The First Date Formula

Here’s an excerpt from Bang:

Since it takes a handful of numbers to get just one date, you may feel some pressure to perform well on the dates you do go on. But you shouldn’t. Dates are much easier than when you first met her because you already have her attention and don’t need to compete with her friends or other guys. Plus, silences are more welcome. If a girl agreed to a date, that means she already likes you and you just have to eke out a respectable performance to get some action. Don’t make it harder on yourself by scheduling a first date with a group or another couple. Resist if she tries to invite you to a party with her friends and be suspicious if she runs into a friend during the date. You want the first date to be in isolation or you are back to when you first met her, competing for her attention and dealing with cockblockers.

First dates are when you can begin to cash in on your investment. You bought an ounce of gold at a low price and are now driving to the coin shop to collect a stack of money. While there may be some disagreement on the selling price, if you stick to your guns and show him a product in good condition, it’s almost a guarantee you’ll walk out of there a happy man.

I say this because I’ve had classic bad dates, where conversation and rapport was weak, but I still got at least a sloppy makeout out of it. I remember a year and a half ago I was at a bar and an okay-looking girl came up to me on her way out and said, “You’re cute.” She slipped me her number written on a dirty napkin. Since that was a first, I honestly thought she confused me for someone else, maybe James Blunt. We went out on a date at another bar a few days later and it was godawful—we weren’t vibing at all and the pauses began after only ten minutes. But I tried to kiss her anyway at the end of it and she accepted.

Keep your first dates simple: a couple drinks at one or two bars. Don’t do coffee, don’t do dinner, don’t go to the park, don’t do ice cream. Just stick to the formula that works. You can have a horrible date, but after two drinks she’s going to feel more aroused and want a little action. If she’s on a date with you then she’s interested, and if she’s had a couple drinks then it’s pretty much a guarantee you’ll get a makeout out of it.

What I don’t understand is guys who don’t try anything by the end of the first date. If that’s you, I guarantee the girls are thinking that something may be wrong with you, because they have already met tons of guys like myself who go for the gold relatively fast (and are rewarded for it). Whereas in Brazil you’re a chump if you don’t try for the kiss by the one hour mark, in the States it’s by the first date mark. The last thing you want is a girl to start wondering about your flaws instead of hers, and that’s what you do when you move too slow or change the optimal formula by being more romantic or otherwise trying to impress her.

When a girl gives you her number she was interested in you at that moment in time, but when she agrees to see you then she’s 100% down. You can get serious action from that even if she’s on a “practice date,” and even if she has to get up early in the morning. Just stick to drinking at the bar(s) and go for the kiss at the end, no matter what. Is she putting some energy into her kisses? Did she let out a little moan? Did she compliment your kissing technique? Perfect, now weasel your way back to her place or yours and destroy it. Please don’t make it more complicated than this, because it really is that simple.

In Bang I describe my favorite weasel move for getting into her place. Here’s a a few recent reviews I got via email:

let me take this opportunity to thank you for Bang; it’s clear, jargon-free, direct, full of useful practical examples—hey, what more could neophytes like yours truly ask for? Equally helpful are your little motivational speeches, especially those of the shit-or-get-off-the-pot variety, which really drive home the need for hard work and persistence. My kudos—and gratitude.

I’ve always had success with women but it was typically girls iniating the attraction and I would finish from there, mostly with one night stands. BANG provided a foundation or, better put, a sense of comfort for me when I pursued girls. In the year and a half since I read the book, I have referenced it sparingly before dates and how to handle re-building attraction after receiving a number. Although, as I am sure you have learned, gaming becomes a style of your own and what works for you might not work for others. I now no longer use it, but BANG is good for those who need something to lean on as they develop their own game.

Loved the book. Best pickup manual I’ve ever read. The way it was written was much more my style (in terms of thinking), as opposed to mystery method, which seemed geared more towards guys who think like engineers.

I read Bang and just finished A Dead Bat. First of all congrats on pursuing your dreams and making the choice to live a creative and worthwhile life. That is the shit. Secondly, I was skeptical about any kind of ‘game’ theory and began reading Bang with strict scrutiny. I told a couple people about this ‘game’ info and they were also skeptical. All I can say is that last night I got the number of the hottest girl at the bar, a grad student sitting by herself who no one else had the balls or skills to approach. 60 days ago I would never have imagined I could do something like that, and I owe my success almost entirely to you. Thanks dude.

Learn more about the book or read sample pages here. It’s available in both paperback and ebook.

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