The First Date Formula

Here’s an excerpt from Bang:

Since it takes a handful of numbers to get just one date, you may feel some pressure to perform well on the dates you do go on. But you shouldn’t. Dates are much easier than when you first met her because you already have her attention and don’t need to compete with her friends or other guys. Plus, silences are more welcome. If a girl agreed to a date, that means she already likes you and you just have to eke out a respectable performance to get some action. Don’t make it harder on yourself by scheduling a first date with a group or another couple. Resist if she tries to invite you to a party with her friends and be suspicious if she runs into a friend during the date. You want the first date to be in isolation or you are back to when you first met her, competing for her attention and dealing with cockblockers.

First dates are when you can begin to cash in on your investment. You bought an ounce of gold at a low price and are now driving to the coin shop to collect a stack of money. While there may be some disagreement on the selling price, if you stick to your guns and show him a product in good condition, it’s almost a guarantee you’ll walk out of there a happy man.

I say this because I’ve had classic bad dates, where conversation and rapport was weak, but I still got at least a sloppy makeout out of it. I remember a year and a half ago I was at a bar and an okay-looking girl came up to me on her way out and said, “You’re cute.” She slipped me her number written on a dirty napkin. Since that was a first, I honestly thought she confused me for someone else, maybe James Blunt. We went out on a date at another bar a few days later and it was godawful—we weren’t vibing at all and the pauses began after only ten minutes. But I tried to kiss her anyway at the end of it and she accepted.

Keep your first dates simple: a couple drinks at one or two bars. Don’t do coffee, don’t do dinner, don’t go to the park, don’t do ice cream. Just stick to the formula that works. You can have a horrible date, but after two drinks she’s going to feel more aroused and want a little action. If she’s on a date with you then she’s interested, and if she’s had a couple drinks then it’s pretty much a guarantee you’ll get a makeout out of it.

What I don’t understand is guys who don’t try anything by the end of the first date. If that’s you, I guarantee the girls are thinking that something may be wrong with you, because they have already met tons of guys like myself who go for the gold relatively fast (and are rewarded for it). Whereas in Brazil you’re a chump if you don’t try for the kiss by the one hour mark, in the States it’s by the first date mark. The last thing you want is a girl to start wondering about your flaws instead of hers, and that’s what you do when you move too slow or change the optimal formula by being more romantic or otherwise trying to impress her.

When a girl gives you her number she was interested in you at that moment in time, but when she agrees to see you then she’s 100% down. You can get serious action from that even if she’s on a “practice date,” and even if she has to get up early in the morning. Just stick to drinking at the bar(s) and go for the kiss at the end, no matter what. Is she putting some energy into her kisses? Did she let out a little moan? Did she compliment your kissing technique? Perfect, now weasel your way back to her place or yours and destroy it. Please don’t make it more complicated than this, because it really is that simple.

In Bang I describe my favorite weasel move for getting into her place. Here’s a a few recent reviews I got via email:

let me take this opportunity to thank you for Bang; it’s clear, jargon-free, direct, full of useful practical examples—hey, what more could neophytes like yours truly ask for? Equally helpful are your little motivational speeches, especially those of the shit-or-get-off-the-pot variety, which really drive home the need for hard work and persistence. My kudos—and gratitude.

I’ve always had success with women but it was typically girls iniating the attraction and I would finish from there, mostly with one night stands. BANG provided a foundation or, better put, a sense of comfort for me when I pursued girls. In the year and a half since I read the book, I have referenced it sparingly before dates and how to handle re-building attraction after receiving a number. Although, as I am sure you have learned, gaming becomes a style of your own and what works for you might not work for others. I now no longer use it, but BANG is good for those who need something to lean on as they develop their own game.

Loved the book. Best pickup manual I’ve ever read. The way it was written was much more my style (in terms of thinking), as opposed to mystery method, which seemed geared more towards guys who think like engineers.

I read Bang and just finished A Dead Bat. First of all congrats on pursuing your dreams and making the choice to live a creative and worthwhile life. That is the shit. Secondly, I was skeptical about any kind of ‘game’ theory and began reading Bang with strict scrutiny. I told a couple people about this ‘game’ info and they were also skeptical. All I can say is that last night I got the number of the hottest girl at the bar, a grad student sitting by herself who no one else had the balls or skills to approach. 60 days ago I would never have imagined I could do something like that, and I owe my success almost entirely to you. Thanks dude.

Learn more about the book or read sample pages here. It’s available in both paperback and ebook.

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  • skinny homo


  • Willy Wonka

    The first date is the easy one. But, I struggle to come up with ideas for shit to do on subsequent dates, especially if I haven’t banged yet.

    I need to come up with a sure fire formula for 2nd and 3rd dates, etc…

    Willy Wonka’s last blog post: Willy Wonka vs. The Rookie.

  • chachacha Charmin

    What do you do if the girl’s lips are bitter/salty? How do you get them to rinse their mouth without ruining your chances for a notch? Or do you slurp it all out anyway?

  • Tyler

    Willy: 2nd and 3rd dates should be conducted quickly, with a plan to be back to your/her house at the end. A date doesn’t have to be at a bar either. Invite her over, or plan a movie night at her house with wine or drinks. Subsequent dates shouldn’t cost you money, and it should be implied you are going to have sex. If it takes you more than 3 dates to hit it, just move on. Always assume she wants sex, that is why you should feel comfortable not going out to a public place for a “date” (I prefer to hang out). Creativity might score you points on 2nd dates, but convenience of having a bed around the corner will get you laid.

    Tyler’s last blog post: Back.

  • therealdeal

    hey Roosh, are you planning on releasing a revised edition of bang any time soon?

  • Carl Sagan

    Is she putting some energy into her kisses? Did she let out a little moan? Did she compliment your kissing technique? Perfect, now weasel your way back to her place or yours and destroy it.

    damn straight

  • Willy Wonka


    Thanks, man. Yeah, that’s a solid idea. I’ve done the movie date with me cooking a couple of times for the 2nd date, but I might chill out the me cooking part. Just have some wine or drinks around.

    Willy Wonka’s last blog post: Willy Wonka vs. The Rookie.

  • nathan

    Another quality post. Keep up the good work Roosh :)

  • Virgle Kent

    Wait, when you say “destroy it” do you mean “beat that pussy up”?

    Virgle Kent’s last blog post: Volunteer Dogooder Game.

  • El Guapo

    Yep, the kissing part is important.

    You gotta man up and step it up. Ahh, how much being in Brazil improves game. Even if you chat her up in the park or something, I’d try to go for a kiss (if you’re sufficiently close to her).

    El Guapo’s last blog post: The Girl From Lapa (Part 2).

  • The Rookie

    Kissing is a really good idea. I had a date once where there was lots of sloppy kissing on the ride to her crib, but couldn’t seal the deal at her spot. She never returned my calls after that, so if anything, you have nothing to lose and might as well shoot for some action.

    The Rookie’s last blog post: The Competition.

  • Lika

    IMHO, it’s always better to set a date close to your pad. It’s much harder to close at a girl’s place:

    “Women tend to defend their territory, they’re mammals like us”

    (Quote from this great movie about French professional Pickup con artists: )

  • therealdeal

    Well the thing is, you can pick a spot close to her place and then walk her home and tell her “you have to use her bathroom” or “mind if I go up a minute”.

    bringing her at your place is easier on the second date. I usually just set it up at my place for an apperitif (i.e. cheese and wine) and a movie (you dont even have to watch the movie, just have some nice background music and set the mood with some candles) and they usually accept given that the first date was in a public venue.

  • Sweetie

    Nice sales pitch there, Sand Nigger.

  • yobt

    Bro, seriously, at your age classy broads should be pursuing YOU. Being proud of slurping cum off of sloppy skanks only makes sense if you’re a 20 y.o. college frat boy or a total loser.

    Don’t you have a job?

  • Anonymous

    Haters gonna hate…

    Nice work man, your advice on game is very helpfull.

  • cg

    Yup, looks like the sales pitch is on to finance the next adventure…

  • outlaw josey wales

    Bang is a great book. It is simple, clear, and feels very honest. To me, Roosh’s background makes everything he writes more relateable and believable because it is similar to my own (i.e. he has a biochem science background, worked in the industry, was shy, etc.)

    I hope you’re writing a book on day game. For example, does anyone have any insight on doing a lunch “date.” Say you meet a girl in the morning and set up a same day lunch. Do you kiss her at the end, like in an evening meet-up?

  • Willy Wonka

    @outlaw josey wales

    Yes, you go for the kiss at the end, why wouldn’t you?
    Be sure to kino during the date as well…

    Willy Wonka’s last blog post: A Reflection On The Month of May.

  • Culdcept

    @outlaw josey wales

    Always always go for the kiss no matter what time of day. I’ve actually had dates where I’ve met in the early afternoon and went all the way through dinner into the evening. If you can’t have sex the first time, you want to leave so it’s the next logical thing to do on the second date.

    Culdcept’s last blog post: The Contest.

  • dc

    doing a bad first date can actually kill off what was a hot prospect

    met girl, sloppy no-sex hookup same night (wtf)
    gives me her number

    date was at a bar/restaurant needed to metro there, had a great walk/ride talking, kino-ing, etc, great vibes

    get to restaurant, sit down in booth (doh)
    have a couple drinks each
    eat a meal (doh doh doh)
    have some more drinks

    blah blah, randomly says she has to leave the country tomorrow morning and needs to pack, she’d call when she gets back, sloppy makeout goodbye

    never heard from her again

    at least she split the bill without hesitation

  • pilgrim37

    Follow the Woodman example for persuasion technique…become a glamour photographer first though!

  • Hasan

    So when are you going to go postal, roosh?

  • Anonymous

    homo, you blocked my favorite proxy.

  • yea

    a mouth is a mouth

  • Vincent Ignatius

    I love the sleaze factor in Bang. I need to be more sleazy. I’ve figured out a lot of things in Bang on my own through trial and error. I should have bought it earlier.

    Guys definitely need a first date formula. I have 2 different wine bars that I ALWAYS go to for first dates. And I always have a way to get her back to my place or to get into her place. I even have backup plans for getting into one of our places.
    A bitch that pushes for a coffee date is not DTF, so just forget about her if she insists. She’s not worth the effort and doesn’t deserve your attention.

    Vincent Ignatius’s last blog post: Rome.

  • papillon

    # 14 Sweetie: aren’t you the woman who wrote some crazed jilted lover kind of letter and proceeded to go completely berserk on here a while ago ?

  • papillon

    the only downside about bang is that it wasn’t available 10 years ago

  • L’Étranger
  • schwanson

    Bang is awesome! Very accessible and easy to read. Most times, I’ll just open to a random page and that’ll tell me exactly what I need to know at that moment.

    PS: Are you gonna do Day Game Workshops again? I’m on the opposite coast but I’ll sign up just for the adventure. I want to experience the sheer audacity of hitting on a chick in the stinky cheese section of Ho! Foods as a bearded persian player hovers around taking notes and fixing my body language.

  • Roosh

    “as a bearded persian player hovers around taking notes and fixing my body language”


    If I resume them it’ll be towards the end of summer. Got two books I’m working on now.

  • Lika


    Yeah that’s a classic French SPU movie from 2001. It’s kind of an autobiography of Alain Soral who is now in politics

  • Quasi

    I dont agree.. this is too basic and too boring… unless your a desperate needy geek, why go for makeups? I use dates like a screening process, to see if I would like to do more.. so coffee is perfect when in doubt.. if not I like the dinner at my place first date… but Im into internet dating.. still, seems silly not pushing to get laid at your own place first date if you really think she is hot.. a few phonecalls and smooth talking should give you that pretty effortsly.. if your not good at talking why go for dates anyways? Its really boring to follow general rules and ideas, Im trying to break the mold and do crazy stuff, been dating this wonderfull swedish blonde chick forever for fun and pleasure delaying.. flacking hot chicks and not wanting sex with eager young girls… I like it more than desperate I wanna get my dick wet.. its booring after a while..

  • Big Snot

    This might be your best post ever.