A keystone habit is a habit that improves more than one area of your life with a ripple effect that goes way beyond its intended purpose. For example, weight lifting is a great keystone habit. While it does burn calories and increase the size of your muscles, it also increases your testosterone, encourages you to eat better, sharpens your mental focus, and increases your confidence level. If there’s one habit a guy should take on besides learning game, weight lifting is it.
But how about for game? Is there a keystone habit for those guys who want to focus on getting laid more? Is there a habit that has a positive ripple effect? To answer that question, I’ll first portray two different scenarios.
For many years I had a habit of doing ten approaches when entering a club. It had two benefits. First, the warm-up was built-in. I don’t know any man who wasn’t mentally ready to approach girls within ten attempts. Second, it gives you enough opportunity to allow for success. If you want to get laid, and don’t hit upon a solid interaction within ten approaches, you’re either in the wrong place or using the wrong game. This habit does have a couple downsides: you tend to drink a lot of alcohol and the following day will be a write-off. It’s a decent habit, but not a keystone habit.
In my second Polish trip, I decided on a new “habit”: no day approaches. I would only focus on writing during the day and not be distracted by the flesh. Instead, I went out only one night a week along with seeing two fuckbuddies on the weekend. My productivity skyrocketed—I never got so much work done before in my life, but my game went to total shit. My lone night out a week had me painfully rusty.
As much as I valued being productive, I want to be a player as much as a writer. At the same time, I didn’t want to return to a 10 approach per night habit. I needed a new habit.
One important feature of the keystone habit I forgot to tell you is that it should bring out the natural competitor within you. You should want to self-improve and set ever higher goals just by executing the habit. When you lift weights, for example, it’s only natural that you want to lift more weight and set personal records. You don’t need a trainer or coach to push you to lift more.
After some experimentation, I stumbled on a keystone habit for game: one approach a day. Sounds easy, right? It’s not. Imagine what it would take for you to approach one attractive girl every day:
- You’d have to put yourself in a public place where there is a selection of girls, possibly altering your daily routine in a drastic way.
- You’d have to maintain your appearance at top levels (can’t skip days shaving) and also regulate your mood to be social and positive.
- You’d have to get comfortable with day approaching.
I have taken on this habit and, by the time you are reading this, I have approached most days for the past four months, including one streak of 40 continuous days with at least one approach, in three different countries. To make sure I stick to the habit, I’ve taken on two enablers:
- I have an account with Don’t Break The Chain. Every day I experience a reward of clicking the calendar to add another day to my streak.
- I deny myself a trip to my beloved coffee shop unless I do the approach first. No approach, no cappuccino.
Understand that there are absolutely no exceptions if you decide to take on this habit. It doesn’t matter if you’re sick, if you have a date, just got laid, or are traveling. You must approach a girl who acknowledged your existence (blow outs are fine), or else it doesn’t count.
What will happen is that you wake up with a bit of weight on your shoulders that doesn’t get lifted until you do your first approach. When you combine it with some sort of pleasure withdrawal (e.g., no cappuccinos), you’ll want to do your approach early to “get it out of the way.” Sometimes it’s just a throwaway approach on a girl you’re not even that attracted to, or an approach you end prematurely because you simply don’t want to talk. But something interesting happens. After your first approach, which will probably not go well, you get in the mood. You’ll want to redeem yourself. The natural competitor in you comes alive and wants to succeed, to do better than an approach that didn’t even last 30 seconds.
If my first approach bombs, I often think, “Nah, I ain’t going out like that.” Then I do another, without much mental effort. Approaching begets approaching, and the biggest barrier is simply the first approach of the day. What is originally designed to make you approach 7 girls a week will turn to 20 without any extra strain on your part.
An additional side benefit to this habit is that it will positively change your lifestyle. If you live in the suburbs right now, you’ll have to go to a mall to get your approach in. It may take you an hour for transport alone, but this gives you a taste of how important location is to have a lifestyle where you are around women. I wouldn’t be surprised if after a while you start thinking of outright moving to a location where it’s easy to do your daily approach. If you live in a city where you can’t even do one approach a day, then you have much bigger problems than meeting women.
My favorite benefit, however, is that I’m always on. One approach a day is just enough so that if I see a girl I like, anywhere at any time, there is no mental fight to do the approach. There is no barrier I have to overcome, no self-doubt that tells me to wuss out, and no “alright let’s get ready to approach!” psych-up talk. I’ve forgotten how it’s like to be rusty.
Take a look at this list:
- Increased testosterone
- Bigger muscles
- Higher confidence
- Better eating
- Sharper focus
- Better sleep
- Less approach anxiety and hesitation
- Tighter game
- Less dependency on alcohol for talking to women
- More interactions with women
If you told me that the benefits in this list could be achieved from two habits: lifting three times a week and one approach a day, I’d say you were lying. But it’s the truth. Tomorrow when you wake up, I want you to figure out how you’re going to do one approach. Just one. Then the day after that, I want you to do another approach. And then keep going. If one day you have a horrible fever, you’ll have to do your approach on the way to the pharmacy. If you got a date, you’ll have to arrive earlier and do it on the street. There are no exceptions. It’s a tough habit, but you’ll be more than pleased at the results.
I forgot to mention one of the best benefits of approaching once a day: you get laid more. On the eighth day of starting this habit, I met a 20-year-old Polish girl at the coffee shop that I had sex with a few days later. She was the first approach of the day, and the funny thing is, I wasn’t even in the mood.
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