Skinny Models? Don’t Blame Me

Every woman, gay man, and metro straight guy knows that there has been yet another scandal over models that are too skinny. I say “yet another” because when Kate Moss hit big in 1993, she started a “waif look” that moved fashion away from the curvy glamor girl era of Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer and Linda Evangelista, toward young skinny girls who ultimately got so thin that people started calling their look “heroin chic.”

The latest episode arose when the city of Madrid banned models that were under a certain weight. How skinny are models these days? Well here are some pictures I found showing back-stage shots at New York’s Fashion Week. Based on these pics, I’d say they are pretty fucking skinny.

Dig these girls: I think the one on the left has ribs that stick out further than her boobs.

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I’d be scared to bang the girls below. I think my manhood would be cut up by their boney insides.

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Oh look, the girl below is eating her one weekly meal!

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So who is to blame for this sorry situation? Within the fashion industry itself, it seems there is much blaming of others, but no one who will accept responsibility. Time states:

Modeling agencies, the motherly folks who inform the models that they can eat or work but not both, say it’s because photographers demand subjects with skin, bones and preferably nothing else. The photographers say it’s the designers who set the limits. Giorgio Armani, one such designer, last week blamed the stylists, the people who put together the looks for the photo shoots at the magazines. The magazines say it’s Hollywood or it’s advertisers or it’s both. And the advertisers say people find their products more desirable when on, next to, or usually just barely covering slender body types.

Let us analyze the above to see if we can figure out just who is guilty. Who are the people in these various categories of the fashion world? Women and gay men, that’s who. Straight male stylists? I don’t think so. In other words, the people promoting the super skinny aesthetic are those who have no sexual interest in women. Oh sure, there may be the occasional lesbian or the brilliant straight guy who gets in to fashion to meet girls and later commits suicide because the girls in fashion don’t eat and the real woman outside of fashion won’t bang him because they think he is gay.

But one thing is for sure: straight guys are not to blame. I apologize to the feminist conspiracy theorists who think that straight men have plotted to create eating disorders in young girls everywhere by promoting unrealistic images of women in the media. Sorry, ladies, you are going to have to find another target for your hate other than straight white men. Those boys like women with curves. It’s your own female sisters and your fabulous gay friends who promote those terrible images, not us.

The evidence? FHM and Esquire magazines both recently named Scarlett Johannson “The Sexiest Woman Alive.” Ever seen Scarlett? This woman eats.

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Now that’s a woman. 100% natural, too. Oh wait, what about her ass you say?

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Ok there, now believe me? Past winners include Jessica Biel and Angelina Jolie, so more curves on those girls too. There is no way girls who starved themselves to Dolce & Gabbana emaciation would ever win this contest. If I could have my personal pick, Jessica Alba, toned yet curvy, would be the sexiest woman alive.

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You girls with with eating disorders can stop paying attention to the beauty aesthetic of gay men and other women. You can stop picking at your salad on dates. You can even order dessert. You want to land a real man? We real men want real women.

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