The Dark Knight Is A Stupid Movie

In pains me deeply to write this because friends and family I trust and respect loved The Dark Knight, but after watching the movie I believe it’s because the hype machine sucked them in along with everyone else.

But Roosh, The Dark Knight has a whopping 95%Tomatometer. What could you possibly have noticed that even professional critics could not see?

I shall explain. Allow me to bring you fanboys back into the realm of reality and reason.

Minor Problems

1. When did Gotham City become bright and lovely New York City? A place that I could live and possibly raise a family, with modern skyscrapers at 100% occupancy and busy streets full of new cars and smartly dressed people.

2. Bruce can simultaneously defeat fifty men at a time armed to the teeth, but is thwarted by a nylon net, a two inch blade, and an ill-tempered dog.

3. Holy shit is the Joker organized! He embarrasses the mob, Batman, and the police at the same time, one step ahead of everyone, planting bombs pretty much everywhere every day and able to infiltrate the deepest rungs of power to kill and maim. He drives no. 2 pencils through the skulls of man. He can take punches from martial arts master Bruce Wayne and can even kick his ass. But he can’t aim a fucking bazooka!

4. Rachel’s (Maggie Gyllenhaal) death was stupid and confusing. Batman said he was going to save Rachel but ended up saving Harvey. That forces me to believe that the Joker switched the addresses up on purpose. But then we’re sort of kind urged to believe Rachel was a sacrifice and the police commissioner was in on it. No surprise this mess involved Maggie Gyllenhaal, a co-star in Donnie Darko, the most confusing film of all time.

5. When a movie has you rooting for the villain to win and kill the hero and his fake robot voice, it has failed. Especially when said villain’s life kept getting saved by our confused hero, even if it caused him great injury.

6. Deebo the prisoner has a heart of steel but the general public are murderous, stupid animals who should be stripped of their right to vote. You are the general public.

Major Problems

1. Rachel. A homely, unlikable, somewhat masculine spinster was able to string along two of Gotham’s most desirable bachelors? And I was supposed to be sad when she died? I was quite pleased! Both men could do better than the alpha bitch whose grating presence is a bad influence on young American girls. Playing the field leads to unhappiness for women, not marriage with a high-profile male.

2. Two-Face’s Transformation. Forced, absurd, and not believable. One moment he’s risking his life to save the city but the next he turns into a homicidal maniac because his bitchy girlfriend died? And it took a private one-on-one with the Joker, the man who killed her, to do it?! The relationship between Harvey and Rachel seemed like a stiff friendship, and it was impossible to jump to the conclusion that her death sent his mind to the fiery pits of hell. Plus with his brain basically exposed from the face fire he would surely get an infection and die within two days, yet he was fully functional and even able to speak without any impediment even though he looked like a mummy in The Mummy.

3. No resolution. In any good story something has to change. The hero has to transform and realize something or the end has to be different than the beginning. This is why Batman Begins is a good movie. But in The Dark Knight the only change occurred in Two Face, a secondary character, and it was dumb dumb dumb. Batman regressed into a Big Brother figure tapping everyone’s phone and manipulating the press and the Joker will be sent to a jail that he’ll surely escape from. The very end has Batman barely escaping from… wait for it… the police! Because a dead LAWYER gives hope to a city! The real reason there is no resolution is because they want money for a sequel, which millions will wait in line for hours to see and then praise.

I’m now convinced that any movie that debuts number one at the box office is just mindless trash, engineered by committee to be liked by as many people worldwide as possible, who lap it up like an obese cat drinking milk from a dirty bowl.

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