This is a guest post from respected forum contributor kindredspirit.
Famous explorers were worshipped as fearless adventurers who roamed the world in search of distant lands, exotic spices, and golden treasures that strengthened empires. Upon their return home from successful voyages, grand feasts were thrown in their honor by the crown. They kept women in every port and lived life to the fullest, and returned home to enjoy the warm, missed embrace of the women they were truly in love with. They could once again spend time with their children and friends, regaling them with stories of new civilizations and lands. These men of the sea would receive the rest, relaxation, and comforts of home needed to nourish their weary bodies and souls.
When the domesticity of home became suffocating and the pull of the unknown frontier started tugging at their heart strings (and loins) once more, they would raise the sails for a whole new voyage filled with freedom, sex, adventure, and discovery. This sailor-explorer lifestyle modified for modern times is the best model I have found to cure the following age-long dilemma of men throughout the world:
How to balance the cozy, warm security of being in a committed relationship with the recurring need for new sexual conquests and romantic excitement? How to balance the peace, tranquility and domestic comforts offered by home with the yearning to explore new lands, meet new people, and embrace new opportunities?
I believe the key to such balanced happiness is to find the right woman to settle down with who can understand this lifestyle and give you the freedom you need when you need it. It can work if you are determined enough, worldly enough, and yes, financially well-off enough. Here’s a few upsides to this way of life:
1. You are not shitting where you eat. You are faithful to your woman within the national boundary of the country in which you reside.
2. You are not keeping long-term mistresses nearby. The negative energy and drama caused by the daily deception needed to acquire and maintain mistresses would likely kill your primary relationship. (See Tiger Woods for how things can spiral out of control.)
3. You and your primary woman will miss each other with the time spent away from one another. Any lack of longing will let you know that the relationship you have with one another is valueless.
4. Even with children, this model allows the two parent family structure to remain intact while allowing you to get release from the daily grind of stifling domestic boredom or the semi-castrating feeling of being seen as an asexual “daddy.”
5. Living abroad alone in a new country with the freedom to do what your heart desires makes one feel like a man. Taking risks, exploring new lands, conquering new women, meeting new people, and embracing new opportunities is what we were born to do and allows us to truly feel alive.
6. The time spent alone on the road allows you to better appreciate what you already have: a woman who loves you, children who care for you, and all the other comforts of family life without having to throw it all away just to be single. This is especially important for warding off the cynicism and jadedness towards women that can arise when one spends all of his time as a lone wolf constantly hunting for new pussy. For those times you do feel lonely or get rejected, the knowledge of having your primary relationship back home will sustain you and give you strength.
Sometimes, all a man wants is to experience the freedom of being single again, to have the ability to hunt freely without looking over his shoulders. For many men in their 30s and 40s, the actual fucking is not all that important as is the delight of seduction and conquest.
7. You are not proposing something weird that most women would reject, such as becoming swingers, proclaiming yourself to be polyamorous, or proposing an open relationship.
8. Three to four months by yourself in a new country can teach you a lot about how the world works, make you more confident and independent, and open new doors. Think of it as the study abroad experience you might have never had, except now with the wisdom and resources to do the things you could never do in your awkward youth.
Of course there are some downsides to this model as well:
1. It costs a lot money, especially if your primary stint takes several months.
2. A woman can generally feel when you’re straying, and she may not remain faithful if you’re away for too long. Therefore the relationship has to be something you’re willing to lose, but this is how men should approach every relationship anyway. It may hurt like hell, but you have to be willing to cut her off from your life and she has to know that you are capable of this. Understand, though, that having a child with your primary woman will make it less likely that she abandons the relationship due to your prolonged absence.
3. It may become difficult to justify spending 3-4 months every year in the capitals of the world for “business.” The ideal woman back home should have something akin to the following attitude: “Do what you need to do. I don’t really want to know all the details. I am just happy you come back home to me a better man.”
4. You may fall in love with a newer, younger, hotter—maybe even better—woman. By this time you will hopefully know what “better” really means and be wiser to the ebbs and flows of a new relationship (hot in the beginning, warm in the middle, with a fast drop off after 3-4 years once the sex gets old).
In other words, just because you’re fucking your new foreign girl night and day does not necessarily mean she is the right woman for you. However, this admittedly strays a bit too close to dangerous territory as relationships with women abroad that go beyond largely sexual, hormonal-driven flings may have a significant effect on how you view your primary home relationship.
5. Your job may not be location-independent. But if it is not, you can work towards making it happen.
6. With the internet, any new women you meet in these distant lands may want to keep in touch with you when you go back home. If this becomes daily contact in the form of e-mail, chat, and phone calls, you would be in spiritual violation of number two above (not shitting where you eat). I believe it would be important for you to have your flings and leave them as just that—romantic, passion-filled affairs that are in your past. Be the good lover or boyfriend when you are back home.
7. If you have a family, three to four months is a long time to spend away from them. Children need a steady father-figure in their lives. Though on the bright side, when you do return home, I believe the time spent away will make you appreciate your children a lot more.
One possible idea is to have a “family-oriented location” where you, your primary woman, and children can also spend time abroad together exploring and enjoying a new land. The family-oriented locale would serve as a complement to your “single-man” oriented international locales. This way, your family would not feel like they are constantly being left behind while you go on foreign adventures alone. To a certain degree they too can now enjoy the international lifestyle you have adopted.
8. You don’t want to have to start all over again with new friends, a new place, and new women every single time you hit the road. It may be worth finding a few favorite places and building up a network in each location so that you can re-visit them with greater ease and convenience. People feel psychologically reassured by routine and familiarity. You don’t want your life to be perpetual, jet-lagged chaos.
With a little tweaking, a model of old can serve as the lifestyle foundation for men of our generation. While it’s not easy to accomplish, the benefits it offers would make it far more superior than the stressful and unfulfilling lives that many men lead today.