To make some extra money I’m now offering the Roosh Reality Workshop every Monday starting next week. For one day you can say goodbye to your boring cubicle life and live the excitement that is my life.
12:00pm: You arrive at my Dad’s house. My stepmother will let you in. Go straight downstairs and into my room. I’ll be snuggled deep in my toasty bed, waiting for you (not like that).
12:15: Time for breakfast. We will dine on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat, my favorite food, and a crispy apple. Then we read the paper for half-an-hour, shaking our heads at government incompetence and abuse of power. This meal is included in the workshop.
1:00: We will lay out newspapers on the floor and sink of my bathroom and do what I call “hair management.” Depending on growth, the following areas will be trimmed: underarm, beard, back of neck, sideburns, nose hair, ear hair, and pubes.
1:15: Shower, but body only. I have to be in the right mood to wash my hair.
1:30: Ride bikes to nearest Starbucks a half-mile away. If you didn’t bring a bike then you can use my little brother’s. It has a horn. At Starbucks we will get a drink and then sit down at my favorite table. You will watch me write and I will encourage you to do the same. If you don’t have a laptop then I can give you pen and paper. Three hours in we will take a snack break. I recommend the multi-grain bagel which only costs a buck. Your Starbucks purchases are NOT included in the workshop.
7:00: Dinner time at the house. You will enjoy Persian homecooking and real hospitality. My brothers will annoy you but you will find them cute. All silence once Seinfeld comes on at 7:30.
8:00: Time to wind down with a book in the living room. We will sit and read for two hours.
10:00: Movie time. We will watch a foreign and/or independent movie. None of that Hollywood garbage. Even if the movie is in English I will still leave on the subtitles because I don’t want to miss anything. I believe many people don’t understand the movies that they watch because they miss intricacies present in the dialogue.
12:00am: Internet time. You get to watch me schedule a mediocre post for the future, and listen to me whine about how I’ve lost the passion to blog. I’ll put on some Brazilian music and you’ll feel worldly.
2:00: Jerk time. You watch me jerk off to porn. Right now I’m heavily into black on blondes but I’m feeling a transition soon to legal teens who look like minors. You can join me if you want, but none of that gay touching shit.
I’m pricing this tour at only $69, and that includes complete Roosh access to ask me whatever you want. I won’t be in the basement forever, so email [email protected] with “reality” in the subject line if you’re interested. Add $10 if you want me to provide you with a fresh cum rag. This workshop is open to guys and girls.
POSTSCRIPT: Slots for the next six Mondays are fully booked. I’ll post again when space opens up.
POSTSCRIPT 2: Jeez people this is a joke. Please stop emailing me if I have a spot open.