All self-improvement books or websites have one same tip that they try to pass on to you: “Visualize success! Visualize the positive outcome and one day it will happen!” Or something of the sort. When it comes to girls this is not an optimal strategy—in fact it is detrimental to motivation.

The biggest problem guys have with game is the approach. They simply don’t do enough of them to get good, quitting well before they’ve achieved any amount of competent skill. They pause and hesitate and wuss out, and getting some of them to do one approach while sober takes more energy than the actual act of sex that the approach would hopefully entail.

Instead, when you want to approach a girl, it’s better to visualize failure, embarrasment and pain. To imagine that everyone within earshot will laugh about you, take your picture, and go home on the internet to write about you on their crappy blogs. When you visualize the negative, not only do you accept the rejection (because odds are you will be rejected), but you face and accept your fears. Only by embracing suffering can you tame the fear. You go through the process of desensitization, which it what separates weekend pick-up warriors from the guys who can do this every day.

About 30 seconds into the approach, your heart rate will calm and you’ll forget why you were so scared in the first place. The hardest part is out of the way, and now you’ll do everything in your power to making that conversation last, to making her laugh, to showing your best qualities in a short amount of time.

The more I visualize failure, the more successful I am, because not only do I approach much more but I’m more relaxed, more calm, more accepting of whatever bad comes my way, especially in those tough situations with a large audience watching (e.g. day game).

The worst-case scenario, which will only happen to you a handful of times, is really not that bad at all. It will end as quickly as it begun, and life will continue, and no one will care.

P.S. If you liked this post then I think you will like my book Bang, a collection of simple but powerful techniques, moves, and lines that make it easier for the average 20-something man to be more successful with women. Topics in Bang include discussion of the alpha male, effective opening lines, conversation themes, getting phone numbers, detailed dating strategy, and much more.

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