Due to a glitch in the time-space continuum, Older Roosh happened upon Younger Roosh in a coffee shop. This is the conversation they had.
Younger Roosh: I just came back from Italy and it was amazing!
Older Roosh: Italy. What was the date again?
YR: November 2005.
OR: That’s right. So tell me about your trip. It’s vague in my mind.
YR: I was there for one week and went to Rome, Venice, Bologna, Siena, and Pompeii. I took over 600 photos and saw so many incredible things, but what I liked most of all was the freedom. For that one week I didn’t have to answer to anyone. I set my own schedule and did whatever I wanted.
OR: So the trip was a positive experience?
YR: Definitely! I’m already planning on going to Venezuela next month. I hear the girls in South America are very sexy.
OR: How’s your Spanish?
YR: It’s coming along. I’m studying one hour a day. Do you know Spanish?
OR: Yes, I—or I guess we—become quite competent at it. You will also learn Portuguese, Russian, and Polish.
YR: Wait, what year are you from?
OR: 2012. I’m you in seven years.
YR: There’s nothing about your appearance that suggests something catastrophic happened. So I take it that things worked out. What happens?
OR: In a little less than two years, you will quit your job and never return. You will travel through South America for six months and then live there for a year. Afterwards you will live in Europe for two years. You will write about all your experiences and publish over ten books. Your first one will be called Bang. You will earn a living from this. You will sleep with more girls than you could possibly imagine, in multiple languages, from over twenty countries, including a handful of virgins. You will become respected by your peers and be featured in the media in ten countries.
YR: Holy shit! Dude, are you fucking with me?
OR: No, I am not fucking with you.
YR: Tell me how I can do all of this! I will write it all down.
OR: Don’t be silly, it’s already in you. You will accomplish all of this on your own without having to consciously do a thing.
YR: But there has to be a secret or something. There has to be some advice you can give me.
OR: My reluctance to give you the wisdom I’ve learned in the past seven years will not prevent you from becoming who you will become.
YR: So I just have to keep doing what I’m doing?
OR: Yes. The one week trip you made to Italy has opened your mind to travel. Venezuela will open your mind to foreign languages. You will read many books that influence you further. You will be molded and trained by your experiences to become me, all without deliberate thought on your part.
YR: Well then, this is easy.
OR: In the mental sense, yes. But you will work very hard to get here.
YR: Oh, I don’t mind working.
OR: I know.
YR: Are you sure this is not a trick? Being able to travel the world and not have to work a corporate job are dreams of mine.
OR: This is not a trick. All your dreams will come true, even ones you haven’t yet thought of.
YR: Yes! This is like winning the lottery! God, I can’t wait to be you. I can only imagine how happy you must be right now.
OR: I am no happier than you are.
OR: I have the same happiness level as you have right now.
YR: Bullshit! You said all those good things happened and you’re not happier?
OR: Your environment doesn’t change your borne temperament. It provides little boosts to your happiness level, but it always falls back to where it was at the start. Changing your belief system can definitely affect the thermostat of your temperament, but only by a small amount. Do you still use your lunch break to go to the bookstore?
YR: Yes, I do.
OR: The way you feel at noon tomorrow, reading a book or magazine you plucked from the shelf, with a reluctance to return to work, is exactly how I will feel tomorrow afternoon when I read a book at the coffee shop with a reluctance to write.
YR: But you don’t have to work in the office. You don’t have to follow orders from people.
OR: This is true. Setting my own hours and waking up at noon contents me greatly.
YR: So there you have it. You’re happier than me.
OR: But you have something I don’t.
YR: Well, what is it?
YR: Hope? Who cares about hope!
OR: The best way to get through today is having the thought that tomorrow could be better. I no longer have hope because I have achieved my dream life. I’ll wake up tomorrow and know that it’s going to be difficult to achieve more than what I have now, that there is nothing else I want or need or desire. Let me ask you something. During your job, while you’re sorting data in Excel, attending meetings, or inoculating fermentation tanks in the laboratory, what do you think about?
YR: First on the work at hand. I don’t want to make mistakes or else I will get a bad performance review. Then my mind drifts into things I rather be doing, places I rather be in.
OR: And how does it feel to fantasize of those places?
YR: It makes me happy that things will improve. It gives me, as you say, hope.
OR: I’m sure you smile as you think about the many countries you will one day visit. I wish I could smile with such fantasies, but my imagination has not given me new dreams fast enough to replace the ones I’ve completed. While my job is better than yours, you have something I don’t, and this is why our happiness levels are the same.
YR: But you get to write for a living. Over ten books! I can do that forever!
OR: Can you? Releasing a book will soon become like doing yet another experiment in the laboratory. You will hate proofreading and formatting a book like you hate making Excel graphs now. I won’t lie that when you release your first book, you will feel like you climbed Everest. It will truly be one of the happiest moments of your life. The second book will give you a similar feeling. I will release my fourteenth book soon and it’s just an afterthought. It will be mechanical like the job you’re doing right now. There’s no celebration or pride from it.
YR: But I just can’t see that.
OR: Which is why you will write so many books! And why you will sleep with so many women and visit so many countries.
YR: As long as I can sleep with a lot of women, I’ll be fine.
OR: Let me give you a short anecdote. Right now you take a shower every day, but there will be times in South America where a shower is unavailable. You will stink, your hair will be oily, and your skin will feel tacky. Then you will finally have access to a shower, and the moment that that hot water hits your head, you will feel pure bliss. Your eyes will close and you will let the water run down your body for ten minutes before you even want to move. The soap you lather on your skin will almost feel electric. And then you will take a shower the next day but it won’t give you even 1% of that feeling.
YR: So are you telling me that I shouldn’t shower often?
OR: Interpret it as you may.
YR: But wait, if having your own business and determining your own hours isn’t making you happier than me, you MUST be feeling great to bang all those feminine foreign women. I can’t wait to sleep with some Venezuelan girls.
OR: Right now you have no idea how to sleep with a foreign woman. You failed in Italy and you will fail again in Venezuela (sorry). It will take you a couple years of hard work to get good at it, enough to where you can teach other men.
YR: Damn, that sucks. I already worked so hard in America to get where I’m at and now you’re telling me I have to start all over?
OR: Such is life.
YR: I’m going to be unhappy until I figure it out.
OR: Quite the opposite. You will be an eager conqueror, madly slashing through an unknown jungle with a machete, trying to find the gold or silver or indigenous slaves that you think will help create your wealth and harem.
YR: So I will be happiest and most content when I’m struggling?
OR: Without struggle, there is no man.
YR: But how about when getting laid gets easy? That must bring a lot of happiness than having to struggle for women. God, I wish there was a sort of paradise of easy sex.
OR: Let’s think about what sex is. It’s great when you’re doing it, but when it’s over you’re back to where you were with no obvious advancement to your character. It’s entertainment, similar to watching an action movie, a nice distraction to the banality of life, but the time between the sex does more for you than the actual sex. I speak four foreign languages at one level or another because of wanting sex. That sex is long gone, the memories of which are buried deep in my brain, but I still can speak those languages. This applies to other personal qualities as well. I’m sure you notice how my muscles are bigger than yours and how my beard is more properly trimmed.
YR: I don’t know. I find it hard to believe that you don’t care about being able to sleep with so many women.
OR: I get more out of a book.
YR: A book?
OR: Yes. The sex act stops giving me value once my orgasm is complete, but the lessons from a good book will stay with me forever and help me accomplish other goals.
YR: So you’re becoming a monk or something?
OR: The sex urge remains strong, but humans become desensitized to repetition. The amount of work you put to get one sex act today will seem unreasonably laborious in seven years. You will perform elaborate feats of self-deception to keep you active in chasing women, sort of like how an aging football player who can’t give up the game becomes a coach.
YR: What are the acts of deception? Frankly, I don’t believe how I won’t be chasing women until I die. I’m in this for life.
OR: It’s best you discover it on your own.
YR: I see. At first when you told me all the cool things I’d accomplish, I felt great, but now you’re making me nervous.
OR: My apologies.
YR: So you must have other cool hobbies if you’re not chasing tail all the time. What do you fill your days with?
OR: I write, read, study a foreign language, and socialize. Lately I’ve been keen on taking long walks.
YR: You don’t hunt for women?
OR: I still do, but it’s more casual. An approach here or an approach there on girls who catch my eye and don’t immediately remind me of someone I have slept with in the past.
YR: That sounds so… boring. I don’t want to do that.
OR: We are both doing what makes us happy in this present moment, and we both have the same levels of happiness.
YR: I don’t know what to think.
OR: Think nothing. Just listen to the voice inside you. He will push you to do certain things and you will succeed and fail. You will feel pain and you will feel pleasure. You will cease doing certain behaviors and then commence with others. You will live a life to the best of your ability.
YR: Look, at least give me some advice. It doesn’t have to be anything specific. You’re speaking in platitudes that I can’t really apply.
OR: Okay, I can give you one piece of advice.
YR: Go ahead.
OR: Everything good that happens to you is bad, and everything bad that happens to you is good.
OR: You don’t have to accept your brain’s first interpretation of the things that happen to you. You can frame them in any way you wish to stay undisturbed by the randomness of life, because if good things make you happy and bad things make you sad, you will forever be a slave to things that you cannot control.
YR: I’m not sure I understand.
OR: One day it will make sense to you, and when it does you will be at peace with yourself, no matter what country you’re in, not matter how many notches you have, and no matter what your income is.
YR: I’ll take your word for it.
OR: Oh and Younger Roosh, one more thing before I leave. Whatever you use for deodorant, dump it in the trash. Use baking soda instead.