

    as a self-proclaimed microbiologist you must be the unofficial world champion in the useless sport of rationalization (second only in uselessness to the art of logical fallacy swordsmanship). enjoy your aids

  • unding

    Agree with 37. None of these “signs” will guarantee anything.

  • Doc

    Ignorance will spread STD’s… and you are definately ignorant

    Herpes spreads without an outbreak present… Many women don’t even know that they have herepes.

    In many cases Clymidia is also unknown when a woman is infected.

    HIV is alive and well and will not always show any symptioms after being infected…

    Hep A, B & C are also highly contagous and can be transmitted by sex without the partner even being aware that she has it…

    When you sleep with a person, no matter how clean or cautious she is, you are also sleeping with all the people in her past.

    There are several hundred diseases that can be passed on by sex, do you test yourself for each and every possible one? How many are you passing on without even being aware of it?

    Your rationalization for spreading disease does not hold water…

    Do you think women tell the truth? Ever? Not on your life, no more than you tell the truth…

    The information on disease transmission here is pathetic and is based more on urban myth than on actual facts…

  • Anonymous

    you are disgusting
    hope not all men are vile and crude like you.
    sore assholes. some just break women
    and make them really crass.

  • fmf

    You disgust me. Think of all the people in committed relationships who are taking the effort to care for eachother by wearing condoms, and you’re out there spreading diseases cos you can’t deny yourself anything. I hope you get an allergic reaction to a common STD and die.

  • fmf

    You are disgusting and if I met you I would slap you just for this comment. I hope you never have the joy of a meaningful relationship and connection. I hope you fall in love but the object of your affections won’t go anywhere near you no matter how much you try and redeem yourself from your misogynistic and disgusting treatment of people who you want to fuck. I sincerly hope that for you.