The Myth Of The Natural

The term “natural” is usually thrown at a guy who has always done well with women. He possesses charm, alpha traits, and the logistical know-how in sealing the deal. He’s so vaulted in the pickup community that a lot of gurus advertise “natural game,” where you, too, can be natural like the naturals.

I believe that just because you see a guy get laid without game, that doesn’t mean he’s a natural. Man has been getting laid for millions of years without conscious study of game, yet the term is thrown out so frequently that even your father could be considered a natural simply for getting with your mom.

If I were forced to agree on what a natural is, it would be a man who’s a prodigy of sex—someone who gets laid way above other men with no formal instruction in game. This means he was not exposed to any 12 DVD “Cocky Humor” sets or seminars in a hotel room with three dozen other guys. You look at him and think, “Wow, he gets laid automatically. He was born to get laid!”

But he wasn’t. Just because he didn’t read a book doesn’t mean he didn’t learn through trial and error like you did, practicing his game on a large number of women. It doesn’t mean that he wasn’t conscious and deliberate with his behavior, incrementally improving his moves and tactics over a long period of time. He has experimented like you have experimented, and he has also connected his attempts with results to figure out what works and what doesn’t.

He may not be obsessive about it enough to log his data into a spreadsheet, but he’s mindful and aware of what he’s doing. He understands the mechanism behind charm and can often turn it on or off depending on what he wants. He has learned the type of humor and story-telling that gets a positive response in women. The last thing you can say about him was that he was born into the world with the “automatic” ability to fuck a lot of girls.

The reason he blows you away isn’t because of his genetics, but because of how early he started. A unique set of circumstances threw him into the sex game years before you, during a time he was lucky enough to be surrounded by giggly schoolgirls. By the time you did your first approach, he had already practiced his game on hundreds of women. At this point you may be thinking, “Well, there have to be guys who were born with it. Look at Mozart!”

Nobody questions that Mozart’s achievements were extraordinary compared with those of his contemporaries. What’s often forgotten, however, is that his development was equally exceptional for his time. His musical tutelage started before he was four years old, and his father, also a skilled composer, was a famous music teacher and had written one of the first books on violin instruction. Like other world-class performers, Mozart was not born an expert—he became one.

If the secret to success is deliberate practice (PDF), then that natural has practiced hundreds of hours more than you have. If he stays in the game then you cannot overtake him, but if he takes a long break, his natural ability won’t seem so powerful after you surpass his skill. A natural is nothing more than a guy who has been in the game longer than you have. It does not necessarily mean he has better tools to succeed.

I once overheard a conversation at a music store. A budding guitarist said, “I’ve been playing for five years. I thought I was getting good but then I came here one day and this group of little boys were blowing me away. I felt so humbled.” Chances are he will have a hard time catching up to the little boys, but that’s okay because he’s not in direct competition with them, just like how you’re not in direct competition with any one man out there. If you do the approaches and pick the right fishbowls to swim in, there will be more than enough poonani waiting for you.

Respect the “naturals” you do find in the wild, but don’t think they’re more special than you. They simply started early.

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