The Fishbowl

This is a guest post by Giovonny.

Finding venues or situations where you have even a small edge translates into a lot more bangs over the long run. This is why “find your niche” advice is so common to see. While it’s important to work on your look, game, vibe, and conversational skills, it’s also critical to carefully select a social environment that gives you a competitive advantage. I call this fishbowl selection.

In any fishbowl, the bigger fish monopolize the food supply. The inability of smaller fish to compete often lead to their deaths, which is why it’s much more common to see small fish than large die in the same tank. Luckily we’re not fish, so we can choose which fishbowls to swim in.

In each fishbowl you’re directly competing with other men even though it may not be obvious on the surface. Are you putting yourself in environments where you have the advantage? Are you in fishbowls with girls who are looking for a guy of your type? Or are you putting yourself in fishbowls with aggressive piranhas that are outcompeting you for food?

It doesn’t make much sense to socialize with girls who don’t appreciate men with your look, style, and vibe. Same for competing against guys who have large advantages over you. If you continually find yourself in that situation, it’s time to find another fishbowl. Here are three things to keep in mind:

1. Location is everything. Choose venues that give you a game advantage. It should match your personality and style as well as your game skill level. The crowd, lighting, music, and noise level should all allow you to display your best game and nothing less. Understand that not everyone has the type of game that works in a loud club. In that case the solution may be as simple as going to a smaller or quieter bar. Or maybe your modest style and job mean you should hang out in the working class part of town instead of the trendier areas. You should be going to places where you have a comparative advantage over other men.

2. Be wanted. What type of girls are looking for a guy like you? Are they light-skinned black college girls? Educated white girls? Working-class Latinas? Artsy girls? Party Girls? Vegan girls? Identify the types of girls that you connect with—the girls that “get” you and appreciate you—by trying out a variety of venues and noting how you’re treated.

It’s important to choose locations where the girls like your style and will respond to your type of game. If you’re a tall white guy with blonde hair, maybe you should focus on the salsa clubs where you’re more likely to stand out than the Irish pubs where most guys look like you.

3. Commonalities. If you meet a girl who shares your interests, you’ll obviously be able to connect with her much easier. If you are an academic type who likes intellectual conversation, don’t waste your time at a bar full of girls who like frat guys. Instead you would do better at bookstores, coffee shops, college libraries, organic markets, museum events, and running clubs. What are your interests? Which places have girls who have those same interests? Go to those places.

I definitely use the fishbowl concept to help me in my dating life. When I turned 21, I couldn’t wait to go to the hottest nightclub in San Francisco that had girls who were the “cream of the crop”—the most beautiful ones in the city. Of course this club also attracted plenty of local professional athletes and celebrities. I put on my best clubbing clothes, waited in line for half an hour, and paid thirty bucks to get in.

That was retarded, because I couldn’t compete or operate in that environment. My clothes were nice and tasteful, but they were from Sears. My conversational skills were strong enough to get girls talking to me, but I wasn’t getting a strong sexual vibe from any of them. The girls at that club were not looking for a guy like me—they were looking for men with power and status. I was in the wrong place.

The very next night I went to a local college bar. People knew me. My appearance fit in more with what girls were looking for. I had some status. That night I met a girl who played soccer at the same college that I went to. She took me home, all because I wasn’t a little fish in the college bar fishbowl.

As I’ve gotten older and improved my game, I’ve identified places where girls are most receptive to me. As a health nut, that means I do well in health clubs, health food stores, college fitness classes, outdoor athletic events, and farmers markets. Those are my fishbowls where I’m bigger than most of the other fish. You’re either a predator fish or a little goldfish struggling for a meal, having to settle for partially digested scraps left by a fish stronger than you.

So which fishbowls are you swimming in?

Read Next: 7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

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  • Evan

    Nice post. Whereas in the past I was attracted to these sweeping systems and approaches that were supposed to culminate in waves of fresh cooze, now I’m back to reality, working my game in terms of small niches, subtle gestures, and slight re-frames based on particular settings and situations.

  • Anon

    “My clothes were nice and tasteful, but they were from Sears.”

    Irony, LOL!

    Running with the sharks (high end, celeb night clubs) can only boost your game when in comes to small fishbowls. You can learn a lot from the mannerisms and attitudes of the sharks. Those are the things that activate the female hindbrain. But many guys get their ego crushed in the sharkbowl.

    Exclusively sticking with small fishbowls is fine but it’s basically sticking with social circle game.

  • Mr.GM

    Great post Giovonny!
    This is the harsh truth.Sometimes you waist months or even years going to places where you can’t compete with the men.It’s all about finding your niche.

  • sine qua non

    Excellent post… It resonates with me well. I spent 7 years going to shitty nightclubs and fratty bars where I had zero success. This was just the “thing to do,” as my well intentioned guy friends were drawn to them, and there seemed to be no other viable night-time options. It took a long time for me to realize that such venues are sausagefestering, ego-crushing, shit shows. I now vomit when friends suggest any club, and would much rather read at a coffee shop – it’s a cheaper, better, healthier use of my time.

    The last couple years I realized that wine bars and art events goldmines for me. Per Giovonny’s words – the women there “get and appreciate” me… and want a piece. That, and such venues have plenty of hot women and few aggressive men. Jackpot. Fitting Fishbowl FTW.

  • http://johnnyshornofplenty.wordpress.com/ Johnny Milfquest

    Solid common sense.

  • Hughman

    Good article, well worth remembering.

    Sometimes it’s good to go out of your comfort zone to rethink your style. I just got out of an ‘intense’ 2 month relationship [I'm usually a 2 week fling kind of guy] – I know my long-term Game needs some serious work on it, but that’s the point: I know what I was doing wrong, and how to improve

  • Thomas

    “Are they light-skinned black college girls? ”

    ^^^^^HAHAHAHAHA lol!!

  • nguyenimproved

    roosh knows how to pick out a good relevant post for our consideration.

    well written, and concise advice. especially pertinent for newbs.

    this is stuff we can use in daily life.
    as opposed to some ‘advice’ out there which seems to favour telling guys to put on funny hats and eyeliner and learning to breath fire out of our anus.

  • http://www.flaggingheadquarters.com The Hunger

    So very true Giovinny, quality. It took me years to master this, what I wouldn’t give to go back in time and tell my 18 year old self this.

    There are even fishbowls within fishbowls. If you ever stay in a hostel, you’ll see how different dudes want to monopolize the common area to their game advantage. Some examples.

    There is always a guy there with a guitar.
    There is always a guy who wants to discuss philosophy.
    There is always a guy who wants to play drinking games.
    There is always a guy who wants to smoke weed.

    Cant’ begrudge anyone for trying. Just have to play to your game advantage by finding people who share the same interest(s) as you.

  • http://whiteboykrispy.wordpress.com whiteboykrispy

    I’ve found that, your level of Game notwithstanding, if you are feeling uncomfortable, maybe looking around too much, this fishbowl is not your fishbowl.

  • http://www.singlewm.com Chad Daring

    Is there a good method for finding a good fishbowl besides trial and error?

  • http://www.thegmanifesto.com The G Manifesto

    Giovonny always brings a great perspective.

    I have 100% been focusing on which “fishbowls” work best for me.

    It’s really half the battle.

    For me, its the place going off with girls in skirts and high heels, upscale, action and money changing hands at a rapid pace.

    In wintertime, it was Miami Beach.

    The beaches of Spain have so far fit the bill for summertime. (Although I am on a little break right now, can’t wait to return into the melee).

    - MPM

  • The Specimen

    @ The G.

    You talking San Sebastian, Barca, Ibiza, or more Tarifa/Gib/Cadiz? Sorry to hear about the break man. The San Juan holiday was pretty insane last night.

  • Bortimus

    What if my fishbowl is full of Goliath Groupers? (a rather massive specimen, also known as the Jewfish) I can do great with intellectual game, but the girls for whom that appeals are largely…well large, or don’t seem to put any effort into their appearance. I suppose I could lower my physical standards, but there’s a point where the cost benefit analysis really comes out in favor of bit torrent and a box of Kleenex.

    Finding a niche is good and all, but there’s something to be said for learning to adapt your personality on the fly to appeal to your target audience. Especially if you’re into game for the challenge.

  • Mackroyal44

    I learned this lesson the hard way at Park At The 14TH in D.C. Nothing but athletes and local celebrities , I didn’t stand a chance at first.

  • lakerlynx

    Very good post. I was sitting in my meditation class recently and realized I had banged 3 of the women in the class, working on a 4th.

  • OGNorCal707

    Very well written post Giovonny. I think Too $hort said it best: “get in where you fit in.” A guy with a more hip hop style wouldn’t exactly get the best reception in a metal bar, and vice versa.

    Living in a bigger town/city really helps your options, in terms of different niches you can tap into. Unfortunately, I am living in a small college town, and without college social circle game for parties, I am left with only 3 bars and the occasional concert to try and run night game at.

    For a lot of guys, it takes motivation to jump into new “fishbowls”. I know that I need to get my ass down to the farmers market to approach/meet women, and sign up for a yoga class, but have a hard time putting it into action.

  • Vinnie
  • Traveler

    More miscegenation tips and nudges towards creating Brazil.

    Great. That’s what America needs.

  • Bortimus

    http://www.slate.com/id/2297575/

    At least feminism is doing something useful by driving men away from religion. Atheor be praised!

  • Anon

    “More miscegenation tips and nudges towards creating Brazil.
    Great. That’s what America needs.”

    Wake the fuck up, we ARE Brazil: a handful of rich white people who control everything and lord over a massive populace of poor brown people.

    Greedy, rich white people who wanted even more power and money brought blacks to America for cheap.

    Today, rich white people are richer than ever because now they import brown people AND export jobs.

    God bless America!

  • Anonymous

    Amen!!!!

  • Anon76

    Roosh. That Polish chick on your Twitter updates is smokin’ Really. She’s got that beautiful, girl-next-door type of cuteness that seems difficult to find in the states. Sorry I’ve veered a bit off topic

  • Roosh

    Anon76: Yeah well Poland will be your heaven. It’s so easy to find hotter than her without much effort.

    I pass on girls in Poland that I would jump on in DC. It’s a different level.

  • Lee

    Do the girls in Poland speak English. I’d be up in that cutie. That’s my type.

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  • Anonymous

    Ive come to the conclusion lately that I need to start making things happen in my life to travel abroad for women in general.
    Ive been doing the”maybe american women aint so bad”rational in my head but Im proven wrong everytime I step out of the house and go about my daily routines in town aswell as just working with them on a daily basis.
    Ive even stopped lying to myself that maybe”theres an area in the USA” that they will look better.LA,CA ,Miami Ive bee to them all over the years and its no better.Sure in some areas you might get that”dimepiece”but its all the same shit.Disapointment and the reminder that,I need to strive for better and for more feminine REAL women etc..Not just the ones who are doing so to land that man/Husband then the Race is over,no more gym, hello Crispy Creams.
    Funny note.I look at some female american facebook friends from Los angeles,CA who were actress quality that I grew up with.I have and noticed how most of them that I remember who were drop dead fine as shit a few years back,but are starting hit the wall at like 24-26 as far as looks.not just getting fat, but just mileage in general.(another funny note is how alot of them are hooking up with beta types now adays because(their looks aint what they used to be +they know it)sad but true.
    Poland is on my bucket list for sure. Ive been lucky to work with women from eastern europe and they seem to Preserve their looks well into their 40′s aswell as being so nice+sweet in general.I think there is hope looking abroad.

  • Snoeperd

    So Roosh, are you happy now or not? Not this ambiguous bullshit with “I guess”.

  • jamez

    Just got myself a locally born polish bird that is an 8 without makeup and loves batting for both teams

    Thank you Roosh and Roissey if it wasn’t for you guys I would be buying her drinks and listening to her man problems instead of…

    as for graphic design -

    http://www.elance.com/p/landing/provider.html

    Best part is none of them sit on swiss balls, wear thick black rimmed glasses or drive Audi’s

    Cheers

  • AnonymousDog

    Good post Giovonny.

    Location IS absolutely critical, but I don’t know how many times over the years I’ve heard or read that a guy can meet women “just anywhere”. And the folks handing out this lame advice are always so adamant about it, too. Baffling.

  • MO FO

    The fish bowl theory is why I go to dances which have women who weigh no less than 200 pounds.