One Approach A Day

A keystone habit is a habit that improves more than one area of your life with a ripple effect that goes way beyond its intended purpose. For example, weight lifting is a great keystone habit. While it does burn calories and increase the size of your muscles, it also increases your testosterone, encourages you to eat better, sharpens your mental focus, and increases your confidence level. If there’s one habit a guy should take on besides learning game, weight lifting is it.

But how about for game? Is there a keystone habit for those guys who want to focus on getting laid more? Is there a habit that has a positive ripple effect? To answer that question, I’ll first portray two different scenarios.

I.

For many years I had a habit of doing ten approaches when entering a club. It had two benefits. First, the warm-up was built-in. I don’t know any man who wasn’t mentally ready to approach girls within ten attempts. Second, it gives you enough opportunity to allow for success. If you want to get laid, and don’t hit upon a solid interaction within ten approaches, you’re either in the wrong place or using the wrong game. This habit does have a couple downsides: you tend to drink a lot of alcohol and the following day will be a write-off. It’s a decent habit, but not a keystone habit.

II.

In my second Polish trip, I decided on a new “habit”: no day approaches. I would only focus on writing during the day and not be distracted by the flesh. Instead, I went out only one night a week along with seeing two fuckbuddies on the weekend. My productivity skyrocketed—I never got so much work done before in my life, but my game went to total shit. My lone night out a week had me painfully rusty.

As much as I valued being productive, I want to be a player as much as a writer. At the same time, I didn’t want to return to a 10 approach per night habit. I needed a new habit.

One important feature of the keystone habit I forgot to tell you is that it should bring out the natural competitor within you. You should want to self-improve and set ever higher goals just by executing the habit. When you lift weights, for example, it’s only natural that you want to lift more weight and set personal records. You don’t need a trainer or coach to push you to lift more.

After some experimentation, I stumbled on a keystone habit for game: one approach a day. Sounds easy, right? It’s not. Imagine what it would take for you to approach one attractive girl every day:

  • You’d have to put yourself in a public place where there is a selection of girls, possibly altering your daily routine in a drastic way.
  • You’d have to maintain your appearance at top levels (can’t skip days shaving) and also regulate your mood to be social and positive.
  • You’d have to get comfortable with day approaching.

I have taken on this habit and, by the time you are reading this, I have approached most days for the past four months, including one streak of 40 continuous days with at least one approach, in three different countries. To make sure I stick to the habit, I’ve taken on two enablers:

  • I have an account with Don’t Break The Chain. Every day I experience a reward of clicking the calendar to add another day to my streak.
  • I deny myself a trip to my beloved coffee shop unless I do the approach first. No approach, no cappuccino.

Understand that there are absolutely no exceptions if you decide to take on this habit. It doesn’t matter if you’re sick, if you have a date, just got laid, or are traveling. You must approach a girl who acknowledged your existence (blow outs are fine), or else it doesn’t count.

What will happen is that you wake up with a bit of weight on your shoulders that doesn’t get lifted until you do your first approach. When you combine it with some sort of pleasure withdrawal (e.g., no cappuccinos), you’ll want to do your approach early to “get it out of the way.” Sometimes it’s just a throwaway approach on a girl you’re not even that attracted to, or an approach you end prematurely because you simply don’t want to talk. But something interesting happens. After your first approach, which will probably not go well, you get in the mood. You’ll want to redeem yourself. The natural competitor in you comes alive and wants to succeed, to do better than an approach that didn’t even last 30 seconds.

If my first approach bombs, I often think, “Nah, I ain’t going out like that.” Then I do another, without much mental effort. Approaching begets approaching, and the biggest barrier is simply the first approach of the day. What is originally designed to make you approach 7 girls a week will turn to 20 without any extra strain on your part.

An additional side benefit to this habit is that it will positively change your lifestyle. If you live in the suburbs right now, you’ll have to go to a mall to get your approach in. It may take you an hour for transport alone, but this gives you a taste of how important location is to have a lifestyle where you are around women. I wouldn’t be surprised if after a while you start thinking of outright moving to a location where it’s easy to do your daily approach. If you live in a city where you can’t even do one approach a day, then you have much bigger problems than meeting women.

My favorite benefit, however, is that I’m always on. One approach a day is just enough so that if I see a girl I like, anywhere at any time, there is no mental fight to do the approach. There is no barrier I have to overcome, no self-doubt that tells me to wuss out, and no “alright let’s get ready to approach!” psych-up talk. I’ve forgotten how it’s like to be rusty.

Take a look at this list:

  • Increased testosterone
  • Bigger muscles
  • Higher confidence
  • Better eating
  • Sharper focus
  • Better sleep
  • Less approach anxiety and hesitation
  • Tighter game
  • Less dependency on alcohol for talking to women
  • More interactions with women

If you told me that the benefits in this list could be achieved from two habits: lifting three times a week and one approach a day, I’d say you were lying. But it’s the truth. Tomorrow when you wake up, I want you to figure out how you’re going to do one approach. Just one. Then the day after that, I want you to do another approach. And then keep going. If one day you have a horrible fever, you’ll have to do your approach on the way to the pharmacy. If you got a date, you’ll have to arrive earlier and do it on the street. There are no exceptions. It’s a tough habit, but you’ll be more than pleased at the results.

I forgot to mention one of the best benefits of approaching once a day: you get laid more. On the eighth day of starting this habit, I met a  20-year-old Polish girl at the coffee shop that I had sex with a few days later. She was the first approach of the day, and the funny thing is, I wasn’t even in the mood.

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  • http://twitter.com/Teedub_5 Teedub

    Excellent stuff. I have to implement this.

  • Asian Rockstar

    True that – you got to set internal goals. If not, you’re just like the rest of them. I tried to do the Roosh Program but it isn’t as easy as this ‘approach a day’ program, because I forgot to count my approaches after awhile.

    I’m going to start a ‘direct approach a day’ program from yesterday, because I did direct approaches yesterday and a direct approach today.

  • Tampa

    I really need to get back to weight room. For some reason, i’m just mind boggling lazy and dont’ feel like lifting and as a result, i’m eating like shit and not approaching.

    You’re right…working out makes you eat better. You tend to not want to scoff down some burgers in fries after a good workout. SO true

  • earl

    So true…I had the mindset of one approach a day starting out. Didn’t matter if it was just a “hi” back…but then I started to get greedy and would make up openers on the spot for longer conversations.

    The best ones are where you just throw yourself into the deep end and don’t think about what to say. Use the environment to your advantage.

  • earl

    And it is better to get blown out than to never do anything at all. You put yourself above 90% of the timid males out there.

  • http://studyincourtship.wordpress.com Hermitsy

    A profound idea this optimisation is, the beauty of this one approach a day metric is its residual affects on harmonising approaching with complete lifestyle.

  • http://taoofdirt.wordpress.com Dirt Man

    Solid stuff, Roosh.

  • Andrew

    I think you’re good enough at game and need to pick up a new subject Roosh…

  • .Bill

    Roosh is always talking about working out yet when I watch his vids I don´t see it. Why does he always have threads hanging from his shirt? My bad that´s just his arms. LOL!

  • OldHornDog

    I agree with a lot of what’s posted here but not this. Call me stubborn but I just cannot get over the fact that keystone habits involving giving attention to women will over time exacerbate the root problem: Which is that American women in particular are attention whoring bitches who can’t walk 100 meters without having their emotional needs catered to.

    Of course I know what you’re thinking now: Yeah right genius – if I don’t constantly approach women how will I get laid? Well by improving yourself and working on increasing your value. And that means your mind, your body, and face it – your wallet. 90% of the women I may want to fuck out there are nothing but an annoyance once I’m done with them. I’m sure I’m not along in that sentiment. The few who I actually want to keep around are the ones to aspire to and those kittens only go for the top of the food chain. Thus my aspiration now is to create enough personal value to become a magnet for the 8s, 9s, and 10s of this world.

    My motto is quality over quantity. And I refuse to spend a large portion of my existence approaching and catering to clueless idiots just because they happen to be equipped with a vagina.

  • Mark Minter

    Roosh I am pretty convinced that approaching builds testosterone and the “fake it ’til you make it” idea is that making it is when a man gets the proper level of testosterone. And approaching leads to achieving that level.

    My basis for this assumption was a study done on Wall Street traders. Their saliva was tested for endocrine system produced substances during their day. It was noted that as moment for the market to open, or for a major trade to go down approached, the traders started to create both insulin and testosterone. Those levels remained elevated throughout the day, and if the trade was successful then two things occurred. One was their testosterone level remained higher than the previous level in the morning. Two, their bodies produced dopamine, that high that “victors” feeling upon winning.

    And a poll women that work on Wall Street they had an overwhelming preference for traders among all the specialties that preferred to date and have relationships. Their are Wall Street specialties that make more money and have more organizational prestige, so it must be something other just money or status. My belief is that it is the testosterone.

    So I could propose an analogy that actually approaching and knowing that you must, and mentally preparing to approach, is the same thing as those moments for those traders before the market opened. And success leads to higher level of testosterone in your body than before and some dopamine production. And that “tells” to women. They sense that testosterone.

    Anxiety about rejection is a built in psychological tendency for men. And the stress and fear of facing rejection can often be greater in some men that even dangerous acts. I had often said I would rather tackle a 200 pound running back running full speed in football than to approach. So even something as trivial as an approach can instill the same “threat” conditions as a risky trade or even a fight.

    So I concur that this habit you have formed could and should be considered a “keystone” habit. It does create testosterone.

    Yes, when one would search for ways to build testosterone, lifting heavy weight does come back as the best way.

    But if you do both, put yourself in “harms way” by approaching and by lifting heavy weight, then you are that much closer to congruence. So it is no surprise to me you have discovered that list of effects for just those two keystone habits.

    And you know I feel testosterone is the number one key with women, that whole immunocompetence thing I write about. Your findings just cement my belief in it even more.

  • Nomad77

    I have a similar but somewhat different habit. I call it my approach rule: You have to approach a decent girl in a decent situation. For example, I was in Walmart yesterday saw an ok looking girl buying candy – decent girl, decent situation. I had to approach her. I did, we spoke for about 15 mins, her husband was waiting outside in the car.

  • earl

    @ Mark

    Did you ever publish those findings? I’d like to read it. From what I can tell in my situation I’ve just “made it”. In the fact I’ve gone from telling myself to do things…to automatically knowing what to do without thinking.

  • TK

    Roosh,

    This daily approach of yours, is it direct or indirect (petshop opener?). Since you are not going to the coffeeshop only after, then it is on the street most of the time, right?

  • Anonymous

    Starting Strength, coffee, and bangin’ chicks…

    …what is best in life???

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkSFIWzi7aA

  • emotional T

    Another excellent post by roosh! Why does sitting down at the desk with a decent cup of coffee to read a new entry in roosh’s blog make me feel so good? Heart-warming almost lol

    I started 2013 with the goal to do 3 approaches / day for 30 days in a row (in the cold winter, with snow). Even though i failed approaching every day i approached a lot and learned a shitton about my own rationalizations and conquering my emotions. It is extremely challanging, more than i had imagined.

    Good thing is, when you do something like this, it is not so much the improvement of your game that makes you get better but the increase of your motivation to get results! it’s like your brain says “ok you’re putting in this ridiculous amount of effort, now finally i have to see some results!!” and all of your success barriers etc get removed. You start to really want it bad.

  • emotional T

    End of the story, before the 30 days were over i got many close calls and finally my first same-night-lay ever. And a hottie she was, too.

  • newhere

    How do you exercise/lift weights while travelling so much? Taking weights with you on the road seems unpractical, do you join a new gym every month?

  • al_jihad

    Any woman that is PUA’ed is inherently undesirable, in my book.

    They’re all yours.

  • Amanjaw Marcuntte

    Hey Roosh, want to make a quick fortune? Replace “getting laid” with “closing a deal” in everything you’ve ever written and market your books as sales training manuals. Your excellent advice is seamlessly portable.

  • The Glee Manifesto

    You could integrate Paleo with this and eat an apple while once-a- daily approaching.

  • Keith

    @rooshv I enjoyed this post. Approaching is one of the foundations of game. Better to be consistent than just throw 10 in one night once a week.

    @newhere there’s always gyms everywhere. Colombia has the outdoor gyms that are free. Doing a 100 push-ups a day is better than nothing and of you find a pull-up bar, 50 a day takes you far. Barcelona has free outdoor gyms near the beach. I found a gym in Costa Rica for $5 a day. I’ve always told my friends that 1hr 3x a week is all you need to be better than 90% of the other men out there.

  • Anonymous

    Awesome article!

    If you approach a girl and say, “Excuse me, which way is Starbucks?” and she stops and points you in the right direction, would that count as an approach?

  • Carlos

    This post and the previous one are very good. I have already been under the daily approach rule but with a twist. I love going to the gym but I have always been chronically shy. So, if I don’t do the daily approach I don’t go to gym; also, I don’t perform other pleasant activities if I neglect other areas of improvement like job skills, hygiene, social skills, study, etc. This way, I try to bring up every part of the whole picture. It really demands discipline and will power; but you won’t want to comeback to your past life once you start seeing the results.

  • revelation

    Keystone habits. I’ve just read The Power of Habit and am already implementing these psychological gems. One approach a day is a good goal and will be achieved if you make it a habit – same goes for lifting, language study, writing etc.

  • http://www.ruxman.com Ruxman

    Since it’s one approach I’d go all out and make it a direct one if you can, unless you’re in a queue or on a train or something. The problem is, would one be ‘on’ enough to do that first approach on a really hot woman.

  • mich

    This post takes away a lot of the pressure and sense of guilt I had lately for not approaching enough. I usually run a to 2 approaches a day, and if these are not of any quality I often add one.

    However, I have one doubt: external motivation is fine (capucciono), intrinsic motivation probably has a deeper impact on our inner game.

  • mich

    Also: this post applies to intermediate players. I would say Beginners stickl to a daily drill of 5 to 10 approaches, but make sure you get over the initial backlash.

  • A Man For All Seasons

    To follow up on what Mark Minter said about approaching and testosterone, anything you can do to psych yourself up or to be a winner will raise your T levels, and anything you do to psych yourself out or to be a loser will lower T levels.
    Numerous studies have shown higher levels of T in someone who had just won a competition, and lower levels in the loser.
    This is why it’s important to get your game face on for sports. This will raise your T levels and raise your performance levels. This is also why it’s good to knock out some squats before going out at night to try to pick up girls. Increased T levels make you more confident, but also, increased confidence levels raise your T. Work both ends for optimum results.

  • Roosh

    10: You won’t get quality if your game is out of a practice. Don’t think you can sit on your ass for 3 months, see the girl of your dreams, and then be able to put in a solid approach.

    14: Indirect. Mostly street or mall.

    18: You can pay gyms by the month.

    23: Yes that counts. As long as she acknowledges you. But a couple days of such a quick approach you will change it up because you’ll want to progress farther.

  • indian_hotguy_Bholu

    Finally a girl was talking to me but she said she is not interested in me, i have paid $8000 to her rent and allowances and wanted to take care of her, she just kissed me on cheek and its the first time i have ever been kissed by a female except my mother

    but i always ask myself if $8000 is worth it for a single kiss

    Please tell me what i have to do for getting sex from that girl

    I have already paid her $5000 for vacation with her ex, i think she still sleeps with her ex

    I dont know what to do , i have lost over $14000 on this girl for just one kiss

  • Anonymous

    “I have already paid her $5000 for vacation with her ex, i think she still sleeps with her ex”

    R.O.F.L!

  • Alex

    Really great advice here.

    On the topic of raising testosterone levels, check out this TED talk http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html.

    Really great presentation and a few very practical tips on how to use your own body language to boost your T levels.

  • the latent sadist

    if 31 is real……holy shit.

  • Anonymous

    Thanks Roosh, did a daytime approach today! Will try to keep this streak alive as long as possible.

  • Mark Minter

    @A Man For All Seasons

    There is a name for this. I am researching it right now. It is called the Winner Affect.

    And it has been noted across numerous species, especially in humans. One article said that scientists have been performing what was called Animal Fight Club. The would put two animals into competition, often rigging it so that, a) the “loser” was smaller b) the “winner” had actually seen the competitor loose, something called the “bystander effect”. The T was measured before and after. With animals it is a little different then humans, the animal has no prior knowledge of the event, so T was measured after. The “winning” animal would produce a spike in T about 45 after winning. Humans produce T before and then have the spike after winning.

    It was noted that a winner had a tendency to win in a subsequent competition. Even in Tennis, the winner of the first set, takes the second 60% of the time.

    So the Winner effect is that a winner wins, produces the T spike. And this spike then carries over into the subsequent competition. Another win produces a higher spike. The T enables muscle growth, mental agility, and whatever characteristics necessary for victory and this continues to carry forward. And this winner can win against ever increasing levels of competition.

    And my hypothesis is that the signals of T display immunocompetence to women and are the most important filter of attraction to them.

    So you all have heard about fucking a fat 5 to end a dry spell. This sort of explains it. Guys say ven fucking a hooker can have some effect. You start to win again. And success over 5s, leads to the characteristics to win with a 6, then a 7, and ultimately, hopefully 9s.

    Probably no one will see this next part. But given the length of what I will paste then Roosh will see it. And he can decide what I should do with it.

    It from the Oxford Journal, Oxford University. The subjects is hormones and behavorial plasticity, which is exactly as it sounds. Behavior is moldable, plastic, changeable.

    And this author believes that T (he refers to Androgens, T is the most famous of them) is essential in the molding, this plasticity. The research I did on the winner effect said “Winning isn’t everything” meaning winning without T doesn’t produce the Winner Effect. And T without winning won’t create the Winner Effect on its own. It requires the experience of Winning, thus the Roosh comment, “You can’t sit on your ass for 3 months”. You have to go and win, something, some way. But the slightest little win starts the process.

    But this author says the T is Key. And that producing the hormones explains the gaining of “social competency through non-genomic reasons”. Meaning you become bigger than your genes.

    It is quite scholarly in wording so hang in there. But he says the hormones will produce the change.
    ———
    Social behavior in context: Hormonal modulation of behavioral plasticity and social competence

    In social species animals should fine-tune the expression of their social behavior to social environments in order to avoid the costs of engaging in costly social interactions. Therefore, social competence, defined as the ability of an animal to optimize the expression of its social behavior as a function of the available social information, should be considered as a performance trait that impacts on the Darwinian fitness of the animal. Social competence is based on behavioral plasticity which, in turn, can be achieved by different neural mechanisms of plasticity, namely by rewiring or by biochemically switching nodes of a putative neural network underlying social behavior. Since steroid hormones respond to social interactions and have receptors extensively expressed in the social behavioral neural network, it is proposed that steroids play a key role in the hormonal modulation of social plasticity. Here, we propose a reciprocal model for the action of androgens on short-term behavioral plasticity and review a set of studies conducted in our laboratory using an African cichlid fish (Oreochromis mossambicus) that provide support for it. Androgens are shown to be implicated as physiological mediators in a wide range of social phenomena that promote social competence, namely by adjusting the behavioral response to the nature of the intruder and the presence of third parties (dear enemy and audience effects), by anticipating territorial intrusions (bystander effect and conditioning of the territorial response), and by modifying future behavior according to prior experience of winning (winner effect). The rapid behavioral actions of socially induced short-term transient changes in androgens indicate that these effects are most likely mediated by nongenomic mechanisms. The fact that the modulation of rapid changes in behavior is open to the influence of circulating levels of androgens, and is not exclusively achieved by changes in central neuromodulators, suggests functional relevance of integrating body parameters in the behavioral response. Thus, the traditional view of seeing neural circuits as unique causal agents of behavior should be updated to a brain–body–environment perspective, in which these neural circuits are embodied and the behavioral performance (and outcomes as fitness) depends on a dynamic relationship between the different levels. In this view hormones play a major role as behavioral modulators.
    ——–
    Roosh, I am up to my ears in this information. I need to do something with for ROK, yet I keep running in to more and more. I sent you that first draft, but it seems to long for ROK.

    But I believe this whole issue is very key.

    So let me know what you want to do. You can message me at the forum or at my email.

    You might want think about a book.

  • http://www.aroundtheworldin80girls.com Around the world in 80 Girls

    Great stuff Roosh,

    I too have become to focused on trying to get work done. I’m fighting the procrastination battle on a daily basis. Now that the clock is ticking and I need to get my work done my game is below zero at the moment. I countered this by having a FB/GF but she moved to another city. I’m doing this approach a day thing from now on.

    Starting today.

  • timalover

    Thanks Roosh, very instructive as always.

    I really appreciate about your honesty and not making us believe that you are inherently different, that you have no fear of approach yourself. It’s very enlightening to hear that even you can get rusty, after being into the pickup business for so long…Cheers!

  • Anonymous

    Did my approach for the day, making it 2 days in a row. It was a lot easier this time (I usually only do nightgame) and I also felt like doing more.

  • Lacedric Towerwood

    Indian hot guy-
    Are you for real? You tossed out 20k to some chicken head and she won’t do nothing for your ass????

    I want to laugh but player for 20k she ought to let you bang her and a whole sorority house worth of chicken heads.

    For real G just get your ass to Vegas or Berlin and pay an escort. If you got to take that kind of bull shit from a silly trick.

    Man I hoped your ass learned not to get to punked on by some silly ass bitch like that again.

  • Mystery

    Dude! Polish girls are totally different than Australians! Not something to brag about but it seems like shooting penalty at a net without s goal keeper!! It reminds me of Barney Stinston in HIMMYM where he puts on an 80 years old msn’s make up and mskes out with a 20 year old French chick!! Europeans and specially eastern Europesbs are much more open than say Australians toward strangers. I agree with you in general but depending on the location the game will totally change.

  • Poon goon

    Roosh-
    Just wanted to say the idiots who criticize you for being skinny are silly.

    Like that’s a bad thing. And I can tell you life. I had a friend who was super skinny but reay strong. He lifted. Most power lifters are stronger than body buddies and have a leaner look. Don’t let the haters bug you. Your practice advice has done me a lot of good. I used to be afraid of cold approaching now I do it all the time.

    You have inspired me in life. Thank you Roosh.

  • Poon goon

    Pa-
    You ought to do some college campus day game. It’s really fun’to holler at all that fresh meat.

  • http://patientambition.com/ Nick

    You still have to do work and show value wherever you are, but some locations suck a lot more. I haven’t heard anything good about Australian women (similar to UK and US girls). Places like Poland are far from perfect, but the women are a lot closer to “normal” than in the West.