The Dick Move

The early stage of every relationship has contained a dick move, an act of disrespect that hurt the other member of the relationship. Since the person who performs the dick move first tends to have the upper hand for as long as the relationship lasts, you must execute it before she does, no matter how pleasant things may seem on the surface.

You don’t know how stupid I feel when I’m porking a nice girl, going with the flow, relaxing my game by being punctual and responsive, and then get hit with a dick move. I don’t care if the girl feeds homeless children, is curing cancer, or has a physical disability recognized by the Social Security Administration, but she will perform the dick move eventually. I hate to inject poison into a relationship that appears to be progressing nicely (it’s not in my nature to do so), but I have no choice if I want to keep seeing her. You must hurt her in order to keep her. I shake my head and curse human nature every time I have to stab a girl in the gut, but I do it to keep our relationship strong and to maintain the upper hand.

Here are some possible dick moves:

1. Cancelling a date on the same day it was scheduled. Bigger dick move: Canceling within an hour of the start time. Once I did the bigger dick on a Colombian girl with the result that she didn’t flake on the next date, which if you’re familiar with Colombian women was a minor miracle in itself.

2. Not responding to a text or voicemail within 24 hours even though she asked you a question. This incurs a huge amount of anxiety that you lost interest in her. Bigger dick move: Pull a Mark Sanford and wait at least three days.

3. Show up to a date with a guy friend of yours. Make little effort to include her in the conversation. Bigger dick move: Show up to a date with a lady friend.

Slap her with the bigger dick if she’s over confident, promiscuous, or young and beautiful. Use the normal dick if you consider her a “good girl.”

The dick move can only be used after sex has occurred. While I suppose you could use it beforehand as part of a normal game repertoire on a game-playing chick, it won’t have the same punch. She could easily laugh it off since her vagina has no longing or memory for your penis.

Use the dick move when you sense a barely perceptible decrease in her affections, usually in the form of less enthusiasm about making plains or less energy when you’re out together. When a girl does the dick move on me first, I don’t have to look back farther than the last date to realize that things were off. This happened a few months ago with a girl in the form of a decrease in compliments she’d tell me. She still fucked and kissed me passionately, but her verbal affections were off from before. I stalled at the next opportunity I could have done a dick move, which gave her a chance to do it to me in the form of taking forever to reply to a simple text message, cementing my loss in hand.

Some of you may be scared of “losing” the girl with a dick move, but that’s actually impossible because they are attraction builders, not destroyers. If it seems like the dick move did lose her, you did it too late after she already lost interest. Multiple dick moves stacked on top of each other can scare a girl off, but one or two dick moves won’t. If you want to maintain a relationship with a modern woman, you must carry around dick move tools in your leather work belt.

If a girl hits you with her dick first, all hope is not lost. You have to return with the bigger dick move, hopefully making her cry with a premeditated fight related to something petty (I’m not joking—inducing tears is important to regaining the upper hand). Then you may have to follow with a regular dick move to get things back on proper footing. A rough rule of thumb is two dick moves for every one of hers. Sudden withdrawal where you disappear for several days while she waits for a response is your trump card, but it should be your absolute last resort. If you find yourself constantly on the defensive, always retaliating with dick moves in response to hers, she sees you as a weak man. With the next girl you need to come out firing to lessen the chance of dick moves coming from her side of the ring.

This advice falls in the “don’t underestimate a woman’s game” category. With relationships you must use the dick move at will when she gets testy on you. Otherwise you give her permission to forgo attempts to please you. Again, if you like her and are considering something medium or long-term, you must hurt her.

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