The Mistake Buffer

How many times has it happened where you were flirting with a girl, said something really dumb, and then she turned away? Or you sent an over-eager text message and never got a response? In these cases you think, “Because I made that mistake, she no longer wants to talk to me,” but I think it’s more complicated than that.

Even the most deluded of women know there is no such thing as perfection. They understand that people occasionally say stupid things, and if they were to desire only a perfect man then they’d never get laid again. Girls have a mistake buffer where they permit a certain number of mistakes until they walk away. For American women the buffer is about 3-4 small mistakes, 2 medium mistakes, or 1 large fuck-up. Here’s how I would categorize seduction mistakes before the first bang:

Small Mistakes:

  • Saying an off-color joke
  • Touching aggressively before some attraction is established
  • Using emoticons or exclamation points in text messages
  • Having bountiful nose hair
  • Continuing to tell a bad story even when she appears bored
  • Taking a picture of her

Medium Mistakes:

  • Trying to impress her by discussing your job or status
  • Not talking enough or talking too much
  • Getting caught taking a picture of her when you think she’s not looking
  • Sending the first text too soon
  • Having bad breath


  • Telling her you like her before she says it first
  • Getting drunk and vomiting
  • Grabbing her during a day-time pickup
  • Letting her discover your fuck blog

Unfortunately, it’s impossible to completely eliminate making mistakes, especially if you’re dealing with new environments or situations. For example, I remember telling an Icelandic girl who had a boyfriend that “All Icelandic people cheat,” an observation I noticed after a month in the country. This was a fuck-up because it strengthened her resolve to prove me wrong by not cheating. While she didn’t walk away, I couldn’t overcome the mistake.

If a girl walks away after you make only one small or medium mistake, it will seem like you “lost” her because of that, but there are two things going on: (1) She wasn’t truly interested in you and your mistake was a convenient pretext to halt the interaction, or (2) You’re making other mistakes that you don’t realize. It’s the first reason if it comes soon after an approach. She’s not digging your vibe for whatever reason, you hit her with a lame joke, and that’s all she wrote.

The second reason usually comes hours after the approach, particularly on the first date. Since a girl is seriously considering getting fucked if she goes out on a date with you, not eventually sealing the deal means you’ve definitely committed errors. After a failed date, instead of getting mad at the girl for wasting your time, think about what are the likely things you did wrong and how you can prevent them for the next date. What mistakes did you make? Was it the first time you made those mistakes or do you have problem areas you need to seriously address?

Even you have a mistake buffer. Yeah that girl is a little overweight, though not enough to pass on the bang. But now you get in close to find that her breath smells and lose complete interest. Yeah the girl bites her nails into nubs, an annoying behavior you can deal with, but her room is filthy and she admitted to only taking showers once ever two days. It’s no surprise that men are most affected by aesthetic or hygienic “mistakes,” while girls tend to be most affected by personality or social ones.

For the average player, understanding the mistake buffer can isolate your weak points to find out what you’re doing wrong. It’s okay to make mistakes since you’re human, but make one too many and she’ll move on.

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