In Case You Thought I Was Joking

…my Mom will be more than happy to do your Turkish coffee-cup fortune or analyze your dreams with a 20-year-old book she keeps in a Ziploc bag (to prevent further page disintegration). How You Start The New Year The Dream Book

Cloud Review

Sound system hurts ears Middle Eastern men love it Where is the exit? Rating: 1/5 Map • Official site 1 Dupont Circle, N.W. Washington, DC 20036

Play Lounge Review

Sure, the girls are hot, but guys are treated like scum Staff has no respect Rating: 2/5 Map • Official site 1219 Connecticut Ave N.W. Washington, DC 20036

R.I.P. DC Cookie

I’m disappointed, but not surprised.

The Glow

A few weeks ago my girl and I rented “A Streetcar Named Desire.” For you non-movie buffs, one of the most famous moments in movie history occurs in that film: when Marlon Brando lets out an unforgettable mating call to his wife Stella from the bottom of his animal heart (“Stellllaaaaa!!”). She responds to his […]

Grocery Store Fraud

Have we ever been told a good reason why there are produce sprinklers at the grocery store? I’m not a farmer but I know that dead vegetables don’t need to be bathed in tap water to stay fresh. Judging by the red-orange mold growing in my bathtub, I would assume that extra moisture hastens spoilage. […]

DC Nightlife Reviews

I’ve started rewriting my old Sorso Club nightlife review list as haikus. I’ll drop one or two each weekend. Newsletter no. 2 is going out this weekend. February book update: :crazy: (screenshot)

Rubber Ducks

I used to play this carnival game as a kid. With a magnetic fishing pole I would try to catch one of dozens of rubber ducks moving in water around a circular track. Each duck had a special marker on the bottom to signify a prize, but otherwise they were identical, floating through this pre-determined […]

How You Start The New Year

My mother taught me that the way you spend New Year’s Eve says a lot about how that year will go. Even something as simple as standing up when the clock strikes midnight will do more to ensure a year of good fortune and success than sitting down. I used to think that she brought […]

Why Men Shouldn’t Go On Coffee Dates

One reason I hate MySpace is because it makes it too easy for a girl to get a maximum amount of attention while putting in no effort. The distance between herself and you, a potential suitor, is so great that screening you out is her default move. One reason I don’t get email addresses is […]

Another Move

1. If you are reading this, you are on the new server. 2. I added a Top Commenters list at the bottom of the right column. Roissy is current king. 3. I added a contact form link under my email. 4. Now when you make a comment on any post, you have the option at […]

The Love Equation

I know everyone thinks of love as an emotion, but I have never been the romantic type. To me, love is very logical. No, I don’t mean people behave logically when they are in love. I mean what makes people fall in and out of love is very logical. Allow me to explain. Although many […]

I Bought A New Desk

For the past year I have been looking for a desk that serves my unique needs: 1. Multi-purpose functioning that uses innovative technology. 2. Saves valuable space in my child-sized townhouse bedroom. 3. Allows me to masturbate on my bed without squinting at the far-away porn action on my computer monitor. My needs have been […]