The Easiest Day Of The Year To Get Laid

Men have their theories about which days are easiest to get laid. Here are four that I hear often:

Valentine’s Day
Common Sense: Single girls feel especially lonely, so they’ll want to fuck any guy that gives them a little attention.
The Reality: She’s fantasizing about love, not sex.

Common Sense: It’s easier to approach since you have a costume, and girls will be extra slutty since they’re already dressed like a slut.
The Reality: Groups are too large and distractions from other costumers too frequent. She’s in the mood for constant attention reinforcement, not a long conversation that leads to sex.

New Year’s Eve
Common Sense: Everyone is in a celebratory mood with the goal of heavy drinking.
The Reality: All the fat amateurs come out to play, leading to a horrible talent pool, in addition to the high sausage presence because of guys who think like you. Plus there’s a substantial increase in unattractive couples and tearful drama.

Any Day It Rains
Common Sense: If she goes out while it’s raining, she must be extra horny.
The Reality: Rain dampens her horniness.

With all four of the above cases I see lower close rates than a regular day with nighttime temperatures at 65 degrees Fahrenheit or above, but there’s one day where I’ve seen easy success: New Year’s Day.

It says a few things if you’re a girl going out on the night of January 1:

  • You’re lonely, and perhaps desperate.
  • You didn’t get a solid New Year’s Eve hookup.
  • You’re horny as balls.
  • You’re not in a relationship (if you were, you’d have spent your wad the night before and elected to stay home).

I went out on January 1 this year, which happened to fall on a Saturday. The scene was dead, and felt more like a Tuesday night than the best night of the week, but the girls who did come out wanted to fuck. I was getting so many looks and smiles that I thought they confused me for James Blunt or the lead singer of Miike Snow. Girls were complimenting and touching, making me feel like I was in Rio and not DC. I had developed three DTF prospects in a short amount of time and I estimate I only exchanged about 300 words with the girl I eventually did penetrate (Virgle Kent was in the adjacent room, snoring). The opener I used was, “Do you mind if I reach over and grab a napkin?” Then she just started talking to me about napkins. This was the second year in a row I got laid thanks to January 1, and the pressure is now on to keep this budding streak alive.

Sometimes New Year’s Day falls on a dud day like Monday, but in any decent city there is at least one bar that is active on any given night. Go to that bar and then thank me later. There’s nothing like starting the year off with a bang, and you only have to wait 11 months until you can try it yourself.

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