One Night Can Change Everything

My second visit to Rio didn’t start off so well. I couldn’t find an apartment, I had trouble making friends, and I got dumped by a girl that I wanted to develop a relationship with. I was struggling with Portuguese and not making headway with the new night venues I was experimenting with.

I hit bottom on New Year’s Eve. What should have been a magical celebration on Copacabana beach was lonely and depressing. I talked to one girl for two minutes. I couldn’t even drown my sorrows because the vendors ran out of beer, so I went home after the fireworks and slept. All the things that made Rio magical during my first visit was gone, and I had to confront the reality that it was time to start from scratch.

I didn’t want to go out on New Year’s Day, let alone talk to another human being. I just wanted to stay home in my favela shack and reminisce about Colombia and the nice pussy I was banging there before I left. But I knew that absolutely nothing would happen if I stayed home, so I cleaned myself up and went out to the same bar where I was successful a couple years prior.

I bombed. I couldn’t make headway with any girl and by the time I got to ten approaches I wanted to kill myself. I couldn’t believe that things had so quickly turned against me, and wondered if this was the same city I remembered. Was I completely wrong about singing its praises? Should I not have told other guys that Brazil was a magical paradise? It was so bad that I started considering a trip to Argentina.

I paid my bar tab and was on the way out when I saw a cute girl who looked like she was Middle Eastern. At that moment I can’t stress how much I didn’t want to approach her. I didn’t think there was a point because of all the failures that preceded it, but something told me to just say a few words then get the fuck out of there. I asked her if she was Brazilian and she answered that she was, but that her father was from Lebanon. We got into a conversation and when I joked if she liked “hairy men,” she said yes. She also liked Americans, having lived in the States for several months.

I didn’t bang her that night. I weaseled my way into her room but couldn’t even get off one article of clothing. The bang happened on the next date and we ended up dating for about a month, which when you’re abroad feels like forever. During that time I connected with my Danish roommate, pursued my nightlife niche, made solid progress with my Portuguese, and settled into a pleasant work and exercise routine. Most importantly, a little tide of girls began rolling in. That Brazilian girl was day zero of four months of happiness in Brazil that made me forget about the Colombian girls I was messing with. She was the beginning of a memorable period of my life that made me hate Argentina for the month I ended up staying there afterwards.

No matter how bad things get, all it takes is one girl, one night, to get you back on track. I don’t care how many rejections you’ve sustained beforehand, or how many dozens of girls have recently flaked on you, but that one special meeting, which you cannot predict, will pick you up and give you the confidence you need to keep getting more and better. If life is full of peaks and valleys and you’re in a deep slump, it’s just a matter of time until you get out of it, yet it’s not enough to merely go out. You can’t sit quietly in the dark corner of the bar for two hours and think you’ll be thrown a bone. You must work hard, consistency and continually, approaching and persisting every night to your maximum capability until your head hits your pillow.

I understand that I have to put in the work to get the rewards. I don’t go out for “just a drink”—I stay out until either I hook up, I’m exhausted, or there are literally no women on the streets. I’ve lost count how many times I pulled when all hope was lost, when no previous girl was digging me, when any average man would have long since given up, and when I already mentally identified the porn clip I would be masturbating to. If I didn’t talk to that Brazilian girl after I had already decided I was finished, my time in Rio would’ve been much different. If I didn’t always persist like a machine until my head hits the pillow, my whole life would be different.

You’re walking home after a brutal night out where you can’t even hold your head high, but then you see a girl walking in the opposite direction. Approach her with everything you got. She may change everything. This night may change everything.

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  • Tampa

    This is really a solid article and true in many other sectors of life.

    Richard Nixon: “greatness comes not when things go always good for you, but greatness comes when you are really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes; because only if you’ve been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.”

  • Steven Lurkel

    Amen.

  • Marmot

    Being in a bad spot right now, I really needed this. Thanks.

  • olivherbst

    Inspiring. This mindset is what keeps me in the game.

  • Begby

    Thanks for the inspiration. This applies to anyone who works in sales as well (as does most of game).

  • http://www.matthos.com Matt H.

    Very inspirational and true. This applies to every area of life. All it takes is one success.

  • http://collegeslacker.wordpress.com collegeslacker

    O man, so true.

  • http://aaronsholymountain.wordpress.com Aaron

    it’s also worth knowing that if you’re in this kind of a sustained slump, banging a good looking hooker can help with your state of mind. my older brother got me one for my 21st b’day present last year a couple of weeks after i got dumped and was feeling shit; best gift anyone’s ever given me. got me right back on track. once you try it you realize it’s not a big deal at all, and even though in reality you’ve banged a hooker, it still *feels* like you’ve banged a nice looking girl. i haven’t banged one since, but absolutely would again were i in a similar situation.

    only do it if the hooker is properly hot, and reserve it for dire situations like this.

  • gringoed

    Great post Roosh.

  • The Specimen

    Hell of a post. I need to have this shit bookmarked for those nights when I don’t have the eye of the tiger.

  • http://www.vksempireofdirt.com virlge kent

    Man, this post is so deep, it should be forced reading fpr all new guys to the game… i read it twice.

    How many times have we talked on all of your travels when one of us was doing so hot then the next conversation things change so quick and theres more women jumping off than we have time for

  • http://artofclueless.wordpress.com Remy Gibson

    Raw, honest, uplifting. Inspirational and oddly positive.

  • http://www.hokieblogger.com Gmac

    Funny I was writing up a similar post where I broke a dry spell late last year around new years in NYC.

    This is what it’s all about, continuing to hit the pavement and approach even when your confidence is at an all time low. Sometimes your window of opportunity isn’t until the 11th hour. If you’d left early or hadn’t gone out, you would have missed it.

  • Morpho

    Awesome.

  • Wolf

    Magnificent post, Roosh. Should be required reading every month. I’ll be keeping this for regular re-reading.

    >I couldn’t make headway with any girl and by the time I got to ten approaches I wanted to kill myself.

    I’ve noticed something from your articles, do you regularly do a minimum 10 approaches before going home?

  • http://supermanpua.blogspot.com Superman

    This what I needed. Heading out infield right now!

  • Roosh

    “do you regularly do a minimum 10 approaches before going home?”

    As long as there are women, yeah. Outside of the weekend I lower it to 5. On a Thurs/Fri/Sat loop there’s no reason not to be doing 25 night approaches in addition to day work unless you happen to live in a shitty city. In that case you should consider moving.

  • in_it_to_win_it

    to this day, (and, as a full disclosure, i’m not on your level but i’ve also really come into my own) the best girl i’ve scored, was after bar close, and after drunken food. it had reached the hour where noone was left on the streets in a busy urban center. but, as my friend and i were just about to my car, there was a really drunk girl with her dd escorting her to their vehicle… which happened bo be 30 or 40 feet from mine. i opened them. after 20 or so minutes the superfly dd (a gymnast, by the way) was dying to give me her number. we parted ways for that night but the bang came the very next day. (cue roissy’s recent list of ‘chances of a flake’)

    actually, after reading this post i recall that that is also my most vigorous night of gaming to date… and it paid off on the last possible approach at 3:30 am

  • http://www.singlewm.com Chad Daring

    This is a great post and what I like is how it ties Game into the rest of your life. I hit some bad news early this week but I’m not gonna let it get me down, especially not now. The difference between defeat and quitting is massive. Never quit. Ever.

  • Shawn’sPenis

    Roosh,

    Did you get laid constantly as a bartender? In uptown/downtown areas hip bars are of course chalk full of drunk lonely girls.

  • Rudebwoy

    Inspirational to say the least. We only need that one girl to turn things around.

    Thanks for pointing out that I am lazy!!

  • http://www.fretdancer.wordpress.com Bugs

    This feels like a cold sweated glass of water in the middle of the desert right now, two words:

    Thank You.

  • Rokiroo

    Thanks for this post roosh. This story mirrors what happened to me last week.

    Last sat, I had almost no money, was feeling rooted from work, just been rejected by a girl at my place a few nights earlier and was getting nothing from the girls I was messaging. I hadnt been laid for over 2 months. But I thought, I’m in a foreign country, I should have some fun.

    I went to this international party. I approached and was doing okay, but the girls weren’t biting strong enough for my liking. I kept going but I was starting to flag. I hit the dance floor. I strut my stuff. I suddenly get approached. We talk, I lead her to the side. We kiss. I take herto a love hotel. We have fun.

    After I take her back to the party and say goodbye, I sit down. I can’t believe what’s just happened. It’s the fastest and easiest bang of my life. And all because I got off my arse, went to the party with the mindset to approach and often.

    A positive attitude and drive is what got me what I wanted that night. Same as with everything.

    Boom!

  • K-Man

    Man, I used to be motivated to go all the way when I lived in DC, with a standard bar closing time.
    Where I currently live, there is no set closing time – a club will generally stay open as long as there are paying patrons. Weekdays this may mean 3-4am, and weekends it may be until the sun rises. At the beach it feels weird stumbling drunk back home when early risers are going down with their umbrellas and beach chairs. Really screws up all of your next day, too.
    So I generally take it easier nowadays. If the fish don’t bite, call it a day and go fishing another time.

  • Anon77

    Thanks Roosh. I really needed that one

  • Anonymous

    @ Aaron (#8) :”and even though in reality you’ve banged a hooker, it still *feels* like you’ve banged a nice looking girl.”

    This is very true and I would like to add that according to Esther Vilar from her book “The Manipulated Man” that ALL females belong to this category of prostitute. Maybe if one is fucking a pig or an old brawd it does not apply, but for any female who is young and beautiful its all about resources. All feamles are hookers, pure and simple.

  • Carl Sagan

    There is a reason why I enjoy your blog Roosh, and it is because of posts like these.

  • DrG

    truly inspirational post! I really need to increase my approaches from a couple to 5+

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  • http://www.thebachelortimes.com/The_Bachelor_Times/BLOG/BLOG.html P. Bateman

    Pure inspiration. Glad I read this.

  • Anonymous

    Great post!

  • Wolf

    This is such a golden post, one of the very best written about Game. Also, it’s where I learned the trick of doing at least 10 approaches a night, which has made my game skyrocket by forcing me to persist past the quitting point. Thanks, Roosh!

  • Flávio Ferraz Filho

    Wow, dude. What a wonderful article. I understood you completely! I’m happy I read this.

  • Anonymous Coward

    hey roosh!, I must say I visit your site for the philosophical advice more than the game advice. keep up the good work, alot of your advice applies to life in general, i.e: not giving up!. =)

  • Anonymous

    Possibly the most pathetic thing I have ever read. I’m glad you have your acolytes, how sad for you that connecting with another person makes you want to move on to the next thing. Dude, man up. WTF is wrong with you?

  • Anonymous

    Good post but dont you sometimes just feel that chasing girls is such a massive waste of time? that the 2 hours spent at the mall could be put to more constructive use? all the hours men spend chasing women when they could be achieiving….

    why do women make it so difficult for us to meet them anyways, im sick of it.there too friggin unapproachable going cold. u need “inside jobs” to meet quality women anyways///

    Id prefer to spend my free time on hobbys or playing chess. Always being on the “go”, like a rat on cocaine looking, chasing, pursuing, has driven guys to insanity, well me anyway Many puas have claimed it drove em insane, the constant chase….i dont think the game is for most guys. better to find one girl who can offer you emotional stability…it isnt meant to be this hard is it?

  • madmax

    man you are the only ‘guru’ who has the candidness to bare the soul and say it all, and for that I respect you. I also learn a lot from it. I am not able to compare levels of ‘successes’ or ‘rejections’ as I don’t know anyone who is on the same wavelenght as us, so your experiences really show me that ‘failure’ and ‘rejection’ are just part of the game. It’s like knowing that if you want to be a good boxer, you have not only to learn how to fight but also how to accept that you’ll get hit. The back of the medal, so to speak

  • madmax

    # 36

    ”better to find one girl who can offer you emotional stability… ”

    therein lies your fallacy. There is no such thing as a woman who will offer emotional stability. The sooner you outgrow this fallacy, the sooner you’ll see women as just walking warm holes to shove your dick in.
    I would have never said or thought things like these until a couple years ago, but hey, I grew up.

  • madmax

    #35

    wow man, you are so manly. And sexy! Can we fuck you?

  • http://www.raulfelix.com Raul Felix

    I met some pretty damn amazing women with a last ditch, hail mary attempt. Where all my pride and confidence had been exhausted, there is always that cute little perky breasted vixen to make you realize its never truly over.

  • Pete

    Reminds me a speech a local business man gave that stuck with me. Paraphrasing: “Entrepreneurship is great In sports, if you fail 9 times out of ten and win once, you’re a loser. But in business, if you fail 9 times, and win once, you’re a winner”

    All it takes is one win to make the difference.

  • Pete

    Should be a period after “great”

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  • YB31

    Reminds me of my last night in Wroclaw, Poland. I was having a ton of fun in the city meeting new ppl, etc nights before so it honestly really didn’t matter if I pulled anything or not. Just enjoying the travel experience altogether. During my last night out I spent with friends, and my luck with women was probably at it’s worst.

    At the last karaoke bar we were at, my friends sort of had to baby sit me as I tried pursuing this Ukrainian chick while oober wasted. I had to do something fun to keep myself occupied instead of debating between the crappy 5 songs they had in English. I almost passed out on her leaning as she smacked my hand away in front of friends witnessing & laughing at my lousy approach. It was quite fun for them so had no choice but to kinda of just laugh at myself as well.

    On the way out of the bar, we all decide that we would walk back together but it came to the point where we had to go in different directions. They asked as if I was sober enough to walk back alone so I said “yeah” while trudging back in suddenly windy cold conditions. Literally 2 seconds after we split, I see this attractive blonde with a small nose ring walking by as we greet each other and next thing you know a conversation starts. For whatever reason, I just walk her to the bus stop even though it wasn’t in the direction I needed to go. We shared a great deal of laughter talking for about 10 minutes waiting as she would then invite me to a party at her dorm facilities. Kinda creeped out, I said ok anyways..last night here..who cares.

    At the dorm party, we take shots, play ski ball, dance, grind on each other as she revealed she would need some help moving out of her dorm in order to rent it out to soccer fans for Euro 2012 in 2 weeks. Her last night in that dorm also = my last night in Wroclaw so I said sure. I kinda felt bad bc I could not for the life of me remember her name leading into the morning, but I sure do remember her moaning mine’s throughout the night :)

  • jg419

    dude, this happened to me exactly in wroclaw too! met a group of flight attendants in for one night. one friend was super bitchy and tried shit testing me all night. The one wanted me really bad but I had no idea. Then the pilots they were waiting for showed up and i thought game over. The one mean friend ended up going for my spanish friend and the one started making out with me like her life depended on it. needless to say haven’t had a chick fuck me that well since a brazilian a couple years back. She gave me her number and said she really liked me but i could not get her to come out because she had to fly out the next day, anything can happen out of the blue .

  • Big Fiut

    I read this article whenever I am down. It’s so money and it’s so true! All it takes is 1 girl to get you back on track!