It’s very easy for me to give advice to a guy: work on your game, have many experiences, and commit to a quality woman on your terms, not hers. Once a guy has game, he will have options into his late 30′s and probably beyond. His biggest enemy is himself. His fear, complacency, and insecurities all work to prevent him from getting what he is capable of getting.
It’s different for a woman. All the game in the world won’t matter when she is passed her physical peak and less attractive than younger counterparts. A woman’s biggest enemy is time. The clock is ticking right after college and doubles pace after year 30 is crossed. While many single women at 40 are cultured, intelligent, and make for excellent company, they have missed the marriage boat and will be reduced to competing for the attention of rich players who don’t mind flying these overly experienced mind-fuckers out to some exotic locale for a “romantic” dinner, assuming these women have the means and motivation to keep up their looks. They will die not next to loved ones, but to a pile of money that was her only remaining purpose to strive.
When a woman graduates from college at the age of 22, she thinks she has all the time in the world. She builds up her social circle to prepare for years of drinking and partying. She gets some twangs of doubt after 25, but the partying continues, now at more expensive clubs where more money needs to be spent on the clothing and accessories that go with the lifestyle. Some even go the extra mile by purchasing Mercedes Benz automobiles, an act that used to belong to the exclusive domain of men.
Then 28 and 29 passes and all she has to show for the previous near-decade is a cell phone filled with numbers of guys she “dated.” She hits day spas, gets botox, and then cruises the internet and clubs with a renewed vigor. But it doesn’t work, and 35 is here before you know it. You see her out and it appears she is having a fun time but the developing wrinkles and glassy eyes shows her abject failure at reproduction. She finds new meaning through her career and the massive amounts of subsequent disposable income that allows her to enjoy the finer things in life like luxury condominiums and designer shoes the celebrities wear. But every time she sees a child in a stroller, she wonders what happened.
Women have less time than they think. How long does it take to find a quality man? How long does it take to weed out incompatible men and enter a relationship with one that is worthy? How many relationships fail before the one-year mark? How long does a relationship have to last to make engagement possible? How long is the average engagement? How many engagements fail before the altar is reached? Every now and then you hear a story of someone meeting and then getting married after a few months, but this is the exception. A woman needs to give herself at least five years from that moment she concludes she wants to get married. This means a girl needs to start finding a husband immediately after graduating from college. You’ve arrived way too late in the game if you don’t even think about marriage until you’ve approached 30, when your reproductive peak has passed and your appearance is not what it used to be.
I have three pieces of advice for women who don’t want to end up as a spinster. First, use high school and college as a period to work on your game and fuck around. Find out what men like and improve yourself to be the type of woman that men like. Whether this includes getting rid of your neediness and drama or growing out your hair, figure it out before you start your career. If you are not sure where to start, copy the girls who seem to get all the guys.
One thing you should focus on is being sexy, exuding a certain je ne sais pas that guys find themselves inexplicably drawn into. Go tell a girl raised on Real World to show you what sexy is and she will put on pricey clothing and accessories and search for the nearest watering hole to down enough drinks until she feels comfortable in her own skin. Sexy is body language, tone, subtle movements and details —the way she does things, the way she is. This cannot be purchased at Nordstrom, but only learned with time and through effort.
Second, as soon as you graduate from college, have in your mind the notion that you want to get married soon. Be open to it and think about it daily. Reward men who put time and energy into you instead of the players who just want to fuck you. Fuck all the players you want in college, but after that buy a vibrator and don’t waste your time with them because they will not marry you. Sacrifice wild sex and roller coaster emotions for something more stable that results in a family (which is what you want, right?).
Hold off on putting out as long as possible. If I have sex with a girl on the second date and it was just okay, I’ll be more likely to drop her since I have invested very little in her. But if sex happens on date ten, the psychology of previous investment says I will most likely continue, at least for one more date. Understand: your vagina is the most powerful thing you have. To potential suitors, it should be like the El Dorado, a magical land they will die trying to gain access to. But when you partake in casual sex like one-night stands, your vagina becomes more like the 24-hour convenience store.
Lastly, don’t go to bars and clubs often. Once a week is enough. These are horrible places to meet a quality man who wants to commit, and the drinking and smoke will age you more rapidly. Focus on doing more community driven events that don’t have the immediate one-night payoff that a bar has. Maybe it’s volunteering, jogging clubs, spinning class, or book clubs. You’ll have to get creative. I’m not an expert with regard to meeting men, but even at a coffee shop I get to meet and know girls on a different, more intelligent, more meaningful level than I do with girls at bars. A good rule-of-thumb is that the reason you meet has to be something other than the result of drinking alcohol.
It’s easy to make fun of the current generation of spinsters, but I do feel bad for them because there was no way for them to know that their lifestyle would prove to be so detrimental to forming a family. But we’ve observed and studied them and they’ve been written about in the mainstream media enough to the point where there are no excuses for not avoiding their fate. If you are a girl under the age of 25, I will have no sympathy for you in the next decade when you whine to me that you’ve always wanted a family but for whatever reason couldn’t find a man. It starts now.