Promoters Are Scum

Several years ago a friend and I decided to start throwing parties so we could get laid more. We didn’t have an original idea or even the willingness to make it succeed, but we had strong sexual desire. There had to be an easier way than approaching a lot of girls.

Our first party was at Topaz Bar around Christmas time. To draw in the females we decided to make it a Toys For Tots charity event, even though the last thing poor kids need is cheap toys made in China. The party itself was a success: about forty or so people showed up, which for the size of Topaz made it a lively event. A total of three people brought toys (including me and the co-host) so I guess that part of the party was a failure. A girl I met a couple nights prior came to the party so the promotion endeavor seemed to be working already.

Early in the evening we had two Marines show up in full uniform including the beret-like hat. Apparently there was a misunderstanding and I accidentally requested the presence of soldiers at the party. They had a couple drinks and impressed us with their awesome posture before they carted off our pathetic collection of charity. The bigger surprise guest of the evening was a 65 year-old man who arrived with a copy of the Washington Post. He requested my presence and talked to no one else, explaining how he’s trying to get his social life back in order. I’m not sure if this was code for homosexual sex or not but I blacklisted him from future events just in case.

During all the parties I had to be the good host and make sure everyone was happy while the girls I liked were hit on by a stream of my own male guests. I was cockblocking myself. If I look at how many girls I got from nights I hosted and how many girls I probably would have gotten on those same nights without being a host, the difference would have been zero. Looking back on the whole experience, my time would have been better spent working on my game instead of working on a gimmick. But some good did come from the experiment: two people I introduced at that first party are going to get married soon. Their lives are forever changed, all because I wanted to get laid.

Related Posts For You